ER: Doug and Carol Series
Story #19
by: Courtney
Charlie, Carol, lets go! Doug calls up the stairs for about the tenth time. Hes been waiting on them all morning and he is beginning to get impatient.
Be right down, Charlie calls.
Doug rolls his eyes and sighs. Its Sunday morning and they are already late for lunch with his mother. The day after Valentines Day was their first Sunday lunch with Sarah and since then she has insisted on it being a weekly thing. It has cut down on how often she calls to check on Carol and the baby and it seems to be bringing them all closer together so Doug figures its a good thing. Besides, Carol and Helen still arent on speaking terms, so at least one of this kids grandparents should be involved.
He looks up at the sound of Charlie heading down the stairs. Wait, before you come down, go see if you can hurry Carol along, he tells her. She nods and retreats back up the steps, heading towards the master bedroom.
Carol? Charlie says as she raps lightly on the door.
Yeah, come in, Carol calls from within the room. Charlie enters to see Carol standing in front of the mirror. Shes trying to decide what to wear. The bed is strewn with discarded choices as she examines this latest outfit. What do you think? she asks Charlie.
It looks nice, Charlie tells her. Its late March and Carol is now four and a half months along in her pregnancy. She is beginning to show more and more everyday. This particular outfit is one of the few of her old clothes she can still wear. It is a long, ankle length skirt and a sweater.
I look like a cow, Carol says into the mirror at her reflection.
Charlie laughs a little, No you dont. You look pregnant.
And beautiful, Doug adds from the doorway.
Carol turns around and jokingly sneers at him. You have to say that, this is all your fault.
He laughs, Okay, guilty, but you still look radiant, he walks over and wraps his arms around her, kissing her cheek. Can we go now? Sarah is going to think we had an accident or something.
I called her and told her we were running a little behind, Carol tells him as they head downstairs to leave.
You did? What did she say?
What do you think she said? Carol gives him a puzzled look. She said that was fine, for us not to rush. You know, your mother is pretty laid back, I dont know what youre always so worried about.
Im not worried. Im just tired of waiting around here all morning, he smirks as he holds the car door opened for she and Charlie.
You of all people should not be complaining about me being late. Mark Greene would fall down laughing if he heard you right now, she smiles as he gets in on the drivers side. They pull away from the house and head to Sarahs. It is a little before 1pm when they finally arrive.
Sorry were late, Doug says when his mother answers the door.
She smiles, Think nothing of it, she steps back and allows them all to enter. How are you feeling Carol? You look terrific.
Thank you. Im feeling okay. Ive had a few headaches and some light headedness but Dr. Mitchell says thats perfectly normal.
Sarah nods, When I was pregnant with Doug, I fainted three times. I would just stand up and have to sit right back down.
Well, I havent actually fainted yet so I hope I dont, Carol says as they all sit at the table.
I hope not, too. Ill just be a minute getting lunch, Sarah says as she turns towards the kitchen.
Ill help you, Carol says, beginning to rise.
No, dear, you stay here, Ive got it, Sarah assures her.
Ill see if I can help, Charlie tells Carol as Sarah leaves. She gets up and follows her into the kitchen.
Need me to do anything? Charlie asks as she enters the kitchen.
Charlie, no, thanks, I think Ive got it.
Are you sure? Id be glad to help.
Well, Sarah thinks, you could slice that loaf of bread, she indicates a loaf of bread on the far counter. Charlie nods and begins slicing it.
So, how are things going? Sarah asks as she opens the oven and removes a broccoli and cheese casserole.
Fine, Charlie says.
How are those art classes coming? I just love that vase you made for me.
Charlie smiles, Theyre good. We just started working on photo realism this week. Im trying to decide which picture I want to paint.
Sarah looks her way, What kind of picture?
Um, we have to choose a photograph and paint it. I just dont know who or what to paint.
Hmm, Sarah thinks a moment, have you had any ideas so far?
A few. I thought about painting a picture of Doug and Carol, but what would they do with it? They wouldnt want to hang portraits of themselves all around the house.
Sarah nods. I have an idea. Why dont you paint one of each of them as a baby? Then they could hang them up in the nursery.
Hey, thats a good idea! Charlie says.
You can look through my old pictures and choose one of Doug. Carol might have some baby pictures of herself around the house somewhere, Sarah says as she gets a plate for the chicken.
Yeah, Ill do that. I want it to be a surprise though. Dont mention it to them, okay?
Of course not, Sarah smiles. She and Charlie have been getting along very well over the past few months. Since the four of them started having their weekly lunches, Charlie and Sarah have become fast friends. She has even stayed with Sarah a few times when Doug and Carol both worked all night. Oh, Charlie, I have a little proposition for you while Im thinking about it, Sarah says to her.
Whats that? Charlie asks curiously.
A friend of mine has two tickets to see The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway next weekend. But, unfortunately, something has come up and she wouldnt be able to use them. She asked me if Id like to buy them from her, but I told her I wasnt sure. I was wondering if maybe youd like to go with me? I wouldnt want to go alone and I thought it would be fun for us to go together. We could make a day of it. Well have lunch in the city, do some shopping, maybe visit some galleries. New York has some wonderful art galleries. What do you think?
Gosh, that sounds great. But, are you sure? I mean, it sounds like an expensive trip.
Oh, thats not important. The money is nothing to worry about. I just wasnt sure if youd want to go or not.
No, Id love it. Ill have to check with the hospital and make sure its okay though. Im supposed to work on Saturday. Theyll probably let me off though.
Great, Sarah says, her eyes bright with excitement. You can call them today and find out then give me a call tonight and let me know, okay?
Sure, Charlie smiles. They gather up the food and reenter the dining room with the afternoons lunch.
Charlie tells Doug and Carol about the impromptu trip and they are both almost as excited as she and Sarah. That sounds wonderful Mom, Doug tells Sarah. Im sure Kerry Weaver can work around Charlie not being there. Are you planning to stay the night or come back after the show?
I hadnt thought about it, actually. I suppose it will be pretty late when the show ends. We could stay the night in New York and fly back the next morning, Sarah says. What do you think? she asks Charlie,
Its up to you, Charlie tells her. Either way is fine.
Sarah nods. Ill see if I cant get us a hotel reservation for Saturday. If I can, well stay. Otherwise, well fly back that night. Charlie nods and they all continue to discuss the upcoming trip.
Suddenly, Carol says, Oh God!
What? Doug looks at her, concerned. Is something wrong?
All eyes are on Carol as a grin spreads across her face. No, nothings wrong. Its just, I think the baby just kicked, she beams.
Really? Dougs eyes grow wide and Carol takes his hand and places it on her belly.
Oh! Feel that? she asks as the baby moves a second time.
Yeah. Wow, he says with a smile. Charlie and Sarah join them and everyone is excited to feel the baby kicking. Thats amazing, Doug says. Carol smiles and he kisses her gently. Sarah and Charlie look on happily.
This is a really nice gift your mom gave us, Carol says as she sits up in bed. Doug is standing in the door of the bathroom, brushing his teeth. He nods. Just before they had left after their lunch today, Sarah had give them this gift. It is a thick book of baby names and what each of them mean. I thought this would help you narrow down your list, she had told them.
Doug rinses his mouth and turns out the bathroom light. He walks over and gets into bed beside Carol. She closes the book and sets it on the bedside table, then lays back against Dougs chest. Her back is to him as they sit together on the bed and he wraps his arms around her, resting his hands on her abdomen. Feel any more kicks? he asks.
Not in the last hour. She must be sleeping, Carol tells him.
She? Dont be so sure, he says with a grin.
Okay, weve had this discussion before. Were going to be happy either way, right? Carol turns a little to glance at Doug.
Yeah, of course, he smiles and kisses her cheek. So, were up to L in the girl names, right? Carol nods. Laura? he suggests.
We already have that, she tells him.
This list is going to get pretty long, he tells her. Maybe we should start trying to narrow it down soon.
We will, as soon as we finish the alphabet, she tells him.
Well, I dont know if we should go through the whole thing like we did with the boy names. We never did find any names for X, Y, or Z, he laughs as he remembers the numerous suggestions they had each made, mostly in fun.
Carol smiles, Well, we have gotten some good names from the rest of the alphabet. Im sure well figure something out before the time comes.
Yeah, are you getting as anxious as me?
Um hmm, she nods and smiles. And terrified too.
Doug agrees. What do you think it will be like? Holding our baby?
I can only imagine, she says and snuggles closer to him. I know itll be wonderful though.
They sit there for a while, both thinking of their unborn child. Then, Carol says, Sarah and Charlie really seem to be hitting it off, huh? That trip to New York should be fun for them.
Yeah, it was nice of Mom to invite her, he
says. There is something in his tone that gets Carols attention.
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Something on your mind? she asks, turning to look in his eyes.
He shrugs, Just thinking.
About what? she continues.
My mom mostly. I just worry about what she thinks of me sometimes.
Whats there to worry about?
Doug shrugs again. I dont know.
What is it, Doug? You can talk to me. You know, Ive always wondered why you act so strange around her, like it makes you nervous. Before I met her, I didnt know what to expect. I was kind of surprised, she doesnt seem like the kind of person youd be apprehensive of.
Im not apprehensive, its just . . . he thinks a moment, The thing with my mom is, I always worry that Im going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and disappoint her somehow, he looks away, sadly.
Why would you think that? Sarah seems very proud of you.
Yeah, maybe, but I feel like Ive let her down a lot. I always feel like I need to make it up to her, how Ive acted in the past. Just like I had to make it up to you.
You didnt have to make anything up to me, Doug, she places her hands on top of his on her stomach. We had a lot to work out and we did it together. I dont blame you, though. We both had our demons to conquer.
He nods and hugs her to him. Its different with Sarah though . . .
How so?
She spent her whole life trying to make me into a good man, the kind of son she could be proud of, he pauses, then says, trying to keep me from being like Ray.
Well, she succeeded then. You arent like your father, Doug.
Arent I? Not even a little? There have been times in my life I dont even know if I could have told us apart, he tells her, his voice anguished.
Hey, dont do this to yourself. Youve been over this a million times. You cant take back anything youve done wrong, all you can do is make things right in the future. I think youve done a pretty good job of that in the past year.
I guess . . . he seems unsure.
I know, she tells him. You need to forgive yourself for your mistakes, your the only one who hasnt. She looks at him. You might try forgiving Ray, too.
He is silent. She closes her eyes and feels his chest rise and fall beneath her as he breathes deeply and ponders his strained relationship with his father. There is really nothing more she can say. This is something he must do on his own. As she thinks about this, her thoughts turn to her mother. There seems to be as much tension between the two of them lately as there is between Doug and Ray. Carol is gripped by sadness as she remembers her mothers hurtful words when she told her about the baby. Will things ever be the same? she wonders. Only time will tell.
Coming, Carol calls as she makes her way to the door. It is just after ten in the morning. Its her day off and shes been trying to get some cleaning done. Doug is at work and Charlie is at school so she has the house all to herself. She opens the door and is shocked to see her mother standing on the porch. Mom? is all she can manage to say.
Hello Carol, Helen says. May I come in? she asks.
Carol doesnt respond, but moves aside so Helen can enter. Helen looks her over. Seeing her bulging stomach she comments, How are you feeling?
Okay, Carol says. Shes not sure what this visit is about so she is unsure how she should react to her mothers questions.
Can we sit down and talk? Helen asks.
Sure, Carol leads the way and they sit on the couch. Would you like some coffee or something? she asks her.
No, thank you, Helen replies. I didnt come here for coffee.
Then, why did you come here, Mom? Carol wants to know.
Helen looks down at here hands, I wanted to try and work things out.
Im not sure what that means, Carol says.
I guess I came to . . . to apologize, Helen finally says. Admitting her mistakes is not something she does often and Carol can see how difficult even these few words are for her. Still, she isnt going to make things easy for Helen, her pride wont let her.
I dont think Im the one you owe the apology to.
Carol, Helen looks up at her, I was wrong for what I said. Its none of my business if you and Doug are together. It wasnt my place to speak to you that way and I am sorry.
You still cant bring yourself to be sorry for how youve treated Doug though can you? she asks.
Helen sighs, I know I have treated him badly. I was wrong for that, too. But, I am not going to lie to you. I still dont think hes the right person for you. I know, however, that that is your place to decide, not mine. If you love him, I will learn to accept that. I just dont want to lose you. She looks down at Carols stomach, And I want to be part of my grandchilds life.
Carol nods, thinking about her mothers words. If you can try and be civil to Doug, I guess I can accept that. She looks at her mother, Im sorry for screaming at you before.
I deserved it, Helen says. She takes Carols hand and squeezes it tightly. They smile at one another.
Well, Im glad things worked out, Doug says as he sits at the kitchen table with Carol that night. They have finished their dinner and are sipping coffee. Charlie is at her art class and not due home for another hour.
Im not sure things are completely worked out, but its a start. At least were talking now. I feel a lot better about it.
He smiles, I told you shed come around.
Yeah, you did, Carol smiles back. Maybe Ill have to start listening to you once in a while, she kids. He shakes his head and takes a drink of his coffee. So, what about you? she asks.
What about me?
When are you going to start working things out with Ray?
Carol, I just dont know if theres anything left to work out, he says sadly.
Sure there is, she moves closer and grabs his hand. He sent you that Christmas gift, maybe you should call him.
I threw that gift away before I even opened it, he says. I dont think he and I have anything to talk about.
I wouldnt be so sure, she says. She rises from her seat and walks towards the china cabinet. Doug eyes her curiously, wondering what she is up to. She kneels down and reaches into the bottom of the cabinet. She pulls out a box and carries it over to the table, handing it to Doug. I think its time you opened this. It is the gift Ray sent him on Christmas.
Whered you get this? I put it in the trash.
I know, I found it there. I thought maybe youd change your mind about opening it. She looks at him, trying to gage his reaction to this.
He doesnt speak at first, just looks at the box. Alright, he finally says with a sigh. If it will make you happy, Ill open it.
Dont do it for me, Doug, do it for yourself, she gets up and places her hand on his shoulder briefly, then walks out of the room.
Doug is left alone at the table, staring at the box. He thinks about his father. Ray wasnt always so bad, he and Doug had been pretty close once. Doug had looked up to his dad. But, then, Ray walked out on them and the bitterness and resentment slowly took root. Now, Doug feels like all of the love he once had for his dad has been replaced by anger and hurtful memories of a childhood without a father. As he thinks about this, he thinks of his son, as well. He probably feels the same way about me, Doug thinks sadly. He remembers what Carol told him about how he would have to forgive Ray if he ever wanted to forgive himself. He slowly opens the box.
Inside, he is surprised by what he finds. He is expecting one of Rays usual overly extravagant gifts that are meant to make up for all that he has missed in his sons life. Most of the time, the gifts just remind Doug how little his father understands about him and they do more harm than good. But this is not the usual gift. He looks down into the box. Between the mounds of tissue paper is a small brown teddy bear that Doug instantly recognizes. He picks it up and sees a note tucked into the box beneath it. He unfolds the paper and sees Rays handwriting:
Dear Doug,
I didnt want to intrude on your Christmas celebration since I am fairly certain I would be an unwelcome guest. I did, however, want to give you a little something. Im not sure if you remember this little guy, but he used to be pretty special to you. I borrowed him from you when I left because I couldnt stand the thought of leaving you completely. I know what I did, leaving you and your mom, was wrong. Ill always hate myself for that. But, through the years, Ive always looked at this bear and thought of the wonderful little boy I never deserved to have as my son. Im sorry for all the hurt Ive caused you through the years. I know I can never really make things right. I just hope we can find some sort of common ground somewhere in the future. Im returning this bear to its rightful owner because I feel thats where he belongs. Maybe someday hell be as special to one of your children as he has been to me for so long. Please get in touch with me when and if youre ready.
Love,
Ray
Doug puts down the letter and looks at the bear. He certainly does remember him. His dad gave it to him when he was no more than two and he used to carry it around with him everywhere. It was his best friend, his security blanket. By the time Ray left when he was eight years old, the bear was becoming a fondly remembered friend whom he didnt play with quite so often. His dads leaving had been very hard on him. He never noticed the bear was gone until some months later. He always assumed it had just been lost somewhere along the way. Now, looking down at his familiar old friend, he feels tears spring to his eyes. He blinks and pushes them quickly away. He looks back to the letter and then again to the bear. Finally, he gets up from his seat and picks up the phone. Deciding its time to leave the past and step towards the future, he dials Rays number.
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Created by Courtney Stovall © 1998
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