Taking Steps
By Felicity
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story but Brian and Eythan. The others belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, Mutant Enemy, Fox, etc. etc. I do own the half-vampires though.
Author's Note: This is the third story in my Willow/Oz Creatures of Day Trilogy.
It directly corresponds to "Healing Souls" in my Buffy/Angel trilogy. You
should read the first trilogy first and then the other stories in the Willow/Oz trilogy
before reading this one. This takes place five years after "Another Life"
which is the second in this trilogy. I love comments, email
me!
Part 1
How’s Cordy doing? Oz asked. Willow smiled at his considerateness and made
a note on a student’s test before replying.
"She’s fine. She’d be a lot happier if Xander would relax, but she’s
in good health and everything," Willow said. "Send." There was a little
sound and Willow frowned at a wrong answer while waiting for Oz’s reply. The computer
beeped and she looked up at the words written on her screen. Well, it’s understandable
that he’s nervous.
"Definitely understandable, but annoying for poor Cordy," Willow said.
"Send." She wrote the percent at the top of the test and moved on to the
next one. School was going to start any minute, and she was just finishing off corrections.
She came in early ever morning in case any students needed help . . . not to mention
Giles.
Give her my best wishes, Oz wrote next.
"Of course I will! How’s the recording going?" Willow asked, then told
the computer to send. Voice interpretation was a wonderful feature.
Everything’s good. And I promise you’ll get the first copy of the CD.
"Darn tootin’!" Willow exclaimed just as the bell rang. "Oh, class
is starting. I better go."
I miss you, Oz replied. Willow smiled fondly and a little sadly.
"I miss you too. Bye."
Bye. I love you. Willow sighed as she read it and hung up from the connection,
finishing the last test quickly and facing her students as they entered.
"Ms. Rosenburg, are Xander and Cordelia Harris here? I thought I saw them!"
a student asked, coming up to her desk.
"Yeah, they’re visiting so Cordelia can have her baby here," Willow answered.
While one couldn’t tell the truth about Oz, Xander and Cordelia were safe. Celebrities
yes, but familiar around Sunnydale. They came to visit several times a year at least,
for weeks at a time.
"That’s so cool! She’s such a good actress! And he’s so funny. A little
stupid sometimes, but usually really funny," the girl said. Willow’s mouth quirked.
"I agree, though I wouldn’t tell him that to his face," Willow warned.
"Of course not!" the girl exclaimed. "Are they gonna come here? I
want their autographs!"
"I think they’ll be in the library later," Willow said, marveling at the
fact that out of their group of five, three were celebrities. Pretty good odds.
"Thanks Ms. Rosenburg!" she cried and went to take her seat as the second
bell rang. Willow put the tests away–they were for a later class–and smiled at her
students.
********************
"I’ll see you at the staff meeting," Ms. Sorinson said. Willow nodded and
gave her old teacher a little wave. Ms. Sorinson had told her to call her Lauren
a long time ago, but Willow had never been able to make herself do it. Too many years
of conditioning.
"Hi Ms. Rosenburg," one of her students, Julia greeted her.
"Hey Ms. R!" Julia’s boyfriend Chris said. She smiled and nodded to both
of them, reminding Chris that there was a paper due the next day. He grimaced, then
smiled brightly.
"And of course it’s all done!" he exclaimed. She laughed and continued
one towards the library. It was the end of school, and Buffy had told her earlier
that she was going to stay and work out until Willow could come meet her. Willow
had taken the time to finish up her work and the computer lab had been left in the
trustworthy hands of her two best students until she came back to lock up. Xander
and Cordelia had stopped by to say they were going home so Cordelia could get some
rest–well, Xander had said the rest part and Cordelia had shot him a venomous glare.
It was research time though, since the note that had been delivered earlier that
day.
I miss everything, Willow thought suddenly. Not that seeing a vampire deliver
a not from the Master of half-vampires was particularly fun . . . or particularly
anything, but still . . . Willow had heard about the incident during lunch. Eythan.
It would have been a nice name if it didn’t have such implications. She’d written
Oz during one of her breaks and he’d written back saying he was going to come if
he could. That would be nice. That would be very, very nice. She missed Oz. She always
missed Oz though, so that wasn’t a big deal. But lately, she missed him more and
in different ways. She’d always missed knowing he was hers, and that she was his
and they were together . . . it’d been a constant ache for almost nine years. But
it was more now. It was like a fresh chest wound. She wanted Oz to come home. And
she wanted him to . . . to what, give her a second chance? But he’d always been willing
to do that. It was she that balked. For him. She wanted him to tell her that she
was what he needed, that she was whole in his mind and everything he could ever want.
And she wanted to believe it.
There was the problem. Believing it. Because he would say it forever if he knew she
wanted him to. And she would never, could never believe. Because she wasn’t whole.
She wasn’t what he needed. And she never could be.
"Why do I always think of things like this at the times of most stress?"
Willow whispered to herself, approaching the library. She hit a button and the doors
opened automatically. She wheeled in and stopped just inside as the doors closed
behind her. It took her a minute to register what she saw.
Angel.
Alive.
In the sunlight.
"W-w-what?" she asked, unable to keep herself from stuttering. Her eyes
were riveted to his face, but she tore them away and looked at Buffy, who sat next
to him at the table. "I-I’m dreaming. I’m dreaming, Buffy, right?"
"No, you’re not. It’s real," Buffy said, and Willow looked back to Angel.
To the man she’d believed was dead for ten years. All her beliefs seemed to be crumbling
away lately. "He’s real. He’s human. When I killed him, just as you cast the
spell, we made him human. He came to help us with Eythan." Willow felt tears
spring to her eyes; tears for the man that had been killed and yet lived, and was
human. Tears for Buffy, who had hurt so much in the past ten years. Tears for herself,
because all the time she had knew she had failed she really hadn’t. She had made
him human.
"A-Angel?" Willow asked softly, the tears showing in her voice, spilling
over onto her cheeks.
"Hello Willow," he said gently. "You look the same." She choked
on a sob that was half laugh and began to shake her head because it was so patently
untrue and yet his eyes made her feel like it was the truth, like she was
the seventeen year old he’d known. The seventeen-year-old that could walk and dance
and spin. She wasn’t, she knew she wasn’t. But something in his eyes told her she
was whole and she wanted to believe that.
"You were dead! For ten years–and I don’t look the same, I’m–" she began,
trying to deny it, to make things fit where they belonged again.
"Older," Angel said interrupting her. Willow smiled through her tears.
"Yes, I know it’s no good to deny it. But I’m older too, you know. Aging isn’t
so bad when you don’t for two hundred plus years." He did look older . . . not
old by any means, but older, like they did. She hadn’t noticed it before. But he
was lying and it felt good to hear him do it. Willow kept shaking her head, but she
was smiling anyway, and crying and he was alive! She had saved him. She moved forward
and he held out a hand and she took it. Angel . . . he’d been a friend before he
was an enemy. And now he was human. Now there was sunlight, and he could be a friend
again.
"I’m sorry," he said. "I know it doesn’t help. It’s not enough. But
I’m sorry all the same." Willow nodded and opened her mouth, trying to tell
him it was all right. She couldn’t though, all she could do was cry, quietly, and
smile through the tears. She wanted to tell him that he was forgiven for everything
and she was happy he was back, but she couldn’t, so she squeezed his hand. He seemed
to get the message. She felt a touch on her other hand and she looked over and smiled
at Buffy, who was crying too. She took her best friend’s hand and held them both,
and sat between them and cried, like a whole seventeen-year-old and not half a twenty-seven-year-old.
********************
"You sure you’re okay?" Oz asked again. Willow nodded before she remembered
he could see her.
"Yeah, I’m fine. I mean, shocked of course, but I’ll be okay. I’m kind of worried
about Buffy though," Willow said, casting a glance out of Giles’ office into
the main library where the rest of the group gathered. Though Buffy was obviously
trying to lighten the mood–and failing miserably due to her own bad mood–the tension
in the room was incredibly apparent. Xander’s first impulse upon seeing Angel had
been to kill him, though the stake wouldn’t have worked anymore. Willow blinked at
that. It was still going to take some more getting used to. Angel was human. Whenever
Buffy was with Angel and Brian she seemed ready to cry and the tension between the
two of them was almost tangible. Giles had forgiven Angel, but, like Cordelia, was
having a hard time accepting his reappearance.
"How’s she holding up?" Oz asked.
"She seems great most of the time, but there’s this look that appears in her
eyes. Like she knows she’s going to lose everything just when she has gotten Angel
back. She feels like she has to choose between him and Brian, and then there’s Eythan,
which is what she should be focusing on," Willow explained, wincing as
Buffy cracked a joke that fell painfully flat and then turned away from the rest
of the group.
"It’s weird how everything things to come up at once," he said.
"I know what you mean. It always happens like this too. I wish you were here,"
Willow said forlornly.
"Me too. I’m trying to arrange some time off so I can come help, but it might
take a little while. I’ve been wanting to come for the birth anyway, so there’s some
flexibility," Oz said.
"Well that’s good! Wow, I can’t believe he’s back," Willow murmured as
she caught a glimpse of Angel’s anguished face.
"Me neither. It’s kind of hard to imagine him good. I only met him like once
with his soul," Oz said.
"I almost forgot. He was really nice and caring and gentle and he loved Buffy
so much," Willow whispered into the phone. "At least now you’ll have a
chance to meet the good him."
"Yeah, I’m glad. It was strange hearing all of you talk about this amazing guy
I never knew," Oz admitted.
"I’m sorry!" Willow exclaimed.
"It’s not a big."
"Willow, are you going to be off the phone soon?" Giles asked, coming to
the doorway.
"Yeah, just give me another second," Willow said, holding the phone. He
nodded and retreated, leaving Willow to say good bye.
"You have to go," Oz said.
"Yeah. Thanks for talking to me, I needed it," Willow said.
"Of course. I’m here whenever you need someone to talk to," Oz said quickly.
Willow smiled.
"I know. Thank you for that. Oz . . . I miss you," she said softly.
"I miss you. Don’t be too harsh on yourself and get some sleep. The end of the
world doesn’t mean you should get yourself sick," he instructed. Willow laughed
softly.
"Good bye," she whispered.
"Good bye. I love you," Oz said.
"Bye," Willow repeated and there was a click of his phone hanging up. "I
love you." And she couldn’t have said if she’d wanted him to hear the words
or not.
********************