Memories of Love
By Guchguy

Disclaimer: Don't own em, never will. They all belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox, I think. Don't sue me, because I have like no money and that would really suck.
Author's Note: Takes place right after the episode Angel. This is from Angel's pov.
Distribution: just ask
Feedback: First fanfic. Be nice, okay?

Love....Young people talk of love, they talk of it like they talk about shoes. They tell their boyfriends or girlfriends that they love them, not even knowing what it is. I do, though. I know how it feels to love someone so much that whenever you leave them, it feels like you are missing an arm.

I love her. I've loved her since the moment when I first saw her, when she was a sixteen year old girl without a care in the world, whose only concerns were what designer clothes she was going to where to what date. I loved her, though I tried to deny it to myself. I knew that it could never be, I was a vampire, she was the Slayer, she was the anathema of everything I was.

So I did the 'Cryptic Guy' routine. I would show up only long enough to give her advice, to warn her of impending doom. Then everything changed. I remember that night, as I remember every moment that I have ever spent with her. She had just exited the Bronze. She had left her friends there, and was walking off by herself when she was attacked by the Three. It was then when I interfered, leaving behind the life I had lived, to enter hers.

I helped her, distracting the Three. I was slashed by one of them, and I guess she felt guilty. We ran to her house, where she dressed my wounds. I spent the night there, telling myself it was because the Three were out there. Yeah right. It was a day later that she learned what I was, that I was a vampire. I ran away, knowing that she despised me for what I was. The next day Darla came by, laughing at how I was living like humans. She sneered at me, telling me to explain to Buffy about the ÔCurse. So I did. I went to her house, going over what I was going to say in my mind. Instead of her, I saw Darla, right after she had attacked Buffy's mom. She tossed me Buffy's mom then left. Buffy found me like that, vamped out, with her mom in my arms, wounds in her neck. She threw me out, threatening to kill me if she ever saw me again. I really couldn't blame her.

Darla met me again at my apartment. She told me that I was pathetic, that I was diluting myself into thinking that I was something I was not. She told me to go kill the Slayer, to go kill Buffy. I went to the Bronze, knowing she would find me there. I wasn't going to kill her, I couldn't do that. She was the Chosen One, the strongest who had ever lived. Besides that, I loved her. I went to the Bronze so that she could kill me, and perhaps end the torment that I have been living for the past ninety years.

She found me, as I knew she would. She tried to shoot me with a crossbow, but she missed both times. She asked me why I didn't kill her when I had had the chance. She actually thought that I was trying to hurt her, to make her love me. But I was, wasn't I? Why else would I have acted the way I did?

It was then that I told her about the ÔCurse', of how I had killed a Romani girl and the elders of the tribe gave me back my soul. She listened, lowering her crossbow to the point that she dropped it to the ground. Then she did something that I was completely unprepared for. She offered me her neck, the chance to feed on her. I just stood there, unable to believe that she trusted me enough to do that.

Darla arrived then, bringing with her two pistols. She told Buffy about our history, then started firing at us. Some of Buffy's friends arrived, but I knew that they wouldn't be able to help. I grabbed one of the crossbow bolts that Buffy had shot at me, and... I stabbed Darla in the back with it.

I'll never forget the look she gave me. It was as if she couldn't believe that someone who had loved her so much could kill her. She said my name, then died. I stared at Buffy for a moment, then looked at the dust that was all that was left of my former lover, my Sire, my friend....

A few days later I watched as Buffy sat in the Bronze with some of her friends. I watched them from the shadows, then Willow noticed me and alerted Buffy to my presence. She came over to talk to me, and I asked her how her mom and her were doing. She said they were doing fine, then asked how I was. I said some stupid little remark about how I'd be fine if I wasn't shot or stabbed, then I told her that we couldn't be together. She agreed and we kissed. While we were kissing, I felt this excrutiating pain. She was wearing her cross! I ignored it, concentrating on the pleasure I felt at kissing her. We talked some more, then she left, walking back to her friends. I watched her, knowing that we could never be together, yet hoping that somehow we'd be able to.

The End