Funnies - Top Ten....


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Top Ten Reasons there won't be a Chinese President Anytime Soon
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10. White House not big enough for in-laws
9. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics
8. Oval Office has bad feng shui (literally means 'wind water')
7. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway
6. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners
4. No chance for promotion
3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles

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Top Ten Pick Up Lines Used by Asian Men
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10. I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.
9. I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows where I am. I carry this phone to     call her back.
8. Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but I did letter in varsity volleyball and tennis.
7. Has anyone ever told you you look like Chun Li? You know that chic from Street Fighter 2.
6. What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask. Y'see, I'm finishing my first year of residency     in internal medicine.
5. Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club."
4. Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean fried rice!
3. You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all the time!
2. Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura Integra with BBS gold-spiked     rims and a subwoofered stereo that'll leave you breathless?
1. My eyes may seem small but I've got a HUGE personality

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF...
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1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF...
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1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You're actually sorry that Margaret Cho's sitcom was canceled.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF...
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1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
6. You wear a HUGE jaded buddha on your necklace.
7. Your elders call your chinese name with "ah" attached to the end!
8. There is a big bag of rice in your kitchen!

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE CAMBODIAN IF...
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1. You own, have relative who owns, or know someone who owns a DONUT SHOP!!!
2. You have a life time job at a donut shop.
3. You still work at a donut shop on weekends even if you have a full time job outside.
4. You HATE Donuts!!
5. You can't live without steamed rice.
6. You want other Asians to stop meddling in your country.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF...
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1. You've gotta have fish sauce with every meal.
2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho."
3. You have some relative who is Chinese.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF...
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1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.
3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.
4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is just cool in itself.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF...
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1. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
2. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're just as dark as they are.
3. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.