Never Forget
By Felicity

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. They're Joss' (bad! evil Joss!)

Author's Notes: Okay, so this isn't exactly therapy...but it is IWRY fic! It's *way* on the angsty side, so be careful...have a kleenex box nearby! I'm sorry about the depression-factor, but it just came out this way...it wasn't supposed to be this bad! Tell me what you think!

The monitors were the only thing that showed she was alive. That and the ever-so-shallow lifting of her chest every five seconds. He was counting.

Willow had coaxed Riley away to get coffee, sending Xander to let Angel know once Buffy’s fiancé was safely away. He’d been waiting for two days, ever since Xander called to tell him what had happened. If you could say anything for the graduate student, he was certainly loyal.

Even though they’d told him, it was still a shock to see her. Cordelia, who’d gone in before, had tried to prepare him for the massive wounds, the third degree burns that covered half her face, and the monitors making her into merely an extension of a machine, not a human who walked and talked and fought and loved.

Nothing could prepare him for this.

"The doctors said that it’s over, that all we can do now is say our goodbyes and wait," he said softly, curling his hand around hers. "We said our goodbyes a long time ago, didn’t we? And then again, but you never even knew it." He paused, his voice cracking slightly, and then began again, his eyes fixed on her face, half of it perfect and sleeping, and half black and burned, red and raw. So much flesh had burned away in one spot that a bit of her bone showed through.

"Looking back over the past six years, I think that Thanksgiving is the only thing that kept me going. The knowledge that I had known such a perfect joy, if only for a day. You don’t remember, of course. Your promise you’d never forget. You told me you had heart my heart beat, and that it wasn’t enough time. And then you told me you’d never, ever forget," he whispered, his hand tightening around hers. "You said you’d never forget."

"I never did."

It took him a moment to realize that it was truly her, and not his imagination answering for him. That she had opened her eyes–one beautiful and bright, one a wreck in the wreck of her face. "I never forgot," she whispered, her voice hoarse from the damage done to her vocal chords.

"What? What do you mean? Buffy…" he whispered, wanting more than anything to sieze her in his arms and kiss her. He was afraid it would kill her to do something like that.

"I didn’t forget Angel. I promised I wouldn’t, and I didn’t."

"How?" he asked, amazed that she was even speaking to him. Was it a dream? They said she’d never wake up.

"I don’t know…the Oracles lied to you, or gave it to me as a present or…something. But I remembered."

"Then why did you pretend? How could you leave?" he asked, his voice a breath if he had breath.

"How could you give up your humanity?" she asked, her voice equally low. "I had to. For the world. For what I am. For you."

"You just walked away, and never said a word," he said, amazed, his eyes searching her face for a sign of how.

"No," she whispered. "I never said a word. I went home and cried for three weeks, and spent a year staring out of windows and at desks, remembering you. I cried myself to sleep at night and dreamt of you."

"And after a year?" he asked, thinking of Riley.

"After a year I realized I couldn’t change the past, or get back a day I had lost. So I started living again, and instead of lying alone in my bed and dreaming of you, I would lie with Riley and pretend he was you. Pretend I could feel that way again. Why do you think I never gave him a date? Because I didn’t want my wedding night to be spent thinking about how much happier I could have been."

His heart ached for her, his poor little love. He had thought she was safe, all this time, that he was the only one that hurt like that, that remembered that glorious day. He thought he was the only one that had to feel that loss. "I’m so sorry. It was only supposed to be me."

"No," she said softly, shaking her head, though it obviously pained her, She curled her fingers tightly around his hand. "What do you think saved me? Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At least, when I lay in Riley’s arms, I knew what it was like to feel truly happy. At least I didn’t lay there and wonder why I wasn’t satisfied. At least I knew."

"You could have been happy with Riley, if not for me," he protested, but she shook her head and closed her eyes against the pain.

"Never with anyone but you," she rasped. "I was so happy…When Giles died, I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t want to keep going, to keep living and Slaying without him. But then I realized that he had found that happiness, with Olivia. You could see it in his eyes in that last year. And I knew that as much as I missed him and needed him, he had found what he was looking for. He had felt that perfect happiness that I had felt with you. And that was the only thing that kept me going. Remembering that joy."

Her voice was getting weaker, and he could see the pain fleeting across her face as much as she tried to hide it. "I should get a doctor," he said, not wanting to leave her. She clutched at his hand as he tried to go, a little of her strength left still.

"No. Not enough time…Angel, I love you. I always have and I…always will," she whispered, starting to cough. He held her up as she coughed blood and wanted to go, to find the doctor, to find someone to help her, to save her, because he couldn’t. Because he wasn’t ready to let her go.

"I love you Buffy. You can’t leave me. You can’t. Not after all this time. If I had known you remembered…"

"Shh," she whispered, lifting her hand to his mouth and then letting it fall again. "Promise me you’ll remember. Never forget what we had. Never forget what we could have had."

"I’ll never forget," he whispered, a sob, a promise in his soul. She smiled, oh so sweetly, and tugged at his hand. He took it to her mouth and she kissed it, wincing as it touched the burnt skin. Her eyes were shining, with joy and peace.

"No!" he cried. "You can’t go!" His tears fell on her face, and eased the pain of the burn just a little. Just enough for another moment.

"I never forgot," she whispered, and closed her eyes. And all his tears couldn’t heal her, all his cries couldn’t bring her back.

But his promise kept her alive forever.

The doctors came rushing in, and told him it was nonsense, she’d never woken up, her heart tones hadn’t changed, her brain waves hadn’t been active. One of the nurses very kindly said he must have been dreaming and offered to call Buffy’s friends and family. Willow, Riley, Xander, Cordelia and Anya came in a few minutes later. Riley went very still when he heard and left the hospital to go for a walk. Willow broke down in tears and Xander sat shocked, holding her as she cried. Cordelia ran to the bathroom to grieve in private. Anya called Joyce Summers to tell her the news, unexpected tears on her face.

And he, he just sat there, silent tears running down his face, his lips moving soundlessly in a promise, over and over, as if it alone could bring her back. Eventually he went back to his life, to his world of darkness. He fought evil for three hundred years, until he had become a legend in L.A. like Batman or Superman. Angel. And then one night, as he prowled the darkness that was his home, a demon bounty hunter brought him down silently and laid the great fighter low. He died with a name on his lips, and a promise.

And Angel never forgot.

The End