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This story centers around "Night Shift" from season 3. I thought this was a great growth period for Doug and Carol and when I think they truly began to fall in love with each other. I don't always use music lyrics in my stories but I have been listening to a lot of Sheryl Crow lately and fell in love with the song "I Shall Believe." I then saw "Night Shift" and for some reason the following story came out.
I did take some liberties with this story and changed a few things to fit what I wanted to write about so it is not exactly true to this episode.
In the past, I selfishly failed to thank Jordan for her selfless contribution to my stories (you will never live that one down ;-) ). She really helped me out a lot on this one and I truly appreciate the time she took with me. She did a great job in helping me better describe what was going on to help the reader "see" what was taking place. I would also like to thank Elizabeth who helped me out with some grammatical issues. What would we do without the two of you!
The following contains a graphic sexual scene and is therefore rated for 18+ readers. Of course, this story has no official affiliation with NBC, Constant-C or Warner Brothers and is for entertainment purposes only, no profit is derived from it. Please do not reproduce without my consent.
As usual, all feedback is welcome. I’ve been hanging onto this story for well over a month now and I just had to get it out.
I Shall Believe
by Ruth
socalgal7@yahoo.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come to me now
Lay your hands over me
Even if it’s a lie
Say it will be all right
And I will believe
Broken in two
I know you’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe I shall believe
~~ Sheryl Crow, "I Shall Believe"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That night was really slow in the ER so Doug was happy to take on the safety check from Kerry. He immediately recruited Carol to help him out. What better way to spend time with her he reasoned. It would be quiet, they would be alone. They could talk.
They had a great time. Laughing and kidding around. Carol was trying to be serious but Doug kept teasing her for her attention to detail. She couldn't help but smile. Sometimes he really made her feel good. Today it was particularly important. She had to lay two nurses off and had no idea what she was going to do. It was tearing her apart. These were her friends and she had to take away someone's livelihood. She shared her feelings and he listened. That was all she needed; was for him to listen and be a friend. And he did just that.
When Carol dropped the clock on Kerry's head things seemed to move in slow motion. Carol panicked. Once it became clear that Kerry was okay it was all Doug could do to contain himself. He did immediately offer to help stitch her cut, but she wanted Jeannie to do it. Doug was sure Carol did it on purpose and gave her a hard time about it later.
"All right Carol... spill it. You dropped that clock on Kerry deliberately."
"Oh Doug, how can you say that? How would I have possibly known she was coming through the door? I was on the ladder. In fact, you should have seen her coming in and warned me! May be it was you who wanted that clock to fall on her." She looked at him and laughed softly.
He stared at her for a moment and then looked back to the ground. He was slightly smiling. "Hmm, maybe I did." He laughed out loud then.
Carol climbed back up the ladder to do a final inspection. As she was coming back down she stumbled a bit. Doug quickly rushed to her and grabbed her in his arms. He held her close for just a moment. The muscles in his stomach tightened as he felt her body next to his. She began to pull away so he let her go to check to see if she was okay.
"Doug! I'm okay. God, I didn't fall off a building."
"Shit, Carol! You scared the hell out of me. No more ladders for you."
"What are you so pissed about?"
Doug wasn’t angry at Carol, he was just reacting to her being so close to him. It confused him, his feelings were so strong. He also couldn’t bear the thought of something bad happening to her again. These were too many emotions to handle at one time so it came out as anger. A ‘safe’ reaction in his mind.
"Nothing Carol. Look, I'm sorry. Really, I am." His tone softened. "Let's go finish this
check. It looks like we just have that old wing to go. You remember the one."
"Yeah, I remember," she chuckled. "How could I forget?" Carol actually had very nice memories of their trips to the supply room, except for the last time. She was curious to know how she would feel now, going in there with Doug, knowing the purpose was not sex.
Doug was curious, too.
They walked down the empty corridor pointing to different doors trying to determine which was the right one.
"Wait Doug, it's this one."
"Oh, you're right. A lot of stolen moments in there, huh?"
"Yes, there were."
"So you think we should?"
"What?" Carol responded in a surprised manner. She didn't exactly understand what Doug was asking.
"Open the door."
She suddenly felt embarrassed by her thoughts. "Oh, yeah, sure why not?" He really was acting very gentlemanly. If fact, she was noticing a change come over him lately. He was... maturing. That was the only word she could associate with what was going on.
As they walked in the smell hit them like a hammer in the head.
"Oh, did it always smell like this?"
"I think it did. Now, if I remember, I bet we still have some candles up in the ceiling tiles." Doug reached into the hole and pulled out a large, red candle. "Yup! Look at this!"
"Oh my god!" She laughed as he handed her the candle.
Doug lit it and fixed two cots so they could sit and talk. They both seemed to be enjoying themselves. Carol was relaxed and unusually talkative. She was still confused about what to do about the nurses. He talked about going to his therapy sessions, she talked about how good she felt now. More confident and self-assured. He talked about Charlie. They listened to each other but didn't offer too many suggestions.
"You know, Carol, this thing with Charlie is really bothering me. I don’t know what to do with her." He hesitated. He was still uncomfortable with expressing his emotions and didn’t quite know how to tell her what he was feeling. He took her silence to mean that she was listening to him. He continue to stare up at the ceiling.
"I don’t know what she expects from me. I can’t be her father. She needs so much more then I can give her. Hell, I’m still trying to figure my own life out. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s now." He paused, picking carefully at his words. "She, ah, scares me a little too. Way too… needy." Too needy. Was that always going to be a problem for him? Is that the emotion that would always push him away from the ones he cared about?
Nothing.
"Carol?" He finally glanced over at her and she was asleep. He chuckled softly. He was actually glad she didn’t hear what he said. Too much to reveal at this time.
He continued to stare at her. He was happy for her. He remembered the last time they were in this room. It wasn’t so pleasant then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key
Never again
Would I turn away from you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Come on Carol." Doug grabbed her hand as she stepped out of the elevator and pulled her toward the room.
"I got stopped by Lydia in the hall. I couldn’t very well say to her, ‘Lydia, I’m going to screw Doug right now, could you hold off on your question?’"
"Why not?"
"What?" She was a little perturbed by his response.
"Nothing." He slammed the door shut and pushed her up against it. His mouth immediately assaulted her. Carol knew then that they weren’t there to make love or even to have sex. They were there to fuck. She knew Doug could commit no more to her then physical pleasure. Carol submitted to him, letting him take control. Putting out of her mind that she needed so much more from him then what he was willing to give.
She responded to his urgent kisses, letting her hands roam all over his body. He pulled her top off and caressed her breasts.
"This new?" His hand traced the lace on her white bra.
"Umm, yeah… Victoria Secret."
"Very nice." His tongue traced along the lines of the bra, making her moan in the process. Her breast were so sensitive to his touch that practically anything he did to them got her excited. Doug reached around her back and unclasped the hook, letting her bra fall to the ground.
"Please, Doug, I need your mouth on me." Her voice was deep and she spoke in a whisper, her body ached for him.
He guided her to the mattress and she sat down. Doug stood in front of her and removed his clothes. She slowly stood up and slithered up his body. Letting her hands lightly brush against each part of him, carefully avoiding his swollen cock.
He pushed her pants off and pulled her down to the mattress with him, positioning her body over his.
He slid his hands down her back and grasped her bottom, pushed her against his body and kissed her deeply. She loved the feeling of his hard dick against her belly. Carol moved against him and he moaned softly into her ear. That drove her wild and she begin to kiss him frantically, her tongue probing his mouth. She wondered if this is what it felt like when he was inside her. It was hot and wet. Pulling on her, wanting more.
"Doug, I want you inside me... please." She was out of breath and her face was filled with desire. "I can't wait any longer."
He pushed her away from his body and she pulled her legs up so she was kneeling over him. He quickly slid his fingers over her folds, stroking her swollen clit. He pushed two fingers into her opening and Carol arched her back slightly.
She closed her eyes and began to slightly gyrate against his hand. Her breasts swayed with the rhythm. Doug gazed at this beautiful sight. His body aching to take her.
She didn't want to come like this. She wanted him inside her. Reaching down she grasped his penis, trying to guide it into her. He rested his hands on her hips and let her take over. Carol glided the tip just inside her opening and removed her hand. She slow moved toward his body and his cock pushed into her. She breathed louder as it went deeper until she finally reached his body. She sat straight up and began to quickly move back and forth, moaning with every movement.
Doug could feel himself moving deeper inside her. The sensations were incredible and the noises he was hearing were beautiful. She was so wet and her muscles were already starting to contract so she was very tight.
"Harder Doug!" She tried to muffle her screams by biting down on her lip but to no avail. He quickly rolled her over and he slammed into her body, feeling he couldn’t get deep enough. She grabbed his ass and spread her legs farther apart. Frantic… frantic.
"God, Doug..." Her words trailed off as the explosion ripped through her body. She arched into him not wanting it to end. She was lost in her own world, wanting nothing more that to feel her own orgasm.
Oh, that feeling. There were no words to describe how she felt to him. He stretched his arms straight and sat up a bit. He wanted to watch himself move in and out of her body. It was an incredible sight. One that he felt he would not be seeing again for a long time, if ever. He didn’t want to feel sad so he closed his eyes so as not to look at her face. He pressed against her body again and moved in a slow and steady pace, wanting to prolong the experience. So close.
"That’s it, Doug. Fuck me. Do what ever you want… I need you." Those last three words were spoken so softly that Doug could barely hear them. Was she crying? No, Carol, don’t.
She had hoped that Doug would at least feel something for her. Remember that it was Carol he was with. That at some point in their lives they did love each other. But the reaction she received was just the opposite.
Her words brought him to a final realization. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t come inside her. He couldn’t give her the fulfillment of the final act of love making. That would be giving too much of himself and he wasn’t willing to deceive her anymore. No more commitment. He pulled out and grabbing his penis he jerked on it hard. His semen flowed onto her stomach, her thighs, her soft mound. He was silent. She was confused.
They dressed quietly, not speaking to one another. Something changed that day, something ended that day… they ended that day…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is all right
And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
Seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe I shall believe
I shall believe I shall believe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug’s beeper brought him back to reality. He looked over at Carol who was still sleeping. He almost touched her face to wake her but decided that was not the best thing to do… not yet.
"Carol. Wake up. The ER is beeping me."
"Hmm, what? Did I fall asleep?"
"Yeah, but that’s okay. Come on."
"Oh great, my hair must look like a mess. You know what it looks like when I sleep on it." She laughed as she attempt to smooth her hair out.
"Don’t worry about it, you look great."
His words were genuine and Carol took it as nothing more then a good friend trying to be nice. What was going on with Doug? He was acting so different lately. She liked it, though. It was great being around him now and she enjoyed his company so much. She would secretly check Doug’s schedule to see when he was working, hoping their schedules would match. She was always so happy when they did. Even if all she was able to do was to say ‘hi’ to him, it made her feel good.
They just spoke idle chit chat on the elevator ride up to the ER. With several hours on their shift to go, neither one was looking forward to it.
"No, it's just that there I was, baring my soul in a way I never really had before and all of a sudden, I heard snoring."
"I'm sorry. I'm so tired." She glanced at her watch. "Oh God, and I’ve got five and a half hours to make my big staff decision. What am I gonna do?"
"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."
"Oh, you're hilarious!"
They parted ways then. Carol to try and figure out who she was going to let go, Doug to attend to a patient. Both were slightly smiling. Despite the nursing problem, Carol felt… good inside.
Carol went back to the admissions desk to work on the staffing issue but couldn’t find her book.
"Randi, have you seen my black binder anywhere?"
"You mean the one with the budget information in it?"
"Yeah."
"It’s under the desk. You know, if you just cut out the overtime, you wouldn’t have to lay anybody off."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Hey, I took a couple of economics classes. If you just cut out the overtime you would save over a $100,000 a year. Then you wouldn’t have to let anybody go."
Carol was shocked. That was the solution. She was sure the nurses would be happy and she wouldn’t have to be the bad guy. Perfect.
"Thanks Randi!"
The nurses weren’t happy. There was no way they were going to give up overtime. They were union and contract time was up. They were going to fight it. On top of that, they called her ‘management.’
Carol was sitting in the lounge when Doug came in.
"They called me management," she said in a flat tone.
"What?"
"The nurses… they called me management. I’m not management. I’m just trying to do the best job I can." She stood up and clenched her fists. "Randi helped me come up with the perfect solution for the nurses and they thought I was crazy. Well, I’ve had enough of it. Let them work it out with their union. I could give a damn!"
"Why do I not believe that," he said in a soft tone, trying to calm her down.
"No, really Doug. I’ve had it up to here. I can only do so much. I’m just too tired."
"Okay, okay. But I still say you care."
Their eyes met for a brief moment and as Carol began to leave she turned back to Doug.
"Thank you."
"For what?" he chuckled.
"For today. For everything. For being a friend."
He just smiled at her, he didn’t need to say anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug desperately wanted to be intimate with Carol again. To let her into his life forever. But he was okay with how things were now. This period in their lives was the best time that they have had together. They talked, laughed, shared their ideas and feelings with each other. He believed that one day he would win her back. But he knew that time was a necessity. They needed time. Time to grow, time to learn, time to think. But most of all they needed time to trust.
THE END
1/6/99
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