TOONKAVIANS
By The Changeling (dahioshee@hotmail.com)
Description
To: Lokirose Loshiek: King of Goblins
From: Changeling: Riddler of Fae
I know you wanted to know where this bunch of new vampire came from
so here's what I found out from two of them. Sit down, you're not going
to believe this.
This insane version of the Malkavian Clan started this way: A Malkavian
was put into an insane asylum.
No biggie there.
In this asylum were two changelings, a House Eiluned sidhe and a Tao
Qi Gui.
The sidhe was stuck in the asylum because he was 'accidentally' oathbound
to the Tao.
Everybody in this asylum was on the first threshold of Bedlam, because
of the Tao. When the Malkavian arrived, things got worse. The Malk and
the Tao became friends, great friends. Their combined powers drove everyone
in the asylum, mundanes, changelings and any other Malkavians farther down
the road of Bedlam.
After a while the sidhe start falling into the third threshold of Bedlam.
The Tao and Malk thought this was funny. His symptoms were part autism
and part feral cunning. Mostly everyone in the sidhe's wing were in the
throws of the third threshold. This suited the Malkavian to no end. He
was in charge of an entire wing. The Tao found this to be a great adventure.
To get to the point. . .
When the sidhe slipped back to the Dreaming he somehow carried his entire
wing with him. This included the Malkavian and the Tao.
I don't know how that happened. I wasn't there.
During the shift to Arcadia the Malkavian was transformed into a creature
part-Malkavian, part-Tao Qi Gui.
When the wing arrived in Arcadia, they found a abandon Eiluned castle
and set up shop. The mortals who were brought along had no choice. They
were Embraced as soon as the Malkavian was re-formed.
I know, I know I haven't said why they are called 'Toonkavians',
so I'll tell you. Look at their name. It tells you why they're called Toonkavians
and what their dementia is.
Nickname
They don't have one and they don't want one.
Appearance
Haven
Same as above.
After hearing their explanation, don't even ask.
Character Creation
For being insane, they're very well balance. This one also depends
on their dementia. The two I talked with were very Intelligent. They said
that some are very strong and a few are very cute.
Disciplines
Auspex, Presence, Intercourse, (Don't
even think it.) Bendy Legs, Cinematix,
Fortitude, Dominate, Dementation, Obfuscate, Dennis,
Cheshire. My guests said there's probably more.
They were not sure. I'll do some research later.
Weaknesses
My guest didn't say anything about any.
I found some. I'm sending them to you and not them. It seems that
if you get involved in their "view of the universe" and play certain induviduals,
like Q, the Master or the Joker, you can take advantage of this.
They are also obsessed with cartoons. Thank goodness for the Cartoon
Network.
One more thing: they think of themselves as toons so some of the
tricks from Who framed Roger Rabbit will work on them.
Special Powers
Camera Obscura: See the Tao Qi Gui birthright.
Man of 10,000 Faces: Because of the Toonkavians being part Tao
Qi Gui they can shapeshift into different animals or people.
Dragon Wings: Toonkavians can make functional wings pop out of
their back.
Just Like A Toon: Toonkavians have the same invulnerablities
and thought patterns of standard toons. Setting one on fire is not a good
thing.
Sunlight?? What sunlight??: Toonkavians can stand sunlight. It's
a good thing that they only feed at night.
Glamour pools and Cantrips: Toonkavians have Glamour pools and
cantrips like normal changelings.
Clan Organization
There is only one Toonkavian prince. All the others will follow his
orders.
Quote
"The others have no idea what they're dealing with and we like it
that way."
-- Count Toonkav, Count of the Toonkavians
Stereotypes
My guests, at this point, wanted to do this part of the report. The
Toonkavians wanted their say about the other stereotypes.
Nosferatu: Back, Back fowl demon! Back I say!!
-- Lord Candor, Knight of the Sword
You call them scary?? Wait until you get aload of me!!!
-- Terror, Toonkavian Master of Terror
Tremere: They have no idea what true power is.
-- Mal-Ti Rog'osto, Wizard and Artist
How can we get rid of these insane fools. This is a secret we all want.
-- Doctor Augustus, Tremere
Ventrue: Never met them; don't want to either.
-- Count Toonkav, Count of the Toonkavians
Gangrel: Part animal. . .Oooo. How retro. The Pooka should keep
track of their pets. They can really be a pain.
Toreador: Toro, Toro!!!:)
-- Pongo, Toonkavian Adventurer
Brujah: I've heard of mean, but these guys could scare C. Montgomery
Burns.
-- Lord Candor, Knight of the Sword
I like these idiots. You knock them down, and they keep coming back for
more.
Ravnos: Great parties.
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Lasombra: Are they related to the Cappadocii??
-- Mal-Ti Ro'osto, Wizard and Artist
Tzimisce: Never heard of them.
Assamite: Good fighters, but not good enough to beat me. (polishes
sword)
Malkavian: Cartoons, brothers. That's were it's at.
-- Count Toonkav, Count of the Toonkavians
Panders: Panders?? Sounds like a creature from the Valley of the
Sleeping Dragon. (Obscure joke, ask your parents.:))
-- Cosmic, Toonkavian Astronaut
Samedi: I've heard rumors that the Doctor's mortal enemy was one
of them. I wonder if it's true?
-- Professor Animal Lecter Ph.D., Toonkavian
Serpents of the Light: Harmless until provoked.
I like snakes.
-- Terror, Toonkavian Master of Terror
Black Hand: Any relation to the Blackfoot Indians.
-- Pongo, Toonkavian Adventurer
Need to hire better help.
Camarilla: WHO!!!
Sabbat: Isn't that a Sunday???
-- Pongo, Toonkavian Adventurer
Inconnu: I've heard of these old ones but have never met them personally.
Must be into books instead of cartoons.
They're Old. Like Me. Let them sleep. Us Old folks need our sleep. Why
ya think their never seen. Kids today, Oy!!
Leave them alone!!! Hermits love their privacy.
-- Badger, Toonkavian Hermit
Giovanni: What's with that clan anyway??
-- Cosmic, Toonkavian Astronaut
Anarchs: I wonder who Uncle-arch is???
-- Pongo, Toonkavian Adventurer
Boggans: Not bad little workers. Their art needs some improvement
though.
-- Mal-Ti Rog'osto, Wizard and Artist
Eshu: Great stories that would make great cartoons.
-- Count Toonkav, Count of the Toonkavians
Nockers: Can't you guys do anything right???
-- Pongo and Cosmic, Toonkavian Adventurers
And I thought the Tremere were annoying.
Pooka: You just got to love these guys.
-- Pongo and Cosmic, Toonkavian Adventurers
>
They learned their animal trick from us. Really. They did.
Redcaps: Always have them cook up you victims. They just do something
with the spices. Bon appetite.
-- Professor Animal Lecter Ph.D., Toonkavian
Go out to eat with them. They always leave you the best parts.
Satyrs: I wish they hit on someone else besides me.
(Stabs one) That was fun. Can we do that again.
Sidhe: Eehhh. Who ever let them in charge must have been drunk.
-- Count Toonkav, Count of the Toonkavians
Be wary, they scheme.
-- Dark Shade, Avenger of the Night
They task us, and we shall have them.
Sluagh: Great informants if you can stand the smell.
-- Dark Shade: Avenger of the Night
A normal Malkavian if you ask us.
Tao Qi Gui: I must say, they have given us the gift of reality.
We shall always be greatful.
-- Count Toonkav, Count of the Toonkavians
Finally, someone who understands us!!!
Trolls: If you see one good one and one bad one, you seen them
all.
-- Lord Candor, Knight of the Sword
Garou: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
-- Pongo and Cosmic, Toonkavian Adventurers
Their heads come off as easily as humans do.
-- Wildcard and Lord Candor
The Kindred have gone too far this time.
Immortals: Their game is fun and I shall be the one.
-- Lord Candor, Knight of the Sword
Who??? What was that???
Changelings: The rest of the changelings are something else entirely.
-- Count Toonkav: Count of the Toonkavians
What?? Another weird Prodigal???
Wraiths: Great warriors and advisors. Always have some in you
army.
-- Count Toonkav, Count of the Toonkavians
Thank you. I Guess.
Mages: Coming from one, they're alright. Always study, study,
study. No time for toons. Such a pity. They would be happier if they would
loosen up.
-- Mal-Ti Rog'osto, Wizard and Artist
The Wyrm: You don't want to know. Trust me.
The Psychics: Seek nothingness of mind and find peace.
-- Drewsilla, Toonkavian seer
GET THEM OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!
Well Your Highness. That's basically it. Any more information on
this subject and you will have to ask them about it. Keep your eye on the
Skull Brotherhood. Catch ya later.
The Changeling
Riddler of Fae
P.S. My opinion on the Toonkavians is this. . . The world was meant
for weird creatures. I just wish that some of the weirdos would return
to the Dreaming. They would be happier and less of a pain to the Kithain.