Logic, Pure and Simple
By Felicity

Disclaimer: If they were mine, this wouldn’t be a story. It would be a show. Of course, Angel would never have left at all…but oh well…
Author’s Notes: IWRY therapy of a different kind. This starts when they’re in the sewers, but has nothing to do with Angel becoming human (if you can believe that). Feedback please!!!!


Of all the ways Buffy had envisioned this meeting, she had never expected to end up in a sewer. Again.

"I feel weird," Angel said, and Buffy felt her heart turn over.

"I know," she said, then quickly amended the statement, "I do, too. I mean, I only came to see you so I could tell you face to face not to see me face to face anymore." She paused, wishing she could just beat herself to death with a shovel. It would probably be way less painfully embarraring than this. She struggled on, trying not to give in to instinct and throw herself into his arms. "And I know there's a fly in that logic ointment somewhere, but the next thing I knew, we were being attacked by this Mutant Ninja Demon Thing, and we're on the floor on top of each other, and it's just really confusing being around you."

God, that moment when they were on the floor, their bodies touching, their faces inches apart…Stop it Buffy commanded her mind. Stop!

"No, I meant I felt weird from the demon's blood," Angel said softly. "It's powerful."

Buffy decided that shovel would be really appreciated right then. "Ookay. Let’s just rewind Buffy’s little outburst and pretend it never happened."

"No, it is confusing," Angel said, following her deeper into the tunnel. Buffy stopped and turned back to look at him, hearing the pain in his voice. Seeing it in his eyes. "When we’re apart, it’s easier. It hurts, every day, but I live with it. No you’re right here and I can actually reach out and…it’s more than confusing. It’s unbearable."

Well he certainly had that right.

"But we have to bear, right?" she said softly, tears beginning to clog up her throat. "I mean, what else can we do? It doesn’t work with us. It can’t." Angel took a step closer, and she did, slowly, as if against their will. They just couldn’t stop. Couldn’t keep away.

"No," he agreed. "I can’t give you a life or a future or anything a real girl would want."

A real girl? What’s a real girl? Buffy asked herself. Was she real? She wanted those things–but she wanted them with Angel.

"No matter how much we miss each other," she breathed, once again inches away from him. It would be so easy to just…

"Or what we really want," he whispered. Buffy looked into those gorgeous dark eyes, with all their pain and love and thought about what she really wanted. And made a choice.

"Screw this," she said, and siezed Angel’s face, bringing it down to hers, kissing him with all the pent-up longing and pain and frustration from the last six months.

And after a second, he kissed her back.

It was amazing. She’d almost forgotten what it was like to kiss Angel. How the entire world dissapeared, leaving just them. How the fire spread through her veins, how he spread through her veins. Like they were one person, one soul. Angel’s arms encircled her, crushing her to him and his mouth claimed hers as if there had never been a separation, as if he had to make up for all the time apart in that one kiss. He stole her breath and left her gasping for air, for sanity, for anything.

"What was that?" he asked, when they managed to pull themselves apart. Buffy finished sucking in air and looked up at him with resolute eyes.

"That was to prove my point. Well, one of them anyway. That we both still love each other."

"That was never a question," Angel said.

"Well, I had to make sure," Buffy replied, still feeling a little lightheaded from the intensity of the kiss.

"Why?"

"Because we’re going to have a talk," she said firmly. Angel frowned, but she gave him a warning look. "I’ve had it. In May you got your turn. You told me all the reasons you thought we shouldn’t be together, and while I was still reeling from that lovely heartbreaking sewer talk, the fact I risked my life for you and had to blow up my school, you left. You didn’t bother to wait and hear my arguments, obviously because you didn’t think they were worth hearing."

Angel opened his mouth to protest that one, but Buffy held up a hand, cutting him off. "I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m an adult, I’m in college and I live on my own. I don’t need you or anyone else to tell me what’s best for me. So we’re going to have a talk." She pulled out of his arms reluctantly, glancing around. He opened his mouth, but she cut him off again. "And not here either. One sewer talk is plenty for a lifetime!"

"What about the demon?" he asked.

"Well, seeing as it was trying to kill you, I doubt it’s going to be going far. If your–and I laughingly call them–‘staff’ ever shows up, we can even find out what it is and how to kill it, which is always a plus," Buffy said.

"All right," Angel agreed, obviously reluctantly. Buffy smiled and grabbed his arm.

"Come on, I promise I won’t torture you. What are you, afraid I’ll actually have a point?"

*****

"Nice place," Buffy said, glancing around the apartment.

"Thanks. Here." Angel set down a tea cup in front of Buffy and she gave him a little smile, suddenly getting nervous. What if he wouldn’t listen to her?

"Thanks."

"So…what do you want to say?" Angel asked, sitting down opposite her.

"This is just slight awkward," she remarked.

"Buffy, you don’t have to–" he began, but she cut him off.

"No, Angel, I do have to. It’s either this or go back and be miserable for the rest of my life. Cause that’s what I’ve been since you left Angel. Miserable. I’ve tried everything. I’ve slayed, I’ve studied–I mean, I’m actually doing pretty well in school this year, amazingly enough–I even had a boyfriend for like a week before he dumped me. But nothing helped."

"It can’t have been all bad," Angel said.

"It was," Buffy replied flatly. "What, are you saying you’ve been having a great time?"

He didn’t say anything. She arched her eyebrows at him. "See?"

"I understand, but Buffy, that doesn’t change anything." Buffy stared at him, trying to understand how it was possible for someone to be that dense.

"Okay, do you have any memory of why you left?" she asked.

"Of course."

"Well?" she prompted.

"So you could have a normal happy life."

She waited a moment and let that sink in.

"Just so we’re clear. Cause that’s not what I’m having. I’m having a Slayer’s life, full of gut-wrenching misery at every turn."

"Buffy, it doesn’t work with us," Angel said firmly.

"I think we’ve gone over it. Now let’s go over why it doesn’t work without us. First of all, I’m unhappy. All the time. And whatever you say, that’s not going to just get better and go away. It doesn’t work like that. I miss you all the time. And more than that…I realized something when you were in Sunnydale. It was like…like there was this piece of me missing, and I hadn’t even realized it, until it was so close, I could almost touch it…but not. Like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and was floating just out of reach. When you aren’t around I can sometimes forget it’s gone, but when you’re near me…I feel empty Angel. Incomplete."

"So I’ll stay away."

"Are you even listening to me?" Buffy demanded, anger flaring up at the man who could sit across from her and pretend like he didn’t want her as much as she wanted him.

"Of course I’m listening," he said, his voice hinting at his pain for a moment.

"All right, let’s forget the fact that we’re both in hell when we’re apart and turn to your ‘reasons’. I’ve already shown that I’m neither happy nor having a normal life without you. Let’s move on to children. Angel, even if I ever wanted children, I couldn’t have them. I’m the Slayer. You think I can just take a year or two off whenever I want to? Besides, any child of mine would be in constant danger, and probably wouldn’t have a mother for very long. Which goes for guys too, not that I’m ever going to find a guy I’d want to marry besides you, but if I did, I’d be putting them in danger, or me if I told them who I was. And seeing as how Slayers don’t live very long, he probably won’t have a wife or girlfriend in a long-term way. Which also goes for the aging thing. Grow old with someone? Yeah right. I’m probably not going to grow old Angel."

"But you should have a chance to be young at least, carefree–"

"I’ll never be carefree! Don’t you get it? I’m the Slayer. I can never change that! I never will!" Buffy exclaimed.

"I know, but–"

"I’m not done yet," Buffy snapped, trying to get herself under control. She had to show him that she was being logical. That she was using her head.

"Go on."

"Around the beginning of school, there was this vampire, Sunday…I was freaked out about starting college and fighting badly as a result, and she sprained my arm and beat me up, and stole all my stuff before I finally kicked her ass. And that’s not the only time I’ve gotten hurt since you left. When you were there, I knew I had someone to back me up. Someone that could actually fight, that could help me if I needed it. And someone for emotional support too. I was a better Slayer when you were with me, because I feel like it’s okay to be the Slayer when I’m with you. Around everyone else…well, they understand and it’s not like they treat me differently, but there is a difference. I know I may have to protect them at any time. And they know it too. With you…I can just be Buffy. I don’t have to worry about you. But at the same time, you understand what it’s like to be different, so I can be the Slayer too. With you I’m like this whole person…Buffy and the Slayer. With everyone else…I’m just awkward. Trying to be what they need me to be, you know? Not what I need me to be."

"I know the feeling," Angel said softly. He looked up and their eyes caught for a long moment.

"So…are my arguments sane enough for you? Or are you determined to make us both miserable for a while longer?" Buffy asked after a moment.

"My goal was never to make you miserable," Angel replied.

"But that was the result."

"What about the curse? I can never give you–"

Buffy smiled softly and touched his hand, cutting him off at the shock of their skin touching. "Angel, I don’t care. Believe me. I slept with someone…that guy I mentioned and…really not the big deal they make it out to be. I mean, I’m not saying given the choice I’d opt for celibacy, but love, true love is so much better than anything physical. I’d rather lie in your arms without being able to do anything than sleep with…I don’t know, someone really good in bed," she laughed.

"But I don’t know if I have that kind of strength," he said, smiling a little.

She was getting to him. She was wearing him down.

"You did fine before. Besides, we have a copy of the curse. Who says it can’t be changed? I’m sure we could find someone to go over it for us. Willow, or someone with more experience."

Was there a glint of hope in his eye? Anything?

"Buffy, I have work to do here. People to save. The Powers That Be need me here," he said after a long moment, dousing completely the spark of hope. She grabbed desperately for some kind of answer.

"Well we could still be together! I mean, L.A. and Sunnydale really aren’t that far apart, and I could come for weekends, or you could come sometimes at night or…something. I mean, long distance relationships do happen sometimes. There’s phones, and emails. All this modern technology really–"

"Shh," he whispered, putting a hand to her mouth. He stood up and drew her to her feet, and around the table towards him. "You have no idea how much I’ve missed you."

"Oh, I think I do," she replied weakly. "Remember my whole heart-ripped-out analogy?"

"I don’t want you to be unhappy. But I think you’ll get past it. I think you’ll realize that what you really want isn’t some creature of the nigh–"

Buffy pulled away violently. "What I really want? Okay, Angel. That’s it. I’ve had it. Who are you to tell me what I want? What I need? You don’t know what it’s like to be me. You’ve never been me! I have, for eighteen years–give or take a few days, which weren’t my fault–and I think that qualifies me just a little more to say what I want. I want you! And maybe you’re too idiotic and self-flagellating to see that you’re the only thing in this entire screwed-up world that makes me truly happy, but I’m–"

"Buffy!" Angel exclaimed, torn between grief and laughter. She stopped in the middle of her rant and eyed him suspiciously.

"What?"

"I love you," he whispered.

All her anger and frustration melted away and she threw herself into his arms, glorying in the feel of him, of the safety and complete love he offered her.

"Don’t go away again. I mean…don’t tell me we have to be apart because I don’t think I could take that," Buffy whispered into his shirt.

"God knows I couldn’t," he replied softly. She pulled away just enough to see his face.

"So you agree with me? That we can still have a relationship?" she asked.

"It’s more like giving in against my better judgement," he laughed.

"I can be very persausive!" she exclaimed.

"Don’t I know it," he murmured, bending down to find her lips.

"Angel!" a voice came from the stairs and heels clicked on the way down. "Are you brooding again? I knew no good would come of this! I mean, you total–" Buffy and Angel turned just as Cordelia emerged. She stopped in mid-sentence and stared at them. "She’s still here?"

"We’re getting back together," Buffy explained, unable to keep the glee out of her voice.

"Uh…curse? Detective agency? Ring any bells?" Cordelia asked.

"I’m staying here," Angel said. "It’s going to be long distance."

"And we dated for months without anything happening," Buffy put in. "We can handle ourselves. We’re not about to just jump into bed."

Cordelia gave them an unbelieving look. "Okay, whatever. I have to go before I become even more traumatized…and don’t start kissing! Let me get out of the room please!"

They waited until she was gone. Then they started kissing.

"Did I mention I missed you?" Buffy asked later when they’d subsided onto the couch.

"Bears repeating."

"Well I did. And I’m still angry at you for leaving in the first place."

"But not too angry, right?" he asked, catching her hand as it prodded his chest.

"No, not too angry," she said. She sat up slightly and glanced around the room. "If I’m going to be coming for weekends, we’re going to have to make a few changes around here. Like mirrors. And a drawer."

Angel just smiled.

*****

"Ohmigod!" Willow squealed when Buffy told her the news on the telephone later that day.

"I know!" Buffy exclaimed, bouncing on her bed. She’d decided to stay with her father, since he was expecting her, but she and Angel were going patrolling later and he was going to show her the ropes of his business the next day.

"How did you convince him?" Willow asked. Buffy grinned triumphantly.

"Logic, darling. Pure and simple."

The End