Joke 11: A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of using the restroom. Each time he tried to use it, it was occupied. The flight attendant aware of his predicament, suggested he use the ladies room but she cautioned him against pressing any of the buttons. The buttons were marked "WW", "WA", "PP" and "ATR". Making a fateful mistake many men make in disregarding what a woman says, he allowed his curiosity to get the best of him and decided to try to the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button, marked "WW", and immediately warm water sprayed his entire bottom. He thought, " Golly, the gals really got it made....." Still curious, he pressed the second button, marked "WA", and warm air dried his bottom off gently and quickly. He thought that was out of this world. The button marked "PP" caused a large powder puff to powder his bottom with a sweet smelling silky powder. Well naturally he could not resist the last button marked "ATR". When he woke up in the hospital, he panicked and buzzed the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened? The last thing I remember I was in the ladies room aboard a plane." The nurse replied "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the last button marked "ATR which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

Joke 12: A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt. "Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if--" The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Joke 13: Man's 25 Rules For Women

1.Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. 2.Don't cut your hair. Ever. 3.Don't make us guess. 4.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 5.Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it. 6.He's never thinking about "The Relationship." 7.Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat. 8.Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 9.Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time. 11. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 12.You have enough clothes. 13.You have too many shoes. 14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. 15.Your brother is an idiot. 16.Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 17.No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries. 18. Share the bathroom. 19. Share the closet. 20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 21.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 22. Nothing says 'I love you' like a blowjob in the morning. 23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 24.Check your oil. 25.Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

Joke 14: Staking out a notoriously rowdy bar for possible D.U.I. violators, a cop watched from his squad car as a fellow stumbled out the door, tripped on the curb and tried 45 cars before opening the door to his own and falling asleep on the front seat.

One by one, the drivers of the other cars drove off. Finally, the sleeper woke up, started his car and began to leave. The cop pulled him over and administered a Breathalyzer test. When the results showed a 0.0 blood-alcohol level, the puzzled policeman asked him how that was possible.

"Easy," was the reply. "Tonight was my turn to be the decoy"

Joke 15: So---there was this woman who had a problem with silent gas and she went to the doctor and she said,

"This is so embarrassing. I have this problem of farting silently. You probably haven't noticed, but I've let three of them since I've been in this office with you. Is there ANYTHING you can do?"

He said, "Yes, but the first thing is to get you fitted for a hearing aid."

Joke 16: Top Twenty Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex:

1.You can GET chocolate 2."If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate 3.Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft 4.You can safely have chocolate while you are driving 5.You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to 6.You can have chocolate even in front f your mother 7.If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind 8.Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names 9.The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate 10.You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting co-workers 11.You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped 12.You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate 13.With chocolate there's no need to fake it 14.Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant 15.You can have chocolate any time of month 16.Good chocolate is easy to find 17.You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle 18.You are never too young or too old for chocolate 19.When you have chocolate is does not keep your neighbors awake 20.With chocolate size doesn't matter.

Joke 17: HAIRCUTS.... Are Men and Women really the same?

Read these two versions of getting a haircut and answer the question yourself.

Women's version:

Woman 2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman 1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 2: Oh Lord no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men's version:

Man2: Haircut?

Man1: Yeah.

Joke 18: An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man say >> "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." >> Old man says "I'll get my hat."

Joke 19: A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball- don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix." The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost." They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you- I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself." "OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year, tax free, for the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife. "I want a house in every country of the world," she said. "Consider it done." the genie replied. "And what's your wish, Genie?", the husband said. "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife." The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?" "35." she replied. >> >> "And he still believes in genies- that's amazing." >>

Joke 20: blonde (named Judi) and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. Judi bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so Judi gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". Judi said "No. A bet's a bet". So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money". Judi replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"