The Slaying Life
By Felicity

Disclaimer: This is a parody of "La Vie Boheme" from the musical Rent. The music and original lyrics are by Jonathon Larson. The Buffy stuff belongs to Joss Whedon.

Author's Notes: Okay, I wrote this *very* late at night, so please don't hold it against me :-) Further evidence of my insanity. It's set right around the end of Season Three.

Mayor Wilkins
Buffy–I’m surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(who aren’t careful with germs)

They make plans yet I am the one
Attempting to change this town
Do you really want to keep on
Chasing demons every night

Slaying, slaying
A fantasy in your head
This is Sunnydale
The slaying life is dead

Xander (jumps up on table)
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On this night when we celebrate our gaduation
In this little town of Sunnydale
We raise our glass-you bet your ass to-
The Slaying Life

All
The Slaying Life
The Slaying Life
The Slaying Life
The Slaying Life

Xander
To nights of patrolling
Playing hookey, whittling stakes
Out of wood, the need to fight
To make things right
To going against the demons
Getting injured
Getting mad

To demon lovers, spaced out mothers
To seeming weird to others
To ancient crumbling books
Hating schoolwork, hating Cordy
Not to mention of course
Hating dear old Spike and Dru

To fighting your way
Midnight past the graveyard stones
To vamps-To no computers-
To compute-To tweed-
To learning to read-
To any passing bad

To being an us for once
Instead of a them

All
The Slaying Life
The Slaying Life

Buffy and Faith
To hand-crafted stakes made in
Local libraries
To training, To cravings, To kicking
Someone’s ass
To leather, To demons, To guy talks on patrol
To fighting, To hating, To having a soul

Cordelia and Willow
Closets, hate clubs, calling people names
Shoes, face lifts

Xander
Living in a basement

Buffy and Cordelia
Compassion, to fashion, to passion
When it’s true

Willow
To Moloch

Xander
To Ampata

Four People
To anything taboo

Oz and Xander
To werewolves in the moonlight

Angel
Dark night

Cordelia
Fish guys

Faith
To the fight

Person # 1
To Daryl!

Person # 2
To Amy!

Person #3
Catherine Madison too!

Angel and Buffy
Why the Sunnydale streets
Are never quiet
Despite the Slayer’s work

All
The Slaying Life

Xander, Buffy, Willow and Cordelia
Prophecies, fraternities, true nightmares
Bad affairs, becoming bait, fate,
A little late
Halloween, obscene, Lucky Nineteen
Kakistos, doppelganger, Kindestod
Glove of Myhnegon

All
To running, to wishing, to truth and to pain
Scooby Gang-Dingoes, Velvet Chain
To I statements-never playing the blame game

Cordelia
To cheerleading

Buffy
To telepathy
Oh what I heard about me!

All
To band candy

The Slaying Life!

Angel
In honor of the death of bohemia an improptu salon will commence immediately following dinner…Buffy Summers, with only a pocket knife, will proceed to fight nine vicious vampires in rhythm to the sounds of ice tea being stirred.

Willow
And Alexander Harris will give a speech on his ability to fetch donuts.

Xander
And Cordelia Chase, back from her spectacular performance at the school Talent Show, will sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" while becoming a one-woman pyramid and dancing the meringue in eight-inch spike heels.

Buffy
Angel will attempt to produce a silly grin and stop brooding for a whole twenty minutes.

Xander
And Willow Rosenburg will perform a spell to move the Bronze from Sunnydale to a very nice part of the Arctic ocean.

Buffy
Angel, will you please talk to me
If you didn’t want to see me why did you come?

Angel
I’ve been trying, I’m not lying
But I’m not good for you, I’ve got baggage

Buffy
Life’s too short love, my time is flying
I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine

Angel
I should tell you–

Buffy
I’ve got baggage too–

Angel
I should tell you–

Both
Baggage-Curse

Giles
Is fixed!

Angel
True?

(Giles nods)

Buffy
Angel?

Angel
Buffy

I should tell you I’m no good
I forget how to be normal

Buffy
It doesn’t matter Angel
I have yet to be normal
I should tell you

Angel
I should tell you

Buffy
I should tell you

Angel
I should tell you

Buffy
I should tell I never stopped
Loving you

Angel
I’d forgotten how to smile
Until I felt your soft skin

Buffy
I should tell you

Angel
I should tell you

Both
I love you

Well, here we go
Now, we–

Buffy
Oh no

Angel
I know–that this is–
Here goes–

Buffy
Here goes

Angel
This time
We’re going to–
Who knows–

Buffy
Who knows

Both
Who knows where
We’ll go there
Who knows
Here goes

Trusting desire–Nothing to fear
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging to you, all over again
This time forever, time to mend

So here we go
Now we–

Angel
Oh no

Buffy
I know

Angel
Oh no

Both
Who knows where, we’ll go there
Here goes–Here goes
Here goes–Here goes
Here goes–Here goes
Here goes–Here goes

All
To vamps!

Spike
Fangs and nighttime creatures, demonic
Torture, feeding
The Master, Darla, Three, Trick, Kralik
Immortality

All
Weapons!

Buffy
Machetes, stakes, flying fatality
Holy water
Rocket launchers, guns, curses, knives
Anything

All
Slayerettes!

Xander
Scooby Gang, tweakos, talent show
Best friends forever
Heartache, distrust, fun, hangouts
Dancing, talking, all together

All
Sunnydale

Giles and Buffy
Hellmouth, Bronze, high death toll
Losing lives, graveyards, churches,
Danger, passion, demons and life!

All
To slayers, vamps, witches, demons too

Spike
To me!

Willow
To me!

Buffy and Angel
To me!

All
To you and you and you, you and you
To people living in, living in, living in
Not being killed

Let he among us who’s in no danger
Be the first to condemn

The Slaying Life
The Slaying Life
The Slaying Life

Xander
Anyone out of the mainstream?
Is anyone in the mainstream?
Anyone alive thanks to Buffy?
Tear down the wall
Aren’t we all
The opposite of death isn’t life
It’s fighting

All
The Slaying Life

Viva the Slaying Life!