General Hospital Waiting Room ~ Top Ten Lists

List 27

Top Ten EEEEEWWWW! Moments (Summer, 2000)

10. Her head cocked sideways like a geriatric canary, Audrey smiles. Her dentures, so snug and secure, remain intact. But still, she grosses us out.

9. Tony appears on screen.

8. Helena "propositions" Jax. Helena flirts with Jax, uses nasty innuendos, and caresses him.

7. Horny Helena and Lucky. Alone together for months on end. Shudder.

6. Helena and Andreas. When she says "man-servant" she means it. He's servicing all right. Bet he's wishing he had a Titan full-body condom, though.

5. In order for Monica to think she was pregnant, she'd have to have sex with Alan. I don't know which of them I should feel more sorry for.

4. Mike Corbin swaggers up to the counter at Kelly's. Chest puffed out and eyebrows wriggling suggestively, he hikes up his stone-washed jeans, slings his big butt down onto the vinyl stool and leans in. "Wanna night out on the town? Nothin's too expensive for my special lady," he leers at the ex-hooker big-haired diner-manager/waitress. This close to him, that giant mole is clearly visible on his giant head, and tiny flakes of dandruff drop from his fuzzy grey hair onto the counter. His lips curl into a smile. "Or we could just go back to my place." (Excuse me. I need to go take a shower.)

3. Jax and Chloe revel in their own sickly-sweet super-saccharine existance. Birds are chirping, Jax is smirking with his nauseatingly boyish charm. Cupids shoot teeny tiny little arrows, and Chloe ditzes about falling out of her own shoes and giggling every step of the way. Trevi Fountain! Chocolate from that quaint little shop! Pretending to be German tourists! Dress up Balls in Russia! That adorable little restaurant in Little Italy! Imagine your entire body wrapped in slightly too-warm cotton candy, all sticky and melty and sugary - you fight to get out, but all those little filaments of spun sugar cling to you, coating your skin and filling your lungs until you are suffocated. Trust me, that's nothing compared to watching yet another Jax & Chloe love fest.

2. Bobbie in a bathing suit. I can't figure out which are bigger, her bug-eyes or silicone breasts. And frankly, I don't want to look too closely at either. (Hey, does it look to anyone else like they surgically grafted her head onto a body that's two sizes too small?)

1. Stefan telling his mother about his deep and obsessive love for her - the love that he could fulfill only by seeking out a woman who reminded him of her. Umm, methinks Stefan has read "Hamlet" a few times too many. Know what I'm sayin?

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