The Way it Should Be
By Te Me

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, I would love to own them, but hey sucks for me. They belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, 21th Century Fox, and a bunch of people who I am not.
Note: The plot line for this story was developed before "Fear, Itself" (Episode 4.4) was aired. True, it probably had some impact, but let me reiterate that I did NOT steal the plot from the show.
Summary: Angel returns to Sunnydale after a 3 year absence, unfortunately he does not come alone. What is prophesied shall come to pass–
Rating: PG-13
Feedback is craved, flames and all

It had been 3 years, almost to the day since Buffy's heart was ripped out and stepped on by the only man she ever has and ever will love. Willow and Xander knew that this time of year was particularly hard for the slayer. Two years ago Buffy had almost taken her own life out of sadness. When Willow had asked Buffy why, Willow cried for hours after hearing her response, "because I can't go through life knowing the only person I loved didn't love me enough to save my heart."

Last year had not been as bad. At least Buffy didn't try another fistful of pills. It was just moping to the extreme sense. She almost brooded as much as Angel had when he was in Sunnydale, when Buffy was happy. Willow, with the help of Xander had planned a friend-bonding thing at the Bronze, but Willow knew that any attempts to make Buffy do anything resembling fun was futile. The only thing that could ever bring joy to Buffy's life had been gone for many years, and with every passing day it seemed ever less likely that this Angel would ever be returning.

2 DAYS LATER

Willow knew today was going to be the worst. May 25, 2002, it was exactly 3 years since the only freaky thing in Buffy's freaky world had abandoned her. Willow noticed exactly how much Buffy had changed in those three years. She seemed so withdrawn. She was gaunt and thin, and she knew that her outer appearance was not half as bad as what she was feeling on the inside. Giles decided Buffy should patrol so she could keep her mind off other subjects. Buffy readily agreed and set off for the graveyard.

GRAVEYARD

Buffy knew it was not safe to be patrolling alone. The vampires knew that tonight was her most vunerable, that she was looking, practically begging for death, and Buffy knew that was probably true. She didn't fight her best, she didn't want to live anymore. So, here she was, sitting atop the fresh grave of "Maxwell Sanders, 1984-2002". She could feel him clawing his way through the ground. When he popped up she was not at all surprised, and flung the stake into his dead heart, only wishing she could have a challenge. As if someone had read her mind a cadre of vampires emerged from the shadows. There were about 9 or 10 of them, and they were definitely looking to party.

Buffy didn't wait for them to make the first move. She decked one of the vamps, while she spin kicked another. The two vamps dropped to the ground...for now. She flung a stake at the demon in front of her and he exploded into a pile of ashes. Without bothering to wipe the dust off she lashed out at two other vamps. For now she was ok, but when they finally figured out that they should rush all at once she was a goner...oh well Buffy thought.

Slowly the vamps started to over power her. She had taken about 5 of them down, but she was tired, and the others were strong, not fledglings. Before she knew what had happened she was on the ground. The leader of the pack was about to sink his teeth into her jugular when he exploded into dust. Buffy was also surprised to hear three consecutive explosions after the first leaving only one more vamp which was reduced to the size of an ashtray only a second after. Buffy looked around for her savior and her heart almost leapt out of her throat when she saw a figure standing before her that she never thought she would see again. He was wearing all black as usual, and his pale skin was in sharp contrast to his dark hair. His rippling muscles could be seen under the thin material of his top. His eyes glowed the color of gold as he let the demon inside rip on the ones who had attacked his love. "Angel..." Buffy asked pleadingly, almost as like she had dreamed the same situation. Angel looked around in confusion.

He did not know what to do, Buffy was not supposed to know he was back, but he could not have left her there to die, she was asking for death, and he knew it was because of him. He needed time to think, so he did what he always did when he knew he couldn't handle the situation. Angel ran. Buffy looked in awe into the air, where her once-love had stood. She could taste the salty tears running down her face, but couldn't feel a thing. So many questions ran through her mind. Does he not love me anymore? Did he not miss me? Buffy's mind was too clouded, and she collapsed in a heap atop a freshly opened grave.

Angel was sprinting in blind panic. The only comfort he felt was that she still loved him after all these years. But he almost couldn't even remember that, too many horrible images swamped his mind. Buffy's dark, deep-set eyes that were surrounded by the black bags of sleep deprivation. The expression of peace on her face before he dusted the leader vamp thoroughly frightened Angel to the deepest of his being. All of a sudden Angel stopped. He realized he had just left Buffy alone in a graveyard, unsupervised and dazed.

Angel had never run so fast in his life. If he had been a human, he was sure his lungs would have exploded. When he got too the graveyard he was surprised when he did not see the petite blonde anywhere. The wind shifted at that moment and he caught hold of a new scent, fresh blood. His face morphed once again thinking about his darker urges. He followed the scent, and his body froze when he recognized another scent. "Buffy–", Angel cried listlessly in the same tone she had uttered his name in, only minutes before. Angel finally reached the place where the scent was the strongest, and he looked down. Atop a fresh grave lay a small pool of blood. Angel knew he couldn't trail the scent, whatever had taken Buffy had left too long ago. Angel had only one decision, to face the one person he had hoped to never face again, due to the failures of his last encounters. He started to trek over to the library, in hoping that Rupert Giles would be there.

IN THE LIBRARY

"Do you think we should have let her patrol?" asked a very worried Willow.

"Yeah, I mean c'mon G-man, there has to be another way to keep her mind off dead boy!" said an equally ragged Xander. Buffy's decline in sociality had affected Xander the most. He loved her, and it killed him to see her like this. If he ever saw Angel again–well, leave the rest up to imagination.

"Xander, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me–" Giles never finished his sentence. For before he could get the words out a man in black appeared before them.

Before anyone knew what was going on Xander punched Angel hard enough to make Angel reel. Angel didn't try to defend himself though, he could feel the emotions behind his punch, and the majority of it was hate, and he welcomed it. But once was enough, he had a purpose, and he caught Xander's fist with ease as he wound up for another hit.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Xander screamed with such anguish. Angel was glad that Buffy had someone to watch her back who cared for her that much.

"I–I–I came back. I couldn't stay away, couldn't not be able to protect her," Angel stumbled, not realizing how hard this would be until now.

"Well you know what? Leave," Xander spat.

"I can't do that, Xander. I can't fade into the shadows anymore," Angel pleadingly asked. "I know that we can't be together, I only meant to watch her from afar–"

"What do you mean 'only meant to?' " Giles asked quizzically.

"I saw her patrolling in the graveyard. A group of vampires came, she could have taken them out easily, but she had no will to–" Angel was interrupted.

"You know what, pal," Xander was dripping with sarcasm, "our slayer is a basket case because you didn't have enough guts to stand by the woman you supposively loved. Look at us, we're still all here."

Angel cringed to the truth of Xander's words, but he needed to talk to Giles, he always had time to brood, he wasn't getting any older. "As I was saying before," Angel continued, "She let the vampires overcome her, I couldn't stand there and watch her die, so I intervened, and I took off. I ran away–again. I came back minutes later to find our slayer missing and a pool of blood her only remains," Angel's face shifted as he thought what he would do to whoever took her.

Giles, Willow, and Xander all took a step back to Angel's surprise. Did they think he did it? No, they knew he had a soul. Then he looked Willow in the eyes, and all of a sudden pin pointed what was wrong. His face, when he was in L.A. he used it so much he forgot the feeling of it when it changed.

Quickly he made the ridges disappear and his eyes turned from the feral gold back to the chocolate brown.

"Oh dear–" was the only thing the Brit could mutter.

"I knew it," the red headed hacker said to herself. Xander said nothing, Angel as well as Willow and Giles new exactly what he had to say.

"Giles, I can't lose her, I finally get to see her again, and she's gone–" Angel started, but was cut off abrubtly by an extremely pissed off Xander.

"Listen Angel, it's over, you left, you made that choice. The people who should be upset are me, Willow, Giles, and Oz, wherever he is. You, you don't deserve to feel anything close to content, not that you could because of that little soul problem you seem to have, so why don't you go back to L.A., Buffy doesn't love you anymore!" Xander growled, in a similar guttural tone of a vampire. Even though he knew the latter phrase was not true, he needed Angel to go, he couldn't witness Buffy feeling even more pain when Angel realized he had to leave once again. Xander had learned a lot in the past 3 years, and he knew Angel was not going to stay.

Before Willow or Giles could reply or make any sort of remark, Angel was gone. The only trace of the vampire was a small blood tear that had stained the mahogany table. "I've always hated that stupid bastard," Xander spat.

"Xander, Angel might have been our only chance of finding Buffy. He might have been able to identify something, anything for us to begin our research with. But, because of your stupidity and arrogance you might have killed our best friend," Willow shrieked back at him. Xander was silent, Willow was right. Last time that he put his emotions in front of what was right, Angel went to hell. If only he had told Buffy–maybe things would have been different. He would never know now, and now he might not even ever be able to ask for forgiveness from her because he repeated the same mistake twice. He and Angel for the first time seemed to have a lot in common, the need for atonement, even if Buffy didn't know or understand why.

"Xander, Willow, both of you try to control yourselves. We must begin to think rationally. Buffy obviously did not run away again, for there was a pool of blood. A vampire could have not overpowered her, and Angel obviously killed the group of vampires that had tried to kill Buffy. Willow, go on the computer and try to find something on demons who pray on emotional weaknesses. Whatever took Buffy obviously used some sort of force, yet Buffy would have been strong enough to defeat it physically," Giles droned in a monotone.

"G-man, what's my task?" Xander asked, trying to smooth over the tension.

"Go home Xander, you have already done enough," Giles answered without looking at him. Xander knew that he had crossed the line once already that night, and he left without a fight. Willow went into her research mode, and Giles went to research the current task with his musty old books. The only sound that could be heard in the library was computer beeps.

As Xander left the library he began to think of what ifs and might have beens. What might have been if Angel had never kissed Buffy? What if Buffy had never come to Sunnydale to begin with? What if Buffy had died on that night? What if Buffy and Angel had never had sex? He knew he had to talk to someone who knew how to deal with guilt, for the biggest what if for Xander was what if he had told Buffy. So he headed toward the mansion on Crawford Street hoping he would find the dark brooding vampire there.

AT THE MANSION

Angel's eyes glowed a feral gold, his canine teeth elongated in an unnatural state. Crash, pottery from India in the 1800s went crashing to the floor. Rumble after roar after clatter was the only noise coming from Angel's apartment. He couldn't bear to think of what might have happened to his love, he couldn't control the beast within him from emerging. A mirror shattered, one of the few there was in the place, under the momentum of Angel's fist. Blood dripped from his cut and bruised knuckles, yet he didn't stop, couldn't stop. He wanted to hurt, to become so hurt that the hurt gave way to numbness, he no longer wanted to feel. He remembered once telling Willow, "Things used to be pretty simple. Hundred years, just hanging out, feeling guilty. Really honed by brooding skills. Then she comes along." The only girl ever to make Angel feel anything but guilt–and then he lost her. A loophole caused worlds of pain for both of them, and caused Angel to hurt the girl he loved more than the world possibly beyond repair. Smash, an ivory sculpture shattered to pieces. Angel was too busy causing destruction to notice the entrance of Xander.

Xander was horrified. He was terrified to the bone. Angel was smashing things in a blind panic, his eyes glowed more unnaturally than most. Yet, at that moment when he finally caught Angel's eye he noticed something that he had never noticed before. Even in that feral gold he could see the hurt and anguish that resided within the vampire. He could see the guilt, feel his pain, understand the need for redemption. It was in that moment when Xander finally understood something about Angel that he probably would never understand again.

Angel finally realized that Xander was watching his meaningless attempts of escape. When Xander finally caught his eye Angel realized something had changed about the teenage boy he had left three years ago. Xander was different, he was taller and broader. His hair cut shorter, and he had an older more mature appearance. The hate for him that was apparent in Xander's eyes was not the jealousy of some 16 year old. It was the well placed hatred for abandoment. And Angel felt truly sorry, and for the first time truly regretted leaving. He thought Buffy would move on, have a normal life, but she didn't it seemed. She lived in sorry and longing, and it was because of him. Slowly two blood tears flowed down Angel's smooth, dead flesh, but no more would fall, this wasn't the time or place. He didn't need Xander to witness his emotional wall crumble.

Xander noticed the small tears that ran down Angel's face. He came to talk to Angel, to tell him about his mistake, but that's not what Angel needed to hear right now. And so, Xander did the most mature thing he had ever done in regards to Angel, and possibly in regards to anything or anyone. "I know what you mean", Xander announced, and he turned and left the mansion, heading back toward the library.

Angel stood there awe-struck. Xander, finally a real man. A lot had changed. Angel just stood there, his face still hadn't shifted back to the appearance of a man. Slowly everything registered in Angel's mind. He got up, and ran toward the library. Disappearing was no longer an option.

AT THE LIBRARY

Willow and Giles were feverishly researching anything that could lead them to who the demon was, yet were coming up empty handed. "Giles, I have tried everything, and nothing is coming up," Willow wailed.

"I know," Giles responded in all his British glory, "My books are not proving at all helpful. But don't be discouraged, we shall find the demon in question." It was just at that moment that Angel burst through the library doors. Giles and Willow almost jumped out of their seats in surprise. Angel touched his face to make sure there were no inhuman ridges surfacing.

"I think I might be able to help," Angel stated, hoping against all hope, that they would not refuse his help.

"Anything you have to add will be quite helpful," Giles replied, sounding as sincere as anyone to the statement the one who had tortured him had said.

"When I was in hell," Angel started off slowly, knowing it was a sketchy topic. "There was this demon, named Anusour who would torture me like no one ever has been able to. Unlike the rest of the demons and monsters, which tortured me with pain, Anusour tortured me with emotions. The pain I could withstand easily, yet Anusour, was more than I could take. She can take on many forms, she can read your mind, and literally create your worst nightmare, biggest fear, and all the secrets you had kept locked away. So many times she showed me apparitions of Buffy dead, of Angelus killing her. No one could ever kill her for she exists in you, she knows your every impulse."

"Anusour? I don't think I have ever heard of her?" Giles inquired.

"You wouldn't, no one else has survived her mental torment to record what she is exactly. When I returned from the demon dimension I did go through some of my own volumes of folklore and myth to see if there was any reference to her. I found that many people refer to her as Anyisk, the soul torturer," Angel replied with earnest. It was that exact moment that Xander entered the library.

"Giles–I know I have not been a big help, but Buffy is more important than my petty differences with Angel," Xander stated, surprisingly not looking at the floor, but peering with pure honesty into Gile's eyes.

"Xander, it's good you have returned. We need all the help we can get. Angel, can you go retrieve those books you were speaking of from your apartment, I'm sure they will prove most helpful in solving this mystery."

"Of course," Angel replied solemnly. And before anyone could say a word, the dark, brooding vampire had vanished.

"We really need to put a collar on him. Maybe we can add a leash?" Quipped Xander.

"Now is not the appropriate time for this blabber, Xander. Buffy's life is very much compromised as of now. Willow, go surf the what-have-you with the words Anusour and Anyisk."

2 HOURS LATER

The scooby gang was in full swing. Oz had finally showed up, and even showed a hint of surprise in seeing Angel. Even a hint of emotion means a lot to someone like Oz. Everyone was pouring over books, or in Willow and Oz's cases, the Internet. Angel was reading his folklore books that were in a language that Xander believed did not qualify as a language, while Xander himself read over a more "readable" book. Giles was looking over the Penganum Codex for any prophecy that pertained to the current situation.

"I might have got something," Giles spoke.

"What?!" all 3 voices proclaimed at once.

"On the night of the full moon, a stranger of her past will return, yet peace will not come with him. To pass the test she must face her fear that she believed were hidden forever."

"Strangely enough, I even get it!" Xander said happily.

"Well, that must mean that is must be very important, for it is imperative that we understand it," Giles replied, as Xander's smile turned upside down.

"So–the million dollar question of the day is what is Buffy's biggest fear?" Xander joked. Angel's face turned an even paler shade of white, which Oz believed impossible. Shakily Angel said, "her biggest fear is me, Angelus. She thought he had disappeared when I left her life, but now I'm back, and brought her biggest fear with me."

Slowly Angel's resolve fell. The blood tears started falling from the corners of his eyes, and they wouldn't stop. Oddly enough to one who went to comfort the haggard vampire was Xander.

"You know what, Angel? Crying isn't going to get you anywhere, and don't even think about bolting, because I will be getting a leash for you if you do. This was prophesied to happen. You might have came to Sunnydale, and maybe brought Anorak, or whoever she is with you, but you didn't decree it, fate did. You can stay here crying your blood out, but you're not helping Buffy in any way. I know that you want amends for what you did, that you want forgiveness, and if you want it, you'll help us, instead of fading into the darkness." Willow, Oz, and Giles, stood in awe, awaiting what was to come. Again to their surprise it wasn't violence.

"Thank you Xander, thank you. Somehow you have finally become a man," Angel said through calming breathes.

"It only took 3 years give or take, but I'm still improving. Not everyone has had 246 years to perfect the art."

"Giles, there is more, more that I left out," Angel sadly said. "I think it might be the last piece to the puzzle." Giles awaited patiently for Angel's new confession. "Ever since I have been freed from hell I could always sense Anusour following me, my every move. I could always feel her shifting things in my mind, producing images in both my subconscious and conscious state. I tried to deny it to myself that she could have followed me, but I can't anymore, she's here Giles, and she is the hardest thing to beat."

"Well the first course of action is to find out where Anusour is keeping Buffy," Giles suggested.

"I'm on it. Old warehouse, preferably on the outskirts of town, that has had recent spottings of low grade activity?" questioned the wicca-in- training, hacker.

After a rigorous hour of hacking, Willow finally managed to come up with the location. Once the words were out of her mouth, the whole gang piled into Oz's van to do some re-con.

After an hour of driving the gang was starting to tire out. So far they had been 0 for 4, and hoping that number 5 would not hold the same fate. They pulled up to the factory that Spike, Drusilla, and Angelus were held up in during "those days", not to mention the place where Cordy and Oz discovered Willow and Xander's secret liason, not the best of places, but the best place for a fear demon to set up shop.

Slowly they all exited the van, making sure not to make any eye contact with each other. The tension was so thick that the term "it could be cut with a knife" didn't cover enough. "Well here we are," Giles muttered, hoping to soften up the edges of the current moment. Without a word Angel started moving toward the factory with the look of death in his eyes. He could sense Anusour, knew that she was in there. He rushed to the factory door, and it crushed under his weight. He threw the remnants of the door away as he plunged into the mansion. Slowly, the rest of the gang followed the vampire. Angel froze as he entered the mansion. He saw Buffy lying there, tears streaming down her face. He clothing was tattered and she was frightened, more frightened then Angel could ever remember. When he finally tore his eyes from the pitiful site in front of him he managed to see why Buffy was such a mess. Angel was staring into a direct reflection of himself, or his physical self, but unlike the sweet, sensitive, and kind aura that Angel gave off, the vampire in front of Angel gave off the aura of evil, and Angel knew at once that he might be too late. "Buffy–" he choked out in a muffled sob.

"Stop! Stop!" Buffy screamed, "Don't use his voice, don't pretend you're him!" Angel was confused, Angelus, or Anusour in disguise had not said a word, but all of a sudden it dawned upon him. She had heard him speak, by showing tenderness, love, or any good qualities would only make this harder for her. This was a fight she would have to win on her own. He felt the greatest sense of d*jˆ vu. He finally made the connection, it was like the time when they were fighting in front of Acthala. He was about to kill her, "no weapons, no hope, no friends–" He remembered speaking those cruel words to her, how he had wished to intervene, but he could only look through the eyes of Angelus.

"Buffy," Angel pleaded softly, "Buffy–you have to fight this. You have to pull through. If you win it will be over forever, you will be free of me and all the memories I have ingrained upon your mind. Fight him for me, for our love." Angel knew that he wasn't only pleading for Buffy's welfare, he was pleading for his own sanity. If he gained the knowledge of how much mental pain he had inflicted on her, he might end up at a point of no return. Finally Angel realized that he was no longer alone, and that a group of 4 had recently joined him. They all stood there completely in awe of the scene in front of them.

The strongest slayer in history; the only one to ever live beyond 20 lay there a wreck. Her emotions that used to prove such an asset would seem to cause the end of her. Next to the basket case was a spitting image of Angel, but even a human could sense of maliciousness within him. And to top off the entire spectacle was the true Angel who could not intervene without hurting his beloved.

"Holy sh–" Xander stopped in mid-phrase due to the glares he was receiving from Giles, Willow, and Oz. He thought Angel's eyes would be amongst those eyes, for Xander was acting childish, but Angel was too engrossed with the scene in front of him to pay any attention. Xander was finally called back to attention by a voice that seemed hauntingly familiar.

"So, Buff, you're friends are here, but you know what? They can't save you, no one can. You can't beat me, I'm your worst nightmare. Two times you've brought me forth. Once around 4 years ago when I, as Spike once so lovely put it, 'spread apart the Slayer's dimpled knees'. Now I'm here because you're too much of a coward to forget me. Don't worry I can forget you, I went 3 years with out you, and it didn't matter. But you Buff, you'll always remember me." Buffy cringed at Angelus's harsh words as another flood of tears washed down her face.

Angel stood there in a state of panic. The memories which he had pushed so far back in his mind began to resurface. The moments in which he had crushed Buffy's spirits were coming back to haunt him. The frightened eyes of Jenny Calendar as well as the hurt look when he told Buffy she was nothing to him. He knew the look in her eyes because he had caused it. Angel was beginning to break down. He couldn't handle it, he needed to run. As he began to turn he felt the same way he had felt three years ago. The same gut wrenching feeling that he should be staying. He was almost home free, just one more second and he could bolt. Then realization hit him. If he runs away Buffy will die. He can't run away anymore. Buffy might deserve better, but she'll never accept it. Angel let one blood tear slide down his dead skin before returning to his previous position.

"Stop, stop!" Buffy pleaded. Angelus only smiled at the desperate tone.

"Stop? Buffy, I can never stop. I'll always haunt you, in those dark recesses of your mind. I'll be the constant reminder of the biggest mistake your life. You may match be in strength Buff, but you don't have what it takes to beat me." Angelus smiled at the harshness of his own words. All of a sudden Angel noted a slight change in Buffy's demeanor, and he thought there might be hope.

"Wanna make a bet Angelus?" Buffy taunted. "C'mon, I beat you four years ago, remember? You had me cornered, 'no weapons, no hope, no friends, what's left?' Well Angelus I still have the same answer I did back then! Me!" As Buffy uttered the last phrase she jumped up from her hovering position and kicked Angelus straight in the gut. "The hardest part about beating you," Buffy continued, "is when I had to send Angel to hell, not you, you dumb bastard! I could kick your ass to hell without a second thought, because you mean nothing to me! Hear me Angelus, NOTHING!" Buffy continued on her rampage adding kicks and punches for emphasis on her words.

"Oh, so wrong slayer. I mean so much to you. Angel, Angelus, so hard to make the distinction. It took you months to kill me, what makes you think it will be so easy this time? Kill me, Angel dies with me." Buffy froze in mid-attack. She had asked herself the same question the first time he had changed. If she killed him she would lose Angel forever, but if she didn't she might lose all else she holds dear.

"I'm so sorry Angel," Buffy whispered to herself. And with that last phrase, she plunged a stake into Angelus's dead heart. Before he crumbled into a pile of ashes, his eyes flashed, and for a second he was Angel again. He reached out to her, his hand turning to dust in the process. Buffy was frozen in terror.

"I love you," Angel's lips whispered before they, along with the rest of him turned into ash. Buffy collapsed to the ground and sobbed. She was crying so hard she did not notice Willow, Xander, Oz, and Giles come to help her up. Before the others realized that Angel was missing, he silently slipped out of the mansion.

"Angel?" Buffy whispered hopefully finally hearing them approach her. All were silent, none of them wanted to dash the slayer's hopes.

Giles finally spoke, "No Buffy, but I promise he will be back." Giles glanced at the door seeing the swish of Angel's black leather duster. He witnessed Angel give his soul mate one last, long lingering look. The blood tears that Angel refused to shed through out the whole ordeal were now streaming down his pale skin. "I love you" he mouthed to the petite blonde's back. Then he disappeared from sight, and from her life. "I promise he'll be back." And something in Giles's gut told him that he spoke the truth. Eventually, after Buffy had healed, her man in black would return.

As Angel left the mansion the only thought that registered was, this isn't running away, it's not disappearing. He couldn't quite grasp exactly what he was doing, all he knew was that it was right, the way it should be.

The End