Dear Doctor Amy,
A while back,me and 3 friend adopted a canine.she thinks she's a cat and dogs aren't highly regarded in Ichigo anyways so should we let her think she's a cat?
Hirano of ichigo
**Dr. Amy does not answer to such trivial and stupid questions.
Well this horrible person on Furcadia is bugging me bad, i just want to kill him, his name is Payne many want to kill him. I cant go onto furcadia unless im sure hes off, otherwise i just have serious problems, leaving quickly, murmoring to myself, and ignorning all whispers and stuff.
I am okay doc
-Carey
Carey,
If you are okay, then why did you write me…? This page is strictly for the mentally deficient. However, this part about you murmuring to yourself raises my suspicions about whether you are truly "okay". I believe you may be suffering from schizophrenia. Perhaps you may consider talking to Jean, she is an expert and long time sufferer of this disorder as well as many others.
-Dr. Amy
Dr Amy,
You are so cool.....just had to tell you. I'm a friend of Memento's. We gotta meet sometime!!!!!
What, Memento? Who's that?
-Dr. Amy
I CANT STOP STEALING PILLOWS AND HIDING THEM !!!!
I Cant remember
Dear Cant Remember,
If you can't remember, then how do you know you're hiding pillows in the first place? Oh, and if you have to hide pillows, hide the pink ones.
-Dr. Amy
Dearest Dr. Amy,
Here I am a young man (20) and caught with an odd conflict. I usually spend most of my time at a coffee shop hanging out with my freinds, but one day I was walking around drunk there. I decided to have a coffee so I sat inside staring out the window as my freind lectured me about my drinking in public. A girl walked by. She had sparkels and stars on her hair. I was simply enchanted. I ran outside and yelled HEY! She slowley turned around and so did her freind beside her. So I said "I think your hair is pretty." and smiled. They both looked at eachother and giggled. After awhile of talking the brought me to their partment and we drank tea and sang cranberries :) any how latter they said they were going up stairs to talk. I said... ok... They said "talk" So I said ok... again. I didnt quite catch on. They left up stairs and continued loking at me. Then they were gone. I heard them "talking" for an hour. then they came back happy... I sat on the couch and listend i!ntently while I tossed off... when they came out they caught me and thought it was cool. They still hang out with me and hit on me... what should I do, never been in such an odd position...
Signed
Caught in an akward moment...
Dear Demented,
What the hell are you talking about? Not only are you in an awkward moment, but you are an awkward person. Next time write to someone who cares.
-Dr. Amy
DR. Amy I need to know how to lay down in furc i get so tired standing or siting around all day
by the way are you really a prisoner?
Tired and standing
Dear Tired and Standing,
You poor misinformed soul! You can't lie down in Furcadia, it's just a graphic that has not implemented yet.
And yes, I am a prisoner. I had my license taken away, and was sent to jail for malpractice. I'd stay and explain, but my warden is calling me.
As always,
Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy,
I've been having problems with these voices in my head.
They tell my to go fuck a cow, but horses don't fuck cows!
What do I do?
sighned,
horsey
Dear Horsey,
Pardon? What do you mean horses and cows do not fornicate (or in other words "fuck" for all you uncouth heathens), I thought that was how JaneMare came to be…? I believe, however, for the sake of Furcadia, that you should repress your other voices, so that Furcadia does not end up with more Zens, Jeans, and other psychopaths.
Always here to aid the uneducated.
-Dr. Amy
Dear "Dr. Kitty",
What would your advice be for someone who doesn't wish to waste their time being someone's posession and wants to be in many relationships with many people, other than boring themselves to death with just one person? And please don't play Dr. Laura on this one and tell me polygamy is wrong and about "the way it should be", because I just don't believe that.
Lovingly,
Mormoran the Male Musteline
P.S.: Why are you so strict about the 18+ thing for the nude patch on your page? Granted, I'm over 18, but I don't see any real point in restricting access to something your average teenager has seen scads of already...
Dear Mormoran,
I suggest you convert to Mormonism, move to Utah, and start your own harem.
-Dr. Amy
P.S. I am not concerned about corrupting the minds of the youth today. I am more concerned with the wrath of their irate mothers. I'm pretty much just covering my own ass.
POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I appreciate your contribution to this forum. I will put it in my litter box file…
Dear Amy,
As I near the time of my wedding I realize that my mate is truely asslike, stubborn, insobordinate, and among other things totally stuck up. I think im being Paranoid but I can never be too sure
-wierdy wonderful
Dear Wierdy Wonderful,
I believe I have the perfect solution to this! You should marry this person; however, at the same time find a few other mates to fall back on. This way in case you are not being paranoid, and your marriage does fail because your mate is actually ass-like, stubborn, and insubordinate, then you will have other mates for back up! After all, Furcadia is not known for its faithful marriages.
Glad to help.
-Dr. Amy
Please DR AMY I NEED HELP I HAVE BEEN ON FURCADIA FOR A LONG TIME MAYBE 8 YEARS AND I HAVE A HUSBAND OR I SHOUD SAY HAD I BEEN WITH HIM ALL MY LIFETIME OF FURCADIA I LOST HIM ON THE 5 YEAR AND HAVE NOT SEEN HIM IN 3 YEARS. OH AND WE DID LOVE EACH OTHER SO BUT I NEVER SEEN HIM AND I I LOVE HIM!!! I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN GO LONGER WITHOUT HIM WHAT SHOULD I DO??????
Signed
Ninsun
Dear Ninsun,
First of all, I believe you need major psychiatric help. I believe you may be suffering from Cap-Lockitis, and the Run-on sentence syndrome. Also, I do not know what you are talking about, Furcadia has not been around for eight years. Maybe you do not have a mate that's gone at all, and it's just all in your head. In which case you might consider taking advantage of my annual Christmas sale on lobotomies.
However, if you truly do have a lost mate, and you have just lost track of time, I suggest that you purchase an inflatable furre to ease your suffering.
-Dr. Amy
Dear, doctor Amy
I've got a problem. I have 8 mates, and I never planned that. It always starts out by being friends, but then then my companion always gets to talk about being mates in a couple of minutes or days. So I don't want to lose a friend for nothing and always accept. Am I being too misleading? Now theyre starting to bump into each other and I've had a couple of close shaves. What can I do? Most of them I like as a friend only, but in two I think im falling in love with. Other one is notty, other one sweet and I can't decide. They all think im mister perfect, but I have this fault of can't say NO. What should I do? can't hold it out much longer, there's too many of them and im tired.
Yours truly,
Mr.Not So Perfect?
Dear Mr. Not So Perfect,
Well, Furcadia has never been known for its monogamous relationships. This is a serious problem though. One that can be solved simply by cutting off all ties with your real life (this includes your family, friends and job). You then devote all of your time to your eight mates, give all your attentions to just them, and don't let them catch on. After all, eight people liking you in a great thing!
Signed,
Miss Perfect - Dr. Amy
Dr. Amy,
All my friends say that I am a satanist and a freak. But I do not worship Satan. I draw symbols that they do not know, and they say I am wierd. And all my peers ( the ones I choose, not the ones that think I am satanist) are demented, like myself. Now I am considering suicide because my teachers call me idiot boy. Can you help me?
Demented
Dear Idiot Boy,
Teachers are always right.
-Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy
My multiple personalities won't agree on what type of furre I should be. One wants to be a sultry skunk with shades of puece. Another wants to be a snake, no matter how many times she is told it is impossible. How can I .. the middle personality with the great looking hair, get my other two parts to stop fighting.
Signed,
Me Myself and I
Dear Me Myself and I,
Perhaps you should join my MPA (Multiple Personalities Anonymous). Anyway, Furcadia's characters do not consist of skunks or snakes, so your other personalities don't really have a choice, do they?
-Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy,
Whenever I meet anyone in Furcadia, they seem to be very nice and kind (etc.) for a while. They claim to be online almost everyday. Then they make me promise never to forget them. Next few times I come to Furcadia, I see no sign of them anywhere. Are they all pathological liars or do I just have bad luck finding people?
Signed,
CuriouS
P.S. I've never heard of gandalf the 2nd, but I do know gandalf13
Dear CuriouS,
Have you ever heard of ICQ? It is a very nice leash to help you find your friends whenever you're online.
Also, most people have more than one character, and often change their names. You might try setting up a time and meeting place to see them again, and ask them if they have any other characters and what their names are.
-Dr. Amy
Dear DR. Amy,
I am new to Furcadia and have fallen head over heel in love with a beautiful feline femme. My problem is she had just broken off with her beau just a few days before and can't respond to my affections. Please help me, I'm desparate.
Mordenheim...
Dear Mordenheim,
Remain friends with her for about a week, and then pursue a relationship. A week is the usual length of Furcadia relationships these days, so after a week, it should be okay. But first, I suggest that you find out why her previous boyfriend broke it off with her. You never know, she may be suffering from a serious psychological disorder!
-Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy,
I do have ICQ in fact, and the people now have shown up. Now my problem would be the fact that my best Furcadian friend is absolutely crazy about me, but I already have a mate. Neither of them know each other to my knowledge, and I haven't told them about each other (what is the point?). I like them both, but not that much . . . what should I do?
Signed,
Not Crazy About Either of Them
Dear Not Crazy,
Oh, I think you should use both! As I've said before, Furcadia is not known for its monogamous relationships, so if you continue or even just begin being faithful to your mate, I believe Furcadia will be so overwhelmed with the change, that it may turn into total upheaval! And we can't have that, can we? So start a relationship with your friend, and maybe even find another mate to keep things safe!
Always here to help.
-Dr. Amy
Dear Amy,
I have a really bad problem. I met this guy and he was incredible. He was everything I wanted in a guy. Well one day we were in my dream and we were making out and stuff and he wanted to go farther. I told him I wanted to save myself for my husband so he propesed to me. Within an hour we were married and doing the mattress mombo in his bed. After that night I never saw him again and I just found out I'm pregnant with his kitten. I don't know what to do he has been gone for almost two months. Should I give up on him and find another furre or should I wait for him and take care of the kitten myself?
Signed,
Kalie
Dear Kalie,
Furcadia is not a real place, so you can just pretend yourself out of having a kitten. You pretended yourself into having one, so why can't you just pretend it never happened?
-Dr. Amy
What the Heck is "yiff" or "yiffing"? I would just like to know. Also, do you think I need to stay as a female dog because my mate says I look better as that, or should I be a female horse, because I think I look better as that? (I look good both ways, not to brag or anything) And, I am always hungry, even after dinners such as Thanksgiving.
-Hungry
Dear Hungry,
yiff (yif)v.
yiff-ing
1. The act of engaging in sexual relations over the internet, usually resulting in a cyber-baby (see also: cyber sex); animal sex.
--yiff`er n.
If you're so hungry all of the time, then I suggest that you get your stomach stapled.
**Dr. Amy doesn't answer to fashion questions. She could really care less.
Dear Dr. Amy,
Look... I'm having great relationship problems. I'm 18 and the problem is that I don't have a relationship. I don't understand. IRL and IC, I'm a really sweet guy to the girls. I'm open and caring. I'm a poet, and artist, and a musician. I have a sense of humour and I am both serious and wild, depending on the situation. I'm intelligent. I know that for a fact, as I've taken an IQ test and my score is "147". I don't try to impress anyone, nor am I arrogant. In fact, I'm a shy person. I'm romantic and I love putting aside some of my spare time to do something special for the ones I care about. I'm cute, too, and not ugly. I'm not saying that from my personal judgement, but from secondary opinions, like my friends. There's not much negative about me, except for my non-existant self-esteem, which really pisses my friends off. They say that I won't ever have a relationship if I don't have confidence, but the reason why I don't have is because I haven't had any real relationships (! dog chasing his tail). I don't know what to do. It's been like this for so long. All the girls I ever liked or more, have never felt anything for me. I don't get it... ! All my friends tell me to be patient for that special person to come walking along, but I'm not necessarily looking for "her" at the moment. I'm just looking for someone I can atleast feel happy with, without having too serious a relationship. Sure, I'd be nice to have "her", but it'll take years to find her. This whole business being eternally damned to be single and alone is depressing me. Even to the point of contemplating suicide, because I REALLY need someone to share with, and I can't stand being depressed everyday, because I can't stop thinking about it. A piece of my heart is still empty, while others have had it filled. When is it my turn ? I'm going mad !!!
Yours truly,
José
Hey Amy,
How long does it take for you to post up advice... I've been waiting a month, and I'm still as lost as ever. Can you please help me !!!
signed,
No Response to My Problem and It's Getting WORSE!
Dear José,
I believe I know why you're having relationship problems. Perhaps it's because you're… pushy?!
Now, I could sound completely mushy and explain the facts of life to you, and tell you that you're not going to find that "special someone" unless you're outgoing enough to make the first move, and such. But I won't, Dr. Amy is not in the mood. Instead, I think I'll make fun of you… Ha!
Glad to help.
-Dr. Amy
Amy? If you see Santa claus wearing alein print boxers every day that it's NOT Christmas? What does that tell you?
Dear Psychopath,
First of all, Santa wears a thong when it's not Christmas, not sissy la-la alien print boxers! However, when it is Christmas, Santa doesn't wear underwear at all! He wears a stocking with tinsel in the spirit of Christmas.
Season's greetings!
-Dr. Amy
why can i not stop masturbating over pictures of you whore?
Mage Rooster
Dear Mage Rooster imposter,
I appreciate the compliment, but remember I didn't make this page for others to compliment me. I believe, however, that you may have an obsession with Mage Rooster. Perhaps you should share your feelings with him, and maybe, just maybe, you can lure him to your dream. I hear that his wife took off about a year ago anyway.
Good luck with Mr. Clucky.
Signed,
Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy,
I went away to my grandmother's for the summer, and told all my friends that I was leaving just for the summer. When I got back, my boyfriend had left me for some tramp named Atchika. Should I tell him that she is a man or that she is Gandolf the 2nd or a lesbian? I want to kill her!
Signed--
Murderous Feelings
Dear Murderous Feelings,
I believe that you should start stalking them. Make many alts and follow their every move until you know everything about their personal lives. Learn her email address and send threatening emails to her from anonymous addresses; figure out her Furcadia password, come on as her character, and repeatedly engage in same sex interludes on the main map; come on with her character and shout on main map, "I'm a man, I'm a man!"; and if anyone catches on to your little scheme, drown her in the Theriopolis river.
A good way to get back at your boyfriend would be to befriend Atchika without the boyfriend knowing, but don't bring up anything about dating that guy to her at first. Then when Atchika tells you that she's with that boyfriend, tell her that you once dated him too, but dumped him right away when you received his picture. Then send her a picture of an old, fat woman.
If anyone tells you stalking is wrong, then tell them that Dr. Amy says this is a very healthy way of relieving your aggressions.
Hope this helps.
-Dr. Amy
Dear Amy,
I seem to be having trouble with my mate. I haven't seen her for at least a couple months, and I'm wanting to look elsewhere, but I'm still attached to her... I love her dearly, and I don't want someone else to break our record for longest lasting marriage. (20 months as of yesterday!)
Could you give me some advice?
-Alone and Clucky
Dear Alone and Clucky,
Stop running around with your head cut off and find someone new. You just can't trust poultry, she probably ran off with a chicken and is now a happy lesbian mother of twenty eggs. Besides, I don't think you're still considered married when you haven't seen your wife in eighteen out of twenty of those months. Especially when you're always off yiffing other livestock.
That's just my opinion though, and all of my opinions are professional.
-Dr. Amy
COWS!!!COWS~!!!!
Yes I know, the shortage of characters in Furcadia can be quite discouraging. There are no cows, birds, or even snakes for that matter. But this is not a forum to express your discontent. Try going to the Furcadia homepage and emailing Felorin about the lack of choices in characters. And while you're at it, could you tell him to take away the evil coleslaws (Umm… Owsla..?) too? Felorin doesn't consider my complaints valid anymore.
Thanks,
Dr. Amy
Dear Doc Amy,
I appreciate the help you have been giving everyone. But whats the deal with just suggesting a three way? I mean, those are big descisions and are usually very personal. Im not trying to be disrespective to you but I dont think suggesting a three way will make everything better.
Please reply,
Just thinking about feelings.
P.S. I also think the things you talk about is kind of adult and I once saw my little cousin reading this page which I doubt he really needed to read. so You might try putting up some sign or something.
Dear Just Thinking about Feelings,
You seem like a very stressed person, have you ever considered a three way? I've heard it's a very good way of relieving anxiety. It's a known fact that it fixes everything.
Please take my advice to heart.
-Dr. Amy
P.S. My page is just a parody of an actual psychiatric page, purely for my entertainment purposes only. I will, however, take putting up a warning under consideration… well, maybe.
I can't seem to find work In Furcadia! I'm qualified, smart, and capable but noboy needs my services. In fact, nobody seems to work in furcadia at all... hmm
Verbal, the out of workk furre.
Dear Verbal,
Start your own escort service.
-Dr. Amy
Hey why hasn't my question been put up??? *growls*
I post everything I get, it just takes me awhile. Doctors go golfing a lot, you know. Besides, who are you? ...Gandalf, is that you...?
Dear Doctor Amy,
At one time (2 years ago maybe? I don't remember!) people actually knew me in Furcadia. But I was young, couldn't type and still have a very short attention span. Furcadia Stopped entertaining me. So I went to The Realm(A much cooler pay game) and met my second hubby. He turned out to be a player in Furcadia just like me! But he would ignore me once we got there together!! He was a total Asshole!! In that same year I got married over 5 times to different guys who all cheated on me, and only one I actually can still talk to cause he's pretty nice. I think my experiences have scared me for life and furcadia just doesn't hold my attention any more, its sooo boring! Everybody just runs around talking dirty and power gaming!!
They're so stupid, I can't even sit there for more than a minute without being whispered evil propositions in my ear!!
Is there any hope for the world of Furcadia?
Is it as crappy now as I think?
Please respond Amy! :)
--BeckyBoo-Turtlerose-Ananda
Dear Boo,
Yes, it is as crappy as you think.
-Dr. Amy
I want a furre mate and I wondered how I would go about doing that. I am probably one of the 8% of furres that does not want anything kinky, and I thought that would be rather nice for any prospective furre. Any helpful hints you have is greatly needed and appreciated.
I'm sorry, but there's a scarcity of non-perverted males (I'm assuming you're female), and my husband is the only one. But on the other hand if you're male, you shouldn't much trouble, just beware of JaneMare and her herd of whores. So, tough luck finding anyone, and don't try seducing my husband.
-Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy,
When I first got Furcadia, I met a nice young man who used to sit and talk with me at the tables in Mycroft's. He and I seemed to share a mutual hatred of the relationship-crazed furres who'd come up and propose to us for no apparant reason other than we were single. Well, this guy and I made plans to get our characters married just to make the weirdos stop bugging us and just stay friends otherwise. Not long after that, I stopped visiting Furcadia due to personal problems and in that time, I met a wonderful guy offline who I am still happily together with. I recently went back into Furcadia to get reacquainted with it, and the same young man from before approached me and wanted to know when we planned to get our characters married. Now, I know that a marriage between our furcadia characters would only be out of friendship and to keep the pervs at bay, but I don't want it to look like I'm playing around on my RL boyfriend because he means the world to me. What should I do?!
Introduce your real life boyfriend to Furcadia, and then marry him. But if you're too embarrassed to tell your boyfriend about your internet life, then create an alt and marry it.
-Dr. Amy
Dear Doctor Amy,
I am in love with a furre who is married. He says that as soon as he sees her, he'll divorce her. I spend most of my time with him and only met HER on one occasion. Should I believe he'll leave her? sincerely CONFUZZLED.
PS he still says on his desc that he's married to her.
Dear Confuzzled,
Shame on you. I condemn you to hell for messing up the other girl's poor marriage. God's going to get you for this! Dr. Amy has her connections, you know!
-Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy
I am way too shy. Everytime I go to Furcadia, I end up sitting all by myself. And if someone does come along, I get all nervous and panicky. I would like a special "someone" but when a male furcadian tries to talk to me, I can't think of anything to say. I really need help. Is there anyway to overcome my shyness?
Dear Shy Person,
Put in your description that you are mute, so it gives you an excuse not to say anything when you're too shy to. With that, the only thing you'll have to learn to do is type ":smiles", ":stares at (whoever)", etc. You can do whatever you want, and no one will question you if you have a disability. Many guys seem to be attracted to the strong, silent, and suffering on the inside type. However, if you still wish to speak, you can talk only in whispers and say you're telepathic. Voila! A way around your shyness, and also a solution to bad typing skills!
-Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy,
I am having problems finding a mate. I really have a cute nose, and nofurre seems to notice. I spend all my time in the bar and socializing, but nothing has resulted. I wish to look for somefurre that will be a part of my heart forever. I'm really troubled about if I will ever find a soul mate.
Love, Half a Heart
Dear Half a Heart,
You have a cute nose? Why, then I must have a cute nose too! (considering that everyone's character looks the same) Well, I see your problem -- you're still in the immature bar phase! Most people in their right mind leave the bar stage within in a week of their first visit to Furcadia. Only stupid twelve year olds and JaneMare socialize there, giving the bar a very very bad image which scares away any prospective mate.
-Dr. Amy
Dear Dr. Amy,
Everywhere I turn there's always some guy I'm tripping over who wants to be "friends." I can't seem to get rid of them, no matter how boring my description is or how much I ignore them. What is about me that makes them come running at a hello? Is it my sparkling personality or perhaps my wicked sense of humor? The problem with it is, besides the fact I've already have a wondeful furre-hubby, is that none of them will go away even for a minute. To top it off several guilds (many of them mostly male) have begged me to join though I can't imagine why. What is wrong with me?
Yours Truly,
To Wonderful for Her Own Good?
Dear Twit,
I think you're too good for the rest of us. I suggest you leave Furcadia forever, and spare us from getting in the way of your greatness and your "wicked sense of humor"!
Respectfully yours,
Dr. Amy
