Waiting
By Amber Andersen

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the BtVS characters and I never will. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox. I’m just borrowing em. I’ll return them when I’m done.
Notes: Takes place sometime in the fourth season.

I never should have allowed myself to care for him. He should have just been the cryptic guy who gave me warnings about my doom. But we fell in love. So I allowed myself to accept the fact that I was in love with the greatest guy in the world. But he was a vampire. He would live forever. I wouldn’t.

It was doomed from the start.

I knew that that the vampire thing was going to come between us sooner or later, but I didn’t care. So I lived in my little delusion world, but at least I was happy. He made me whole.

But now he’s gone.

Dumped me because he had a pang of conscience. Of course he couldn’t have done it before I fell so hard for him. He had to do it when I had just realized how important he was to me, how much I needed him.

But I never got to tell him.

I never had the courage to tell him that he was my world. That he was the reason I kept on fighting.

So now he’s in LA and I’m here in Sunnydale. And we’re both alone.

We could be with each other, but he doesn’t want that. He believes that he should be noble and let me have a normal life. He believes that his staying away from me gives me happiness.

He couldn’t be more wrong.

So, instead of having happiness with my creature-of-the-night boyfriend, now I have no one. I have nothing. Without my Angel by my side, I’m empty.

And he doesn’t know. He thinks he’s giving me my freedom.

Angel not being here is like a physical pain. I sometimes wish it would fade to a dull ache, but it hasn’t. The pain is tearing me apart and it feels stronger everyday. I wasn’t lying when I told Willow that I was trying to keep from dying. I’m still trying, but it gets harder everyday.

So all I can do is sit here in my bedroom and mourn for what I’ve lost. I can cry and cry and hope that someday, he’ll realize that he can’t be noble forever. He’ll come crawling back, and I’ll accept him with open arms. But for now I can only wait.

The End