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The show ER, and all characters and situations borrowed from it, are property of
Constant-C, NBC, Warner Brothers, etc. This fanfiction is for entertainment only, and no
money is made from it. The story contains graphic scenes and words which may offend some
readers, and as such, it is not appropriate for children under 18. This story is not to be
archived or distributed without the permission of the author.
Stories in the series can be found in chronological order at:
http://members.tripod.com/~maraldo/jordan.html
http://www.oocities.org/TelevisionCity/Studio/5437/jordan.htm
http://members.tripod.com/~erfanfic/jordan.html
and at:
http://www.jsentertainment.com/gilbert/terffa/
Stories in the series:
Retribution
Covenant
Tap-dance
Free Falling
Vivisection
Keepsakes
In the Steam
Through the Night
Cornerstone
Domesticity
Caretaker
To CH
The Empty Space
Tenderhearted
Intoxicated
The Present
Summit
This story is based around "Welcome Back, Carter."
Tap-dance
by Jordan
jturner36@juno.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think of you now and then
But I remember when
Love was new
And you were mine, my love
So why would we pretend?
We were lovers and now we’re friends
I don’t want to say goodbye to you
Again, my love
-Carly Simon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was pretty pushy today, she thought, inviting himself over like that. She'd been on her
own now for some time and she was getting used to it. At first Carol tried to put him off,
tell him in no uncertain terms that he was not welcome tonight, but he brushed her
protests aside and said he was coming anyway. She was indifferent, she told herself. All
the same, she brushed her hair, tidied up the apartment and freshened her make-up.
When she heard his knock, Carol glanced up at the clock. Right on time. She opened the
door and he was standing holding a six-pack in one hand, a pizza precariously perched in
the other. "Hey, Doug, let me take that."
"Thanks. I came right from Connie's Pizza, but I don't think it's hot anymore.
Sorry," he apologized sheepishly.
"That's okay, we can eat it cold."
"No, I hate cold pizza. Let's heat it up."
Carol turned on the oven and took a beer from the six-pack. It was cold and felt good
going down. It had been a while since Doug had been at her apartment. He looked around,
noticing all signs of Tag were gone.
"What are we watching tonight, Carol?"
"'When Harry Met Sally'."
"That's an old movie. When did it come out, like '88?"
"Eighty nine. I haven't seen it in years. Don't complain, I pay, I pick. I thought
you'd be busy with Linda tonight," she baited him.
"Well, we don't see each other on a regular basis."
"No, well, how could you, when there are so many other women waiting in the
wings?"
"You overestimate my popularity, Nurse Hathaway."
Carol opened the oven and slid the pizza in. "I don't think so, Doug.
Ow! Ow, dammit!" she cried.
"What, what happened?"
"Nothing; I burned my hand on the damned oven." Carol dashed to the sink and ran
cold water over the burn, grimacing at the pain.
"Here, let me look at it."
"Ow! No, Doug, I'm fine."
He ignored her protests and took her hand in his. "That's a nasty burn. Where do you
keep your first aid stuff?"
"In the bathroom, under the sink. Ow, damn, that hurts."
Doug walked down the hallway to the bathroom. As he looked under the sink, he glanced up
at the tub. It was here they'd last made love, that one winter night. It seemed so long
ago, he thought. But he could still see her standing there, he could feel her body soft
and wet against his; he could hear her voice.
******
Carol whispered softly, spoke slowly. "I want your hands on me...your mouth...I want
to feel you inside of me. Doug, don't deny me this."
******
"Okay, here, I got it, let me take care of it," he called. He walked back into
the kitchen where she was still letting the water run over the burn. "I'll dress it
out here, I figured we'd better steer clear of your bathroom...and the shower," he
said wryly.
Carol just stared at him and shook her head. "Don't remind me."
"Oh, it was that bad, huh?" he replied, purposefully avoiding her eyes.
Quiet a moment, she chose her words carefully. "No," she said smiling slightly.
"No, it wasn't bad at all. It was just a bad thing to do." How could she
tell him what that night had really meant to her? That she had fantasized about it again
and again. That in her heart of hearts, she was happy she'd pursued him that one last
time. Carol watched as he examined her hand, running his finger around the edges of the
burn.
"How so?" He was concentrating now, opening the ointment, applying it with a
feather-light touch. "Let me know if I'm hurting you."
Hurting me? You did, more than once, she thought. Carol looked up, watching him
concentrate now, so intent upon being gentle. His touch was soft as he tended to her and
it distracted her for a moment. Sometimes it was tempting, being this close to him.
"How so, Carol?" he repeated.
"Oh, I...I don't know, it was a terrible thing to do to Tag, you know, cheating on
him like that."
"At least he never found out about it."
Carol didn't answer him and Doug looked up, surprised. "He never did, did he?"
"I told him."
Doug tilted his head, looked at her quizzically. "You told him?"
"Yeah, I felt so guilty."
"Well, then I'm sorry it happened." He focused his attention on the folded gauze
and began taping it in place, glancing up to see her staring at him.
"I'm not," she said softly. "I don't regret it. I mean, it was dishonest of
me, it was wrong. But even so, I never regretted it."
"I did. I do," he said quietly.
*****
"Carol," he breathed. "Can I?"
"Doug...please."
*****
"What?" she asked.
"I regret it."
"You do?" She was taken aback. You do? Didn't it mean anything at all to you?
"Why, Doug?"
"Well, you know, our last time together...." His head was bent, he was avoiding
her eyes. It should have been something...beautiful, something....unhurried. A whole night
spent, making love, he thought. "It shouldn't have been like
that...just...screwing in the shower."
"Is that what it was to you, screwing in the shower?" Carol was hurt, thought
she tried not to show it.
He looked up quickly, a melancholy look on his face. It had been passionate, really. It
just hurt him, thinking about it. "No, no. That's not what I meant. It wasn't
like that, with you."
*****
She drove him to this. He was drawn to her, compelled to be with her. "Don't turn me
away tonight, Carol. Let me in," he begged as he covered her with kisses, stroked her
body until she acquiesced, until she parted her thighs, welcoming him.
*****
"That's what you said."
"What I meant was...I wasn't expecting it, I hadn't planned on it. You just
kinda...it just happened. If I had it to do all over again...I guess...I don't know."
Doug sighed and looked at her hand. What I meant, Carol, if I could tell you, is that the
memories linger. "Is your hand okay?" he said hurriedly changing the subject.
How like you, she thought, to open the door a crack and slam it shut before I can
understand you. "It's fine, thanks."
"Good, now let me get a coupla slices for you so you don't get hurt again."
You won't have the opportunity to hurt me again, she thought, convincing herself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My love, how would I survive
With another broken heart?
On my own again
When I need a friend
To help me find a place to start
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He sat in the overstuffed arm chair while she sprawled on the couch as they ate pizza and
watched the movie.
"Great movie, Casablanca," Doug commented.
"Shh, let me listen," Carol complained.
"Well, that's what they're talking about."
{Harry: ...he wants her to leave that's why he puts her on the plane.
{Sally: I don't think she wants to stay.
{Harry: Of course she wants to stay. Wouldn't you rather be with {Humphrey Bogart than the
other guy?
{Sally: I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca
{married to a man who runs a bar. I probably sound very snobbish to
{you but I don't.
{Harry: You'd rather be in a passionless marriage...
{Sally: And be the first lady of Czechoslovakia.
{Harry: ...than live with the man you've had the greatest sex of
{your life with, and just because he owns a bar and that is all
{he does.
{Sally: Yes. And so had any woman in her right mind, woman are very
{practical, even Ingrid Bergman which is why she gets on the plane at
{the end of the movie.
"Sally's never had great sex before," Doug surmised as he reached for another
slice.
"Doug, quiet!" Carol hissed.
{Harry: I understand.
{Sally: What? What?
{Harry: Nothing.
{Sally: What?
{Harry: Forget about it.
{Sally: For.. What? Forget about what?
{Harry: It's not important.
{Sally: No just tell me.
{Harry: Obviously you haven't had great sex yet.
Doug smirked. "Told you."
Carol grabbed the remote and hit the pause button. "Oh, c'mon, Doug, you don't base a
relationship on great sex."
"Well, no, you don't *base* a relationship on great sex, but it doesn't hurt, having
great sex in a relationship."
"Well, no, it doesn't hurt," she agreed.
"So, was the sex great?"
"What, sex with you?"
"No, I know it was great with me," he chided her. "With Tag?"
"Doug, what kind of question is that?" she asked, trying hard not to laugh at
him.
"A crass one," he joked.
"Forget it, I am not answering that," she insisted.
Doug chucked softly. "So, how'd you two leave everything?"
"It was awkward. Actually, it was terrible. I avoided him for a few days, then we had
to meet, you know, sort gifts, give them back. Give the ring back. Hand me another slice,
will you?"
"Um hmm. And now?"
"Now I'm okay. I've had a while to think about it. I'm grateful to him, really. I
didn't love him the way you need to love someone to get married."
"Hm." So, he wanted to ask, are you seeing anyone right now? But he didn't. He
was afraid to press her.
"How about you? Did you ever hear anything from Diane?"
"Uh, no, no, I don't expect to."
"She was pretty angry...."
"Well, I guess she deserved to be." Doug looked at Carol and smiled.
"I guess you know all about that, don't you."
"Yes, I do," she said, shaking her head, smiling back. They turned their
attention to the movie once again.
"Oh, Carol, here's the scene where she fakes an orgasm."
"Yeah, this is my favorite scene."
Doug looked at her sideways. "So, did you ever...?"
"Fake it?"
"Yeah."
"Sure," she admitted, tilting her head and smiling so deeply, her dimples
showed.
He did a double-take. "You did?" he asked incredulously.
"Yes," she confessed.
"Not with me, though."
"You'd never know, now, would you?" she taunted him.
Doug frowned back, daring her to contradict him. "Yes, I would. You never faked it
with me."
She laughed. "How can you be so sure?"
"I know. I can just tell with you."
"Really?" she asked, lifting one eyebrow.
"Really. It was always obvious."
"Maybe it seemed obvious because I was faking it so well."
"You never faked it with me, Carol," he said with conviction.
"You...your whole body would react, your eyes would close and your breath
would start to come faster. Your thighs would tense. Your body would...." He stopped,
reeling himself back in. "Things would change. And then I could...feel
you."
The room was hushed, they stared at each other so intensely that neither one could look
away.
"No," she said quietly, "You're right. I never had to, with you."
*****
His laugh. His smile, looking down at her, eyes so warm. "Carol, are you enjoying
yourself?"
*****
They put the bowl of popcorn between them on the couch, being careful their hands didn't
collide. "What do you think?"
"About what?"
"About this. Can a guy be friends with a woman and not want sex?"
"Sure. Yeah."
"I think so, too," she said.
"Yeah," Doug began, "I mean, I'm friends, kinda, with Susan Lewis, I don't
think about her that way."
"You never have?" Carol grabbed another handful of popcorn.
Doug shook his head. "No, I haven't. I like her, she's pretty, but no."
"Yeah," she agreed, "I think men and women can get past all that, be
friends. I do."
*****
"Am I wet enough for you?" Doug buried his head in her neck, already lost in
her. "You didn't answer me," she whispered sweetly in his ear. "Am I?
Doug?" He groaned into her hair, saying yes, yes.
*****
"Listen, Carol, to this part."
"What?"
"Listen. She's gonna talk about *doing it* on the kitchen floor."
"No way. I don't remember that."
"Yeah, but she never did it with the guy, they never did."
"You lie."
"No, no, listen."
And soon enough, she did. Carol peeked out of the corner of her eye and saw that Doug was
grinning. "I'm not saying a thing!" he bellowed. She laughed, too, at the
memory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What we once had is gone
No tears, no right, no wrong
It could never be the same again, my love
The more we see the less we know
Now you believe our love will grow
I don’t want to say goodbye to you again,
My love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was curled up on her side of the couch, her feet within inches of his thigh. So close.
He almost slipped, almost used her as an armrest, but he caught himself and stayed within
his boundaries.
"You're going to fall asleep," he warned her.
"No, I'm not, I'm just getting comfortable. Oh, Doug, he's calling her, begging for
forgiveness."
"He's not begging."
"Sure he is. Oh, wait. Not begging," Carol said. "Groveling. And he's
calling again. You see, Doug, his charm's just not going to work anymore."
"He has charm?"
"Sure, Doug, haven't you been watching?"
"Well, yeah, but I just don't think of Harry as charming."
"Well, he is, in his own way."
"I guess. She threw away their friendship, though."
"Too painful," Carol surmised.
"Is it?" Doug bent his head, afraid to ask, but needing to know.
"What?"
"Our past? Us?"
She didn't answer right away. Finally, she offered, "Well, it was. It's not anymore,
though." In fact, she thought, it was nice, having him around tonight. She'd missed
his friendship.
Doug remained quiet.
"Is it for you?" she asked, noticing how he'd withdrawn.
"For me? No. No. What's done is done," he said, smiling at her.
There really wasn't anything else to say. Carol sighed and put her head back down as they
turned their attention to the movie again.
{Sally: Hi Harry.
{Harry: Hello, hi, hi. I, I didn't... know... that you were... that you
{were here. What are you doing?
{Sally: I was just on my way out.
{Harry: Where are you going?
{Sally: What do you want Harry?
{Harry: Nothing, nothing. I... just called to say I'm sorry.
{Sally: OK. I gotta go.
{Harry: Wait a second, wait a, wait a second. What are you doing for
{New Years? Are you going to the Tyler's party? 'Cos I don't have a
{date, and if you don't have a date, we always said that if neither one
{of us had a date, we could be together for New Years. And we...
{could... you know.... why don't...
{Sally: I can't do this anymore, I am not your consolation prize.
{Goodbye.
Doug watched the scene unfold. Watched Harry's desperation, so like his own had been last
year. Thinking that now he was learning to be a friend; grateful for Carol's friendship.
"Hey, see? He's always loved her, Carol. And she finally admits that she loves
him." Doug glanced quickly at her. "Carol?" She was curled up in a ball,
asleep. She never could stay awake until the end of a movie, he thought; he always had to
tell her how it ended. He watched until it was over and then turned off the VCR, the
television, and put the dishes in the sink. Walking back into the living room, he took the
afghan from the back of the couch and laid it over her carefully.
"Do you remember, Carol? They live happily ever after."
He picked up his keys and walked to the door, looking back only once.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It should have been me
That’s lovin’ you instead of someone else
I needed you but how was I to know
It should have been me
That’s holding you through all the lonely nights
I knew that I should never let you go,
My love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The end
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