In the Arms of the Angel
By Rosewillow

Disclaimer: I do not own them, nor do I own any dialogue that you may recognize. If I did own them, I would not have made the strangled, awful sound after "I Will Remember You" that caused my mother to call from the other room, "was there a car crash outside?" Die, Joss, die. But not before leaving the characters to me in your will.
Author's Note: This is set during "Suprise" (yes, I know it was a long time ago) during the part in Angel's apartment. (And I added a little) Rated PG, maybe PG-13. I, along with many other BtVS watchers, have perfected the art of hitting the stop button on my VCR right before the lightning crashes and he wakes up. If only that episode had just stopped there....

'In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear.
You were born from the wreckage
of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here'

-Sarah McLachlen
'Angel'

As I sat down on the bed behind her, she turned so that her back was towards me. I touched her very lightly, looking for the cut. It was on her left shoulder blade, high up. I moved one of the straps on her shirt to examine it more closely. Sitting there like that, looking at her shoulders, I realized that I sometimes forgot how young she was. Her shoulders were so small and vulnerable, too vulnerable to handle everything that her life threw at her. I wanted to protect her, to make her feel safe and loved.

'It's already closed,' I said softly. She let out a long, shuddering breath and slowly leaned back against me. I put my arms around her and held her tightly, as if by doing that, I could protect her from the world.

She was crying. Not sobs, just shaky breathing and tears running down her cheeks. She was still trembling, too. 'You almost went away today.'

'We both did.' Her trembling was lessening. It felt so good just to hold her, when only a half hour ago I'd been sure that I was about to lose her forever. I never wanted to let her go.

'Angel, I feel....I feel like I lost you. You were right,' she said quietly. 'We can't be sure of anything.' I wanted to tell her that she could always be sure of one thing: that I loved her. I wanted her to know how much I needed her. But over two hundred years, I'd taught myself not to tell anyone how I felt. It's hard to break a habit of two hundred years. Still, I had to tell her. She had to know.

'I...' I stopped. Suddenly I was afraid. What if she thought it was just everything that had happened tonight? What if she thought that I was just trying to comfort her? She turned to face me, her face only a few inches from mine. I could see the strain in her eyes. She didn't know what I was going to say. She wasn't expecting it. Yet something in her eyes told me that she needed to hear it just as much as I needed to say it.

'You what?'

'I love you.' I saw the surprise in her eyes, and the happiness. 'I try not to, but I can't stop.' My voice broke on the words. We weren't supposed to be together. The Slayer and a vampire? It wasn't supposed to work. But here we were, and it worked. In spite of everything, it worked.

She swallowed hard. 'Me too. I can't either.' She was still crying, but it wasn't from grief anymore. She reached out to touch my face, and I covered her hand with mine. I never wanted to let her out of my sight again. She leaned forward, and I kissed her. I knew what was happening, and I didn't want it to stop. Suddenly I remembered what I had thought when I looked at her shoulders. She's so young. Only seventeen. I don't want her to make a mistake. I pulled away for a second.

'Buffy, maybe we shouldn't -'

She covered my lips with her fingers. 'Don't. Just kiss me.'

'Rain falls
angry on the tin roof,
as we lie awake in my bed.
And you're my survival,
you're my living proof,
my love is alive and not dead.'

-Edwin McCain
'I'll Be'

We lay in my bed. Her head was resting on my chest, and I was holding one of her hands. My other arm was around her shoulders, and as we lay there I was running my fingers through her hair. I could hear the rain outside. It was incredibly peaceful. I hadn't felt that kind of peace in a long time.

Suddenly she raised her head and looked at me. 'You don't have a heartbeat.'

Some of the peace went out of the moment. I turned my head away from her slightly. 'Demons don't,' I said bitterly. I could feel her eyes on me. Slowly she raised herself up on her elbows so that her face was level with mine and turned my face back towards her.

She was smiling as she traced my profile with her fingers. 'You're not a demon. You are what your name says that you are. An angel. My guardian angel. You've saved me more times than I can count. I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for you.' She smoothed her hand over my forehead. 'Forget the demon, Angel. I don't love a demon. I love you.' She kissed me lightly and lay down beside me again. As I watched her fall asleep, I wondered which one of us was the angel. Me, for saving her, or her, for saving me.

'You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find
some comfort here.'