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A farmer and his wife went to a fair. There they saw an aeroplane and a poster that said "3 minutes in the plane=50$". The farmers were shocked.
-Hey! -they said to the pilot- This is incredible! 50$ for 3 minutes in the plane!?!?!? I won't pay that!
-Well -replied the pilot-, listen: if you don't make a sound while we're flying; you won't have to pay me anything. Whaddaya say?
The farmers accepted.
The plane made such an incredible movements that no one could have resisted without screaming. But the farmers kept their mouth shut. When they landed, the pilot congratulated the man:
-Wow, you didn't make a sound in all the ride! Congratulations, you don't have to pay me anything.
-Oh, it was quite difficult! -replied the farmer- I almost scream when my wife fell!!!
A man was dining in an expensive restaurant. The waiter came over and inquired:
-How did you find your steak, sir?
-Purely by accident -he replied-. I moved the potatoes and the peas, and voilà! There it was.
Three old ladies are sitting in a park. The first one says:
-You know, I think that lately I'm getting very forgetful... The other day, for example, I was in the top of my house's stairs and I wasn't able to figure out if I had just gone up or if I was about going down!
Then, the second one says:
-Oh, dear! That's nothing. Yesterday I was laying in my bed and I didn't know if I had just put to bed or if I was about waking up!
So the third one says, with a satisfied expression in her face:
-In exchange, my memory is as good as always, knock on wood...
She knocks on the table and seems shocked. All of the sudden, she asks:
-Who's there???
-Do you know why did God create the man first?
-Why?
-Because, before creating a master piece, everybody has to make a draft!
A woman reported that her five-year-old son and his five-year-old friend were watching television at her house. Some sort of medical-type program was on.
-Why do they wear masks when they do operations? -the visitor inquired.
-Because -said the knowledgeable host- if they make a mess of it, the patient won't know who did it.
-Mom, the lemons sing?
-No, why?
-Geez, I've squeezed out the canary!
A lady came up to a man on the street and pointed to his suede jacket:
-Do you know a cow was murdered for that jacket? -she sneered.
Then, he replied in a menacing tone:
-I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.
-Doctor, I have an awful memory.
-I see. Are you able to remember when did the problem begin?
-What problem?
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's
standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says:
-What's this?
And she answers:
-Oh, my father's ashes are in there.
Then, he goes:
-Gee... oooh... I...
And she replies:
-Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table,
and finishes them off. As they're leaving, the friend says to the grandmother:
-Thanks for the peanuts.
So she replies:
-Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em.
 
 
 
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