F o l l o w i n g A D r e a m

- I n t r o d u c t i o n -

I'm afraid I'm not much of a writer but ask anyone who
knows me and they'll
tell you that I do love to make speeches. When I told
a very good friend of
mine what I had in mind, she offered me some very
sound advice.
She said, "Just let the words flow from your heart and
the hand will
follow".
At first I wasn't quite sure I could do it but once I
saw my personal
feelings and thoughts on paper I was amazed. She was
right. I won't tell
you it was easy but I'm very proud of the account of
my life I did write
and I hope it gives inspiration to anyone determined
to follow their
dreams.

...Michaela
Quinn Sully




C h a p t e r O n e

' M i c h a e l a ' s S t o r y
by Jean McQuaid

I was born Michaela, the last of five girls to Josef
and Elizabeth Quinn
of Beacon Hill, Boston.
My father had hoped his last child would be the son
he'd always wanted, a
son to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor.
But he was not
disappointed when I showed interest in medicine at an
early age. In fact he
was the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams and
become a doctor. My
mother however, was the one who was disappointed. She
had a dream that I
was a boy and the birth of yet another Quinn girl
caused a great deal of
tension between them.
My father still used the medical bag his father had
carried and had hoped
one day to pass it down to his own son.

He told me once that he'd noticed a difference in me
right from birth, that
I was always in constant motion, that when I wanted
something I would stop
at nothing to get it. It distressed my mother to watch
him read to me from
the New England Quarterly Journal of Medicine as I
cuddled up on his lap.
There was a bond between us even then that no one
could explain.

My father and I grew closer and closer as the days
went by and I can still
hear the words of contempt used by my sisters,
especially Marjorie out of
sheer jealousy. But that never stopped me from
spending as much time as
possible, observing and learning from the man who
became my mentor. The
very man who's values I still live by to this day.

Josef Quinn was a respected doctor in Boston in spite
of all the ugly
gossip about his outspoken and unconventional
daughter. And my mother, well
she thought my aspirations of becoming a doctor
instead of a wife and
mother were simply appalling. She always said my
father 'spoiled me,
indulged in my fantasy' but he gave me the freedom to
be me and I became a
partner to him in medicine, always being challenged by
his great wealth of
knowledge and perfection. My father meant everything
to me, he was my best
friend.

David Lewis was four years my senior and had clearly
expressed his own
opinions at Dr. Quinn having another girl. He thought
all little girls
would grow up to get married and have babies. He told
my father that when
he grew up he wanted to be a doctor just like him. I'm
sure this meant a
great deal to my father and a special attachment to
David grew from an
early age. I think he secretly hoped David and I would
one day share not
only the love of medicine but love for each other. He
was the son my father
should have had.

David and I shared many adventures as children
together. He was like a big
brother to me, my guardian angel, never allowing any
harm to come to me for
fear of my father's wrath. But my feelings for him
were changing, changing
in a way that I didn't understand. He was handsome and
my heart started to
race as I thought of him in a whole new light. Being a
young naive girl I
didn't realize that I was actually falling in love
with David, that these
feelings I was having were entirely normal. But I
didn't know how he felt
about me and was afraid if I said anything I would
spoil the wonderful
friendship we did have.

David did pursue his career as a doctor and I missed
him a great deal when
he went off to Yale but my love for him only grew
stronger as the days
passed. I began to take an interest in myself not only
as a person but as a
woman. I was in love. Others in my family noticed the
change in me as well
and I was encouraged to learn the art of becoming a
lady of Boston. If this
was what I had to do to impress David, then so be it.
I not only donned the
attire of what was in fashion but took a great
interest in dancing.
However, nothing could match the excitement of finally
being accepted to
the Women's Medical College of Pennsylvania. It was
really happening, I
would be a doctor and was more determined than ever to
make my dream come
true.

My mother was quite overjoyed at my new interest in
attending balls and it
was at one such ball my heart almost burst with pride.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you Dr.
David Lewis." He had
returned, and I shall never forget the look in his
eyes as he stared at the
new me. I could sense he too was feeling something
other than a mere
friendship.

"Michaela, look at you," he remarked taking my hands
and surveying my gown.
"You're ....beautiful!" That was all I needed to hear.
The rest of the
evening was like a fairy tale as we danced and laughed
together as man and
woman. David was even more handsome than I'd
remembered. We walked together
in the moonlight exchanging stories. He told me all
about medical school
and I told him of how I'd been accepted into a ladies
medical school. But
when he took my face gently in his hands and said, "I
love you Michaela",
my heart stopped beating.

"Oh David, I love you too! I think I've always loved
you."

"Michaela, I know it's sudden but not a moment went by
that I didn't think
about you, dream about you and well," he looked down
at my hands that he
now held in his, "Will you do me the honor of being my
wife Michaela Anne
Quinn?"

I threw my arms around his shoulders and cried, "Yes,
Oh David yes I will!"

I was sure that 'all' my dreams were about to come
true. I was to become
Mrs. David Lewis and a doctor. But our love was to
meet it's first
challenge.
"You know how medicine has been a very large part of
my life David, how
could you ask me to give it up?"

"Michaela, I've told you how straining medical school
can be and you know
how a doctor must be prepared to sacrifice personal
time for the sake of
his patients. What will happen when we have children?
I want a wife and I
think one doctor in the family is quite enough."

I was devastated. He was asking me to chose between my
love for him and my
love for medicine, this wasn't fair. It was perhaps
one of the hardest
decisions I had to make in my life, but I chose
medicine and could see the
pride on my father's eyes when I was handed my medical
degree.

I hadn't seen David in quite some time. My decision to
carry through with
my schooling tore us apart but when he returned to
Boston and told me that
no matter what, he needed me in his life, we became
not only partners in
love but confidantes in medicine.

My life seemed to be taking the course I had hoped.
David and I were a
perfect match and my mother was quite pleased with the
announcement of our
engagement. She had plans for a wedding like no other
seen in Boston. But
when David enlisted his services as a doctor in the
army, her plans were
set aside. I knew it was coming. He had talked of it
often but when his
final decision was made I promised myself I would
stand by him as he did
now with my decision to be a doctor.

I missed David but kept myself busy learning new
medical procedures. I
tried to keep my mind off the war and all the misery
and death associated
with it, but when the news came of David's capture, I
was devastated. The
glorious future David and I had planned was destroyed
and turned once again
to the security of my father's practice. Little did I
know that my life
would take another turn for the worse.

I remember the day my father died. One minute he was
sitting at the
breakfast table reading the morning paper and the
next, he was gone.
David's assumed death in an army prison camp had been
a shock but my
father's passing left me empty. From that day on, my
life was to change in
a way I never imagined. I tried to carry on his
practice but the patients
stopped coming. It was only then that I realized
they'd been his patients
all along and never mine. They hadn't accepted the
fact I was a woman and
in my heart I knew it was time to find a new life for
myself. All I wanted
was a chance to prove my skills but the prejudice was
more than I could
handle.

My decision to answer a newspaper ad for a doctor in a
small town in the
Colorado Territory left my family questioning my
sanity. It was bad enough
that I'd become a doctor but now it seemed to them
that I was trying to run
away from the life I'd been born and raised in. And
honestly, I was. While
other young ladies preened and primed themselves to
attract the young
gentlemen, I had my face buried in medical texts. I
had a hunger for
medical knowledge, I couldn't get enough and with the
only two people gone
from my life that truly believed in me and supported
me, there was little
else that mattered. So the thought of venturing to
the wild, untamed west
didn't concern me in the least. In fact I was
intrigued by the images I'd
remembered seeing in books in my father's vast
library. If I could make it
through medical school and obtain a degree as a
doctor, I felt I could
surely put up with the few inconveniences I'd
encounter out there.

I was delighted when in less than a week I received a
reply offering me the
position of the town's doctor in Colorado Springs so I
packed what
belongings I felt were necessary and walked out of my
parent's home,
leaving behind the only world I'd ever known.

As I boarded the train for Colorado, I felt my father
was with me,
encouraging me to carry on, never willing to give up.
After all as my
mother used to say, "You are your father's daughter",
and that was true. I
was now on my way to the frontier where I was sure I'd
be accepted as a
doctor. A place where my services were needed and they
would overlook the
fact that I was a woman. I was going home.



* * * * * * * *
* *

I've heard it said before that a man's life is only as
good as his dream. I
wondered if the same was true for a woman.

I had borrowed several books from my father's library
to read on my long
journey. Many I chose were tales of the great western
frontier as I was
eager to learn as much as possible about my new home.
My father's library
was a wealth of books and I delighted myself with
books that showed me
pictures of the land and it's people, many of them
being Indians. I was
excited about the prospect of seeing a part of the
country that up to this
point had only been depicted in pictures and stories.
I was on my way to
the west.

Denver had been very enlightening as it was much
smaller than I imagined
but when I had to transfer to a stagecoach to finish
the trip to Colorado
Springs, I wondered. 'Did the railroad not think
Colorado Springs important
or large enough to need the train?' I was beginning to
feel a little
apprehension but determined to carry on.

The stagecoach trip was uncomfortable to say the
least. Dust and dirt
covered every inch of my body and I found myself
feeling ill as dirt found
it's way into my mouth and throat. I was becoming more
aware of the lack of
civilization and when several Indians on horses
appeared I was terrified.
My father was an abolitionist. He firmly believed that
different customs,
language and color of skin were not cause for
prejudice or hostility and
that all men were created equal. He'd been opposed to
slavery and was very
interested in reading the stories of the plight of the
Native Americans.

"I don't trust those politicians in Washington," he
used to say. "Why they
were the ones who got us into war in the first place
and they'll stop at
nothing for progress. I'm afraid the Indians haven't
got a chance against
the leagues of armies they've formed to 'keep the
peace'. Armies don't
keep peace, they start war!"

He used to shake his head and show disgust for the men
preparing proposed
treaties in Washington. "What do they know of life out
west. Most of them
have never seen the vast wide open spaces of this
country and know nothing
of how they live."

But it didn't dispel the fear that was overcoming me
at this moment. What
if the Indians decided to attack, they had no idea
that I was of no threat
to them. What if my father was wrong and they were
hostile savages that
killed all white men simply because they were white.
'Oh Father, what have
I done? I don't know anything about these people or
how they live, what am
I doing here?'
But I heard no answer and was about to ask the driver
to turn back to
Denver, when the Indians disappeared as quickly as
they'd come. I breathed
a sigh of relief and it wasn't easy with all the dust
that filled my lungs.
I would sit back and try to enjoy the rest of the view
from the small
window but I had an uneasy feeling that I'd acted in
haste and would most
likely regret it.

I don't know how long I'd been asleep or how I even
managed to fall asleep
at all with the way the stagecoach bounced and shook,
but I remember my
eyes suddenly opening and then, "Welcome to Colorado
Springs!" My long
arduous trip was over. I had arrived.

Stepping from the stagecoach my first impression of
this town was one of
disappointment. It was very rustic and plain lacking
the glamour and
prosperity of the big city. But what had I expected,
after all this was the
untamed west and I was here to do my job as a doctor
not to engage in the
social life I'd left behind in Boston. I would make it
work, I had to. But
I was further disillusioned when I plunged ankle deep
in mud! The social
manners of Boston never prepared me for being a
graceful lady in thick,
dark mud. But it came with the territory and I made my
mind up that I'd
just better get used to it.

The appearance of my Boston attire didn't go unnoticed
and I knew all eyes
were on me. I felt out of place but I'd come this far
and was not about to
let the stares and rude remarks of these people shake
me.

My first objective was to meet with the Reverend
Johnson, he was the one
I'd received the telegram from. I knew my appearance
was unsightly but I
wanted to let him know I'd arrived and the arduous
task of cleaning up
would have to wait until I found a place suitable for
my needs.

"Where might I find the Reverend Timothy Johnson?"

"Down at the church," replied a gruff gentleman,
obviously the shopkeeper..
I found his attitude a little abrupt at first but I
was to find later that
Loren Bray's rudeness was not restricted to me alone.

Once again I found the task of wading through mud and
dirt almost
unbearable but when I did finally make my way to the
little church my mind
was focused on presenting myself in the appropriate
manner which I had been
taught.

The Reverend was quite surprised when I announced I
was the doctor he'd
sent for.
"But the name?"

"My father was expecting a male."

To which he replied, "So was I!" His reaction was not
at all what I'd
expected. Trying to keep his wits about him, he
apologized and said they'd
pay my passage back to Boston. In all honesty, I was
furious. I couldn't
believe that the same prejudice shown to me back home
had followed me to
the west. But I was not about to climb back on that
stage and just
disappear. The courage I found within myself that day
laid the path for my
future and I will always be thankful I stuck to my
convictions. I was not
leaving.

Something else happened to me that day, something that
I couldn't explain..
Off in the nearby meadow lay an army encampment. It
appeared the soldiers
were doing their job of peace keeping and I would
witness first hand this
so called 'progress' my father had talked about.

The pictures had not done justice to the colorful
attire of the native
people but the most interesting man that caught my eye
was white. He was
dressed as the Indians, draped with a red blanket and
unusual looking hat..
In fact I was so captivated by the sight before me I
lost my footing and
landed in a very un-ladylike manner face first in the
mud. I was so
embarrassed but dusted off my pride and could see I'd
captured the
attention of the very gentleman I myself had stared
at. I didn't know it at
the time but I had been a source of brief
entertainment for the famous
Chief Black Kettle, who wise as he was, called me 'a
crazy white woman'.
But I wouldn't allow this to be yet another set back
to my dream. I was
more determined than ever to prove myself as a doctor
and a good one.

I'll never forget the first time I met Charlotte
Cooper and her family.
Charlotte was the first one to show any signs of
warmth and encouragement
towards me. I accepted room and board in her
establishment and for that I
was grateful but she gave me much more, friendship.
She fully understood my
situation and in the days that followed affirmed to me
that the services of
a doctor were very much needed.

Charlotte and I formed a true and trusting
relationship and we spent much
time together exchanging stories of which I found most
enlightening. She
and her family helped me settle in a homestead I'd
rented from a man named
Sully, the same man I'd seen with the Indians upon my
arrival. It seemed
that 'Sully', as they called him had lost his wife and
baby at childbirth
and Charlotte lamented that they'd still be alive
today if only they'd had
a real doctor to save them.
I felt for Sully and could only imagine what pain he
was going through.
This would explain his withdrawal from society. He was
a man of few words
but when he did speak it was simple and direct. One
part of me wanted to
desperately console him and help him through his pain
but the other side of
me was afraid. He was a man within himself, different
from all the rest of
the men I encountered in this town. But I could see
that his courage and
empathy towards the Indians was very similar to the
way my father felt and
I regretted that Josef Quinn and Sully would never
meet.

With my name plate firmly posted at the front door of
my new home, I
awaited the arrival of patients. But they didn't come.
I spent many lonely
nights crying myself to sleep and wondering why it was
so hard for people
to accept me. If only they'd give me a chance, let me
show them I was
serious and that I was more than able to look after
all their medical
needs. But as Charlotte had warned me, "Bein' a doctor
that's one thing,
bein' a woman that's another but being an unmarried
lady, that's another.
You got enough black marks against ya to last for a
while. What you need is
luck. This ain't gonna be easy." Little did I realize
how right Charlotte
was, that if I was ever going to make it out here,
something would have to
happen to show the people of Colorado Springs I was
here to stay, and I had
to come up with some way of gaining their trust in me
as a doctor.


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