Wanting
By Felicity
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, or even the situation in this poem. Everything except the poem itself belongs to Joss Whedon, the WB, Fox, Mutant Enemy and all the rest of 'em!
Author's Note: This is from Buffy's PoV after Becoming 2. Nuff said.
I wanted to ignore it
To hold him
Pretend everyhting was
Okay
Even though it
Wasn’t
Even though it
Never would be.
I wanted
To kiss him
To learn him
All over again.
To love him again
After so long.
I wanted that.
I needed that.
And I couldn’t have it.
It would have been
So easy
To pretend
To lose myself
In him
To not see it
Even right before me.
And oh I wanted to.
I didn’t even care
In that moment
If the world
Went to Hell.
I had him again.
And I wanted that.
Does that make me
Bad?
Wrong?
Selfish?
Does that make me
Unfit?
Or is it just me
That isn’t strong enough?
I wanted to pretend.
I didn’t.
I took the harder road
Did the hardest thing
I’ve ever done.
And it doesn’t take it away.
It doesn’t erase
My weakness
My wanting.
I acted as a Slayer
But I didn’t feel
As one.
I should have.
There shouldn’t have been doubts
Or hesitations
Only my duty
And me doing it.
But there were
Doubts.
And there was wanting.
And now Giles
Can have a Slayer
That follows the handbook.
That knows her duty
That doesn’t want.