Doofus Award for Best Strategy
And the award goes to Attack Dog's Red Alert Page! The best doofus award for Best Strategy is Attack Dog's strategy to end tank rushes:
Countering a tank rush
Last modified on 17 January, 1996
Give up. Just say, 'I won't play against cheap tank rushers. Either you learn to play well or just get out.'
-Attack Dog
Boy, that must be a really handy tip to stop tank rushing, eh? :)
Another drum roll please.......
Doofus Award for Best Tech Question
This appeared at the Red Alert Maddness Message Board. I think its self explanatory! :)
During gameplay, I have heard the narrator say : "Silence Needed". I turned the sound off, which only : made gameplay worse for me. Is there any way to : silence troops or what am I supposed to do? Please : provide a helpful response only.
Apparently the guy was smart enough to leave out his name. Anyway, here was the answer this proud Doofus Award Winner got:
The answer is obvious...
You are an stupid idiot. It's very simple if you think about it. You are so dumb that mistook "Silos Needed" for "Silence Needed". Then you went around displaying your stupidity for all to see. If your hearing is that messed up then maybe you should get a hearing aid! Either way, stop wasting valuable web space bitching about your stupidity.
--PlaidMan-- Master Of The Inferno Home Of RA-Revolution
Doofus Award for Most Gullible Person
I was talking to Dr.Frank through a private message when this guy named Mechwarrior starts saying stuff. Dr.Frank must of been bored or something so he private messaged Mechwarrior saying how Cataclysm was number one on the ladder (which in truth, I'm not on the ladder at all). After that Mechwarrior started messaging me asking all these stupid questions. I told him I was from Djiboutti (A country in Africa) and he believed it! Then I said stuff like how I won a Jaguar in a ladder match. And how hard it was because I had to beat five people single handedly to get the Jaguar. Then I explained how hard the Djiboutti Government's taxes were on my Jaguar and he still believed every word! Eventually he went back into kchat and started asking for a RA ladder game. I explained to him (keep in mind I was on the RA server at the time), 'We don't play RA here. We all play War2!' I figured the guy would realize I was joking since everyone was talking about RA and people were laughing at my comment. Instead, he said, 'Oh. Ok. Bye.' Then he left!!! Man, if that's not gullible I don't know what is!! :)
Doofus Award for Best Unit Idea
When I was asking people for unit ideas when I was making NewRA, I remember what one person suggested. It was truly the most original (and bizarre) unit idea I've ever heard of.....
Cataclysm: If you could make any unit or structure in Red Alert, what would it be?
Doofus: If I could make ANY unit or structure?
Cataclysm: Yeah.....
Doofus: A horse!
Cataclysm: !!! A horse!?
Doofus: Yes! That's what Red Alert needs! A horse!
Cataclysm: Ok.........
Doofus: No, better yet. Make it a NUCLEAR horse!
Can you imagine Red Alert with Nuclear Horses?? I sure can :)
If you thought the Nuclear Horse idea was bad, you should read what's below. I got it off the Red Alert Maddness Board....
Doofus Award For Best Unit Idea (Runner Up)
I was playing red alert late last night in the nerdery and i thought of a brilliant ida for the new red alert. The allied troops should have Chamber of Commerce Cards and therefore they get weapons and other things at discounted prices. The money they save on supplies would really show at the end of the month when the troops planned their budget. Great Idea huh? Its a plaid plaid plaid plaid plaid plaid world
Sincerely Robert
P.S. No one better claim this idea as theirs.
This was his reply.....
That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard of. Why would anyone want to steal it? And what was all that about plaid???
--PlaidMan--
Plaidman loves to answer the Doofuses it seems :) Can you imagine troops planning out their monthly budget and having Commerce Cards in Red Alert? I think the most disturbing thing about this message was that there was yet another reply of someone who said, 'Ah man, you STOLE my idea!' :)
Second Doofus Award for Best Tech Question
(I know I've already given out this award, but I think there needs to be another one for best tech question. :) I get tons of email about NewRA, and alot of them are tech questions. People find me on kali and ask me tech questions in kchat. This is how one conversation went. I think the guy's name was Perseus~~
Perseus~~:Can you help me? Its about NewRA...
Cataclysm: I might... What's the problem?
Perseus~~: Yesterday when I tried it, my screen went black....
Cataclysm: You screen went black? That's one I haven't heard of before...
Perseus~~: NewRA screwed up my computer. I reset my computer and it now comes up with a black screen. NewRA must be a virus!
Cataclysm: NewRA is NOT a virus...
Perseus~~: You see, I started NewRA, then I left to go outside to do something. I was outside for twenty minutes. When I came back my computer had a black screen!
I soon realized what it was...
Cataclysm: You idiot! You have a black screen because your monitor IS TURNED OFF!
What had happened was he had one of those monitors that shuts itself off automatically when not in use for a length of time (like 20 minutes). This is just an example how the cause of most tech problems can be found between the keyboard and the chair.... :)
Second Doofus Award for Best Strategy
Found this on the Red Alert Message Board....
1st, before you even deploy your construction yard, build 4 radar jammers then run them at the enemy base. now that they are blinded, move your mcv near to their base. you will have the advantage because you will be there. then build nonstop miners and mine around his base. don't let up you've almost go him! Quickly build 30 tanyas and surround his base with them. put the tanyas in guard mode so that they kill everything that tries to leave the base. Make a hole in the mines so that you can send a harvester in to distract him. Just in case the attack fails, put 5 big tanks into a transport so that you can crush his remains. now attack him with 10 jeeps. this should kill him if you did everything else right. If any of his guys get away just build a nuke silo and nuke them. I you didn't kill him all the way, build 20 jeeps and then you will win. Make sure you build at least 5 tech centers so that the tanks will be weak enough. then taunt him after he dies so he gets mad! This alway works when I play.
If anyone tries to take credit for my ideas, i will kill them with a V2.
-HeadMaster-
Tanyas in guard mode? Mine around his base? Attack him with radar jammers!? This is definite Doofus material... :)
Doofus Award for Best Doofus
Although this award may sound like an oxymoron (such as Microsoft Works) this person must be awarded. The winner who gets this unique award is MacsRjunk. He private messaged me in kali asking about putting in a lemming into NewRA. He wanted the lemming to have guns like they did in Lemming Paintball game. (Ever since the nuclear horse idea, now EVERYONE wants nuclear livestock in RA! :) I then discovered no one could be that stupid so I asked, 'Are you TRYING to win a Doofus Award or something?' He was! This is why he gets Doofus Award for best doofus. Only the BEST Doofus would TRY to win a Doofus Award and still fail to achieve it! But the truth is is that Doofus Awards aren't given... they're EARNED! :)
Well, that wraps up another round of Doofus Awards. If you think someone deserves a Doofus Award, tell me.