I Love You

By Felicity

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, yadda yadda yadda, or even the song, it's by Sarah McLachlan (this is like one of four song reflections based on her songs...I'm sorry, they just all fit!)

Author's Notes: This takes place after "Lover's Walk" before "Amends" so everyone's all miserable and split up and everything...

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I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
see you walking down the road
we meet at the lights
I stare for a while
world around us dissapears

Willow hugged her arms around herself and shook her head to keep her red hair out of her eyes. She was supposed to meet Buffy and Xander for a cup of coffee. Xander . . . she’d never regretted anything as much as she regretted what had happened between them. And the fact that she Oz had seen it.

Oh God, she whispered as she walked. Please let me have another chance. I love him so much. And then she saw him, and her heart lit up. He was walking down the other road . . . she took a second to wonder why he was walking, not in his van, but dismissed it. It didn’t matter. It was so good to see him, and she smiled.

just you and me
on my island of hope
a breath between us could be miles
let me surround you
see to your shore
let me be the calm
you seek

He looked so upset, so unhappy. Their eyes met when they both stopped at opposites sides of the street to wait for the lights to change. Willow knew her eyes were pleading; her whole soul was pleading. Give me another chance, Oz. Please give me another chance. He looked away, but Willow didn’t. Couldn’t. He looked lost and confused. She would help him find the way, if he would let her. She would show him. But he had to forgive her. He had to know how much she loved him; how much she needed him. But just when she had to tell him that, her tongue tied up and her throat went dry and all the years of closing everything in rushed at her all at once and then the chance was gone. Willow opened her mouth to cry out to Oz as the streelight turned, and she hurried over to him. He waited, looking at her, and when she reached him all she wanted was for him to take her in his arms again. There was so much to say, she didn’t know where to start. I’m sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. But then he was turning, walking away, and Willow stood and watched him, all the unspoken words on her tongue.

Not that she could blame him. After all, she had done the unforgivable.

but everytime I’m close to you
there’s too much I can’t say
and you just walk away

Willow watched him until he was out of sight, and then turned and kept walking, hugging herself tighter to ward off the cold wind that was blowing at her. Why hadn’t she told him how she felt? He’d been right there.

Why hadn’t she ever told him?

It couldn’t be that hard, those three short words. It wasn’t Xander either; the second Oz walked in the door she’d been over him. Not even just her telling herself she was over him; no matter how much she prodded herself, all she felt for Xander was the love of a good friend. Except it was too late now. And she’d never told Oz how much she really cared for him, how much he meant to her. They’d been together for months. They’d laughed and cried and fought. But she’d known somehow, that he’d always be there. There’d never been any hurry. It hadn’t mattered if she couldn’t tell him right then, there was always the future. And so she’d put it off, forgotten, and now it was too late.

It was getting dark, and Oz wasn’t there to make her smile.

and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and night’s too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the words to say
I need you so

Willow managed a smile for Xander. He was as depressed as she was; at least Oz hadn’t told her never to come near him. Not in words anyway. They were at the Bronze, and Oz was playing with his band. He still had the helpless look; no one else could see it, but Willow knew. Buffy had arched her eyebrows when she mentioned it and said he looked the same as he always looked. But Willow knew better. She saw beyond the mask. Because she loved him.

She could go up there right then and tell him. They were between songs; she could walk right up to the stage and tell him everything. But there was so much to stay and how did she know she wouldn’t just walk away from her again? He should. She didn’t deserve another chance. But God how she wanted it.

and every time I’m close to you
there’s too much I can’t say
and you just walk away

"I’ll see you Will," Buffy said, kissing her friend’s cheek. Willow smiled absently and bid her good bye. Xander waved glumly and departed. She should go to; she had homework and she needed to get sleep and her parents . . . well, her parents wouldn’t notice, but that was beside the point. She should just go. But he was still here, and she couldn’t. Not while there was a chance she might say it. Not while there was even the hope that she would get her courage up enough to say what she should have said so long before.

and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and night’s too long
and cold here
without you
and I grieve for my condition
for I cannot find the words to say
I need you so

She watched him walking towards the door, as if it was the last time he’d ever walk out a door. As if she’d never have a chance again. Maybe she wouldn’t. And that was what gave Willow the courage to go.

"I love you," she cried, praying that he would hear. That he would care. He stopped, and turned to look at her. She realized she was crying. "I’ve loved you for so long but I never . . . I could never tell you. I didn’t think I needed to. But you should know. I . . . I never loved Xander really, not like that, but I love you and I . . . I need you Oz," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper.

"You need me?" he asked, his voice betraying no emotion. Of course not. Willow nodded, desperately trying to stop the tears.

"I’ve never needed anyone as much as I need you. It hurts so much to see you and know that maybe . . . maybe you don’t love me. It’s so hard to see the sun vanish every night and not have you by my side. Every night is too long because I don’t see you, and so cold without you to make me smile and make that warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. Pleae Oz, give me another chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but please . . ."

"I need you too," he said. "I’ve thought about it a lot and . . . I want to try again. Not having you there was like losing a part of myself . . . I’m not whole without you." A strangled sob escaped Willow and she flung herself into his arms.

"I love you Oz," she whispered, and the night wasn’t cold anymore, or lonely.

The End