What Your Heart Is For
Jessica

SPOILER WARNING: "The Prom" through "Graduation Day" part 2.
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNING: A little profanity, and substance (alcohol) abuse.
SUMMARY: Buffy's thoughts three years after her high school graduation.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Joss "The Evil One" does, sadly. Do you think I could sue for custody, since Joss abuses them? The title comes from "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia. The song I used is "Acoustic #3" by The Goo Goo Dolls.
FEEDBACK: YES!!!!! Send me some, pretty please?


The small blonde woman took another shot of liquor, swallowing it down. She waved her hand, getting the attention of the bartender, intending to get some more.

"Sweetheart, I think you've had enough for one night," the middle aged man said, shaking his head at the sight before him. She was too young for this. She looked so depressed and worn.

"Listen, buddy, I'll tell you when I've had enough!" she growled. The bartender sighed and brought out the sacred bottle of scotch. Reluctantly he filled the shot glass for the girl, he had made her show id. when she first came in. From her driver's license she would be 22 in a week. He left her to aid another man down at another stool. An attractive man walked into the bar, he appeared to be in his early-twenties or so, with a streak of black hair. He spotted the blonde girl at the bar and eagerly went to sit next to her.

"Hey, sugar, can I get you something?" he drawled. The woman looked at him with disgust in her eyes.

"No, but you can leave me the hell alone," she hissed.

"Awww, c'mon. You don't mean that, darling," he said, reaching out to touch her hand. Immediately he regretted that decision because the next thing he knew she had his arm twisted in a rather painful way. "O--ok, I'll leave! I'm going!" he said. She slowly released him, the man shook his head, got up, and walked away to another table where he could watch the football game on tv more clearly.

"Yo, bartender!" the blonde called down. He hurried over to her, hoping she was done. His wish was granted.

"I'm ready to go," she said, handing him her Visa. He smiled sadly at her and rung up her bill. Handing it back to her he added, "Take a cab home. You can't drive like this." She nodded and walked out of the bar. She quickly got the attention of a cab.

"Where to, Miss?" the driver asked her.

"UC Sunnydale," she replied.

* * *

Buffy quietly crept into her dorm, trying not to wake Willow. No such luck.

"Buffy! Where have you been?" the redhead asked. After looking at her up and down she answered her own question. "Oh. How much did you have?" she whispered softly.

"Too much," Buffy replied, changing into the sweats she slept in. "I'll be hungover tomorrow, but what else is new?" she added with a laugh. Willow shook her head.

"This isn't going to make it better, Buff," she said sadly. Buffy looked at the floor.

"I don't care," she said softly. Without another word Willow went back to her bed. Buffy curled up on the sofa, with a cup of coffee. Staring down at her hand, her eyes filled up with tears as she saw the silver of her Claddagh ring glisten in the faint light the moon cast into the room. He Left Her.

She still hadn't gotten over it. She probably never would.

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in the way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway

Angel. There was never a day that went by that she didn't think of him. Hell, she even thought of him in bed with her many one night stands. At first she had tried to go on normally. She even dated. But they weren't him. They never would be, or could be. There was only one man who could cure her. And he left.

For the life of her, she couldn't understand. Why he thought she would want a husband, kids, and the whole nine yards. She was the god-damned slayer, she would never be allowed to have those things. The least she could have was him. She didn't want to have sex with him---well, yes, she did----but all she wanted right now was to be able to hold him.

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway

She was failing college, single, and miserable. She saw how they all looked at her, with so much pity. And the occasional call from Cordelia made her aware that she knew too. She often wondered whether Angel knew how miserable she was. And if he did, did he even care?

Her poor, stupid mother had no clue. She thought Buffy was happy. Buffy had suspected long ago that her mother had something to do with Angel leaving. She didn't even care now. It wouldn't change anything to confront her.

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all the screaming
You're not listening anyway

Maybe, one day, he would come back for her. Maybe, just maybe. Until then she would fake going on.

Buffy finished her coffee, and put the mug in the sink. After climbing in bed she let one tear roll down her cheek before shutting her eyes and letting sleep claim her.

This was what he had done to her.

The End

Author's Notes: My that was depressing!! That was my way of getting all my anger at Joss out. God, I hope the new show fails miserably so Angel comes back to Sunnydale where he belongs.....