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Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man:
-What is three times three?
-274 -was his reply.
The doctor says to the second man:
-It's your turn. What is three times three?
-Tuesday -replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man:
-Okay, your turn. What's three times three?
-Nine -says the third man.
-That's great -says the doctor-. How did you get that?
-Simple -says the third man-. I subtracted 274 from Tuesday.
In the psychiatrist's office:
-Doctor, I've got an insecurity problem. żOr I don't?
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said:
-That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
-The bus driver insulted me -she answered.
The man sympathized and said:
-Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
-You're right -she said-. I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.
-That's a good idea -the man said-. Here, let me hold your monkey.
A guy calls the hospital:
-You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!
The nurse says:
-Calm down. Is this her first child?
He says:
-No! This is her husband!
Two friends decided to rent a boat and fish in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish.
One said to his friend:
-Mark this spot so that we can come here tomorrow.
The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, the same one said:
-Did you mark that spot?
His friend replied:
-Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat.
The first one said:
-You fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?
A man arrives at a bar and asks for a bottle of whisky. He drinks it at once. Drunk, he asks for
half bottle of whisky. He drinks it. Incredibly drunk, he asks for a glass of whisky. He drinks it. In a pitiful condition,
he asks for half glass of whisky. Already inserted it, he says:
-I don't understand it. The less I drink, the more drunk I am.
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and
started to pretend he had a big deal working.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor:
-Can I help you?
The man said:
-Sure. I've come to install the phone.
Teacher:
-What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested to listen?
Student:
-A teacher.
The family was joined before the father's coffin, recently deceased. The younger son says:
-Now we'll have to come true dad's last will: being buried with one million dollars on the coffin.
The son of the middle adds:
-Yeah, well... but in fact we'll just put in 750.000, because it must be discounted a 25% of taxes.
The older son comments:
-We'll also have to deduct a 16% of other local taxes...
The widow takes part on the conversation in a resolute way:
-Enough! Your father does not deserve these dribblings. He'll be buried with the credit card... and he shall spend
as much as he wants.
A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says:
-Do you have any last requests?
The guy says:
-(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?
 
 
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