A New Kind of Kick
By Ishmeal     

Zabel Rapter lit up a cigarette as he waited for a badly decomposed zombie to open the dead-bolt holding a door shut. "Do you have to smoke when you're in human form?" the zombie asked.  "Even the smallest bit of flame could burn me up."

"Ah, live a little Dean."  Rapter scratched his cheek as he looked at the zombie.  "Besides, I'm the one doing you a favor, so don't complain too much."

The zombie fumbled with it's key ring as it searched for the proper key. Having most of the minor muscles in it's hands rotted out wasn't helping matters.  "Sorry, sorry, it's just that I'm so excited about getting the power out this new energy source I'm getting jumpy."

"You could've picked a better place to stash it Dean-o," Rapter said as he looked at the hallway of the abandoned apartment building they were in. Rapter watched him unsuccessfully try another key.  "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Actually this Earthrealm building doesn't get any visitors at all.  Even the ghosts have moved on."  Finally finding the correct key, the lock popped open in Dean's hand.  Opening the door, the two undead partners
walked into the apartment.

Looking at the dark room with inhuman eyes, Rapter didn't see anything of note; just peeling wallpaper and chips of plaster from the ceiling littering the floor.

"So where'd you put this thing anyway, Dean-o?"

"She must be here somewhere."  Dean staggered toward an adjoining room as fast as his withered legs could carry him.  "She didn't act as if she had any desire to escape."

"`She?' What're you talking about Dean?"  Rapter followed the zombie into the other room, his heavy combat boots making the floorboards creak.

Inside the other room the power source that Dean had been talking about sat crumpled up against the far wall.  On the wall near her was a hole she had punched out to reveal a rat's nest.  The dried husks of the rodents were strewn about on the floor.  She watched the two of them with wild eyes.

"I found her wandering through the alleys and managed to get her to follow me up here.  I was afraid she would break through the door since she's pretty strong, but she doesn't really have any sort of drive.  Since she seems to be pretty out of it, I figured it would be pretty easy to drain off her life force."  Dean smiled, but with his withered skin and missing eye it wasn't an appealing look.  "Pretty lucky of me, huh?"

"Yeah, lucky."  Rapter crouched down near the girl.  The flowing fabric of her elaborate clothing was torn and filthy while her purple hair was matted and knotted from dirt.  She snarled at Rapter when he blew smoke into her face.

"You've looked better Hsien-Ko," Rapter muttered.

"So how do we get started Rapter?"

Rapter stood up.  "Change of plans Dean.  I'm keeping her."

"What do you mean you're keeping her?"

"She and I have some past history we need to sort out.  Sorry about that, but them's the breaks."

"But Rapter, I need some sort of power transfusion."  Dean held out his gangrene hands.  "Just look at me."

"I'll help you figure out a way to patch yourself up later, but for now yer shit out of luck."

"Now hold on Rapter," the zombie said.  "Just because you're some tough fighter doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want!  I found her first-"

Rapter flicked his lit cigarette into Dean's empty eye socket.  The ghoul yelped in surprise and grabbed at his face.  Rapter grabbed Dean's head, bent it towards the floor, and viciously shook it until the grit fell out. Pulling his head back up, Rapter scowled at him.

"I ain't kidding around on this one, got it?"

"Got it," Dean replied meekly.

"Good."  Rapter let go of the zombie's head.  "I'll get a hold of you next week and we'll go chase teenagers out of a graveyard or something, but piss off til then, okay?"

"Okay."  Not wanting to get on Rapter's bad side, Dean shambled off without further argument.

Rapter smiled down at the wild kuang-shi.  "So now do I leave you here to enjoy your dinner," he kicked one of the blood drained rats, "or do I figure out something a bit more appropriate for you?"

Hsien-Ko blankly looked up at Rapter when he started laughing.
  


Rapter waited on the flat rooftop of a nearby corner grocery mart that had gone out of business.  There wasn't any sign of human life for blocks around, just one abandoned building after another.  Even the transients that would normally be around were absent; Rapter wondered how many attacks by Hsien-Ko it took to drive them out of the area.

"She picked a good place to get lost in, at least," Rapter muttered to himself.

Up until now Rapter had never believed in fate.  He thought about how much time he had spent foolishly chasing after that kuang-shi over something that was little more than a school yard crush.  He had become so enthralled with her, in fact, that he had missed his chance at trying to steal any power from Pyron when the alien had made his abortive attempt at attacking Makai.  But now the kuang-shi that had caused him so much frustration had somehow lost her wits and ended up being dropped in his lap.

With a small popping sound, Le Malta -Rapter's partner in crime- returned to the Earth dimension.  With the shape-shifting teleporter came Hsien-Ko, weeks worth of grime washed off. Le Malta had even made sure her hair was styled back into the angular coif she normally wore.  But instead of her traditional Chinese clothing she was decked out an old pair of blue jeans and a concert t-shirt for The Cramps.

"Here she is boss, all cleaned up just like you asked."

"Thanks Mal-huh?  Why the heck did you dress her like that?"

"Her outfit is all torn up and has a lot of ground in dirt and blood stains so I dressed her in a few of your hand-me-downs.  It will take me hours to try to mend her old clothes, but I can't make any promises that
they will look like they used to.  Do you want me to try?"

"Nah, forget it Malta.  I'll call you when I need you again."

"Okay boss.  Have fun."  Le Malta's bulbous purple body slipped into the floor and off into another dimension.

During the conversation Hsien-Ko began to wander aimlessly around on the top of the roof.  When she didn't find anything that interested her, she sat down and stared off into space.   Even when he was standing directly over her, the kuang-shi didn't look up.

"So what happened to you girl?"  His hands in his jacket pockets, Rapter paced around the kuang-shi.  Hsien-Ko continued to stare straight ahead. "Did you lose your mind when you lost that prissy sister of yours?  You're quite the nasty little thing now.  Thing is, you're also totally dull as well.  Yer still cute, but yer a total vegetable.  Where's the fun in that?"

Rapter stopped his pacing and looked down at the purple haired girl. Scowling, the ghoul clapped his hands.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!"

Hsien-Ko's head snapped around at the noise, but all her face registered was dull surprise.

"See?  That's what I mean," Rapter sighed.  "Yer not exactly the life of the party anymore.  If you're ever going to go back to being the girl I was so stupidly interested in, I'm going to have to do something to help
you."  Scratching the back of his neck, Rapter walked away from Hsien-Ko. "Don't exactly know how I'm gonna do that, but it's the thought that counts, eh?"

Rapter sat down on the roof opposite of Hsien-Ko.  "The first good deed I've done since I've died, and you're so brain-dead that you won't even know I'm helping you.  Hrmph, maybe I'll earn a halo for myself yet."

Hsien-Ko continued to watch Rapter until he quit talking, then went back to staring off into the distance.
  


After thinking about Hsien-Ko's plight for awhile and not being able to come up with anything mmediately, Rapter decided that he was going to sleep on it.  While he knew a number of his undead brethren shunned the concept, he still enjoyed this holdover from his human days.  Rapter found that the wild times he had were more enjoyable when contrasted to these periods of inactivity.  Plus, since Hsien-Ko hadn't moved since she had sat down, he wasn't particularly worried about her accidentally wandering off the roof.

Within a few minutes Rapter was napping soundly on the roof.  Normally, Rapter slept as soundly as the corpse he was, but something brought him out of his slumber.  He could feel something moving next to him.  Even without opening his eyes, he could tell it was Hsien-Ko.  The question was, what was she doing?

Hsien-Ko was crawling on her stomach onto his bare chest until the upper half of her body was laying on him.  He could feel the fabric of her shirt being pressed onto him as she pulled her body across his.  Rapter's arms twitched slightly as he considered moving, but then thought better of it; things weren't too bad at the moment.  Hsien-Ko's breath came in rapid puffs as she inched her way up his body.  Only when she had reached his face did he realize what she was doing; she was actually sniffing him.

Now Rapter hadn't actually planned to do anything to Hsien-Ko when she was in this condition, even he had his limits.  But if she was going to be this forward, who was he to complain?  It seemed that her current condition had loosened her up to a considerable degree.

Rapter decided it was time to pretend to wake up when he could smell her hot breath; her face nearly touching his as she sprawled on top of him. But just as he was going to move she started to shift herself so she was once again crawling down his body.  Trying his best to stifle a grin, Rapter decided to wait and see what she was planning next.

As her face got near his neck he could feel her whole body shiver as she inhaled a large breath.  Then she leaned into him and...

Rapter did his best to suppress his disappointment when he realized she was just trying to kill him.

Sighing, Rapter opened his eyes and tried to move while Hsien-Ko was still doing her best to try and bite into his neck.  Rapter sat up with Hsien-Ko still firmly latched onto him.  She let out a low grunt of frustration since no matter how hard she bit, she just couldn't tear out his throat.

"If you're not happy girl, think how I feel."

Clamping his index finger and thumb on either side of her nose, Rapter yanked sharply.  The sudden pain caused Hsien-Ko to unlatch herself from the ghoul's throat.  Ignoring Rapter, she sat on the roof cradling her nose.

Running his hands through his shoulder-length hair, Rapter grumbled, "Well, I might as well have the post-party smoke anyways."  The ghoul started digging through the leather jacket he had been using for a pillow in search of his cigarettes.

Suddenly the wild look returned to Hsien-Ko's eyes.  Crawling on her hands and knees, she scrabbled over to the side of the roof.  Spying something, she hissed loudly.

"Now what's gotten into her?"

Tossing the cigarette pack back onto his jacket, Rapter ambled over to the roof's edge.  In the empty parking lot were four men.  Three of them were carrying flashlights and hunting rifles, while the one in front wearing a safari pith hat was holding a long stick that had an ofunda -a Chinese talisman- on the end of it.  Rapter recognized the ofunda, it was the one that Hsien-Ko's sister Mei-Ling would turn into when the two of them merged.  This group didn't look like Vampire Hunters, but they had managed to grab Hsien-Ko's talisman, so Rapter wasn't going to take any chances. But at least they were nice enough to come to him, Rapter mused, so he didn't have to waste his time looking for them.

The man in front waved his hat at Rapter.  "Hello there!  Judging from your purple complexion, I'm guessing you're undead just like the girl there."

"Yup," Rapter replied, "and judging from that talisman you have I'm guessing you're the asshole that's been messing with her head."

"Now, now there's no need for name calling.  Jason Boyd is the name.  If you'd just so be good as to hand her over, we'll be going."  The sound of the safetys being released on the the three rifles echoed in the quiet night.

"Whoa, easy with the rough stuff," Rapter put his hand on Hsien-Ko's shoulder and pushed her back a bit from the edge of the roof.  "I'm just curious what you want with her is all."

"Well, I've always fancied that I wanted to be a big game hunter." Boyd put his hat back on.  "The trouble is, that sort of sport went out of style a generation ago.  But when I found out how many of you night
creatures were secretly lurking around, I decided that big game monster hunting might just be the thing for me."

"So, what, you're going to stuff her and stick her over the fireplace? Or maybe make a rug out her?"

The three riflemen had finished adjusting their scopes and were all now targeted on Rapter.

"Actually, I was going to keep her in one piece.  She would be good for showing off at parties.  Considering she's been eluding us for weeks since we first started tracking her, I figure she owes me that much.  When my men and I first ambushed her, I thought I could control her with the talisman we managed to remove from her hat.  The controlling spell didn't work unfortunately, and she ran off screaming.  We've been looking for her for nearly a month now."  Boyd chuckled.  "You'll have to excuse me for carrying on so, but it's been a long hunt."

"Yeah, it must've been rough."  Since it seemed this amateur couldn't tell the difference between a control talisman and a transformed kuang-shi it wasn't surprising that Hsien-Ko had been lobotomized by his spell.  Rapter wondered how Hsien-Ko's sister had faired after having all that magical energy improperly pushed through her talisman form.

Boyd held up the stick.  "Now I could control her with a modified spell I prepared, but it would be much easier if you just handed her over."

"One sec," Rapter grinned, "I'll be right down."  With that, Rapter leapt off the roof.  As the riflemen adjusted their aim, Rapter exploded into the form he usually wore while in battle.  Excess flesh sprayed down on the four would-be hunters.  While they were distracted, Rapter's jagged, exposed ribs extended and shot down at them.

Only Boyd managed to avoid Rapter's attack.  The three riflemen, however, were skewered.  Covered with the gore of Rapter's excess flesh and the blood from his three partners, Boyd started to back away from the vicious ghoul.

"Whatsa matter Boyd?  Can you only take out little girls?"  Rapter's skeletal face grinned at him.

Boyd held up the stick with the talisman containing Hsien-Ko's sister.

"Oh?  Oh?  Well, I can still control that woman.  Just watch this!"  As Boyd tried to activate the spell, the talisman exploded in a burst of blue flame.

A momentary look of surprise crossed what was left of Rapter's face before his angry smile returned.

"Aw shit, you've done it now buddy."

Deciding he was going to enjoy this, Rapter began to close in on Boyd.

A wail of anguish stopped Rapter cold.  A look of horror on her face, Hsien-Ko grabbed the sides of her head as she stared at the burning scraps of the talisman.  Still clutching her head, Hsien-Ko collapsed, slipped off the roof and hit the concrete with a wet thud.

"Hsien-Ko!"

When Rapter turned away from his next victim to look at Hsien-Ko, Boyd started to run off as fast as he could.  Without even looking back at him, Rapter barked, "Malta!  Grab that clown!"

Materializing under one of his legs as it came towards the ground, Le Malta clamped his mouth around Boyd's ankle.  Hitting the ground face-first after losing his balance, Boyd cried in pain as Le Malta's maw
held his foot in a grip as powerful as a bear trap.  Rapter, however, didn't pay attention to Boyd's plight as he rushed over to where the fallen kuang-shi was.

  


"Gee, about the only thing I can remember is that my name is Hsien-Ko. The rest of it is, well, hazy."  She chuckled slightly.  "Sorry I can't explain things better than that."

"That's okay, I know what ya mean."  Rapter guessed it was from the shock of losing her sister, but Hsien-Ko was once again sane.  The trouble was her memories were a jumble.  Sitting with her in the parking lot, he had tried his best to explain what he knew of her past to her, but none of it
registered.  Even mention of the late Mei-Ling -her twin sister with whom she had shared a magical bond for centuries- barely drew a glimmer.  There was no way of telling how much damage losing her sister had caused to Hsien-Ko's psyche, but Rapter guessed it was either very extensive or Hsien-Ko just wasn't ready to deal with the loss of her sister yet.

"Well, thank you for trying," she said.  "How well did you know me before all of," Hsien-Ko motioned toward the three bodies, "this?"

"The more I think about it girl, I don't think I knew ya at all."  Now that he was back in his human form, Rapter stood up and yanked his leather jacket back on.  "But howabout we make a fresh start of it?  Why don't you hang around with me for awhile, at least until you start feeling better. 'Sides, I can't turn my back on a cute damsel in distress."  Rapter held his hand out.  "Whad'ya say?"

Hsien-Ko looked at him suspiciously, but with a slight gleam in her eye. "Can I trust you?"

"Nope.  But I can guarantee you'll have fun."  Rapter grinned.  "C'mon..."

"Oh, why not!"  Smiling, Hsien-Ko took his hand as he helped her up off the ground.  "Where to now?"

"I have to drop off something to a friend, but after that the sky's the limit.  Malta, car!"

Le Malta obediently spit the convertible muscle car with flame detailing that was Rapter's pride and joy out of the dimension it was usually stored in.

"Wow, that's, uh, some car," Hsien-Ko looked at the man who was trussed up to the front bumper.  "Is that the Boyd guy you were telling me about?"

"Yep, that's him."  Rapter held open the passenger door as Hsien-Ko got in.  "A friend of mine is looking for a power transfusion, and Boyd here volunteered.  Didn'tja Boydey?"  Rapter playfully kicked him in the stomach, causing Boyd to yell and bite into his mouth gag.

Rapter revved up the engine, it's cylinders screaming to life.  "Okay Hsien-Ko, this is your last chance to back out.  Any second thoughts?"

"Well, it's either this or sit in a parking lot.  Besides," she said, "I'm pretty sure I used to enjoy having a good time, and that's what you promised, right?"

"Atta girl!  Then we're off!"

Rapter slammed the car into gear, plowed into the three bodies, spun a u-turn on them, and tore out of the parking lot.  At first Hsien-Ko was shocked, but then she starting laughing.  The whole violent, mindless
concept of running over dead people struck her as extremely funny.

Rapter started laughing too.  Under his care, Hsien-Ko was going to turn out better than she was before.  With all of Earth, Makai, and numerous other dimensions just waiting for the two of them to cause chaos in, they were going to have a hell of a good time.

Leaving the parking lot behind, the two of them drove off with everything the night had to offer waiting for them.  


Fin