Princess Toadstool was kneeling in Mario’s garden, when an ominous black shadow fell over her. She looked up and saw Bowser flying toward her in his strange flying vehicle. He leaned over the side and grabbed her. (Like you’d expect anyone else to?)

"AAAAAAHHHH!! Golly Bobber! Help me, Mario! Help!"

"Shut up!" Bowser snapped at her as he clapped his claw over her mouth and sped off toward his castle.

Mario, upon hearing Toadstool’s scream, raised his eyebrows in astonishment as he ate his daily meal of processed garlic.

"Golly bobber?" He wondered. "How strange. I wonder where she got that from." He went back to chewing. Then he remembered the other part of the scream. "Oh my God! She needs help!"

Mario rushed out of his house and screeched to a stop. "I hope I’m still in shape to battle Bowser! Who else could it be?" He jumped up as high as he could, which was very high, and fell down.

"OOOOWWWWWW!!! That hurt! My skills are rusty. I’m out of practice. I should play more Nintendo. Oh well; if I die, I die. I’ll just start back from my last saved point anyway! Albeit without the items I had gained, although I retain the experience points!" With that in mind, Mario sped out alone toward Bowser’s Keep.

Thunder roared and lightning flashed as Mario crossed the bridge of Bowser’s Keep. The eyes on the statues Bowser made in his likeness seemed to follow Mario as he approached the door.

"He’s remodeled," Mario mused. He knocked on the door, then noticed an intercom next to him. Mario pressed the button marked transmit and spoke.

"Hey Bowser, how ya doin’?"

Bowser’s voice answered, "Pretty good, and you?"

"I’ve been better. Hey listen, um, can I come in? I have to, y’know, save the princess and stuff. The usual."

"Well, I’ve always let you in before, ever since 1985, when I first noticed your beautiful princess, although before then she was simply Daisy, a carpenter’s girlfriend. Since then, I’ve acquired a few thousand more pixels, and some beautiful texture mapping on the spikes on my back. You’ve changed too, I’ve noticed."

Mario was getting impatient. "Yes, yes. Texture mapping, pixels, expressions, fingers, whatever. Just let me in."

"Sure. Just pardon my mess; I’m renovating."

There was an electronic buzz as the door unlocked, letting Mario through. He strolled through the door unchallenged, and easily found the telltale bursts of flame coming from Bowser’s chamber.

"Security has gotten pretty lax around here," Mario thought. "They must’ve formed a union."

As Mario entered Bowser’s chamber, he looked around and saw nothing so he started to leave.

"HEY! Up here, plunger head!"

Mario looked up and saw Bowser standing on a gigantic chandelier, with the princess hanging above him with a chain latched around her waist and onto the ceiling.

Mario sighed, then yelled up to the Koopa King, "Now, how the hell am I supposed to get up there? And don’t you dare say I’m expected to jump!" He rubbed his swollen ass, still sore from his earlier jump.

Bowser looked down at his foe with disgust. "All right, I’m coming down." He pulled a lever on the light fixture and it lowered down.

"Thank you!" Mario said as he kissed his fingers, whirled around, and thrust the peace sign up into the air.

"What the hell was that?!" Bowser shouted.

"Oh, sorry. Some idiot programmer made me do that every time I say thanks or beat a boss. Don’t ask me why." Mario jumped on the chandelier next to Bowser. He looked him up and down, and remarked, "You’ve put on some weight, scaly one. There’s not enough room for us to do battle on this chandelier!"

Bowser scowled at the plumber-turned-video-game-hero. He pulled another lever and a second chandelier dropped down. "Hop on," he growled.

"Thank you!" Mario exclaimed again. (Finger kiss, whirl, peace sign.) "D’oh!!"

"Will you guys hurry it up?" Toadstool shouted impatiently.

"Oh, sorry Princess," Mario apologized. "Forgot about you for a minute there!" Bowser hit a button and the chandeliers rose.

When they had reached the top, Bowser exclaimed, "Let’s have at it, Mario!"

Mario replied, "Yes, let’s!" Now the real fun and excitement of this story begins!

Exhausted, our characters are finally done with the battle of the century!

"Well, you’ve won yet again, Mario, but what a fight!"

"Oh, yes! This one was our best one yet!" Mario, panting heavily, managed to say, "Still buddies, old friend?"

"Of course!" Bowser replied. "Until the next game! I hear it will be sixty-four bit."_{NOTE: This was written before the release of N64 in America.}

"Yes, I’ve heard that as well. This will probably be the last game with me as the star on this dying sixteen-bit system. Not to mention the last SquareSoft game for Super Nintendo," Mario replied, with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Now what happens?"

"I’m not sure," Bowser answered. "This is only the prototype game. I’ve never done any of this before."

"Hey! Anyone remember me, the stereotypical "damsel in distress" of the Mario games?" Princess Toadstool yelled down at the combatants from her perch high above the chandeliers.

"Sorry, Princess," Bowser replied, slightly embarrassed. "Forgot again!"

Suddenly, everyone felt Bowser’s Keep beginning to shake!

"Hmm," Bowser thought out loud, "The wrecking crews aren’t supposed to be here until Tuesday. Oh my God! The termites have finally gotten through!! We’re all doomed!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"I don’t think this is mere termites, dragon-boy!" Mario shouted. As the chandeliers crashed to the ground, there was a huge explosion, and Mario, Bowser, and Princess Toadstool were thrown to different corners of the Mushroom World!

As the dust settled, a giant sword—a WUATANG sword-- protruded out of the top of Bowser’s Keep. "What a dump!" the sword remarked. "But it will have to do for the Smithy Gang!"

Tune in next time for the less than exciting conclusion to the Smithy Gang saga!