Crono and Ayla wandered cautiously ever deeper into the mysterious liar of the villain. Even Marle was cooperatively keeping quiet about being dragged along the ground. The fact that she was unconscious helped.

The two soon approached a large door. Ayla ran up to it and began sniffing.
"Mmm...garlic bread...Crono, what inside?"

Crono walked up and tapped the door. He ran his hands over it. He closed his eyes and concentrated. "I sense...a presence inside...strong...powerful. It's...it's...ah! An evil presence! The villain hides behind these doors!"

"Wow! How Crono do that?"

"Well, it's that intuitive villain-tracking ability every hero has. What can I say? I'm a hero." Crono was glad that Ayla couldn't read the neon sign above the door flashing "VILLAIN HERE".

Pulling out his sword and striking a heroic pose, Crono shouted, "I swear by this sword (not sacred or otherwise important to me, of course) that I (that is, I with some help) will destroy (well, maybe just injure...okay, bruise) the evil hidden inside!"

He then charged at the door. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to open it. "OWW!" Crono yelled, rubbing his shoulder. "Ayla, do your stuff."

Ayla screamed like a lunatic and threw herself at the door, teeth, nails, and all. The door remained firmly shut.

"Ah! A puzzle! Nothing my abilities as a well-experienced hero can't handle," Crono exclaimed. "Open sesame!"
The door remained closed.

"Ayla know! Door wants human sacrifice! Me say to sacrifice Marle to the door!!!"

It was a tempting idea, but Crono was strictly against paganism. Instead, he tried striking the door with his sword. He tried zapping the door with magic. He tried playing Mastermind with it. The door refused to open.

Lucca found Crono in front of a large door singing "I'm a Little Teapot" while Ayla sizzled like bacon on the floor.

"SSsss..."
"..here is my handle, here is my spout..."

"Um...what are you two doing?" Lucca asked. "You look ridiculous! You're ruining our hero image!"

"We're trying to crack a puzzle. And what about you? Who's got a poor creature on a stick?"
Lucca looked at Gollum. She turned and threw him as far as humanly possible. "What creature? What stick?"

"Lucca! You smart, help open door," Ayla said, still wriggling like sizzling bacon.

Lucca took one look at the door, walked over to it, and in one deft move, opened it fully.

Crono merely gaped in astonishment. "Wow! How'd you do that?"
Lucca smugly adjusted her glasses. "Well, the hinges are on this side of the door, which means you have to pull it open."

"Brilliant! Simply brilliant!" Crono exclaimed.
"Shall we proceed?" Lucca asked. "Oh, and you can stop sizzling, Ayla," she added.

Week #11

Crono, Marle, and Lucca boldly strode through the door. They found themselves staring at an enormous gorge. The three of them gaped at the rushing river underneath. They gaped at the shear length of the gorge. They gaped at the open sky above them. They felt very stupid for going through a cave when they could have walked around it.

Suddenly a voice boomed from the other side.

"FOOLISH HUMANS! HOW CAN YOU HOPE TO DEFEAT ME? COME HERE IF YOU DARE...I SHALL CRUSH YOU AS A MOTHER DUCK MIGHT CRUSH AN ELEPHANT IF SHE WERE A BILLION TIMES HER ACTUAL SIZE...MA HA HA HA HA!!"

"...um...what was that?" Lucca asked after a moment of silence.

"What is MA HA HA?" Ayla asked, more accustomed to the correctly pronounced villainous laugh of MWA HA HA.

"Well, at least we're out in fresh air again, right Marle?" Crono happily asked the unconscious body he dragged along. Marle made no response, making Crono even happier. Crono seemed to have already forgotten about the villainous announcement just moments ago.

"There's no way across!" Lucca exclaimed. "How ever shall we rid the world of evil now?!"

"Never fear," Crono said in a hero-like manner, "where there's a will, there's a way. Now, Ayla, learn to fly."

Ayla nodded vigourously and turned all her mental energy towards sprouting wings. After a second of concentrated thought, her brain burned out from overuse and she fainted.

"Okay, Lucca, you try now," Crono commanded.

"Wait, look," Lucca said, "there's some rope and wood here, the sort one commonly finds lying around in the middle of nowhere, just waiting to be used for a bridge."

"But how do we get the ropes across the gorge?" Crono pondered out loud.

"And behold!" Lucca exclaimed. "Here's a catapult someone just happened to have left next to the rope!"

"We can tie one end of the rope here and catapult the other end over!" Crono shouted, deliriously happy with his own genius.

"Now for some weights..."

Character status update:

Magus was lost somewhere in the labyrinth of caves. He had killed two slime monsters and defeated a sea monster in an underground lake. He was now fighting off a horde of gnomes while keeping his balance on a tightrope over a vat of concentrated hydrochloric acid.

Frog was still in 1000 A.D. cleaning up the mess in the castle. He had fended off all 23 Magis, saved the queen from a giant amoeba, and defended his honour and that of his kingdom.

It's a shame there was no time to devote more space to their great feats.

Week #12

"I think Marle might come in use after all," Crono said, tossing her unconscious body up and down to test her weight.

"But how is she supposed to tie the rope once she's on the other side?" Lucca asked.

"Simple, aim her at a tree and hope she gets stuck in the branches. And if she doesn't, we drag her back with the rope and try again," Crono replied, a little too happily.

"I...see..." Lucca wasn't too comfortable about the way Crono had started to cackle and was playing out Marle's potential flight with his hands.

"Wheeeeeeee...BAM! Hee hee hee. Drag, drag, drag, bang against gorge wall. Wheeeeee....SMASH!! Ha ha! Drag, drag, hit rock, drag..." Crono said gleefully, repeatedly smashing one hand into the other.

"Well, ah, help me set up the catapult, Crono. Here, get in the scoop thing while I tie it down."
Crono did as told, still laughing hysterically.

"Um, just hold that rope and lumber for a second while I, um, tighten the catapult here. Oh, and sit down."
Crono shrugged and sat down.

"Say, Lucca, isn't that the release hand..."

Crono was interrupted by his own screaming as he flew across the gorge and just missed a tree. The author is merciful.

Soon Lucca and two bodies had also made it across the gorge, though in a less aerial way.

"JUST SIT IN THE CATAPULT WHILE I ADJUST IT, HUH?" Crono continued. "THINK YOU'RE REAL CLEVER, FLYING ME ACROSS LIKE THAT?"

Lucca nodded. It seemed to her like a straight forward question with a simple answer.
"WELL, I'LL FLY YOU..."

Crono was cut short by a green falling body. Frog dropped out of the sky and landed squarely on Lucca.

Lucca, under the usual circumstances, would not have enjoyed having her face pushed into mud, but as things were, she was too unconscious to care.

"How did I come to be here?" Frog asked, ignoring the fact that he was stepping on a body.

"I think that portal in the sky might have something to do with it, but possibly your arrival was just a sign that Lucca had to be punished."

"Perchance. Or perchance since the big boss is coming up, it is time to gather the heroes that we may have a grand finale," Frog suggested.

"Well, then, grab the bodies and let's go!" Crono said, striking a heroic pose.

Frog pulled out his sword and looked forth in a brave manner. "'Tis time for evil to fall in the face of righteousness!"

Crono took a bold step forward. "Gather, defenders of good! Together, we slay our foe!"

The two held their poses for a few minutes.

"So where's Magus?" Crono asked.

Week #13

Crono and Frog stood tapping their feet for a few minutes. Magus still hadn't arrived, and they knew that to proceed onwards to the final boss without all the main characters (minus Robo, of course, since he got a much more lucrative contract with the movie industry) would be taboo.

"Might we not go without the esteemed Magus, bless his Schala-obsessed soul?" Frog ventured to ask.

Crono quickly put his hand over a large portion of Frog's mouth. "How could you say that? Are you new to this? No respectable hero fights the last fight without an intact party."

"Intact party?!" Frog exclaimed out of the corner of his very wide mouth. "YOU KILLED ALL THE FEMALE MEMBERS!"

"What do you mean killed? They're not dead." Crono picked up Ayla with one hand and Lucca with the other. He placed their respective ears in front of his mouth. He screamed.

"Ow! What happened?" Lucca asked.

"Ah! What that noise," Ayla muttered. Then she saw Frog. A strange hungry look came into her eyes. "Froggy, Ayla meet you again. You look as edible as ever."

Lucca moved herself between Frog and Ayla. "No, Ayla. Bad Ayla. Frog is not for dinner. Bad, bad, Ayla."

Crono, completely oblivious to the fact that Frog was about to be cannibalise (after all, he is part human), continued pondering how to get Magus to come. A certain name was just on the tip of his tongue.

"S-S-Sk...Sch...S..School?" Crono muttered to himself.

Lucca suddenly snapped her fingers. In doing so, she unknowingly released Ayla who immediately began throwing salt and pepper on Frog. "Say, Crono, wouldn't Magus come if he thought Schala was with us?"

"Why, Lucca," Crono replied, "what a brilliant idea! I'd never have thought of it myself!"

"But ye forget, young Schala is not with us," said Frog, who was really being quite a sport in putting up with Ayla as she began to boil him.

"Lucca, you dress up as Schala," Crono commanded.

Lucca, remembering her previous encounter with Magus, shuddered. "No way. Now, Ayla's too stupid to play the part...Frog?"

Frog thought about it carefully. He had never worn a dress before, but he also had to consider the greater good of the team. "Well...I agree. But would ye kindly lift me out from the pot first? It is getting rather warm in here."

Week #14

No one can say where Crono and Lucca managed to find a blue wig and a purple dress in the middle of a prehistoric field, but Frog was certainly quite a sight dressed in them.

Ayla took a look at her former dinner and immediately lost her appetite.
Crono and Lucca took a step back to observe their creation.

"Hold your arm out a little, Frog. Yes, perfect. Smile. No, no, just a bit," Lucca said.
"Okay, good, now say, 'Janus, it's your dear sister, Schala.'" Crono ordered.

"Janus, 'tis thy dear sister, Schala," Frog squeaked.

"No, no. See, even though Schala comes from a time thousands of years before yours, her english isn't as archaic as yours," Lucca said.

"But I cannot speak otherwise, Lucca. For, truth be told, 'tis a curse!" Frog miserably exclaimed. "Never shall I speak with a common tongue again!"

"There, there," Crono comforted Frog.

Lucca leaned over to Crono and whispered, "why would anyone cast such a dumb curse on him anyway?"

Crono shrugged. "Probably no one did. Ever heard of self-delusions? Poor Frog, probably couldn't bear to face the fact that he speaks in a most uncool manner. Not to mention the fact that most people can't understand him."

"But I understand him fine, and in a weird sort of way, speaking in an archaic tongue is sort of cool, I think," Lucca said.

Crono shook his head. "That, Lucca, is why I'm the hero and not you. You simply have a poor grasp of what constitutes coolness and popular appeal."

Lucca was confused. "But I sit in the house all day reading or working with machines, refusing to go party or have a social life of any sort. Doesn't that make me cool?"

"Listen, Lucca. To be cool, you must be me. That is all," Crono stated.
Frog, Lucca, and Ayla merely stared at Crono. They exchanged glances and stared at Crono some more. Frog finally collapsed in laughter.

Ayla was getting impatient. "Where Magus? Froggy call Magus now!"

Frog composed himself. Adjusting his wig a final time, he took a Schala-like pose and called out, "Janus! Janus, 'tis I, Schala! Thy dear sister, Schala, is here! Come hither, Janus!"

They all stared up, expecting Magus to magically drop out of the sky. He didn't. Instead, his head appeared over the horizon, dashed towards the gorge, took an impossible leap over the gorge, landed in front of Frog, and took him in a bear hug all in a matter of seconds.

"Schala, Schala, Schala, Schala," Magus said between sobs.
"Urk," Frog said, between gasps for air.
"Now we can proceed," Crono said.

By the way, the author has not forgotten Marle. She's simply unconscious (still).

Week #15

"Hmm," Ayla said, "Froggy blue."

"Don't be stupid, Ayla, Frog is gr..." Lucca was cut short by the sight of Frog slowly succumbing to asphyxiation. "Crono! Do something! Magus is killing Frog!" she exclaimed.

Crono deftly pulled off the blue wig and purple robe and stuffed them into his invisible pocket.

Magus, noticing that somehow Schala had changed into Frog, released his death grip and began mumbling, "Schala, must find Schala."

Frog fell to the ground, wheezing.

Skipping some text on how they travelling and such, Crono and gang found themselves found themselves in front of a door. On the door was a sign. The sign read:

"Gadzooks! We must stop this evil at once! We cannot allow this Malt Dizzy Productions to spread it's vile influence any further!" Lucca exclaimed.

"Well, it says that it's closed," Crono said, "maybe we should come back some other time."

"No!" Lucca cried. "Justice waits for nobody! The forces of good don't go on holidays! Righteousness needs no welcome!"

"Slogans catchy, me like slogans," Ayla said thoughtfully.

"'Tis true," Frog said, "catchiness is of the highest concern to heroes such as us."

Seeing as how he was in the minority, Crono sighed and agreed to enter. However, he couldn't ignore the fact that Malt Dizzy Productions reminded him more of a theme park than a force of darkness.

Ayla slowly forced the door open and the party entered (Frog had a bit of difficulty . Crono cleverly propped the door open with Marle to allow some light in.

Inside, the walls were plastered with cheery pictures of various animals dressed in clothes, and a large assortment of toys based on the animals sat in display cases.

Crono shivered in fear. Perhaps Lucca was right. Only the most evil mind would think to dress animals up in human clothing. He remembered his cat he saw earlier and shuddered to think of the fashions it would be forced to wear.

Lucca whipped out a box of Crono Trigger Cereal and a carton of milk. "I can't allow such monstrosities to exist!" she exclaimed, hurling the cereal and milk at the toys and pictures. The explosion created a large hole in the wall, but they were all too unconscious to notice it.

A talking duck wearing an army uniform tripped over their bodies. "Heh heh heh," it said in a garbled voice, "wait till I show the boss this." So saying, the duck stuffed Crono, Lucca, Ayla, Magus, and Frog into a large sack and dragged down the hall.

Week #16

When Crono and his party finally regained consciousness, they found themselves surrounded by plush toys. The toys had their spears pointed at the party. Crono stood up and saw that he was in a large office. Before him was a beautiful black desk. Behind the desk was a black leather chair with its back turned towards Crono.

A teddy bear spoke up. "You are in Malt Dizzy Productions Head Office. Be silent and tremble before the might of our Boss," it said in a snuggly voice.

The large black chair turned around.

"Azala!" Ayla cried out. "But, you dead!"

"It's his ghost, back for revenge!" Crono suggested.

"Don't be silly, Crono," Lucca said in a patronising voice. "Obviously it's a zombie brought back to life by some twisted necromancer who is planning to rule over the world with zombie reptiles."

"Silence!" the teddy bear squeaked. "How dare you speak about our Boss in such a manner. On your knees, you insolent scum! Oh Boss, we thirst for your words."

"You thought I had died, but it was all staged so you wouldn't suspect me while I gathered my power," Azala said. "Crono, I have a proposal for you to consider."

"No way, lizard trash!" Crono replied. "I will never marry you!"

"Um...not a marriage proposal, obviously," Azala said. "You have probably seen Malt Dizzy Productions' latest product, the Chrono Trigger Cereal."

"What?!" Lucca exclaimed. "You're the sadistic freak who designed cereal which exploded when brought into contact with milk?!"

Azala chuckled. "Yes, while you stupid apes spent thousands of years developing trendy fashions, I have built a commercial empire with my tasty malt products. The Chrono Trigger Cereal was only my latest scheme to tighten my grip on the mass market. You see, this cereal, made popular by your endorsement, cannot be eaten with milk, but only with our malted drinks!"

Lucca clasped her head and fell to her knees. "NOOOO! NO! How could we have unwittingly supported this nefarious scheme! IT CAN'T BE TRUE!"

"Search your heart," Azala said. "You know it is the truth. Now, it has been brought to my attention that we never received your official permission to associate your party with our product. So if you'll just sign here, it'll all be legal. You'll receive royalty fees, of course."

"Hey, why Crono in charge of us?" Ayla asked.

"Didn't I explain this before? I'm the coolest, that's why. Now, how much do we get?" Crono asked, taking up a pen.

"NO!" Lucca screamed, throwing herself at Crono. "You mustn't succumb to the lure of financial gain! You can't sell out to the twisted Malt Dizzy Productions."

"Very well, then," Azala hissed. "If you won't join us, you must die."