A Week On The Beach Hosted By: Reeda and SpikeFan
*The following does not reflect the views of Sunset Central or Sunset Beach. This column is a humorous account of the happenings on Sunset Beach. All views are mine and mine alone. I do not mean to offend or hurt anyone's feelings. This page is meant for fun. Remember, I am also a fan of Sunset Beach, so I do not have any ill intent.* ~~Reeda and SpikeFan

Monday, May 31, 1999
Poor poor Ricardo, why is he still in the wedding tux when everyone else has changed? Antonio took off that hot looking white robe and Maria's run off to Dr. Estrada in some orange/peach thing that doubles as a shirt. Even Gabi has pulled out another micro mini skirt and tank top out of her closet. But poor Ricardo remains in the bridegroom tux. I suppose he didn't have time to change since he was running around town looking for Gabi after she ditched him at the altar. Oh wait, it's beginning to make sense to me. We ARE talking about DETECTIVE TORRES here. When he does find her, Ricardo demands the the truth from Gabi. Gabi's been holding back on Ricardo on her little secret, for what, 3 or 4 months now? And she almost married the guy, cheesey smile and all. I have some advice to Gabi: TELL HIM THE TRUTH. Olivia has a speaker phone conversation with Francesca. I have one question: why does Francesca talk like she's a first grade teacher? Does coming back from the "dead" make a person slower? I guess so. She elongates her words, making sure Olivia can hear her voice loud and clear, and she even adds pauses between sentences so her listeners can comprehend her threats. Gregory, AJ, and Olivia act like the first graders (or is it because they are starting to become senile?) as they stare wide eyed into the speaker phone. And when Bette walks in, wondering who they were talking to, the three act like first graders during quiet time. Oh great, I can already see it, ANOTHER OVER RUN FLASHBACK! How many times must we see Tess stroking a sick Maria in Seattle, mumbling the three new magic words, "Right as rain." Oh no I think I am going to start having flashback phobia. Maria admits to Dr. Estrada that she does not trust Tess. Like, hello? I suppose coming back from the dead on Sunset DOES make you a little slower. First Francesca, now Maria . . . Did I just hear Meg volunteer to watch Benjy? What does this girl want, a Death Wish? How many times must the kid blurt out snide comments to her to make her go away? I suppose he must go at it many more times . . . Meg takes Benjy to the beach because she must go over a couple things with Casey. But I guess pleasure is always over business, Meg and Casey start talking off by about Gabi and Ricardo. Madame Carmen has turned into Madame Crazy because she starts talking out loud about how she must get rid of Gabi the"whore" from her sons' lives. Meanwhile, Ricardo, Mr. Stubborn, pushes and pushes Gabi to tell him the truth. Little does he know, he's pushing more and more lies out of her. She gets to the point where she's about to tell him the truth but then she chickens out. Then Crazy I mean Carmen, runs into Gabi just when she's about to leave and demands,"What language must I speak for you to understand that you must leave?"I guess its not Spanish OR English, since GABI HASN'T LEFT YET, but they still spout off in both languages. And you know how the conversation goes. What's up with Sara's hair? Geez, a girl can't even get a decent haircut in Sunset Beach. Hey Sara, don't take it from me, but try something. It's called A BRUSH. Tess makes plans to go for a walk on the beach with Tim. She ends the conversation with "So I'll meet you there?" Excuse me but isn't the beach a BIG area? And what the hell is Tess on? Why is she running into the ocean after someone tells her there's a riptide? Ricardo takes Gabi's car keys. But the ever so slick Detective Torres takes them with a loug clang. I guess Gabi was too distracted to notice because at the mission, Ricardo proudly shows Antonio the keys and states,"I thought maybe it would slow her down." Antonio just stares at Ricardo as if he was Jojo the Dogface boy from the state fair. Gabi leaves, though, with another set of keys in her hands...but there's one question that plagues me: Where is her suitcase? The one she was frantically packing right after she ran out of the church?

Tuesday, June 1, 1999
And when Ricardo decides he can't push out any more info from interoggating Gabi, he turns to another bright source: the other liar, his priest brother, Fr. Antonio. When Ricardo demands to know who this other man in Gabi's life is, Antonio spouts off in his round about way. But and the ever clever Detective Torres believes Antonio is talking about Gabi's abusive father. Ok wait. Since this storyling has been DRAGGING for MONTHS and MONTHS now, why don't we try something new, like say, telling Ricardo the TRUTH. It only takes one time folks. Tess allows herself to be swept away in the ocean and of course the heroic Casey must rescue her. (Tim follows in a a very ugly faded pink shirt). But since all the commotion is occuring in the ocean and Meg is too busy wooing over Casey's wet torso, Benjy is lured away from her. It's only TESS Meg! Not like you ever liked her anyway. PLUS, the number one rule in Benjy-sitting, do NOT turn your back on the kid. When Meg finally realizes the kid is gone, Tess makes an impressive quick recovery from her near-death experience and gasps that Benjy could have wandered into the ocean. I know the kid is five years old and all, but give him SOME credit. You see your nanny getting pulled into the ocean by a riptide and then what should you do? Go run into the ocean and get pulled in as well! Sure, I can see ALL the logic in that! Now Meg must face Ben when she tells him she was too busy watching Casey's muscles--I mean Casey the lifeguard--rescue that lanky, annoying little--I mean Tess--and--oops--she happens to have misplaced his long lost son in the process. At least we have one happy couple on Sunset! Michael and Vanessa go to a spa for some fun and romance. But who must they run into? None other than Billy Blanks in another one of those Sunset cameos. And what does he make them do on their relaxing mini vacation? He makes them WORK OUT HARD! The worst part is, Michael and Vanessa willingly go along with it! Hello? When did a visit to the spa include a hard core wokout from one of America's top physical fitness trainers? What happened to the days when spas were about steam rooms and mud baths? Good thing Michael and Vanessa did the right thing and threw and towel over him. Whew! That's exactly how I'd get rid of a world renouned martial arts specialist. That towel gets them everytime.

Wednesday, June 2, 1999
Bette tries to tell Caitlin to forgive her mother, but all Caitlin can be is bitter. See the thing is Caitlin, the COLE still LOVES YOU! And why in the world would you take the blame for him if you are still bitter? Who can say no to those dimples? And can someone please put an end to all this squabbling at Ben's mansion? Sure the kidnapper wants 40 thousand dollars (the most oddest amount of money if you ask me) in exchange for Benjy. Come on, the kid is just too cute, he has GOT to be worth more than 40 grand! Meg wants Ben to forgive her, but all Ben can do is think about Benjy. Hello Meg? Can we please wait until BENJY is found before all the forgiving starts?

Thursday, June 3, 1999
Mr. Hotness himself, Cole Deschanel climbs an electric tower to fiddle with some wires. Great, the SBPD is on the case! There's no way Cole will be found. After spotting a dark coyote in the bush, Officers Spence and Ruiz leave, with Cole still hiding out. Do I hear bells going off in Olivia's head? She just admitted to AJ that she thinks Gregory is behind the whole Francesca reappearing scheme. But then AJ comes up with this idea that Gregory still loves Olivia. May I ask where in the world did he get that idea? The way Gregory always takes cheap shots at Olivia and how he is so bent on keeping Cailtin AND Trey away from her? That shows love really well. I can see it clearly now AJ. Maria starts freaking out (AGAIN) and decides to call her brother the cop saying "He is a detective and he will know what to do." Yeah, Maria, Ricardo will help everyone. Remember the time he .... well now, I can't really think of anything, since the Vargas case is still open... and oh yeah Ricardo has his own problems, like GABI LEAVING HIM AT THE ALTAR! But Ben grabs the phone away from her though, telling her that's not a smart idea. Tess puts her two cents in by saying, "We're not doing nothing! We're cooperating with the man so he will cooperate with us!" The phone rings again and everyone at Ben's beach house jumps back and stares at it. Speaking of that, who knew a phone could hold so much power...look what its doing to Olivia....She grabs the phone away from AJ before he can find out who is calling. Is is me or does Olivia say "FrancesceR" rather than "Francesca". Ok look, I have two words that will make it all better for Ben AND Olivia: Caller ID. Bejny is coloring happily as his kidnapper negotiates with his father about ransom. A whole elephant stampede can plow through but as long as Benjy has some crayons, he'll be fine! Just to prove Benjy is alright, he decides to tell his father that he can't wait to go home "And watch TV and color like always." Yeah Benjy, like ALWAYS. Oh no! Another one of Annie's fantasies! This time it's a Wizard of Oz spoof. And there is one question that is plaguing me: What's up with Olivia's hair? She cackles in her hideous outfit, "I'm the wicked with of the west." And Annie answers with,"Yes i've been saying that for years!" Then Trey is hanging from Annie's arms, crying his eyes out. So what does Annie do? Throw a shot of vodka in Olivia's face. And who makes a cameo but Dorothy herself, Meg Cummings! After Annie snaps out of it, she decides to call Cole while he's on top of that tower. And since when did cell phones work on highly electrical towers? Why hasn't Tess changed out of her swimsuit yet? She's had plenty of time to recover and to rest.

Friday, May 7, 1999
Frannie gives Olivia another call, with Gregory listening on her tapped phone. Turns out Cole has a little follower...dressed in dancing shoes! Only Caitlin would wear some strappy black things on her feet when she's running after her jewel theif husband. We have another Casey/Sara moment. More arguing, followed by more kissey-poo. And if I time it right, the next argument should happen in their next scene... Please folks, I can only take so much. While the kidnapper holds a gun to Ben's back, Ben starts yelling about Benjy. Ben must have had a whole lotta GUTS delievered to him because he turns around and looks straignt into the kidnappers eyes (his face is covered with a ski mask). Why does Meg freak out when she finds out that HER SISTER'S BOYFRIEND Casey went after Ben? Benjy is coloring happily when a light short circuts. Did I hear correctly when he says, "Uh oh, I can't see!" and THEN he spots a switch in the dark. I guess coloring helps out your vision or something.... Olivia keeps getting tormented by a slow speaking Francesca. And of course, Olivia has another conversation with her. You know the one where Francesca threatens her and Olivia gets scared, but by the time Francesca is finished with her million threats, someone walks in Olivia's house and then Francesca hangs up. Oh wait, that's how ALL their conversations go. When did Tim get over Meg so soon? All he does is agree with Tess. And then the whole squabble just starts all over again, with Meg jumping in to stop Sara's cheap shots while Tess tries desperately to cover up her slip ups and poor Maria tries to get a word in to shut every one up. The one thing that DOES shut everyone up is the GUNSHOT that rings out in the night. I presume that comes from Ben, who's struggling with the now unmasked kidnapper. So Tim decides to run off after that. Meg, Sara, and the gang run after Tim. Casey finds Ben holding the gun on the kidnapper. Francesca tells Olivia to meet at the power plant in one hour. Gregory and AJ follow OIivia without her knowing. Great you can tell something is going to happen now that the Three Musketeers are on the case. Caitlin admits to Cole she is worried about him. She also demands to know why he is working with Annie. She pleads for him to be careful. This was actually a tender scene, even though they were both in some dark, random alley some where. Casey's name should officially be Cheesey, because that's how every thing turns out when he's in a scene. Now Casey has the gun on the kidnapper. The gang trickles in, one after another, the girls shrieking and Tim standing beside Tess (like always). Tess starts screaming at the top of her lungs (this is what the girl has been doing ever since she went for that little dip in the riptide) and EVERYONE shrieks along with her. The kidnapper gets smart and knocks Casey down and points the gun at everyone. We see a dark figure, looking very closely like Francesca, walking about in the power plant. Ben gets to Benjy in the wherehouse, but now that Benjy caused a gas leak and his holding a lighter, the whole place blazes on fire.

Quote of The Week:
This has been a very action filled week. But the best quote I heard this week was from Bette, who tells AJ, "From the SOUND of it, whatever you and Olivia are going to be doing--DON'T." And I couldn't agree with you more.