From - Fri Feb 28 17:43:56 1997
Message-ID: <331789DC.1032@noblestar.net>
Date: Fri, 28 Feb 1997 17:43:56 -0800
From: rex@noblestar.net
Reply-To: rex@noblestar.net
X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.0 (Win16; U)
MIME-Version: 1.0
To: tobyb@mail.telis.org
Subject: Moogle Newsletter #3!!!
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
X-Mozilla-Status: 0005
Content-Length: 16515

Wow!  First I'd like to say thanks to CeeCee, Zeal, Blind Melon, Dragon
Zero, and all the rest of the moogles for making this the BIGGEST
newsletter yet!  Also, since this is the best one yet, it's being given
out to the most popular chatters around, to show them what they're
missing from the Button Moogle Club! :)

Table of Contents

NinRPG Report
A Few Jokes (Blind Melon)
CeeCee's Corner (CeeCee McTavish)
A Few Questions on FF3 and CT (Dragon Zero)
Specs on the Pastry Mech Version 1 (Hug Button)
Attachment: KupoBOOM.gif (new moogle pic, Zeal21)

NinRPG Report

Well, there is a big controversy in the NinRPG these days.  A lot of the
"old" chatters have made up their minds that newbies aren't allowed in
NinRPG basically because they kinda ruin the atmosphere.  Personally, I
feel that they shouldn't be banned or destroyed or whatever you would do
to them.  I think that they should be taught, so that they can stop
being a newbie.  That way everyone will be happy!!  =)

Also, lets stop for a moment to honor Ex!le, he left yesterday,  he'll
stop by every once and a while, so he's not gone completely.  =)  

A Few Jokes (Blind Melon)

Here are a few jokes and such that I picked up off the net.  I had to
censor some of it. They are still really good! :-)
________________________________________________________________________________________

This burglar is breaking into some house at night. Sneaking around he
suddenly hears: "Jesus is watching you!". The burglar is shocked, ducks
down, remains silent for a while, but nothing happens. After a minute or
so he decides to continue his search for the jewelery, so he gets up
again. Again he hears, but a little louder and more like a warning:
"Jesus is still watching you!". "Good heavens!" he thinks, "What's going
on here?". He still doesn't dare to use his torch though. Silently he
strafes backward and again -and really loud this time-: "Jesus is
*really* watching you!". Ok, this guy is almost getting a heart attack
and switches on his Maglite. After a little looking around he detects
this parrot.

Burglar: "A parrot?"
Parrot: "Yes, that's me!"
Burglar: "You can talk pretty well"
Parrot: "Yes, I'm already 50 years of age"
Burglar: "Phew that's not bad! You live here?"
Parrot: "Yep!"
Burglar: "Gosh I really thought something weird was going on here!
What's your name?"
Parrot: "Henry"
Burglar: "Henry? That's a weird name for a parrot?"
Parrot: "Not as weird as 'Jesus' for a rottweiler!"


________________________________________________________________________________________

Q: How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
A: Three -- one to eat the possum and two to watch for cars. 

________________________________________________________________________________________
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local
chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went
out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for
over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief
and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of
the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company
that brings them out safely!"

As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen
their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire,
president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that
could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance a long
siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local
volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's
amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates
and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the
other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and
began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.

After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished
the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company
president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and
walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking
each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they
intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him
right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the
darn brakes on that truck!
________________________________________________________________________________________
A man trying to understand the nature of God and asked him: "God, how
long is a million years to you?"

God answered: " A million years is like a minute."

Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to you?"

And God replied: "A million dollars is like a penny."

Finally the man asked: "God, could you give me a penny?" And God said,
"In a minute."

________________________________________________________________________________________


There were three men sitting in a bar drinking. One man said to the
other "You know what? I know this bridge, where you can jump off and you
bounce right back." 

So the other man says, "No way that's ridiculous. It simply cannot be
possible." The first replies, "Come on, I'll show is to you then." So
the men, both quite tipsy, saunter out of the bar and walk to the
bridge. When they arrive at the bridge the first man says "Here I'll
show you how it works." 

So he climbs up on the edge and jumps off. Seconds later low and behold
the man seems to just bounce back up astounding the second man. The
second man says "Hey man, do that again! I can't believe it..." So the
first jumps off again and immediately comes flying back up again. After
seeing this the second man decides to give it a try, after all it all
seems quite safe, so he climbs up and jumps off. After a few moments,
the second man doesn't return, so the first man walks back to the bar,
sits down and orders another drink. The bartender after noticing the
second man is missing, turns to the first man and says, "Superman,
you're so darn cruel when you're drunk!"
________________________________________________________________________________________
Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft



Picard:  Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to
access their command pathways? 

Geordi:  Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through
our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology.

(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)

Riker: [puzzled]  What the hell is Microsoft? 
Data: [turns to explain]  Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called Windows, through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate. 

Picard:  But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity? 

Data:  Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an upgrade. The use of resources increases
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken
over and none will be available for their normal operational functions. 

Picard:  Excellent work. This is even better than that unsolvable
geometric shape idea. 

     . . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

Data:  Captain, we have successfully installed the Windows in the Borg's
command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available
resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the
expected upgrade. 

Geordi:  Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity, but we still have no indication of an upgrade to compensate
for their increase. 

Picard:  Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed. 

Data:  Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the upgrade.
Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not
sending in their registration cards. 

Riker:  Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F! 

Geordi: [excited] Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped
to 0% ! 

Picard:  Data, what do your scanners show? 

Data: [studying displays]  Appearently the Borg have found the internal
Windows module named Solitaire, and it has used up all available CPU
capacity. 

Picard:  Lets wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce their
functionality. 

     . . . . Two Hours Pass . . .

Riker:  Geordi, what is the status of the Borg? 

Geordi:  As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more Windows modules from something called
the Microsoft Fun-Pack. 

Picard:  How much time will that buy us? 

Data:  Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest time
span of 6 more hours. 

Geordi:  Captain, another vessel has entered our sector. 

Picard:  Identify. 

Data:  It appears to have markings very similar to the Microsoft logo... 

[over the speakers] 
This is admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship MONOPOLY. We have
positive confirmation of
unregistered software in this sector. Surrender all assets and we can
avoid any trouble. You have 10 seconds
to comply. 

Data:  The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid-shaped objects. 

Picard:  Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft! 

Riker:  My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward
the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space?! 

Data:  I dont believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases,
and wearing Armani suits. 

Riker and Picard, together [horrified]: Lawyers!! 

Geordi:  It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening. 

Data:    True, but appearently some must have survived. 

Riker:   They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
types of papers. 

Data:    I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red tape. It
often proves fatal. 

Riker:   They're tearing the Borg to pieces! 

Picard:  Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the
Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death! 
________________________________________________________________________________________

CeeCee's Corner

My thing.  I am writing because I was pressured into it.  I will be
writing about whatever I feel like in the next few lines.  I don't know
what about or WHY, i just will be.

------Creativity

It seems to me like people these days, at least handle wise, in NinRPG,
have no idea what they're doing.  We have complicated systems by people
claiming NOT to be zippies, who call anyone who cares to deviate from
that system a zippie... we have people copying a particular race or
class just because it sounded cool.  No one has any originality anymore!
My God, how many vamps or Crows are there?!  I know I am the only
Cactus, Pickle, Spyce, Hojpoj, Spo, Mufifnbe-- I mean, um, I'm not a
Muffinbear.  But, that person is very brave to even come in under that
handle.  I'll admit there are still a lot of creative people, but I
mean, how many Human/Dragon people are there? How many can there BE? The
line must be drawn somewhere.

---------Ice Cream

I don't like ice cream.  NOt most kinds anyway. Some types are okay. 
Others are disgusting. I don't like it that much.

---------Frogs

Frogs are cool. I like Frogs.  They're green and sometimes slimy. I like
them a lot.  Most people think they're ugly, but I think they're pretty
cute.  Anyone who disagrees, just look at the cover of Frogstomp, by
Silverchair... it's just too cute for words!

---------Gum

Where can I start with gum? It's the BEST!  Gum is just so good.  It is
just like candy, in that it can taste really good, and it lasts longer,
usually.  And chewing it is just so fun and bubbly.  Hey, that was a
double meaning!  Bubbles are really fun too, just the whole gum thing is
really a good time and such. I love gum.  Love it love it LOVE it!  Love
it up Yum-Yum!  If you disagree, call 1-800-HATE-GUM. (((Note: NOT a
real number))) 

----------Rabbits

Rabbits are almost as cute as frogs.

----------Mean People

Mean People suck.

----------Mud

Mud is really disgustine, but not that bad. If you can get past the fact
that it's messy, it's pretty cool, actually. I really enjoy mud.  I like
mud.  In fact, well, never mind. I don't love mud.  Forget I almost said
that.

----------Clocks

No comment.

----------computers

Computers are just TOO cool! I love computers, and I always will! I know
more about them than anyone in my town, almost.  That doesn't really say
much, but that doesn't matter.  Anyway, that does it for THIS issue!  If
you have any topics, that I will write about, send 'em to
sjolson@csinet.net with the subject, "TOPICS for MIKE".  Thanks!

                                                                       
CeeCee

So, as I'm sure, there have a been more than a FEW rumors about FF3 and
Chrono Trigger, well, here they are! all your questions!
        
Q:How can I get a Nu on team?
A:The answer is you can't. Get a life. Next question.

Q:Are there any secret endings in FF3?
A:Yes. Try for hours and hours to find one. Make a fool outta your self.

Q:How can I get the secret sword "Gamma Blade"?
A:Buy one at your local hardware store.

Q:How many endings are there in CT exatly and how can I get them all?
A:Just keep losing.

Q:How can I get all the Palading Equipment in FF3
A:Now listen carefully. Turn the SNES off. Take out the FF3 cartridge.
Now put in a FF2 cartridge. See how easy it is?

I hope I was able to answer all your questions, you retards

                                 ZeroDragon


Pastry Mech Specs (version 1.0)

Here are the specs on my Pastry Mech which I use in Hi-Tech battles in
NinRPG!  Hope ya like it!

Height: 15 ft.
Weight: 1000 lbs.
Speed: Medium
Weapons: 20 rounds of HSP (High Speed Pastrys), 1 round of Strawberry
Jam (jams radars),
10 rounds of FGG (Frosting Gatiling Gun), 2 ECFPs (Exploding Cream
Filled Pastries). And
armed with 2 Bear Claw Pastries/
Comments: This mech has very limited mechanical parts. The only parts of
the weapons can
be disabled mechanically.  Instead, through the Magic of Pastries and
long hours.  Most
of the weapons are designed for Mob control (taking out masses of
people) and slowing
down mech to where they can't fire, move, and such.  Spells such as
Stalicity and Ice
will make the pastry mech harder to hit (because you freeze the gooey
parts), and a
Disenchantment spell will kill one of these mechs, where the mech will
turn into a 
blob of pastries.  It takes about 50 turns to build one from scratch at
about a level 30 moogle (in Final Fanasty terms).  

Oh, this is the end of the moogle newsletter! Now all non-members, if
you want to get a new newsletter every so often, just join the button
moogles!  It's really easy! Just go to
http://www.oocities.org/TimesSquare/8309/moogle.html.  Now for all you
members! Next time, this is what your going to get in the newsletter for
sure!

Moogle: the Kupoish Stat Sheet (Like Cammy's)
NinRPG NewsReport
Attachment: A Kupo Wave! 

Either way, make sure you contribute anything you've created, by
replying with the 
attachment to rex@noblestar.net!  Anything at all will be appricitated,
except for the usual stuff, (nasty pictures, tasteless jokes, and
anything with a whole lot of cussing).  Heck, you can even comment on
this newsletter, and I'll publish it!  Cool? I thought so. :)

Hug Button
Button Moogle Clan Leader and Editor of the Moogle Newsletter