*I forget when words were only words
she knows the party makes me nervous
in this stage we can't get hurt
don't try to understand me

we're too cool to be alone
but, too crazy not to get busted*

I find myself with my face buried in her neck. Somewhere through my drunken brain comes the thought that this is wrong. But I can't pull away. Satan, she smells so good. Like Dru, but sweeter, more innocent.

My marble lips brush against her pulse points. I find myself wondering how much passion her prim exterior hides. Redheads are always have the worst tempers... And the most passion.

I felt her tremble in my arms and heard her heart speed up, but I know it isn't all from fear. She wanted me but was scared at the same time. Um... An interesting combination. Don't get me wrong. I don't like scared virgins and I like my women willing. But fear can be a wonderful stimulate.

*I found that one life just ain't enough
I need another soul to feed on
I'm the flame I can't get burnt
I'm wholly understated

I found silence in this space
an on and off again attraction
I need such amazing grace
heaven sweep me away*

Oh goddess! I'm let a vampire get this close to my neck! A *bad* vampire. A very, *very bad* vampire who is in love with a nut case. What is wrong with me?

But that's my problem. I don't know what's wrong with me. It felt so right; better than with Xander; better than with Oz. It's almost like it was meant to be. Like the Fates planned this.

I leaned slightly toward him and felt his tongue caress my neck. Very gently, like a cat licking up milk. I shivered slightly under the sensation. His talented touches felt wonderful. I'm not supposed to feel this way for a vampire.

Oh God, I think I'm lost.

*love don't change, don't come around here
don't wear my heart on your sleeve
like a high school letter
don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it
and the people we've become, well
they've never been the people who we are*

I pulled my face away from her neck. She made a throaty sound of disappointment and a pout appeared on her face. I smiled down at her and pulled her into my arm for a kiss.

Our lips met and sparks flew. Literally. Well, maybe not literally, but I've certainly never have felt that way before. I felt drawn to her. To her essence.

I broke off the kiss remembering that she's human. She gasped, drawing the necessary oxygen into her lungs. Her face was flushed and her body was trembling. I had never seen a more beautiful creature in my life.

*I strap on one horse and prayed for luck
I dug another hole to bleed
I know exactly how this works
I need a new feel dirty

I don't need you crowding up my space
I just want to get inside you
you can't believe the heart you save
I couldn't seem to stop shaking. Nothing had ever made me feel that way. I felt strange, exhilarated. I felt sexy and passionate. I felt amazing.

And it's wrong. Of course, aren't all the pleasures in life morally wrong some way or another? Well, if it's wrong to want this... To want *him*, I'm guilty as charged. May they have mercy on my soul.

I looked up at him and stared into his eyes. To my surprise, I saw my desires mirrored in his eye. Maybe he wasn't in love with Drusilla as much as he thought...

*I dreamed the world was crumbling down
we sat on my back porch and watched it
I dreamed that the buildings all fell down
we sat on my back porch and watched it
in my head I heard a sound
like fifteen strangers dancing

but oh how I want you to know me
oh how I want you to know me
oh how I wish I was someone else, baby
oh how I want you to own me*

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her one last time. I knew nothing could ever be between us, despite my feelings and the ones I saw in her expressive eyes.

"Good bye, luv," I whispered.

"Good bye, Spike," she whispered back, tears streaming down her face.

I left the basement, without looking back. I knew I could never show myself to her again. But I planned to stick around. To become her night watcher, to protect her from the dangers that lurk in the night.

We could never be in this world.