"Andrew, you should go to bed," said Michaela, looking up.
He shook his head. "No, I can’t. But you should Michaela. This has been a rough day."
Michaela looked down for a moment, then back up at him. "Andrew, ... I know this must be so hard for you... seeing Colleen..." her voice faltered. She looked down at her books, then said, "I’ve been looking through these all night. I can’t find anything that has anything remotely to do with Colleen’s symptoms."
Andrew bent over the table to look at her books. "Nothing!" he asked incredulously.
Michaela began to cry. "Colleen is lying in a room upstairs with an illness, and I can’t do anything to help!" Her sobs became more hysterical. "Oh, G/d, Andrew," she cried. "Today, when she was imploring me to make her pain stop...and I couldn’t do anything...oh G/d, give me the pain! She looked up at the ceiling. "Give me the pain! She’s so young...and full of life."
Andrew reached out and held Michaela’s hand. He was choked up, couldn’t think of any words to say.
"Michaela," he began slowly. You’re one of the finest doctors I’ve ever seen, and certainly the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of working beside. If anyone can help Colleen, it’s you."
Sully knocked on the open door of the clinic and walked in. "Any change?" he asked softly.
Andrew shook his head. "She’s still sleeping." He turned to Michaela. "Michaela, you should go home. I’ll stay here with Colleen."
Michaela shook her head. "I can’t. I have to be near her - just in case."
Sully glanced at Andrew, then said, "Matthew’s with Brian and Katie back at the homestead. Why don’t you take a room upstairs, Michaela. You need to get some sleep."
Michaela nodded tiredly. She turned to Andrew. "You’ll wake me if there’s any change?"
He nodded. "Of course."
Sully helped Michaela upstairs. Andrew ran a hand through his tangled chestnut locks. Grabbing a bunch of Michaela'’ medical books, he went back up to Colleen'’ room. Inside, he found her tossing and turning. "Colleen?" he asked, but there was no response. He felt her forehead and frowned, seeing it still very warm.
"Andrew?" asked Colleen. Her eyes were open and feverishly bright, but she wasn’t looking at him.
"Yes Colleen," he said.
"I don’t think you quite understand."
"Understand what?"
"No, no, see, you don’t understand." She hesitated. "It’s very hard for me to put into words.." she drifted off.
His body tensed. She was speaking to him, but in her own delirium-world.
"Andrew...what I feel for you...I don’t know how to express it. I know you care for me - I don’t know exactly how much, but I know you do care. But...I... I love you Andrew. I love you more than you will ever know. More than words can ever say. When I see you, my heart skips a beat, I get all jittery. I...want you to view me as a sophisticated woman, like the ones you’re used to from back East, instead of some immature, wild school girl."
"Oh G/d Colleen," he stopped. He realized he oughtn’t be hearing these words, that she hadn’t meant for him to know these inner feelings, not yet anyway, but...
Her voice drifted off.
Rejected, Andrew sat back in his chair, keeping watch over Colleen. He absent-mindedly turned the pages of the medical journal, as he thought back to the first day he met her. In the mud in front of Dr. Quinn’s clinic, when she’d offered him a hand. He remembered the kiss they had shared, when he had asked her to become his partner after she graduated. Her acceptance had brought pure joy into his heart - a happiness-filled world had been awaiting him. But now...now it was about to be ripped from him...his love. The only girl he had ever truly loved in his solitary world, the one that until Colorado springs had been purely academic for him. With his new life in Colorado, he had found within him a new soul, and with Colleen a happiness, such as he had never known. And if it should be taken away, now? Before any of it had begun?
Tears began to collect in his eyes. "Oh Colleen," the words fell from his mouth. "You can’t leave me...I need you..."
He fell asleep by the bed reading the medical journal, his head on the sheets by her arm.
Daylight filtered through the curtains in Dr. Mike’s room. She stirred gently, then her eyes snapped open as she remembered the previous day. She jumped out of bed, waking Sully.
"Michaela?" he drowsily asked. Suddenly he sat up. "Did something happen with Colleen?"
Throwing a shawl around her shoulders she said, "I’m going to go check on her."
She slowly opened the door to Colleen’s room. She saw Andrew’s head down on the bed, medical book by his side and walked over to him. Gently, she shook him.
He slowly awoke, his eyes trying to open.
"Michaela?" he asked.
"How is she?"
"Holding on. But her fever hasn’t broken yet. I’d better keep looking through these books. I’ll be downstairs. Call if you need me." He stood up and left the room.
Michaela sat on the edge of her bed, looking at her beautiful daughter. She smoothed her hand over Colleen’s brow.
Sully, without Michaela’s noticing, sneaked in the room and place a hand on her shoulder. "How is she?" he asked.
"Andrew says there’s been no change. Oh Sully! If she doesn’t get better...!" she buried her face in his chest.
His arms enclosed around her. "Michaela, she will. She’s strong, and determined - she can fight this out." But deep inside, Sully wasn’t so sure. It had been rare that Dr. Quinn couldn’t diagnose an illness. The last time had been with Anthony, and that had ended in his death. Now, Dr. Cook couldn’t diagnose Colleen as well. And the thought frightened him. He had known the child practically all her life, and even though it hadn’t been until fairly recently that they’d become family, he still loved her greatly. She had made him so proud by having he ambition to follow in Dr. Mike’s footsteps in her wanting to be a doctor - and he so much wanted to see her succeed. She had been through so much in her short life - and he couldn’t bear to see it all come to an end now. Not now.
"Michaela!" Andrew burst through the door, book in hand.
"Did you find something, Andrew?!" Michaela was breathless.
"I think so. Bacterial endocarditis. It’s an infection of the lining of the heart. Symptoms include painful breathing, very high fever, and as the disease progresses, kidney failure. That explains Colleen’s lower back pain."
"How is it treated?" asked Sully.
Andrew looked at Michaela. "The book says antibiotics must be administered as soon a possible to the patient, in order to kill off the infection."
"How did she get infected?" Sully wondered.
"It could have been anywhere," answered Dr. Quinn. "Bacteria is everywhere, and she might have had an open wound somewhere..."
"Have you ever come across this before?" Andrew asked.
"No never. But I have antibiotics in the cabinet downstairs, and we can administer them to Colleen right away," she jumped up from the bed and headed for the door.
"Michaela, wait," Andrew said quietly.
"Andrew," Dr. Quinn turned around, slightly exasperated. "We have to do this quickly. We’ve already wasted a day not knowing what to do. Now we o, and we must hurry!"
"Michaela," he stood up. "We can’t administer the antibiotics orally. There will need to be an operation."
"What are you talking about?" she asked.
"According to your book," he held it up, "the antibiotics need to be dripped intravenously into the aorta. It’s...." his voice wavered, "it’s a very dangerous procedure."
Sully stood up and took Michaela’s hand. "Will she die without it?" he gestured to Colleen.
Andrew looked down at the floor, swallowed, then back up at Sully. "Almost certainly."
"But there’s a chance she won’t!" Michaela said.
"Michaela!" Sully grabbed her shoulders. "Colleen needs this operation. Don’t you understand?! She going to die if she doesn’t get the antibiotics."
Michaela blinked, tears running down her face. She sat in the chair by the door. "I can’t do it, Sully," she said sorrowfully.
"What?!?!" came Sully’s exasperated voice.
"I can’t do it," she whispered. "I can’t see my child die under my knife. I just can’t do it."
Andrew looked at Sully. "Michaela, I can’t do this alone. It’s risky enough as it is."
Sully knelt beside Michaela’s chair and took her hand in his. "Michaela, Dr. Cook can do the surgery. But you have to try to save Colleen. I’ll help in any way I can, but we need you."
She looked up at him, then Andrew, and nodded.
"Good," said Andrew, relief in his voice. "We’ve got to get started right away. We’ve lost too much time already. Sully, will you bring Colleen downstairs? Michaela, we need to get our instruments ready."
Sully gently picked up Colleen and followed them downstairs. As he lay her on table, Dr. Mike and Andrew rummaged through her drawers and cabinets, looking for the necessary supplies. Andrew realized in the state Michaela was, he’d have to be the one to take charge.
"Michaela, do you have any IV bags?"
"In the glass cabinet," she told him. Sully got one and handed it to him. Pouring the antibiotic into the bag, he sealed it, and then dragged over the coat rack to use as an IV pole, securing the bag to it. He draped tubing over it and inserted a needle. It was ready.
Mike bent over Colleen and loosened her blouse, bringing it below her waist in preparation of the procedure. Transfixed once more by Colleen, Andrew stared for the slightest second in a most un-doctorly way before catching himself and reminding himself to be professional.
He and Mike washed their hands well and prepared the scalpels. "I’m going to make a small incision between the third and fourth ribs, " he told Michaela. "This has to be deep enough to go through the ribs, but not too deep. If I nick the aorta..." he closed his eyes, then opened them again, "But I won’t. After that, we’re going to start the IV and insert the needle in the aorta. We can only pray that the heart doesn’t reject the foreign agent and throw her into cardiac arrest."
Michaela nodded. Andrew picked up his scalpel and moved his hand down. It was shaking.
Sully spoke up. "Andrew, you can do this," he said.
Andrew nodded. Yes, he could do this, but to the woman he loved? To Colleen? Oh, anyone but her - let it be anyone but her!! He steadied his hand and moved down again.
The door to the clinic slammed open and Brian ran in, followed by Matthew. "Ma?!" Brian called out.
Andrew jumped back, scalpel in hand. "Dear G/d" he exclaimed.
"Matthew, get Brian out of here!" Sully bellowed.
"Come on, Brian, we’ll wait outside," Matthew said, seeing what was happening. The door closed behind them and Andrew let out a sigh of relief.
"It’s okay, Andrew. You can still do this," directed Sully.
Andrew steadied his shaking hands once again and held his breath as he made the incision. Drawing away the scalpel, he let the breath out. "Michaela, clean up the blood. Sully, give me the tubing." He took it from Sully and uncapped the needle. He inserted it into the incision, and into the aorta.
Colleen moaned and her eyes flickered. "We didn’t giver her any chloroform!" Sully yelled, aghast.
"We can’t," said Andrew. "The antibiotics are going straight into her heart, and she can’t be under any anesthesia. We can’t have her heart slowing on us."
"She’s gonna wake up," said Sully.
"I know," said Andrew. And she will be in a LOT of pain, he winced at the thought.
The antibiotics flowed into her heart.
Colleen’s eyes opened. The first thing she focused on was Andrew. "Andrew," she said. "What is - oh!" she gasped.
Seeing how Andrew couldn’t touch her at that moment, Sully squeezed her hand.
"Andrew found out what was wrong," he told her, "And you needed an operation. But we can’t anesthetize you at all. Just hold onto my hand, you can squeeze all you want."
Andrew, having inserted the needle, looked over worriedly at Colleen. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
Gritting her teeth, she held onto Sully’s arm. "It hurts." He eyes rolled back in her head.
"COLLEEN!" Michaela cried out.
Andrew too, in alarm, put his bloody fingers to her neck. He relaxed. "She still has a pulse," he said, "I think the pain was just too much to bear."
Two days later, a knock sounded on the door to Colleen’s room. "Come in," she called.
Andrew opened the door and walked in. A smile on his face, he came to the edge of her bed and sat down. Taking her hand, he said," You’re awake!"
She smiled. "Yes, finally." Her smile faded as she said, "Andrew...I just wanted to thank you for savin’ my life. It sounds so stupid, I mean, the words can’t nearly express what I want to say, but...thank you."
Andrew squeezed her hand. "I’m just so glad you’re okay. You had me so scared there, knowing you might die. I couldn’t..." he stopped, a flush overcoming his face. "I couldn’t imagine life without you."
Colleen looked into his eyes.
He turned from her and looked away. "There’s one thing I must admit to you," he said. "Um...during your delirium, you said some things...something about loving me and not finding the words to say it. Is that...is that true?" he looked back at her, searching her eyes in hope that it was.
She looked down at her covers and played with them a second before answering. Then, looking back into his eyes, she said quietly, "Yes Andrew, I do love you. More than words can say..."
Andrew’s face lit up. He squeezed her hand again. "Oh Colleen, you know how hard it is for me to express my feelings. I never do a good job. But...I love you too. I’ve loved you since the minute I set eyes on you."
He bent forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
A knock sounded at the door. He straightened up. Dr. Mike and Sully walked into the room.
"Finally awake," Dr. Quinn said, smiling. "Andrew, may I speak with you a moment?"
"Certainly, Michaela," he said, standing up. They walked to a corner of the room, leaving Sully to talk with Colleen.
"Andrew...I ..I just want you to apologize for being so helpless when my daughter needed me, you needed me..." she drifted off.
"Michaela," he touched her arm. "You’re her mother. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you seeing her in that state. I could barely go on myself. You can’t blame yourself."
"Still.." she said. "I just want to tell you I’m sorry."
"An apology is not needed," said Andrew, smiling. "Colleen’s going to recover, good as new."
"Thanks to you," said Michaela, finally smiling.
It was a windy day. Andrew wheeled Colleen outside to Grace’s Cafe for that lunch they had never gotten to.
"I think I can walk by now!" Colleen scolded him.
"Uh-uh," he said. "Doctor’s orders!"
He paused as they passed the spot where she had first fainted.
"Are you okay?" she asked him, turning around in her wheelchair.
He shook himself out of his thoughts. "Yes, fine," he said, a smile coming to face as he looked at her. "More than words can say!"