Chapter and Verse
Episode Synopsis:
Carmen steals objects belonging to famous literary figures.
Zack: Two days on this stakeout and all we've caught are some race.
Ivy: Well, hey, if CrimeNet's right and Carmen is after the statue of the Little Mermaid, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on our Hans Christian Andersen. We might scope out a clue as to why she'd want it.
*a dog growls*
Zack: What is it, boy?
*a surfer screams*
Ivy: Whoa! That surfer saved himself, but it looks like we've got trouble!
Zack: It's Carmen, bustin' a move!
Danish Police: *says something*
Zack: Let's check those ice pirates into the penalty box, sis!
Zack: Here goes nothin'!
Zack: Whoa! I got the statue! And you're next, Carmen!
Ivy: Nice save, Zack!
Zack: But we missed Carmen again!
Player: My detectives froze you out this time, Carmen.
Carmen: Mark my words, Player. The last chapter has yet to be written on this little story.
Ivy: "Top brother and sister detectives Zack and Ivy foiled yet another attempted heist by Carmen Sandiego and captured two henchmen." Boy, all this publicity is getting pretty embarrassing, huh Zack?
Zack: Speak for yourself! They've been giving me freebies at the arcade all week, sis!
Chief: A CrimeNet bulletin just in, so we interrupt this cheap tabloid journalism.
Zack: Hey! I happen to like cheap tabloid journalism, Chief! 'Specially when it's about me.
Zack: What's with the writers? First Hans Christian Andersen, and now Charles Dickens.
Ivy: Maybe Carmen's joined the Steal-a-Literary-Classic-of-the-Month Club.
Bobby: Ah, the last got away.
Ivy: We're from the Acme Detective Agency and that's no last!
Zack: That's Carmen Sandiego! Come on!
Bobby: Police business, mate. The tourists'll have to wait.
Zack: Uh, Ivy, you're driving on the wrong side of the street.
Ivy: Relax, Zack, you're supposed to drive on the left side in England.
Bobby: She went into Trafalgar Square! Where's the woman who was on this bike?
Strange Woman: She went that way!
Ivy: Let's split up, she can't be far!
*horse neighs*
Ivy and Bobby: It's Carmen!
Carmen: Hope you don't mind if I share your cab, detectives. As a famous American poet Robert Frost once wrote, "I've miles to go before I sleep!"
Zack: Yeah, well, as this poet says, "Roses are red, violets are blue, Carmen is gone, so what do we do?"
Ivy: We go check out Dickens' house, little bro, and see what Carmen stole.
Ivy: The curator says the only thing missing is Charles Dickens' inkwell.
Zack: Why an inkwell when she could've ripped off any of these antique books? David Copperfield by Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol by--whoa! Charles Dickens' favorite writer must've been Charles Dickens!
Ivy: Zack, here's some interesting reading. "Chapter one, you'll find me at the river and never the Clemens shall meet?"
Zack: No wonder Carmen used a nom de plume. She can't even get her clichés right. It's supposed to be, "And never the twain shall meet."
Zack and Ivy: Augh!
Zack: Ah, another smooth landing. Huh?
Mark Twain Actor: Just what do you think you're doing, wrecking this fence?!
Ivy: Mark Twain?
Zack: You see him too? Oh good, because I thought it was the fall.
Ivy: Uh, sir, it was an accident.
Mark Twain Actor: Accident or no, today is our big celebration for Mark Twain, and I'm going to do some readings right in front of this famous fence--as soon as you repair it!
Zack: Gee, I'm sorry. You can send the bill to the Acme Detective Agency.
Mark Twain Actor: Bill my foot! You're gonna fix it!
Zack: Uh, didn't Mark Twain once say, "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow"?
Mark Twain Actor: He said it, but he wasn't talking about you.
Zack: Great. We're supposed to be tracking Carmen. Now what are we going to do?
Ivy: Maybe we can use an idea from the Mark Twain books, little bro. "Boy, this sure is fun, huh Zack?"
Zack: What, are you nuts? I hate painting!
Ivy: So did Tom Sawyer, but remember what he did to get out of it?
Zack: Oh, right! "I'd rather paint than just about anything in the world!"
Boy 1: That's really fun? Can I try?
Zack: Nah, only big kids are allowed to have this much fun. Sorry.
Boy 1: Hey! I'm big! I caught a 25-pound catfish right out of the Mississippi River!
Boy 2: Hey, I'm bigger than he is!
Zack: Yeah?
Girl: I'll give you my trusty pocket tool pal if I could paint!
Boy 2: And I'll give you my fishing wand and my skateboard!
Ivy: Well, you've got to hand it to Tom Sawyer. He sure knew how to make hard work pay off. Come on.
Ivy: That's Carmen's henchwoman, Paige Turner!
Zack: She's a world-renowned expert on literature and loves playing out crimes from famous novels!
Paige Turner: While I distract everyone with the reading from their hero, you'll steal Twain's cherry writing desk.
Zack and Ivy: Huh?!
Ivy: Mind if we redecorate?
Paige Turner: Not so fast, detectives! Carmen said you two might show up for my reading! You'll have to excuse me, detectives. My public awaits.
Ivy: First, Charles Dicken's inkwell, now Mark Twain's writing desk. What is Carmen up to?
Zack: The only way we'll find out is by checking out.
Zack: Look! Another Carmen clue book!
Ivy: No time now unless you speed read, little bro!
Ivy: If Huck Finn traveled the Mississippi by raft, so can we.
Zack: Ivy, he wasn't chasing a speedboat.
Ivy: True. But he didn't have an outboard motor and we do.
Zack: Boy, wait till the Chief gets the bill for that raft.
Ivy: Yeah, especially after us losing Paige Turner and Mark Twain's writing desk.
Zack: Well, at least we still have Carmen's book.
Captain: You two look like something the catfish dragged in.
Ivy: It's a long story, Captain. Care to hear it over a cup of cocoa?
Zack: Look at all these names! Oliver Twist, Jim Hawkins, Huckleberry Finn--
Ivy: --Heidi, Meg, Beth, Jo, and Amy March? Mowgli?
Zack: They're all kids from famous novels.
Ivy: Player, cross-reference these characters.
Chief: Still having technical difficulties, gumshoes, please stand by.
Zack: Ah man, not again!
Tiger: Ah, Mowgli. People are so uncivilized. Aren't you glad you were raised by wild beasts?
Zack: Look, Ivy!
Ivy: Well, one thing you can always say for Carmen: she's dramatic.
Ivy: The Biggest Crimes of All Time. That's what the biggest meant!
Zack: So that's what all this is about! Twain's desk, Dicken's inkwell--Carmen's writing her memoirs!
Ivy: And she stole a ruin Kipling described, putting it on a remote mountain top for --
Carmen: --the perfect writer's hideaway.
Ivy: Then why did you lead us here with clues if you wanted to be left alone, Carmen?
Zack: Whoa!
Carmen: I needed to take you offline for a while, detectives. You see, while you were running around the world, Professor Sara Bellum was hacking into the Acme computer system.
Zack: That's why the mainframe's been acting up. You were playing around with Crimenet files!
Carmen: Not playing, Zack. I've just stolen the entire Acme Detective Agency.
Zack: What?
Ivy: That's impossible!
Carmen: It's my most brilliant crime ever, and the perfect final chapter for my memoirs. See you on the bestseller list.
Ivy: We've got to get that CD back!
Zack: We'll never catch her!
Ivy: Maybe we won't have to if we can make her drop it!
Zack: Huh?
Ivy: Big, fresh snow fall on top of old, icy packed snow plus noice equals...
*horn blows*
Ivy: AVALANCHE!
Ivy: Yes! We did it, Zack! She dropped the CD!
Zack: Yes, the Fisher-Matic, it casts, it reels, it catches endangered floppies! Sorry, Carmen, this is one last chapter you'll never write.
Carmen: Nice catch, Zack. Too bad you'll never be able to do that with me.
Zack: She gets away every time! What's the use of chasing her?
Ivy: Perk up, little bro! We got everything back, didn't we?
Zack: But we always get everything back, sis! When are we gonna get her? That's an ending I want someone to write for us!
Ivy: We'll bring it up at the next staff meeting once we get the Chief back online.
Zack: Yeah, a big splashy ending with Carmen going to jail, and you and me on the cover of magazines all over the country! We'll go on Donahue! We'll get our own book deal, we'll be famous!
Player: Acme's back in business, Carmen and your thieving days are numbered.
Carmen: Ha. One of the rules to good writing applies here, Player. "Only write about what you know, and anything unnecessary cut out."
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