ER: Doug and Carol Series
Story #21
Tears in Heaven
by: Courtney
~Author's Note~
Before you begin this story I should warn you, it is depicts some pretty severe emotions. The story deals with a tragic accident and the emotional turmoil that ensues for the remaining characters afterwards. Please be aware before you read that this is the case. I just thought that I should forewarn the reader. Thanks. ~Courtney
Its 3:30am on the Fourth of July. Hugh Davis is sitting at the bar, nursing what must be his tenth gin and tonic. His head is full of thoughts, but they all seem jumbled by the alcohol. Hes getting an early start on the holiday celebration. Actually, he seems to spend most of his time this way lately. Ever since his wife Darlene died of cancer six months ago, nothing has been the same. All he wants to do now is drowned his sorrows in another glass. But, as he orders another round, the bartender finally decides he has had enough. Why dont you let me call you a cab? he offers.
Hugh gets up from the bar, stumbling. He is not happy with this response and makes that abundantly clear. There is no one in the bar who does not hear his reply. Forget this, Im going somewhere where they treat their customers with respect, his voice is slurred and he barely makes it to the door. Before he leaves, he manages to drop his car keys several times. Seeing this, the bartender sighs but does nothing to stop the man as he staggers out to find his car.
Across town, Carol Hathaway is sitting alone at her kitchen table drinking a glass of orange juice. She yawns, thinking these 4am shifts sure do seem to come a lot earlier when youre eight months pregnant. She gets up and walks over to the sink to set down her empty juice glass, then she gathers her things together and turns to leave.
Carol squeezes herself behind the steering wheel and cranks the engine. She and Doug had recently traded in her car for a family car. He insisted she get something he deemed safe. They ended up agreeing on this tan, Ford Taurus in less time than she had expected. Now, looking into the back seat, she sees the car seat behind her. Even though it will get no use for another month, she smiles when she sees it. She rubs her stomach lovingly, then pulls the car away from the curb and heads off towards Cook County General.
Hugh Davis is in his car. He turns on the radio and hears a loud rock song blare from the speakers. As it continues to play, his driving begins to match the music, frantic and unsteady. He swerves, picking up speed as the music picks up tempo. He heads towards another bar on the opposite side of town. He knows the bartender and hes sure he can get a few more drinks there.
Carol turns on her radio as she heads to work. She flips through the stations until she finds a song she likes. Its Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. As the song begins, Carol begins to sing along, Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven . . .
The pounding music on the radio continues inside the gray Cadillac of Hugh Davis. The road in front of him blurs and he blink several times, trying to clear his vision. He feels himself swaying, but his mind insists he has total control. He reaches down and turns the pulsing music up even louder . . .
Back in her car, Carol continues to sing with the radio: Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven? She is paying pretty close attention to the road as she listens to the music. She shifts uncomfortably in the seat trying to situate herself against the steering wheel. She gets a bit more comfortable and begins to sing along with the radio again: Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please. . .
The sound of the music is deafening in the Cadillac as Hugh approaches an intersection. He isnt paying attention and his car begins to veer to the left. As he approaches the midline of the road, he shakes his head once more to clear it. His car edges over the line and the world seems to move in slow motion. He can no longer hear the blaring music or see the road before him. Everything begins to go black as he slowly eases into oncoming traffic. Suddenly, he snaps up and sees the tan Taurus coming at him. He tries to swerve back to his side of the road, but its too late . . .
Eric Clapton is almost finished with his song as Carol nears the hospital. Shes singing along with the last few words as she sees the car in front of her. The gray Cadillac is in the other lane traveling the opposite direction of her, at first. The driver seems to not have very much control of the vehicle. She has barely had time for this thought to cross her mind when, suddenly, the Cadillac swerves into her lane. She doesnt even have the opportunity to scream as her car is hit head on by the oncoming vehicle. The final words of Tears in Heaven are heard as the screeching of tires and crashing of metal subsides: Beyond the door theres peace Im sure, And I know therell be no more tears in heaven . . .
Doug Ross groans as he hears the phone begin to ring. He checks the clock and sees that it is just after 4am. Who could be calling at this hour? he wonders to himself. He picks up the phone and, yawning, says, Hello?
Doug, its Mark, Mark sounds quite upset.
Whats going on? Doug asks his friend as he rubs his face to try and wake up.
You better get to the hospital quick, is all Mark replies.
Doug begins to get concerned, What is it, Mark? Whats going on?
Just get here, now, Mark says.
Ill be there in ten minutes, he says and jumps up from the bed.
Doug runs into the ER of Cook County General Hospital at 4:15am. Charlie is close behind him. Mark! he calls when he sees Dr. Greene in front of him. Mark turns to Doug and the grievous look in his eyes sends a shot of fear through Doug. What is it? Whats happening? he demands.
Mark looks sadly away. We should talk in the lounge, he tells Doug.
Doug notices the sorrowful glances he is receiving from the rest of the staff and turns back to Mark, Damn it, whats going on! he screams. His fear is getting the best of him.
Mark takes his arm and practically pulls him into the lounge. Carter, he yells towards the nurses station where John Carter is standing. Carter looks up at the sound of his name and Dr. Greene motions to Charlie. Carter nods and goes over to the girl as Mark and Doug disappear inside the lounge.
Damn it, Mark, would you tell me whats going on already? Doug says as the door closes behind them. His voice is choked with fear and confusion.
Sit down, Mark instructs and before Doug can protest, Mark leads him over to the couch.
Its Carol, isnt it? Doug says, his eyes filled with terror as he looks up at his friend. Somethings happened to her.
Im afraid so, Mark nods sadly.
Is she . . . Doug cant bring himself to say the word.
No, Mark replies, Benton has her up in surgery right now.
What happened?
She was on her way in to work . . . It looks like she was hit head on by a drunk driver, his voice is tight and Doug can tell there is more to this story.
His voice is barely a whisper as he says, And the baby?
Mark swallows hard and looks at his friend. He sees the anxious, hopeful yet terrified look in Dougs face. Im sorry . . . she didnt make it, he looks stricken as he says these words.
She? he says weakly.
Mark nods sadly.
Doug stares blankly ahead, unbelieving at first. He isnt sure what to do. He tries to speak, but the words are lost. He feels his hands shaking, but he is unable to gain control. Mark looks sorrowfully at him, I am so, so sorry. Doug shakes his head and releases a strained breath. He looks totally devastated as he hangs his head. Mark moves closer to him on the couch. If I can do anything . . . all you have to do is ask. He places a comforting hand on Dougs shoulder, Doug? You going to be okay? he is very worried about his friend and he can only imagine the grief Doug is feeling at this moment.
I dont know, Doug replies in an anguished voice. I dont know. Mark hangs his head and keeps his hand on Dougs shoulder as all of this begins to sink in.
Whats happening? Somethings wrong isnt it? Charlie looks as frantically at John Carter as Doug was looking at Mark just moments before.
Carter nods. He guides her into an empty exam room and leads her gently to sit on the table. He sits with her and looks sadly at her as she searches his face for an answer. Carol was in a car accident, he begins.
Where is she? Is she okay? Charlies voice is already choked with tears.
Shes in surgery with Dr. Benton. He seems pretty confident that shell be okay, Carter tells her.
Charlie looks down, not sure what to do. Suddenly a thought occurs to her. She looks up at John and says, What about the baby? His expression tells her the answer to her question. Oh God, John, no, no, she lets out an anguished cry and feels him wrap his arms tightly around her. She clings to him, her body shaking with sobs. In an instant, the whole world seems to have crumbled. The only people who ever really loved her have lost the thing that means the most to them. She doesnt know what to do as her tears continue to flow.
Doug stands up, I have to go see Carol, he insists, heading for the door. Mark grabs his shirt before he can get by.
Shes in surgery. Shes in the best hands, all we can do is wait.
Well, Im waiting as close to her as possible, he says his voice determined. Mark nods and lets go of his shirt then gets up to follow him. They enter the ER and everyone looks their way sympathetically. Doug bites his lip and looks away, heading for the elevators. He has to get to Carol.
Doug and Mark are waiting just outside the OR where Peter Benton is operating on Carol. They hear the elevator doors open behind them and turn to see Carter and Charlie coming off. Doug . . . she says as she approaches. She suddenly realizes she doesnt know what to say. She fights hard to hold back her tears as she looks at him. He looks so alone. Im sorry, she manages to say without beginning to cry. She doesnt risk anymore words because she knows she will breakdown. He nods sadly and says nothing. She wraps her arms around him and he holds her close to him in silent grief. They stand there together for what seems to be an endless moment. Finally, she pulls back and looks at him. He has the most defeated expression she thinks she has ever seen.
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Peter Benton finally emerges from the operating room and tells Doug and the others that Carol has come through the surgery just fine. She suffered a ruptured spleen and several broken ribs as well as a concussion and some pretty severe cuts and scraps. Shell be just fine though, Peter assures Doug. He looks woefully to Dr. Ross and adds, Im sorry about your loss.
The words sound odd coming from Peter and he seems more emotional now than Doug ever remembers seeing him in all the time they have known one another. Thank you, he says quietly. When can I see Carol?
Shes going down to recovery right now. She wont be awake for at least an hour but you can sit with her if youd like, Benton replies. Doug nods.
Mark steps in. Thanks Peter, Ill take him down to wait for her. Dr. Benton nods sadly and looks once more at Doug and Charlie, then turns to go. Carter, Mark turns to Carter who is standing off to the side with a still distraught Charlie, why dont you see if you can find a place for Charlie to rest for a while. Ill find you both as soon as Carol is awake and you can see her. Carter nods and puts his arm around Charlie to slowly lead her away.
Ready? Mark asks Doug in a soft tone. Doug nods. They proceed to the elevators to head down to the recovery rooms and wait for Carol.
Carol is brought in and Mark leaves Doug alone in the room to sit with her. He leaves word at the desk in the recovery unit that he will be going back to the ER and that he should be paged if Doug or Carol needs him for any reason at all. The head nurse in the ward nods her understanding and Mark leaves.
Doug sits quietly beside Carols bed and holds her hand. She looks terrible. Her face is bruised and swollen and she has a large bandage on her forehead to cover the gash she received in the accident. He holds her hand and strokes her cheek. His lips quiver as he watches her. He thinks of all of the planning they have done. Theyve chosen names, decorated the nursery, had a baby shower, bought all of the necessary things for a new baby. They have been waiting anxiously to bring their little girl home. Now, all of that is lost. Dougs face twitches as her thinks of the name they chose for her: Sarah Marie. The baby name book had said that Sarah meant princess and Marie meant wished for child. She may not have been wished for before she was conceived, but now he cant think of anything he wishes for more than to hold his little girl, his precious angel, his princess. Tears flood his eyes, but he doesnt allow them to fall. He has to remain strong, for Carol.
There is a somber air in the ER as Mark returns. Everyone looks to him expectantly as he approaches the desk. Shes out of surgery. Shes going to okay, he tells them all. Everyone is relieved, but they still cant be happy, even at this bit of good news. The bad seems to outweigh the good on this Independence Day.
God, I feel awful for them, Chunny says. She looks as though she may burst into tears, as do many of the other nurses.
Haleh shakes her head, That son of a bitch that did this doesnt deserve to live, she says, her voice filled with both anger and sadness. Wendy nods and a tear slips down her cheek.
I heard he walked away from the wreck, Jerry says softly. Its just not fair. Dr. Ross and Carol lost everything and he just walked away. This statement seems to sum up everyones feelings. They all grow quiet and there is a surreal silence in the ER as everyone reflects on the days events.
Charlie and Carter enter an empty room on a quiet floor, far from the ER. Dr. Greene will page me when you can see Carol, he tells her as he leads her to the empty bed. He instructs her to lie back and he sits in a chair beside her. She still has the same forlorn expression she has held for the last hour. Carter takes her hand as she stares up at the ceiling. Her lips quiver and she presses them together.
What do I say to her? Charlie asks, still staring at the ceiling. What can I possibly say?
Theres nothing you can say to make this better. She has to get through her grief in her own way. All you can do is let her know youll be there for her. She needs to know how much you care about her and that youll be there to see her through this.
Charlie nods and a tear slips down her cheek. John brushes it away and gets up to sit with her on the bed. She sits up and lets him wrap her in his arms. He rubs her back and tries to soothe her as best he can as she searches for a way to deal with all that has happened.
Carol opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is Dougs face. He does his best to smile at her. Hey, he says.
Hey, she says weakly and attempts a smile. What happened?
You were in an accident, he says.
Oh, in the car, I remember, she nods and tries to sit. She grimaces at the pain.
Its okay, lie back down. You need to rest, he tells her.
Her hands go instinctively to her stomach. She suddenly realizes how flat it is. Doug? she looks questioningly at him. The baby? The babys okay, right?
Hes unsure what to tell her. The truth will devastate her but how can he lie? He shakes his head sadly. No, shes not okay.
She . . . its a girl? Whats wrong with her? Carol wants to know.
She . . . Carol, shes . . . they couldnt save her. She died. He hears the words coming from his mouth but the voice that says them is unrecognizable to his ears. Carol looks at him and searches his face desperately, hoping there is some mistake.
She cant be, Doug. I felt her move this morning, I know shes okay. My baby is okay, she insists. She sits up in the bed, despite her pain.
Carol, lie back down, Doug tells her, but she wont hear a word of it.
No, Doug, I have to see her. I know shes going to be okay. I felt her Doug, I know . . . her words stop as she begins to cry. Doug forces back his own tears once more as he takes Carol in his arms.
Itll be alright, Im here, Im here, he holds her tight and she cries on his shoulder. He feels her body shake with sobs.
She cant be gone, she just cant, Carol is trying to make herself believe that her daughter is okay, but deep down she can feel the truth. There is no getting around it. She clings to Doug as if he is the only thing keeping her from slipping completely away.
It is 8am when they finally allow Carol to be placed in her own room. Shes still very shaken by the news of her daughters death, but she has come to terms with the fact that it is true. What did I do wrong? Why did this happen? she asks Doug as they sit alone together in her room. He is in a chair beside the bed. Shes sitting up in the bed as he holds fast to her hand.
You didnt do anything. This was not your fault. You couldnt have prevented what happened. He strokes her cheek with his free hand as another stream of tears comes forth from Carol.
Where is she? Can I see her? Carol asks through her tears.
I dont think thats such a good . . .
Carol breaks in, Doug please. I need to see her. I only have one chance. Please . . . she cant hold back her tears as she looks in his eyes. He sees how much this means to her and nods solemnly as he goes to make the arrangements.
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Created by Courtney Stovall © 1998
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