Arrived in Bali around midnight on Garuda Flight 666 (no kidding) and have to admit I was saying major prayers when we hit turbulence over Borneo (Garuda jet went down in Sumatra last summer and I didn't know if fires were still burning and causing visibility problems in Borneo). Anyway, I'm here, and Bali has been a great welcome all around. I'm staying at Suri Wathi Beach House (same place Tuey and I stayed last year) and have instantly renewed last year's friendships with the staff: Ketut, Padu, Ungung, Debel...and a couple of street vendors here on Jalan Melasti. Bali remained unaffected by the haze of the brush fires of Borneo and Sumatra, plus the monsoons finally came. It's sunny and hot every morning and starts to cloud over and rain in the afternoon. The exchange rate for US dollars is phenomenal, teetering around 5,000 rupiah to the dollar--the first time I've actually been able to benefit from the strong dollar. Saving money and paying bills in US dollars from Japan has gotten increasingly difficult. The exchange was up to \133 yen to the $1 before I left. Ugh. I have a quiet, single room facing the courtyard, shared only by an 8-inch gecko who stares me down in the bathroom on occasion and I know he's entered the room when I hear the little sucking sounds of his feet pattering along the upper reaches of the walls. Yesterday he deposited a large gecko turd next to my wardrobe, along with some half-eaten grains of rice scattered around. We get along fine.
Arman, one of the vendors on my street, engages me in English conversation practice every day. He hasn't been back to his home in Borneo in three years, having come to Kuta (tourist town in Bali) to start a business and make some money. He sells cold drinks from a cart in the street and has a collection of used books in different languages for travellers to trade and buy. He showed me photos of his sister's wedding and his 102 year old great-grandmother--everyone in the ceremonial dress of his tribe. There is a tribal wedding as well as a "state" ceremony, and also a variation on the "Christian" wedding (which means, simply, that the bride changes into a white wedding dress and the couple cuts the cake). "But she's only twenty," he added. "Too young. I like wait. Become wise, you know." Yeah, I know.
He also showed me photos of a village in Bali where residents practice a unique ritual for their dead. The body is placed on the ground under a special tree which has a particular odor to take away the stench of the body. Bamboo poles are then placed over the body in an arched V-formation and the body is left to decompose naturally. When all that remains are the bones, the skulls are removed and placed in a cave, alongside the skulls of other ancestors. People continue to visit the skulls and pray to their ancestors.
Debel, the manager of Suri Wathi and son of the owner, expressed similar sentiments about getting married later in life. "I'm lucky," he says. "I live in Legian (area of Kuta). People here are open. You go with whoever you want. Me...I'm twenty-six. Maybe I get married 28. Choose the best one, you know..." He explained that a caste system exists in Bali as well (because of Balinese Hinduism, influenced by India), except there are only four levels, which he didn't feel like getting into. In other places, Sumatra, Borneo--tradition is more deeply rooted (especially because of Islam) and fraternizing is frowned upon. You can be forced into marriage if you and your "companion" are caught by security alone at a late hour. I asked him more about his family and the caste system in Bali..."My family always, they don't care. They say 'do whatever you want.' I'm lucky." And Bali, as everyone who lives here will report with pride, is unique. An indigenous island religion (mixed with Hinduism) and culture, has evolved to make it an exception to many of the "rules" of Indonesia. The onslaught of white tourists, particularly from Australia, no doubt has played some role in transforming the mentality of at least the southern beach areas of Bali.
As I sit here, Debel and the staff members are stringing Christmas lights in the trees and painting a big "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" on a big pink banner. Similar efforts have been made at a lot of the hotels and restaurants, advertising "Candlelight Christmas dinner" and whatnot. "We do it for the tourists, you know, make them feel happy."
Debel has ambitions to start his own business separately from his father. "I'm an entertainer, so I'm thinking to take chance on a club or restaurant." He plays lead guitar and vocals in three different Indonesian bands. His specialty is heavy metal and rock-n-roll. We often speak in Japanese.
Tomorrow I'm taking a mini-day tour to the eastern part of the island and Mount Agung, Bali's highest peak and home to Besakih, Bali's Mother Temple and the largest in Indonesia. Arman advised me to take a sarong and long-sleeved shirt as bare legs and arms are considered offensive. Last year Tuey and I ventured only to Ubud so I decided to take advantage of seeing some other places this time--the rest of the island is entirely different from Kuta and I've heard that some people in the villages have no idea what the lifestyle is even like in this area.
Of course the main reason I came back to Indonesia is to see Arie, inJava, and I've got a flight to Yogyakarta (pronounced Jogjakarta) on Christmas Day. Left a message at Ella's (homestay where I stayed and met Arie last year) when I'd be arriving. It's still three days away and I realize my adventures haven't yet begun. Yesterday I got a massage in my room from an old Indonesian woman. She remembered me from last year. Half-way through the massage she offered to wash and scrub my feet, "make soft," she said, "or braid you hair? No braid you hair?" Anything to make some money here. I declined. Aside from the usual street banter from Indonesian boys: "You looking for me?" and "Can I love you?" (always amusing and non-threatening), I also hear "Konnichiwa" from the ones on my street who know I live in Japan. I've also been chased down the street by "Rebecca" and "Lisa", two local girls who do hair braiding with beads, Bo Derek-style. They always seem to get me right after I'm coming up from my a.m. beach walk, on my way back for breakfast. Yesterday I told them I didn't really like those plastic beads, so today, they accosted me with a bag full of stone beads thrown lose from an unsold necklace. "I'm still thinking," I offered apologetically as Lisa chattered on about "make beautiful you hair" and held my hand, while Rebecca jingled the beads in my face. "Some vendors are more equal than others."
Have occasional chats with Joe, the pot-bellied Australian guy in the room next to mine. He goes down to the beach bar every night to see his "mate", the bartender. Smelled ripe when I ran into him en route to the pool this morning. The nicest thing has been the relative quiet, the calm before the Christmas/New Year's storm of tourists. The streets are fairly empty and the insanity of large white people bellowing merriments has yet to arrive. I'm going to Yogya just in time methinks.
Took the Besakih tour in a van with nine other people and saw some of the famed tiered rice paddies, went to a gold and silver factory, visited a weaving operation and observed all the processes of dying and spinning and women working the looms, went to Besakih temple and also stopped off at the Bat Cave (Batmobile lost its wheel...) in front of which there's a small Hindu temple with people praying and making offerings. The Bat Cave was so bizarre, thousands of squealing bats hanging and fluttering around the edge of the cave, yet they never flew outside it (good for me, since I have a paranoid fear of getting one entangled in my hair). Mom can attest to my temporary insanity as I fled down a hill in Wales three years ago, just after dusk, as darting, pointed-winged forms shot about in the coming darkness. (In retrospect, I think they were sparrows.)
Anyway, I was beat by the time I got back to Suri Wathi. Had my first lesson in Indonesian with Rudi, one of the Suri Wathi guys, who spent two hours teaching me the basics and all I can remember is Nama saya Kennerly. Soaked up the rays for the last few days and met up with Audra and Claudia, two girls I'd met on the day trip. Audra was inspirational and I got a lot of good info for travelling in Australia and India. (I forgot to mention that something significant happened to me on that day trip. I found myself at a little warung (food stand) on the side of the road with a minor case of Bali Belly and a major need for the bathroom. I asked the shop lady if I could use the toilet and she directed me to a mandi (toilet hole with well of water and bucket adjacent) out back. I realized there was no toilet paper, nor any place to put toilet paper, even if I had some, and it became necessary to face the facts. I hadn't planned on having to deal with this until India, where it's just a fact of life. Somehow I'd been able to be in places in Indonesia where there were waste baskets to put used toilet paper, even if you had to squat and aim and pour water down the hole. I won't frighten you with the details, but let's just say, "the deed's been done," and actually, I had to do it more than once this time around. I was similarly "stranded" in Java and soon started to figure out how to pour a bucket of water down my backside while simulataneously holding onto my drawers, and then redipping the bucket for a "frontal splash"...but sometimes you've just gotta get in there with your hands--EEK! Okay, I'll stop now...)
Audra's from Santa Cruz, California, doing a year of travelling in Asia, and Claudia, who's German, was just on holiday from Bandung (Java), doing a year of study. I talked to Claudia a lot about Arie, and these Southeast Asian romances (very typical with Western women and Southeast Asian men). I just want to enjoy the adventure and being with him, but it's also in the back of my mind that there's this huge financial imbalance (namely, I have money, sort of, and he doesn't). And there's also the issue of religion, Java being predominantly Muslim.
Claudia shed some light on the whole thing and told me that guys like him (long hair, guitar, tattoos) are pretty much out of the traditional Islamic loop. They tend to have a lot of contact with Westerners and often serve as "guides" (a loosely defined term involving assisting tourists with transportation, sightseeing, etc.), and they're generally not involved with Indonesian women. Thing is, though, they don't have "careers" (and most probably never will...nor do most Indonesian people, and the word "career" suddenly sounds like an entirely Western concoction to me.) Most people here spend their lives hand-to-mouth and watching the world go by--but smiling and laughing as it goes. They have no money, and some aren't necessarily obsessed with having it, but because of Western influence and consumerism and mass media, this money-hunger has kind of swept over Indonesia. Unfortunately, it's had the same results as it has had in other developing nations--this weird blend of modern culture and money and designer items up against old culture and a generally poor population that can't afford to have what's being offered but want it nonetheless. Despite the fact that I "don't have money" either, what I spend in 2-1/2 weeks in Indonesia could well be 1/2 a year's salary for some. So therein lies some of the disparity and that's what I'm thinking about as I wait to baord my flight to Yogya. My attitude is, though, I have nothing to lose, since I don't have a lot of money anyway, and I never felt ill at ease about this situation. These 9 days will certainly tell, I guess. I feel that as long as I keep listening to my gut (as well as remaining "well-informed") everything'll be okay. I'm viewing it all as a learning experience (and I'm sure I have a lot to learn) and beyond that, something to write about (lucky you!) All I know at this point is that I really connected with this guy and have enjoyed our correspondence over the last year. No matter what, I wouldn't feel comfortable just dropping the ball and writing him out of my life (so to speak) right now. More shall be revealed....
An Indonesian song that's popular right now is called "Buat Apah Susah." (Debel turned me onto it and I bought a copy. It's heard on the radio every day and everyone's always singing along to it.). It means roughly, "Why be sad...it's better that we be happy. We have only one life." I've made it my mantra for this trip.
Another Christmas in Indonesia. Again it feels strange, not the same, despite the Santa hats donned by the Indonesian girls in restaurants and greetings of "Selamat Natal" (Happy Birth of Christ). I got a taxi to Ella's from the Yogya airport and renewed old friendships with Agus, Jono and Tali (her Australian guy never came back), then took a nap for awhile. I got up around 5 p.m. to brush my teeth in the hall and was going back to my room when I saw him walking down the hall towards me. We hugged for a long time, really happy to see each other--a whole year. We went out for dinner at a restaurant down the street where Arie's brother is a cook. The waitress brought the check (less than $3) and put it down in front of me. So it begins!
What a different experience the second time around in Yogya. Last year I was picked up by Edy (my "tourist hunter") the minute I arrived, selling me his story about a special batik art exhibit of students' work, convincing me to hang out with him and see Yogya. I have no regrets, and of course I was able to disassociate from him on the second day of riding around on his motorbike. (Arie told me he killed himself last summer.) Since I arrived yesterday I've instantly recognized several attempts to "lead me astray" and I smile knowingly as I walk away from the situation.
But one situation I did not walk away from knowingly...The "mosquito" I came to see in Yogya. ("Mosquito" is the term for long-haired, guitar-toting Indonesian guys...you'll soon find out why.) After a wonderful evening of dinner and a movie with Arie, I went to bed at 11:00, and awoke again around one to a tap on my door. The manager of Ella's said that "my friends were here to see me." I looked down the hallway and two unfamiliar faces looked back--two girls I didn't recognize. "It's Natalie and Rebecca, we just need to speak to you about something..." They came down to my room and asked me if I was Arie's girlfriend. "Well, yeah, I guess...what happened? What's wrong?" "Nothing's happened, but we're his girlfriends too." Aaah, I was waiting for this. The story started to unfold and the Great Scandal was revealed. Hold onto your bicek (trishaws) because it's a GOOD one...
Seems I'm not the only one he's been writing love letters to--the one girl, Natalie, came all the way from Paris to see him (arrived the day before I did), the Rebecca met him while passing through Yogya with her mom and ended up cancelling her trvels to Bali and Lombok to stay here with him BECAUSE HE BEGGED HER TO STAY (knowing that two more were on the way!).
Rebecca, the one he'd spent the last month with, noticed he'd suddenly become really "busy." The French girl felt like something was amiss as well. It all snowballed when Natalie got fed up and changed to a different homestay (she was staying in Yossie Homestay, just two meters from me!)--and she moved into Selekta, where Rebecca was staying! Somehow the two of them met up and started talking and the whole thing started to unravel. He was scheduling each of us into his day at different times (mind you, we're all staying within a five-minute walk from each other and he's somehow managing to keep us from running into each other)...sounds like a very cheesy scene from a really bad movie. After saying goodnight to Arie last night, Natalie and Rebecca passed him in the alley and ended up confronting him. They asked him if I was here (he had told them both about me but that he hadn't received letters from me for a few months--huge lie--so he didn't know if I was still coming), and they said they wanted to see me. He was sitting out in front of Ella's when I got the knock on my door.
After a mini-session with the girls I got dressed and we all went out front for the Confrontation. Another friend of Arie's, Pujo, was sitting there too, wanting to "mediate" as it were. There we all sat and stood, in the middle of the night in a back alley in Yogya, looking at this guy we'd all fallen for and wondering what to say. There was nothing to be said. On my part, it was just such shock and disbelief and confusion, more than anger, or sadness or whatever. I had just taken two Tylenol PM because I'd lost a lot of sleep the past few nights and I was just wishing I could crawl back into bed and forget about it until the next day. Natalie and Rebecca had already had time to digest the situation so their comments were more along the lines of sarcasm about being part of a "harem" and I was standing there shaking my head, still reeling from the insanity of it all. The lies ran so deep on all sides it seemed virtually impossible to find the end of the thread, and in some ways, I didn't want to know more than I already did. Natalie and Rebecca urged me to check out of Ella's the next day and come stay at their place, and not allow Arie to sweet-talk with apologies. I said goodnight to them and squatted across from Pujo, whose English is better than Arie's, who was speaking softly about how he used to be like Arie...so much contact with tourists and being young and stupid and not having an appreciation of the important things in life....blahblahblah. Arie sat dejectedly, not able to look at us or say anything meaningful. Pujo wanted us to somehow be friends or at least say goodbye or not leave the situation as it was. It was all very surreal. All Arie said to me during that time was "Don't be angry with me, yeah?" I spoke to Pujo. It was as if Arie wasn't there. Physically, he sat in on the conversation, but we spoke about him in third person and he wasn't really "present" anyway. What could he say that would've mattered at that point...But it all goes deeper than that I think. I looked at him once and said, "This is a cultural difference and you will never be able to understand how we feel in this situation." For him, there is (seemingly) no remorse, and it can only be hoped that this will mark some change or turning point in his life (doubtful). Arie had in fact told Pujo that he wanted to marry a Western girl. "Maybe you should stick with an Indonesian girl, " I said, "Western girls will never accept this kind of situation." I groggily pulled myself up, tired, tired of all the useless banter and hoping I could get a quick return to Bali. As I pushed open the door to Ella's I glanced at Arie, then back to the door. "I hope your life changes after this, but maybe not. Maybe this isn't enough to make that happen."
It's 8 a.m. I've been up since six, wondering what my next plan of action should be. I had wanted to see Borobudur (the largest Buddhist monument in the world, built in the 9th century...I had missed it last year.) But on second thought, the sooner I can get back to Bali and resume my vacation, the better off and more grounded I will feel. Natalie and Rebecca went off to their homestay to get drunk last night. I didn't have such recourse.
Tali has been a saving grace. She works here at Ella's and is the one who sat outside with us last year when Arie and I said goodbye and he gave me his necklace. She happily greeted and welcomed me here two days ago and this morning became a good friend. "Tell me everything, " she said. I did, and she laughed when I said I now understood why she didn't go out with Indonesian guys. She's very worldly and speaks English really well. In August she's going to Switzerland to live for a few months with a girl she met here at Ella who became her good friend. She calls herself a "modern girl" and I imagine a whole new world will open up for her once she experiences life outside Indonesia. Many a Western guy has come through here and fallen for her. When I told her I was trying to change my ticket to get back to Bali tomorrow or the next day, she grabbed my hands and said, "Don't go yet. Stay here, you meet my family and celebrate the New Year together. You can stay at my house, no problem." I told her I had wanted to go to Borobudur but.."I'll take you on my motorbike, today or tomorrow. This afternoon, when it's not so hot, we'll go to Borobudur, watch the sunset. Tomorrow you can meet my family." Needless to say, I cried. I went to the Garuda Airlines office to see about changing but their system was down. I'm so worried all the flights to Denpasar (Bali) will be really booked for the holidays. I'll call again this afternoon.
Anyway, I'm grateful for Tali, a friend in Yogya, when I feel like everyone else is laughing at me. She's also a good friend of Arie's but she's truthful with me, and I trust her because she didn't try to defend him or change my mind about things.
I spent the morning, exhausted, but summoned the energy to handwash all my clothes and hang them on the roof to dry. Agus walked by the washroom and asked how I was doing.
"Not so good, you know..."
"I'm sorry this happened to you," he said, "Of course we all knew, but couldn't say anything."
"Yeah, well, he's your friend, so I can't expect you to be loyal to me..."
Agus and I had hit it off last year, laughing and talking in Japanese. I sent him a tape of Japanese music earlier this year in a package to Arie. Tali and I took off on her motorbike for an hour-long ride out to Borobudur. We walked slowly, meditatively with our right shoulders to the Buddha around each level of this ancient temple that had been discovered by the Dutch in the 19th century (it had previously been covered in the volcanic ash of Mt. Merapi). Tali made me laugh and we spent the afternoon talking about life, and Arie, of course, holding hands everywhere we went (as Muslim girls do)--I felt privileged that I could experience Indonesia in this way with her. I needed her friendship so badly and she told me she just wanted to make me happy.
We returned to Ella's just in time for a torrential downpour. Just after we ran in a Japanese guy also came running in and sat down across from us while chattering away in Japanese, as if everyone could speak his language. Tali and Jono turned to me and waited for me to make conversation with him, which I did.
"Where are you from?"
"Kobe."
"Really? I live in Okubo."
"I live in Nishi-ku."
"Nishi-ku? I work at Otsukadai Junior High School."
"I work at the Rehabilitation Center near there. My daughter graduated from Otsukadai last year."
"You're kidding!"
"Akiyo Kunigita..."
"Kunigita...Kunigita...Oh my God, she was in my elective English class! Crazy girl!"
"Yes, that's the one!" SMALL WORLD.
Kunigita-san is staying at Ella as well and had been travelling through Java with a guide from Bandung. He insisted that I be his guest for the evening, so we went to see the Ramayana Ballet, traditional Indonesian dancing and costumes, so I eagerly accepted the opportunity to get out of Ella's for a little while, away from the situation I was in.
I was in bed by 10:30 last night and finally got a solid 8 hours sleep. Today is a new day, a new start. I feel better, except for the fact I haven't been able to change my flight to Bali due to the computer systems being down. Ugh. The good things is, though, today I'm feeling better, stronger. Yesterday I think I was still in shock. I've replayed all the tapes over and over again in my mind and I feel like I'm ready to move on from this--but not without some one-on-one, face-to-face with Arie. I just need to say a few things, and hear some answers from him, so I'm not left wondering for the rest of my life. I'm ready for it, so I'm waiting for him to wake up and Tali's gonna ask him to come by. Phase Number...of this weird "adventure" I'm on.
Two mornings ago I talked to Arie. I told him I forgave him (not forgiving would hurt me more than him) and I had to make peace with him, for my own peace of mind, and since I'm stuck in Yogya until at least January 1st (flights are booked, computers are down) and I'm still here at Ella's and Arie lives across the way--things needed to be said. Arie sat quietly at the opposite end of my bed, trying to express himself in English, proclaiming that he wanted to change his behavior, and that he was sorry, blahblahblah, and I guess "the talking" was more for me than for him. At one point, as he staggered through his words in English, apologizing for his mistakes, grammatical and otherwise, I told him this would probably happen again with some other girls, so he might want to keep talking so he could practice. Glare.
That night I went out to dinner with Kunigita-san again and then out for some live music with Agus. He's been a good friend too, and we stayed up late talking and laughing in the alley. I felt like I would be okay after all this, better, smarter, stronger. Unfortunately, the plot thickens. Agus ended up telling me that I had made a big impression on him last year, and he was really surprised when I came back this year to see Arie. I took his overtures all very lightly, the fact that Agus really liked me, and yesterday evening we went out again, bullshitting the night away. We came back and sat around in the alley for awhile and then it all started to come out (you mean there's more?). Agus is a truly decent guy, of a very different (also older, more mature than) caliber from Arie. Agus was really hurt by what Arie had done to me, though Arie had done it to other girls, Agus was upset that he'd done it to me...because he really likes me, oh god, and unfortunately, I'm not attracted to him at all, but have really appreciated his friendship these last few days. Apparently things are now tense between Agus and Arie because Agus told Arie how he felt about me. All I could offer was my friendship and finally Agus got up and said, "Sorry, Kennerly, I'm stupid, you know, but I think I can't see you tomorrow. That's my character. It's better I stay away." And he went into Yossie and went to bed.
Meanwhile, I went out to dinner with Kunigita-san again last night and said goodbye to this a.m. (He insisted on giving me 20,000 rupiah to go out with, because "my daughter's tea-cha..." in typical Japanese "indebtedness" to someone who has "done something" for them or their family.) Arie's been hanging around Ella's--of course because now both the other girls have left (last I heard, Rebecca took him back and she and her mother were talking about coming back and taking him to Sweden in February.) She's got something to offer him, and I'm now realizing that's the only way to make sense of his behavior towards all of us.
I've been spending every day at the Batik Palace Hotel pool down the alley. For 3000 rupiah they allow non-hotel guests to use the pool and patio, so I go there and soak up the rays and imagine it's Bali and none of this ever happened to me. A little Indonesian girl, Natalia, befriended me, and she chatters away in Indonesian while I make gestures. Some high school boys also chatted with me and all wanted my address so they could practice writing English. Now that the storm has blown over, I'm feeling more comfortable here and glad--so glad--to have Tali around. We hang out together every day and she's asked her mother if she can stay here in Yogya with me for New Year's. Arie acts flirtatious with me and despite the fact the songs he sings and plays now all have a bittersweet sting to them, we both laughed out loud as he started to sing Guns-n-Roses' "I used to love her..." In a way, I'm glad I haven't been able to leave yet. I know now that when I do go, I won't leave angry or upset, and that people around here will have gained some respect for me and the way I'm handling this situation.
The saga continues...