Safe in the Arms of Love
By Deanie
SPOILER WARNING: Nothing specific…
RATING: PG
CONTENT: Hopeful angst (is that an oxymoron?)
SUMMARY: A year after her breakup with Angel, Buffy’s grown up a lot. Here she reflects
on their relationship and their future.
Disclaimer: Buffy and Angel don’t belong to me (although if Joss is willing to sell…)
They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox and the WB television
network. I’m just borrowing them for a while…and they’ll be returned when I’m done
putting them through the emotional wringer. I’m not making any money off of this,
so don’t sue. No copyright infringement is intended.
AUTHOR’S NOTES: This is part nine in my "Bad Goodbye" series dealing with
the Buffy and Angel breakup. It breaks from Buffy canon after the first scene in
The Prom. Buffy and Angel didn’t break up in Prom, they broke up in my first story,
"Still Holding On." Got it? This story takes place a year after their breakup.
Buffy’s made a new life, but she’s still in love with Angel. Only one more story
to go! Part 10 is the last one. Previous parts can be found at:
Buffy’s Passion (http://www.oocities.org/TelevisionCity/Stage/6190/buffyindex.html)
and
"Safe in the Arms of Love" is by Martika off the CD "Martika’s Kitchen."
**You said my heart’s an open book
There are pages of my life you’ve never seen
You’ve always read between the lines
But there’s always so much more you just can’t seem to read**
Of all the guys I’ve known, Angel understood me better than anyone. He knew when
something was bothering me without me having to say a word, and he so often knew
exactly what to say to make me feel better, even when I couldn’t put my finger on
what was wrong. Maybe it was his age that made him more perceptive than ordinary
guys. But, in the end, even Angel couldn’t read my heart.
If he’d looked deep into my heart that night, he’d never have left. He would have
seen that I could never have a normal life without him,
that I could never love another man. Normal doesn’t matter if we’re not together.
Nothing matters if we’re not together.
He disappointed me. I believe that he loved me, but he didn’t have faith in us. He
thought I was naïve, that I didn’t understand that the real world would tear
us apart. He thought I was looking at our love with the eyes of a child, but I wasn’t.
I simply saw reality through a different shade of glass. I guess in some things I
have more wisdom than he does. I know that we’re destined to be together, that our
love is so strong it will endure forever.
**Pieces of dreams pull us our separate ways
But they will return someday**
I let him go, because that was what he needed to do. Maybe I could have convinced
him to stay, but I think that if I had, he’d always
be worrying about us, concerned that I would find someone new to build a normal life
with. He’d always think that he was unfair to me, shackling me to a cradle-robbing
creature-of-the-night. He worries too much; he needs to learn to let go and live
life here in the now.
He tried to say he was doing this for my own good, but he really left because he
couldn’t let go of his fear. And that fear was almost as strong as our love. Still,
I let him go, because I knew…I know that we will be together again. It’s destiny.
**So let the wind blow ‘cause my heart knows
We were meant to be together from the start
When the stars shine over one sky
I’ll have faith I’ll be safe in the arms of love**
So I let him go out into the world, to make a difference,
to make amends. I’m going on with my life, meeting new people and building a normal
life – even dating someone new -- but it’s only marking time until his return. We’re
still together in our hearts, joined forever. We’re together in my dreams every night…
Let Angel do what he will to our relationship, whatever he feels is right, because
I have faith that we’ll be together soon…
**You take me to another world
It feels so natural, so right
Then we wake up to reality
‘Cause we both know now is not the time**
When he left me, I was devastated. I couldn’t comprehend how he could love me
and still leave. Now, I understand why he felt he had to leave…Reality said our relationship
could never work. A vampire and a slayer could never make a life together. How could
we get past the horrible deeds he had done? How could we get past his eternal
youth and my mortality? How could we get past never being able to make love?
Our love didn’t make sense. Then again, love never made sense for anyone. If it were
logical, then it wouldn’t be love. Love isn’t rational, it’s pure emotion. It’s a
dream your heart holds on to no matter how much your head tells it to let go.
It was time to move on…to make a change in our relationship. Finally, after a year,
I’m okay with that…that the timing was off for us. I understand.
**Under your spell I’ll never be all that I can
But I’ll come back again**
Under his spell, I learned what true love was. All the crushes I had on boys
before were so small, so insignificant next to what I felt for him. Our relationship
showed me that love isn’t easy. It’s not a magical condition that makes everything
wonderful and bright. Love is something you have to cling to and fight for. It’s
not fragile or easily broken. True love is stronger than anything in heaven and on
earth. It’s the most powerful force in the world.
Under my spell, he regained a part of his humanity and became someone to be counted.
But I was smothering him…he needed to get out from under my shadow to become the
person he was truly meant to be. He needed to learn to be on his own, fighting for
good, making amends, reaching his full potential. He couldn’t live his life as my
sidekick. He needed to make his own way in the world and learn who he truly is before
we could be together. He may have lived for 244 years, but he never understood himself,
never really tried to until we were together. First, he was a demon; then he was
tormented by so much guilt he couldn’t get past it. But then he learned to live his
life to the fullest, to get beyond the past and face the future head-on. To learn,
and grow, and fight for what’s right. So he had to go out on his own, and find his
way.
But eventually, we’ll finish our individual quests. In the end, we’ll be together.
**So let the wind blow ‘cause my heart knows
We were meant to be together from the start
When the stars shine over one sky
I’ll have faith I’ll be safe in the arms of love**
It’s just a feeling I have. It’s not like I can see the future. I didn’t have
any prophetic dreams, like when the Anointed One tried to raise the Master. It’s
just this conviction I have inside, deep in my soul. No matter what happens, or how
much time passes, Angel and I are destined to be together. We’re soulmates and we’ll
never be complete without each other.
**I’ll have faith
What’s mine is mine and no one can take it away from me
I believe, that in the end
We’ll never have to be apart again**
I used to worry about him, out on his own… meeting other women. I mean, he’s
gorgeous and sweet and smart…a woman would have to be an idiot to not know what a
wonderful catch he is. But the more time that passes, I have this certainty that
he never could find anyone else. I thought that maybe he’d try to deny our love by
meeting someone new, but he couldn’t. I know, because I tried. Maybe it was a kind
of revenge to get back at him for hurting me, but I tried dating other people. I
mean, I’ve even had a normal human boyfriend, Riley. He was nice, but he wasn’t Angel.
And then I knew true love can never be denied.
**So let the wind blow ‘cause my heart knows
We were meant to be together from the start
When the stars shine over one sky
I’ll have faith I’ll be safe in the arms of love**
I don’t know where this calm and wisdom comes from. A year ago I thought I would
die when Angel left me. But I’ve matured. Life
without him has been so hard, but I grew up more
than I ever could have if he’d been by my side, protecting me. We had to learn and
grow on our own before we could be together. But I have faith that one day he’ll
come back and we’ll be together, safe in the arms of love.
**So let the wind blow ‘cause my heart knows
We were meant to be together from the start
When the stars shine over one sky
I’ll have faith I’ll be safe in the arms of love**