Pyron: The authors have requested the usual stupid dumbass copyright and beforehand
offensive and yet apologetic dumbass warning.
 (Coughs and hocks up a luger. The voice now sounds like Guy Smiley.)

 The Authors have nothing aginst pyromaniacs, flaming dudes (gay or otherwise), people
who wear coconuts, talking swords, little girls with dolls with no heads, uhhhhh... Talking Tiki
Armor, walking cats, sluts (well maybe not sluts...), or the author of the ANNOYING "The Cat
Came Back" Song, gay vampires, (possibly gay or bi), uhm... AND WE LIKE CHINSESE TAKE-OUT FOOD!

Oh yeah... Almost all the charcters are not real nor role models, some of the things they do
are not real, and if they were real they would get hurt, deported, STDs (That's Morrigan for ya,
folks), AIDS, results of blood loss, or a little girl of the age of 6 or younger cussing, telling
off, and kicking ass (oh wait... that *does* happen in the story.) The characters are not the
authors', they (the authors) are little annoying girls whose teachers cuss and are of the ages of
15 to 14 (the girls, not the teachers). Theare quite obnoxious litte brats who have no fucking
money or life because of the very fact that they can't drive nor do they have money so they
gotta do SOMETHING or would be killing teachers---

::Author #2 Runs in for a second::

Author #2:: ::Giggles evily.:: Well it was writing or watching the Sound of Music for the 255th
time.

Pyron:: --and people. Anyways DON'T SUE THEM! IT ISN'T WORTH IT!! But they're really cool to hang
around with! NONE OF THIS IS THEIRS (Except the story crap---you can figure it out yourself)!!
THE SONGS AREN'T, EITHER! DON'T SUE THEM FOR THAT!! IT AIN'T WORTH YOUR TIME!

::Morrigan taps on his shoulder, whispers something into his ear, and makes the universal cash
sign as she whispers. Pyron reaches into his pockets and blushes.:: Damn I have 5 for that job--
::Looks up to the camera and waves "cutely."

Morrigan:::Whispers something else in his ear.::

Pyron: DAMNIT MORRIGAN! I thought I told you to bring the condom---OOPS DID I SAY THAT?

Morrigan: If you don't like South Park or Beavis and Butthead then please hit the back button.

 We see Anita and Donovan traveling down the road and so on and so forth. If Anita
was the type you'd hear her singing some stupid Walt Disney song like from the Little Mermaid or
something but she ain't normal.

Anita: ::Freezes in mid-step and turns her head around (nothing else, Regan eat your heart
out!). And in a tiny voice.:: ...You're a fucking bastard...

Donovan: ::Stops in mid stride and turns around.:: !?

Anita: ::A bit lounder.:: I said; _you_ _are_ _a_ _fucking_ _bastard_.... ::And her head is STILL
turned around, turns the rest of herself as she hold out her doll and mutters.:: You _KILLED_ my
Barbie!

Donovan: ::Sweatdrops. The damn thing covers his whole face.:: Uhhhh... Aren't you supposed
to say one line per half hour? Isn't that in your contract or something?

Anita: Listen Mr. Stick-Up-Your-Ass! I'M IN A FANFIC SO I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!!
You are a complete and total ass munch! I was going to get the whole set but it won't do
any good if I get Ken and Skipper now!!

Donovan: ::Yep, the sweatdrop is still there.::......sorry....

Anita: ::Grabs the messed up bangs (don't ask me how) and pulls his face to hers and glares.::
You're going to BUY me another Barbie and a set of Teenie Beanie Babies! THAT OR I AM USING YOUR
HEAD TO REPLACE MY BARBIE'S!!!

Donovan:...uh....

Anita: YOU SUCK! I'M GONNA FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO FOLLOW!! SOMEONE WHO WON'T KILL MY BARBIE!! ::She
lets go of the bangs and storms up. Like a cartoon Donovan springs up stiff, standing and we
hear a BOINnononononononG!::

Donovan: ::Thinks:: Well she's a bitch, but maybe in 10 or 15 years....::Evil Smile.::

::Author 1# pushes Dovovan out of the way and then falls to her knees.::

Author #1: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!! IT WAS ALL AUTHOR NUMBER 2'S FAULT!!

Author #2: Well it was funny at the time. And I bet he would!

Author #1: True..... ::walks up to Donovan and stomps his foot.:: PERVERT!!!

::Before Donovan is pissed enough to kick their ass the two run off.::

Donovan ::Dusts himself up and glances towards his ass.:: Yep, it's STILL their! ::Smiles for
the first freaking time in ANYTHING and walks off oddly.::

--------
::Anita walks down the road and hears a voice singing. She looks ahead and it turns out to be
EVERYONE's favorite vampire of questionable sexualty. He's just a tad bit confused at the moment.
Oh by the way, did we you tell you it's raining and Dmitri is signing?::

Dmitri: I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain... What a glorious feeling---I'm haaa-
aaaaapy again... (Well, that's what the dude *does*!!! And no, we did *not* watch this of our
own volition--we were forced by evil teachers.) (Author2: Don't make me sing the Mary Poppins
songs now!!!)(Author1: Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!)

Anita: Oh My God. (astounded and appalled) This guy is worse than Donovan! Perhaps this would not
be the best choice of someone to follow...

::Morrigan makes an appearance (and *shit*, that is just a bit *too much* of an appearance! Put
on some clothes, girl!!!) and the authors groan.::

Morrigan: <sounding bitchy, as always> DMITRI!!! SHUT UP AND PAY UP! You're three weeks overdue!

Dmitri: <stops singing> Uh... well, *you* offered! May lightning strike me if I'm lying!

::Nothing happens::

Dmitri: Well, the readers must have found *that* a bit disappointing. Morrigan, back up a few
steps and we'll take the scene again.

::Morrigan backs up.::

Morrigan: <sounding bitchy, as always> DMITRI!!! SHUT UP AND PAY UP! You're three weeks overdue!

Dmitri: <stops singing> Uh... well, *you* offered! May lightning strike me if I'm NOT lying!

::A huge lightning bolt strikes Dmitri, who is thoroughly burnt. He gives Morrigan a thumbs-up.::

Morrigan: <fluffing her hair> Well, I guess that just means the readers like *me* better than
they like you! <winks and tosses her head>

::A lightning bolt strikes Morrigan.::

Morrigan: <slightly charred, coughs> Or maybe not.

::Anita thinks for a moment... (Let's see... the gay vampire or the slut? Well, I don't think the
slut's gay... at least that'll be a change from Donovan...) [Author2: Oh, but you don't know what
he's got planned... ::Author1 whacks Author2 on the head and drags her away::]

Anita: Hey, lady! Can I follow you around? My following dude kind of... well... he KILLED MY
BARBIE!!!

::Dmitri and Morrigan magically grow sweat-drops (Oh, no, it's that little poot that followed
Donovan around)::

Dmitri: <softly, to Morrigan> I didn't know she could *talk*!

Anita: SHUT UP, you little gay fuck!

Morrigan: Yep, she can talk. <thinking it over> I like this kid. She reminds me of myself at that
age... well, I didn't have a headless Barbie, but I wanted one! <under her breath> But *noooo*,
Beriol---Daddy---had to get me a stupid little gay My Little Pony! And even then I didn't get the
one I wanted! *I* wanted the one with *bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue* hair, not gay *pink*---

Dmitri: Hey! I like that color!

Morrigan: You would. Well, anyhow... <looks Anita up and down> ...I guess you can come with me.
(Hey, who knows, maybe in ten or fifteen years... [Author2: No, not that! Keep reading!] ...maybe
then she can come and work for me!)
 

A Little While Later (tm)...

Anita was still trying to decide whether life with Donovan or Morrigan was worse. Donovan had
those stupid coconut things... but Morrigan had a different sort of stupid coconut things. Or at
least that's what Uncle Dmitri said. She'd never seen them. [Author1: Hey, girls can be just as
perverted as guys---or even more so. Author2: <evil Kefka-like laughter>] At the very least, she
could actually sleep when she was following Donovan. It sounded like someone was being tortured
in Morrigan's room! Oh well, knowing Morrigan, that could very well be.

Then, suddenly, it came to her.

Anita: This sucks. I'm leaving.

After writing a "nice" little goodbye letter to Morrigan and Dmitri, she set off to find someone
to follow who wasn't so... well... um... vocal? So... she went on the road again. [Author2:
<singing> On the road again... going places that I've never been...]
After a time, she came upon two women arguing.

Lin-Lin: Look, I told you not to borrow my bras anymore, Lei-Lei! You keep messing them up! I
don't know *what* you do with them, but now they're all stretched out like an oooooold woman's
boobies!

Lei-Lei: Well, it wasn't my fault! I tried wearing them on my butt because I couldn't tell them
apart from that nasty wedgie underwear you have! And they crawled up my ass, too!

Lin-Lin: How *dare* you!!! You're the one who slept with Zabel last night!!!

Lei-Lei: Well... um... he spiked the punch! Really!

Lin-Lin: Ah-huh. <rolls her eyes>

Anita considered the situation. (Hm... well... Their hair's cool, anyway. I'll hang out with
them.)

Anita: Hey, lady-ma'ams!

::Lei-Lei and Lin-Lin stare, then groan in recognition. (It's that kid with the headless doll
again!!!) They run away in terror.::

Anita: Damn.

A dog... actually a wolf, but dog sounds better... and a cat came running up to her.

Anita: Can I follow you guys?

Felicia: See, Jon?! I told ya humans like us! I toooooold ya! Take your Ex-Lax!

Jon: <English accent, preferably voiced by Jason Carter (Author2 loves B5, Author1 thinks Marcus
is cool, although dead.)> Oh, well, tell *everybody* about my problem, then!

Anita: What's Ex-Lax?

Jon: <sweat drop> Never you mind, dear, never you mind.

Felicia: Are you *sure* you want to travel with us? You're cute as a button, after all, but---

Jon: <singing>

     I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
     I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
     I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
     From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
     I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
     I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
     About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
     With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
 

     With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
     With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
     With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
 

     I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
     I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
     In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
     I am the very model of a modern Major-General---

Felicia: JON! SHUT UP!!!

Jon: What-what? Well that's *FINE*! I didn't want to be a Darkstalker!

Felicia: <rolls her eyes and mews> Oh no....

Jon: I wanted to be a LUMBERJACK!!!

A LUMBERJACK!

(piano vamp)

Leaping from tree to tree!  As they float down the mighty rivers of
British Columbia!  With my best girl by my side! ::Hugs Felicia::
The Larch!
The Pine!
The Giant Redwood tree!
The Sequoia!
The Little Whopping Rule Tree!
We'd sing!  Sing!  Sing!
 

Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

CHORUS:  He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
         He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
          He goes to the lava-try.
          On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
          And has buttered scones for tea.
 
 

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
          He likes to press wild flowers.
          He puts on women's clothing...?
          And hangs around.... In bars???????
 
 

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
          Suspenders and a .... a Bra????
          (spoken, raggedly)  What's this?  Wants to be a *girlie*?  Oh, My!
          And I thought you were so rugged!  Poofter!

Felicia: DAMN! You scared the kid off!

Jon: Well... can't help it! And don't you think my new highheels are just darrrrrrling?

Felicia: ::sweatdrops, tosses her hair.::

Jon: Well you see, it does help to look on the bright sides of life! When I'm upset I like to
think about some of my favorite things! ::Felicia freezes in horror.::

 Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kit-ten-s ::Tickles Felilica chin.::
 Bright copper kettles-- ::Felcicia meows, hisses and slashes Jon's nose.

Jon: ::Holding his nose.:: Ooooo... that hurt... wha tha' for?

Felicia: <grabs Jon's ear and begins walking down the road, humming> And the cat came back---the
very next day; the cat came back; it wouldn't go away!...

::Meanwhile down the road [Author2: On the road again... going places that I've never been...
seeing things that I may never see again...][Author1: NO MORE FREAKING SINGING!!! THIS IS TURNING
INTO A GODDAMN MUSICAL!!!][Author2: sorry....]

Anita: Why is it that everyone SUCKS?! <sigh> I'm gonna go and follow a villain!

She thinks... (Which one? How about Pyron? Yeah, that'll do.)

Pyron is taking a dirt-bath (a shower might put him out). And, of course, along with bathing
comes that thing that Author1 is so pissed about... [Author2: I am EEEEVIL!!!] [Author1: Oh, no!
No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO---ow!]

Pyron: <singing (*damn*, he's a soprano!)> I feel pretty; oh so pretty; I feel pretty and witty
and GAY.... [This is Saturday Night Live, folks!] (Note: Those are the *original* lyrics!!! Be
scared.)

Anita: Oh, God... not another gay!

Pyron: <noticing Anita> ScreamLikeAGirl!!! (watch Ren and Stimpy to understand.)

Then, he realizes... there's nothing for him to *cover*. (Don't ask about Morrigan. She finds
ways...)

Anita: Can I follow you around?

Pyron: <turning into the awful, eeeeevil thing that we all know and love> BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRP!!!
Oops, excuse me.

Anita: *You're* supposed to be the god of WAR?!

Pyron: Well, yeah, I suppose you could put it that way...

Anita: Uh-huh. No wonder Jedah replaced you as the boss!

Pyron: <furious> THAT LITTLE S&M FREAK DOESN'T DESERVE MY SPOT!!! I BURN THINGS!!!!! I am the
GOD OF WAR!!! <eeevil laughter that echoes>

Anita: *That*'s more like it!

Jedah emerges from nowhere and beats the living shit out of Pyron, leaving a puffy flame and a
cloud of dust.

Pyron: Ow. That was very uncomfy.

Anita: This is *it*. I am TIRED of hanging out with stupid little singing pansy-ass faggots who
aren't even cool enough to take the head off my Barbie! Even *Donovan* had that much guts!!! I'm
going back!

Anita started off down the road that Donovan had taken. [Author2 takes a breath, prepared for
singing...][Author1: *Not* *on* *your* *life*!!!][Author2 whimpers.]

Donovan is fighting Phobos, who says...

Phobos: MUST DESTROY FATHER OF DAN!

Donovan: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME???!?!??!!!!!?! DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Donovan went into that Grasshopper pose thing he does and his sword killed the Phobos, then
returned to his back.

Anita: Hmmph.

Donovan: <checking to make sure the stick was still there> Hey! Where the hell were you?! (Anita,
not the stick!)

Anita: Well, a lot of places. First, I saw Dmitri, but he was just too... *gay*. Then, I stayed
with Auntie Morrigan for a while, but Dmitri hung around a lot. I left and I saw these two
ladies, but I think they were lesbians, so I didn't stay with them. Auntie Morrigan told me what a lesbian was, and that Uncle Dmitri wanted to be one, but he couldn't. I don't see why not, though! He looks enough like a girl to me. Actually, so do you! Maybe you two could be friends!

Donovan: <sighs, buries face in hands> . . .

Anita: Anyhow, after that I met a cat and a wolf-type guy. The cat was nice, even though she said I looked like a button, but the wolf was sort of gay and a *really* bad singer. I walked around for a bit and even talked to Pyron, but Jedah kicked his butt, so I came back here.

Donovan is speechless, realizing that she has just said the longest coherent bunch of sentences
in her entire life.

Donovan: Well... uh...

Anita: And none of them even have enough guts to beat up my Barbie!

Donovan: I can take you to get a new one... <sounds defeated> I owe you one. (Especially if I
still want her to be on my side in ten or fifteen years...)[Author1: You fucking perverted bastard!][Author2: I do not!][Author1: Well, you're still a perverted bastard!][Author2: ...So?]
[Author1: Well, you're right, it *is* funny...]

Anita and Donovan walk off, pretty much the same as always. [Author2: On the road again...]
[Author1: It could be worse. It really could...]

Anita: And I want the Lorena Bobbitt one!!!

Donovan: <thinks> Or maybe not.

FINIS/FIN/FINI/FIM/FINE....

E N D !

(recorded audience clapping) KICKASS!!!

Author2's Note: Flames are *cool*. They get stuff on FIRE. FIREFIREFIRE!!! (Author1 is definitely more sane and less pyro than me.) If you want to learn any annoying trivia about Babylon 5, The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins (don't make me sing the songs or Author1 will hunt you down and kill you slowly), or Victor/Victoria, you should go ahead and ask me!
[To Author1: Sorry I'm such and anal-retentive asshole! Oh, well.]

*Also, we do think that's why Donovan let's Anita hang around with him. Because you KNOW what's going to happen in 10 or 15 years.....

Lorrena is gonna be so proud of her!
(and yes that whole 10/15 years bit is a JOKE! Whoa!)