I, Katy, take Pacey Witter...wait, wrong thing. Ok, got it. I, Katy, agree that "Home For the Holidays" can only be posted on the DC Fan Fic Forum under the topic of "Holidays" for the week of 7/26

Home for the Holidays by Katy
Part Four in the Series

Disclaimer: Ok, so I don't actually own the characters (cept Stephanie/Vanessa, which are based on two of my buds, Stephanie and Vanessa Mullen), but boy do I wish I did! But what would be cooler, would be if they were real. I don't mean the actors, I mean the characters. Then I'd really have some fun, although I might get in trouble, because I would probably kidnap Pacey to keep for my own. But like I said, *sniff* I don't *sob* own *cry* them *wail!*. But I'll get over it. Oh, and Kevin Williamson, thank you so much for Dawson's Creek. I move they make an Oscar for television show creators (even though the Oscars are for movies) and give it to you. Bye now!

Pacey continued giving Stephanie CPR until he felt her shudder. As he pulled back, Stephanie slowly came to, choking up water. When Stephanie realized where she was, she looked angry and started to pull herself to the pool again.

"Christ, Stephanie!" Pacey yelled, pulling her back, "What's gotten into you? I can't believe you tried to kill yourself, and before Christmas too! Christmas is a few weeks away, Stephanie, why would you pull something like this before the happiest time of the year?"

"Let me GO, Pacey!" Stephanie screamed, trying to get free, "You DON'T Understand! No one does!"

"I don't understand?" Pacey said, looking at her, "What do you mean, I don't understand? Oh no, I don't understand what it's like to wish I had never been born. Oh no, I don't understand how it feels to think that everyone hates me. Oh no, I don't understand what it's like to think that no one loves me. Stephanie, I understand you all to well. Don't you get it? We're the same person, whether you like it or not."

Stephanie looked at the ground. "You don't get it," she said slowly, "you may be similar to me, more similar than anyone else, but you've never killed someone. You've never taken a life. I have, ok? I killed someone, thereby destroying my family. You don't know how much Vanessa meant to my family. She was EVERYTHING to them. She was athletic, she was pretty, she was smart, she was nice, she was charitable. Everything I wasn't. And I was this wimpy, rebel wannabe who never, NEVER measured up to them. My parents always said, 'Why can't you be more like Vanessa?', 'Vanessa never did that.', 'Vanessa never gives us this much trouble.' They ALWAYS compared me to her. Sometimes I just wanted to kill her for being perfect, but then she would always be there, hugging me and telling me how much she cared for me. She was the only person who ever cared about me. She introduced me to her friends, taught me how to apply make-up. She believed in me. That day she pushed me in, she was trying to teach me how to swim. And stupid, STUPID me couldn't do anything but drown. It was MY wimpiness that made her have to push me in, MY fear that made her come after me, MY arms that grabbed her, and MYSELF that pulled her under. I killed her, no matter what anyone says. I should have died there, not her."

Stephanie was crying. "It's not your fault," Pacey said, hugging her, "you didn't have control of it. No one blames you."

"Oh yeah?" Stephanie said, wiping her tears, "do you think the people back home believe that? Do you think that my parents believe that there rebellious daughter *didn't mean* to drown their perfect daughter? Do you think the teachers at school believe that the girl who was always in detention *didn't mean* to kill Miss Class President? Do you think that Vanessa's friends believe that the outcast *didn't mean* to kill the popular girl? Do you think that the town believes that the black sheep *didn't mean* to kill their little sweetheart? I might not have meant to, Pacey, but I did. I can't do anything about that. It's almost Christmas now. My parents will have to spend a Christmas alone, without their daughter. There's nothing I can do to change that."

Pacey didn't know what to say, didn't know how to console her. All he could do was kiss her, and that's what he did.

When they broke away, Pacey looked at her. "Can I tell you a story?" he said, looking in her eyes. Stephanie nodded.

"One Christmas Eve, when I was eight," Pacey began, getting a faraway look in his eyes, "I was iceskating on a pond with my family. My sisters were on a trip to go skiing, and it was just me, my mom, my dad, and Doug. Not a great combination. My mom was sitting by the pond, cheering Dougie on everytime he did a flip on the ice. My dad was cheering for Doug, and telling me that I should pay more attention to Doug, and maybe I could do stuff like that. I was furious. I just wanted to show them. I wasn't thinking clearly. I went flying out on the ice, yelling to Doug that I could beat him in a race. Doug didn't want to pass up the challenge, so he said 'ok Pacey, let's make this interesting. All the way to the end of the pond, and back. Loser forfeits all his Christmas presents.' I didn't really want to make a bet, I just wanted to race, but I knew that it would show everyone if I one. So I agreed."

"Me and Doug went to the beginning of the ice. My mom was saying that it wasn't a good idea, because some of the ice could be thin and she didn't want to lose her sons on Christmas Eve, but my dad said that I had dared Doug, and Doug wasn't going to back down because he was brave, but he said that if I was too wimpy that I didn't have to go. He was just taunting me, I knew it. That just made me more determined."

"So me and Doug got ready. My father yelled 'Go!' and we set out. I was even beating Doug, because, even though he was older and more athletic, he couldn't race to save his life. He's slow. Anyways, I was ahead, and I got even farther out."

"I was so excited to be beating Doug, so I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him. I didn't see the thin ice ahead. I went careening into in, and fell in."

"I was so scared, and freezing. I was trying to pull up. I saw Doug trying to stop, but he couldn't stop in time, so he went in to."

"The next thing I know, my parents are out on the ice, and over there. they pulled Doug up first, of course, and then pulled me up. I sat there on the ice, catching my breath, while both of them went over to Doug to ask him if he was ok and if he was hurt. Then, my parents came to me and looked really upset. My dad started yelling at me, saying 'What the hell is wrong with you? You nearly killed Doug?'"

"I had thought my mom would be there for me, but instead she slapped me and yelled, 'We almost lost Doug because of you. That's the last straw! All of your presents go to Doug, and you will stay inside your room all Christmas Day!.'"

"I didn't care about the presents, there wasn't much I wanted. But the fact that they basically told me that they blamed me absolutely killed me. Christmas is a time of year to be with your family. No matter what you did, no one should be away from their family for Christmas. Your parents may have lost one daughter, but they still have you. Don't let them lose you too."

Stephanie started to cry. "I want to go home," she said, sobbing, "I want to spend Christmas with them, but what if they tell me to get lost?"

"Then you spend Christmas with me," Pacey said, hugging her, "If you don't have a home there anymore, you'll always have a home with me. No matter which home it is, you need to be home for the holidays."

Stephanie was touched by what he had said. Throwing her arms around Pacey, she said, "Thank you. Maybe my Christmas story will have a happy ending. I only wish yours did."

"Oh it did," Pacey said, grinning, "I snuck downstairs that night, stole the fruitcake, and ate it with Joey and Dawson in our treehouse the next day. They were my family that Christmas, and they have been ever since."

Stephanie giggled. "Your dad must have given you hell."

Pacey laughed. "Yeah," he said, "he did. But it was worth the punishment just to have to see Doug suffer through Christmas without fruitcake. It's his favorite."

Stephanie laughed and hugged Pacey again. "Thank you so much, Pacey," she said, "I don't know where I would be without you."

"It's nothing," Pacey said, "Just promise me that you'll make it home for the holidays. That's all I want to know."

"I promise," Stephanie said, "Now can I borrow some clothes? These wet clothes are freezing."

"Sure," Pacey said, helping her up. As they walked inside, Pacey felt something cold and wet touch his face. "Stephanie!" he said excitedly, "it's snowing!"

Stephanie laughed and ran back into the snow. Pacey and Stephanie ran around like two little kids as the pure snow from heaven came down on them

*****

It was two days before Christmas, and Pacey sat at the Ice House talking to Joey. "I got a call from Stephanie the other day," he said, stirring his soup, "Her family welcomed her back. She's going to stay home."

"That's great!" Joey said, "wait," she said, realizing that she wouldn't be back, "not great for you, you liked her."

Pacey shrugged. "I'll live. She promised to write and visit sometimes. Actually, I don't think I'm all that attracted to her, at least not in the physical sense. We bonded. I think we were twins in a past life or something. We're the same person. Almost a karmic connection."

"Pacey, you're scaring me," Joey said, "When did you get spiritual. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you once call spiritualism 'one weird cult?'"

Pacey laughed. "Yeah," he admitted, "but I think I'm beginning to understand it. It's a very romantic idea, that your whole life is planned for you. That for every hardship you endure, there's a reward for you somewhere. And they way I figure, with the way my life has gone, I'm in for a big reward. I can't wait to cash it in. Hopefully it will come in the form of a cheerleader."

Joey hit Pacey on the head with her pad. "Perv" she said.

"Prude," Pacey said after her, "Besides, your just jealous. The karmas are playing with you and your little unspoken attraction to Dawson."

"Bite me, Pacey," Joey said, "Besides, there is no attraction between me and Dawson, we're just friends."

"Fine, don't admit it," Pacey said, "We'd better change the subject before we kill each oher. So, what are you doing for the holidays?"

Joey groaned. "Well, I argued with Bessie over that. I refuse to spend holidays with Mother Goose and Rosemary's Baby, so Bessie said that I could just have a few friends to the Ice House at closing. But Dawson's busy with some family night thing, so it looks like it will be me, a bowl of clam chowder, and the rats behind the ovens."

"Well if you don't mind," Pacey said, "could I drop in? I refuse to spend it at home with the closet case."

"Sure, " Joey said, "At least I'll have someone to talk to, even if it is the jailbait."

*****

CHRISTMAS-The Ice House

Joey laughed hysterically at one of Pacey's jokes. "He did not!"

"I swear!" Pacey said, "Doug went as Barbara Striesand for Halloween one year. In full 'Funny Girl' getup."

Joey giggled uncontrollably. "You know, despite what I thought," she said, "it hasn't been a repulsive evening.

"Thank you, thank you," Pacey said, wiping his fingers against his chest. Suddenly, he got an evil glint in his eye. Grabbing a spoonful of mashed potatoes, he flung it at Joey, hitting her square in the nose."

"Hey!" Joey said, upset. She was pissed for a moment, they she smiled and flung her chicken at him.

An all-out food war broke out, with Pacey chasing Joey between the tables, and Joey chasing Pacey. Finally, Pacey cornered Joey in the kitchen, with a fruitcake aimed at her.

"You are my captive" Pacey said in a deep voice, "And now you will be tortured for your secrets."

"What secrets?" Joey said, "you mean the clam chowder recipe?"

Pacey bent his arm back to throw the cake at Joey, but instead he found himself looking in her large blue eyes. Leaning forward, he kissed her, dropping the cake on his foot.

Despite herself, Joey felt herself kissing him back. They broke away, and Joey murmured, "if this is your idea of torture, then I'll happily be your prisoner."

They continued kissing, while Dawson watched from the entrance with clenched fists.

Dropping the presents he had for them, Dawson stormed away, leaving behind Pacey and Joey, kissing, oblivious to everything but the night and each other.

To Be Continued....

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