Last minute cleanups don’t work as family finds new home on the streets. By Brian Robinson STU’S NEWS STAFF WRITER
WARMINSTER, PA – Rusty car parts, decaying tractor tires, dead squirrels and other miscellaneous creatures of the night, barbed wire fencing, and even chickens strutting around. All of these are things found on the front lawn of the Smith’s home, or what used to be of it. Gene Smith and his family of four, including him, his wife Nancy, and his two sons Daniel and Randall, were given a final notice yesterday to get out. There had been several complaints from the surrounding neighbors against the Smith’s and their vile ways of living. “Their son Dan, he would run around the backyard naked chasing the chickens and one of their ten dogs,” says now-happy neighbor Maya Azztinks, “The only reason that he chased one of the dogs is because the other nine were dead and rotting on the back porch. That’s where the other son, Randy, always was. He would probe the dead animals with sticks and do other things to them not worth mentioning.” The Health Department finally cracked down on the ‘Warminster rednecks’ yesterday with just one drive-by of the house. “I didn’t even need to get out of my car to realize that these complaints were true, and in some areas the complaints weren’t cruel enough,” said Health Administrator Hue Wreckshun. “I can’t believe a family could actually live like this for this long. They probably should have died from some kind of viral disease twenty years ago.” The Smith’s were notified with a letter from the administration that said they were given an entire month to clean up the house or suffer the consequence of being dismissed from the neighborhood. Twenty-eight days and four notices later the house’s yard still looked the same. Maybe it was the final notice that sparked the will to clean in Gene and his family, or maybe it was the fact that they wouldn’t be able to find another place to love after they were kicked out. Either way, the family started a desperate attempt on a 24-hour house clean. Their attempts to finish the cleaning did, despite	the strong effort, fall short by about twenty hours. The Health Administration arrived at the house at ten o’clock on Monday morning only to be disgusted to a lower level of what they were disgusted at before. With no further investigation, the Smith’s were told to leave and the house was blocked off from the public with yellow police lines that said “Contaminated Area”. “You know, they did a good job cleaning it up, but it was still the ugliest thing I have ever seen. The chickens were gone and the tires were gone also, but broken bottles and animal bones were still strewed across the front lawn,” said Sheriff Gary Coleman. “The backyard, now that’s a different story. You can say at least they tried to bury the dead dogs, but their legs were coming through the ground and the crosses were made out of the trash found in the front yard.” Shortly after being dismissed, the family walked down the street carrying all of their possessions, a TV and some chicken breasts. There was no bad feeling on the part of the family, just guilt and a feeling of stupidity. “We shoulda been smarter and done and cleaned it up before we was asked to do it for the fifth time” Said Gene “Me, my wife, and my boys all know that we messed up real bad and we don’t plan on screwing up like that again.” And they won’t. That is, if they can ever find a new home. The neighbors of the Smith’s had no remorse for what they had done in their part of getting rid of the family; they were too busy partying. The block party ran all night long and into the early hours of the next day. Big banners hung from in between the telephone poles reading “Goodbye to the Smiths and goodbye to the filth”. “I might feel a little bad tomorrow after I sober up. I mean, it might be quiet around hear and I sort of became use to the dogs howling and the pots clanging and the constant fighting.” Said Jerome Davis, a neighbor. “I just hope my kids don’t try to sneak passed the police lines.” Other neighbor had different opinions about the new exile. “Miss them? Yes of course, of course I’ll miss them. When the trash men would miss our street or when our trash would pile up too high, Dan and Randy would come over and help themselves.” Said another anonymous neighbor. The Smiths are now residing on the corner of York and Street roads and plan on moving everyday until they can find a permanent residence.
	® copyright 1999 by Brian Robinson

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