Michaela threw back her bedcovers and stood up, stretching as she did so. Her eyes glanced over the empty half over her bed and she sighed, wondering where Sully was. She knew Cloud Dancing must have found him or he would’ve come back to tell her by now.
Quietly, she went to her daughter’s room and slipped inside unnoticed.
Katie was sitting on her bed, playing with her dolls. "Now A.J.," she was saying. "It’s too early in the mornin’ for ya ta be runnin’ ‘round."
Mike smiled. Her daughter had affectionately named her new doll Annie Junior in honor of the old china one that had been broken in the kidnapping. "Good morning, sweetheart," she said.
Katie threw down her dolls and ran over to her mother. "I was a good girl, Mama. I stayed in my room till you waked up."
"Woke up," Michaela gently corrected. "I can see that. And the bed is made," she noted the wrinkled covers. "Oh my Katie," she picked up her daughter and held her tightly. "You’re such a big girl."
Katie nodded, squirming to get free. "When’s Poppy coming home?" She had asked that every morning and night since her father had left. Michaela put her down.
"Soon, Kate," was all her mother murmured.
"When?" Katie demanded.
Mike sighed. She wished she knew. "I’m not quite sure," she admitted. "He went on a trip with Cloud Dancing."
"Oh," Katie lamented. Her father did that every so often. But those "trips" never lasted this long.
"You goin’ to the clinic today?" the little girl asked.
Mike shook her head. "No, I thought I’d stay home with you."
"Peoples ‘r gonna get awful mad. You don’t hardly go into the clinic anymore, Mama."
"Katie! Such language! Who taught you how to speak like that!"
"Umm..Brian?" Katie offered.
"Brian who writes so beautifully?"
"Umm...yes’m," Katie concentrated on trying to stick her big toe through the knothole in the floorboard. She tried to change the subject. "Now you know it’s true, Mama."
Yes, Michaela realized that. In the 3 weeks Sully had been gone she’d only been into the clinic twice. She tried to tell herself that people knew where she lived if there was an emergency. It was just that with her husband and oldest children gone – she was clinging to Katie more and more. "Well, Katie," she told her. "It’s just that I didn’t get to see you for so long, I missed you so much. So now I want to be with you all the time."
Katie grinned, happy to see her plan worked. "Well, Mama," she went on to say. "I ‘preciate it ‘n all," she intoned with adult-like seriousness, "but you gotta job to do. Col-rado Sprin’s needs a docta."
Michaela almost laughed. Katie was repeating something Sully often said. "You know Katie, you’re right," she said. "We have a job to do."
Katie struggled against the terrible man, her legs flailing from side to side, her arms outstretched. "Poppy!" she screamed in slow motion. "Don’t let him take me Poppy!" Tears ran down her face.
"KATIE!" Sully awoke with a start. Early morning sunlight filtered through the uncovered hole at the top of the teepee. Cloud Dancing reflexively grabbed the nearest defensive object to him, his knife. "What is happening?" he asked in his native tongue.
Sully sighed audibly. "It’s nothin’, Cloud Dancin’, go back ta sleep."
"Another bad dream?" queried Cloud Dancing.
Sully ran his hands through his unruly hair. "Yeah."
"She is safe, my brother," was all Cloud Dancing could think of to say.
Sully turned over and tried to go back to sleep. After a moment, Cloud Dancing did the same, and succeeded. But sleep didn’t come for Sully.
"If you would have done as I asked, I wouldn’t have lost her," Michaela’s harsh words came. "By then, my wife and daughter and I will be in Europe. Your friends will find that your party was killed by revolutionaries," Caraway’s voice sounded. "Can I see my daughter? I'd like to say goodbye... That would only upset her... She will never be your daughter! Never! Katie is my daughter! My blood!"...BANG!!! Brian was lying on the ground, pain in his eyes. "La llevaron al agujero de la rata. Ellos van a ser fusilados por la mañana." (They took her to The Rat Hole. They are going to be shot in the morning.)
He couldn’t wait for the ceremony to begin.
Michaela watched the clock hands as they slowly moved around the face. 2pm - only one hour before she could legitimately close up shop. She sighed, inwardly groaning. Her mind wouldn't let her stop thinking of Sully. Where was he? How did she know Cloud Dancing had really found him? Deep down, she knew if he hadn't CD would have come back to her long ago...but...what if they were in trouble and couldn't make it back from wherever they were...what if...??? The possibilities were mind-boggling.
"Katie," she called, looking for her daughter. Katie appeared from behind her. "Yes, Mama?"
"Let's go visit Miss Dorothy, alright?"
"Aw-right!" the child happily ran over. Shutting the door behind them, Michaela turned over the "CLOSED" sign and exhaled with a heavy heart.
"I don't know, Michaela," Dorothy shook her head as she pulled the printing press lever up and down. "Cloud Dancin' told me he was goin' back to Montana weeks ago! I haven't heard from him since."
"Yes, I know," Michaela said irritably, trying to keep one eye on her daughter. "Katie, don't touch that. You'll make your hands all black," she hurried to stop the child from running her hands over the freshly inked tintype. "Do you think that's where they went?" she turned to continue her conversation with Dot. Dorothy shrugged. "Seems there's a good half a dozen places they coulda gone. Montana's as good as any of 'em."
Michaela racked her brain, trying to come up with some definitive answer. "Dorothy, what if something happened?"
"Trust Sully and Cloud Dancin' to take care of themselves," Dot said assuringly.
"All the same, perhaps I'd better go out there."
"And do what, Michaela!" Dorothy stopped her work and looked at Mike, her hands on her hips. "You don't even know exactly where they are! If they're in trouble, there ain't much you could do about it."
"You don't know that," Mike snapped.
Dorothy softened. "Listen, Michaela, perhaps Sully just needs some time -"
"It's been 3 weeks!" Michaela screeched. Katie looked up in alarm.
Dot continued gently. "Yes, maybe he needed 3 weeks to get out some of the demons that've bin hauntin' him. You can't begrudge that."
"I can begrudge it when he goes off *gallivanting* for 3 weeks and doesn't tell me," she said indignantly. "Come on Katie, let's go home," she pulled the child's hand so hard she snapped forward like a rag doll.
"Good day, Dorothy," Mike said primly as she marched out.
"Bye, Miss Dorothy," the little girl whimpered before being snatched away.
Dorothy dropped into her chair, fanning herself. "Well, I never -" she started.
Sully was relieved that the lodge was finally finished. He stood with the rest of the tribe now as the priest sang and chosen dancers performed. At that moment he saw a squaw come to the center, to the high-priest, as he now recognized him. "What's going on?" he turned to CD for clarification.
The woman and man stepped over burning incense set down on the ground and looped a buffalo robe loosely around them. After a minute, the woman stepped away, and the other priests exited the lodge, led by her.
"She is 'The Reproducer's' wife," CD let him know. "She and the high priest will soon perform the act of regenerative consecration."
Sully noted the priests' praying in the circle now. "They are praying for all of us," CD told him without being asked. "For the regeneration of the world."
When they stopped all of the priests but one stood still for a moment before reentering the lodge. That one then announced to the group, "the High Priest will now perform the ritual act." He too then returned to the lodge.
Once again, the high priest and pledger's wife stepped over the burning incense, singing as they did so.
"I recognize that song," Sully whispered.
"It is our sacred pipe song," answered CD.
Indeed, in a moment the pipe was raised to the sky. Then the buffalo robe was wrapped more tightly around the pair, and gently they lowered to the ground.
Drumming started.
"What's happening?" Sully asked, bewildered.
CD looked for the right words. "They are...renewing the world."
Sully was astounded. "You mean, they're having...um...they're consecrating...right now - right there?"
"Yes," CD nodded.
"But she's married! I mean -"
"Sully, 'the Reproducer' and his wife are making their sacrifice for the good of the tribe. Since when have you judged our beliefs on the basis of the white man's?" CD demanded.
"I'm not!" Sully protested. "I didn't mean to-" he finally stopped. But he still was having a hard time believing what was happening before him.
The drums got louder and louder as they progressed from individual to individual.
"Are you ready?" CD looked at him smiling.
The drums echoed in Sully's ears as he thought back over the events that had progressed to this point.
"If you would have done as I asked, I wouldn't have lost her!"
Gritting his teeth and swallowing hard, Sully nodded resolutely. "I am ready," he said in Cheyenne.
He was told to turn around and did so, closing his eyes. Quickly, two holes were cut into his shoulder blades. Sully inhaled sharply as skewers were pushed through, but to his credit, did not make a sound. Ropes were hung from the center pole and then attached to the skewers. The priest stood directly in front of him.
"How long will you dance?" he was asked ceremoniously.
Without hesitation he answered. "Until I break free."
A roar went up from the crowd, and the priest nodded before going on to the next brave.
When all were set up, the rhythm of the drums changed. It was slow, almost too slow, but gained gradual momentum. The dancers began their ritual.
Sully danced. And danced, and danced. And as the sun went down, his nightmares came back to him. "She's not your daughter! She's my daughter, she's my blood!" Caraway paid no attention to him as he walked away. "KATIE!!!"
The drums did not stop when the sun went down. The dancers did not stop. Without food, without water, they went without aid in order to be seen favorably by the spirits. In order, in Sully's case, to redeem. To atone for "sins." To gain self-respect back.
Sully was fighting. Fighting against a powerful force, though he didn't know what. Fighting for his family, fighting for his soul.
Images flashed through his mind. He entered the Mexican plaza, heart in throat, terrified of what lay ahead. It was silent, empty, a hot southern breeze wafting its way through the air.
And then he saw. At the far end of the courtyard, tied to a post, stood his wife. He made a mad dash to her, but just as he reached her, froze.
Her lifeless eyes stared out at him, her body riddled as with holes as the wall behind her.
He collapsed then, to his knees, and his stomach churned as it emptied itself of its contents. "Michaela!" His voice rang throughout the deserted courtyard. He untied the ropes that bound her and she slumped into his arms. "MICHAELA!!"
The scene changed once again. His beloved wife was standing in front of him, arms outstretched. "Tell me about your pain, Sully," she told him.
The tears came then. My pain...my pain...do I tell you all of it? Of how I almost didn't make it back in time to save you? Of how I took the threat of Garrick to mean only one thing, a threat against myself? Only myself, not you, Michaela, or my children. I can handle myself. I can't handle losing the rest of you.
His body ached, his head throbbed as he continued dancing, sweating profusely.
Do I tell you that I can so easily imagine you all dead, because of me? And that that fear haunts me now every waking moment? That fear of losing the people I most cherish in this world...and in doing so, failing all of you? That fear that everyone I've ever loved has disappeared, and that I'm always so scared any one of you will be next? That fear that when it came down to it, I did nothing at all, destroying in me the confidence I had to, as you had expected, do everything in my power to save you?
Sully's body continued jerking, searching for his answers. Oh, let the Spirits help me! he inwardly cried. I am dying! I am dying inside! He looked up towards the darkened sky, seeing some invisible dark force swooping towards him to swallow him whole.
His eyes fixed upon the rising morning star, he grasped for explanations. The world suspended for a moment, time stopped, and he gazed upon the piercing light in the sky. Give me an answer! He implored. Help me to redeem myself! The dark force moved closer.
And then it seemed as if a shower of light beamed down upon him, warming him, wetting him, bathing him in goodness and giving him what he wanted. And then he understood. The dark force edged towards him, threatening him, and he did not retreat, he did not cower. He danced. For himself, for his family, and for all that he knew. Because - he knew. And he said it so succinctly:
"You have no power over me," he accused, staring the force down. He knew what it was, and in naming, in identifying it, he knew he could destroy it. It was Fear.
He gained strength quickly now. All those times when I thought that I had no control over the situation, I was fooling myself. I was letting my fear control me. But the truth of it all is, I control *it*. IT has no power over me. I WON'T LET IT HAVE POWER OVER ME.
"Do you hear me?!" he screamed at the force. "I WON'T LET YOU TAKE MY FAMILY, OR ME!! NOT NOW, NOT EVER!!!!" And with one terrific wrench he jerked free of the skewers, breaking his skin, breaking free of the bonds that had tied him.
It was morning.
The Sun Dance, ritual of the Plains Indians for hundreds of years, was over. Sully had completed it, and in doing so, gained back that which he had lost, his heart. As the lodge was dismantled, he looked up at the sky, at the sun that shone brightly down upon him. It was a new day, a new world, a world in which he would succeed in living, no matter what was thrust upon him.
He turned to Cloud Dancing. "I'm ready to go home.
It was dawn. The sun poked its fiery head above the horizon, a foreshadowing of the light and warmth it would spread throughout the forthcoming day. In the foggy morning haze, Sully led his horse, gingerly stepping over fallen tree and rock here and there. He had ridden all night to reach home that much sooner. Though he was tired, his shoulder-blades ached, and his wounds were probably bleeding slightly, he felt overjoyed. He felt renewed.
He stopped his horse at the top off the cliff, overlooking the land below. In a few more hours, he would be home. He looked at the magnificent land around him, the sun just beginning to reflect its first rays of light off newly sprouted leaves and running water, and inhaled deeply. This was his land, a land he had strove to keep clean and preserve, not only for his children, but for theirs and future generations to come. He inhaled deeply, drinking in and smelling the fresh air. He had stayed true to himself - he had not let evil win over him and his family, not only the evil of those who had wished to wrench away their happiness, but an evil of a more potent source - fear. There was nothing wrong with being afraid, he now knew. But he also knew something else now. It has no power over me if I refuse to grant it. He smiled, relishing the thought. And I refuse to let it.
Slowly, he led his horse down the rocky decline. A smell of smoke in the air suddenly alerted him to someone's camp nearby. Wary, he dismounted, skirting closer to it.
A woman crouched over the fire, carefully sprinkling water over it to put it out. Quickly, she stood up, her skirts swaying as she did so.
Michaela and Sully stood face to face. Mike gasped in surprise.
"What are you doing here?" queried Sully in shock.
"I - I" Michaela was thrown of guard. She gathered herself together, and began what sounded like a prepared speech. "Don't push me away, Sully!"
Michaela cried out. "I know you love me, I know you love our family. You can't tell me otherwise and expect me to believe you. I won't believe you!" She shook all over.
Sully reached over and enclosed her in his embrace. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, Michaela," he started, knowing this would be the first of many apologies. "I do love you - with all my heart and body and soul. And I love our family. I don't want to ever see anything happen to 'em again. I want to be your husband, their father, to protect you and them, an' to do what's right - the best I can.
"But I don't know if my best's good enough," he went on to say. "I guess that's up to you."
She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh Sully," she murmured. "I love you so very much. I thought you'd left me forever...." she trailed off.
"Never." Sully held her close. "I'm so sorry I hurt you," he cried softly. "But I'm okay now, I promise."
"No more nightmares?" she dared to hope.
"No more nightmares," he assured her.
Suddenly she withdrew her arms, staring at her fingers. "Sully?" She gasped. "You're bleeding! Are you alright?" She turned him around.
"I'm fine. Nothing a few day's rest won't cure."
"But what happened? Let me get my bag," she started to fuss.
He grabbed her hands and held them tight. "No...leave it. I'm fine. I'll explain it all when we get home. For now, let's just say the Spirits healed me."
"Were you in Montana?" she asked him.
He nodded. "Yes," he murmured in her ear. "Were you comin' ta find me?"
She pulled his head down. "Yes," she whispered. "I couldn't take being apart from you any longer."
"Neither could I."
They strode back to their horses. "Sully, are you sure everything is alright?"
He stared up at the luminescent sun, the great power in control of the Thunderbird. "I learned an important lesson," he answered her. "When it is dark enough, you can see the stars."
A beat. "Let's go home," he said, and they turned their horses and together galloped into the sunrise.
Sully's atonement had come full circle.