Shin Seiki Evangelion - Kimatsushiken
Neon Genesis Evangelion - Final Exam
the end of higher learning
strike fiss
part 6 of 6
Final Exam: [I remember realizing I was supposed to be writing a test.
Proving myself. Trying to pull myself out of the hole I was in. But, by
the time I had opened my eyes, the clock showed I was already too late.
I hated myself for a long time for that. I keep looking at myself now,
wondering if it will happen again. Wondering if, despite my best
intentions, I will simply end up skipping that next exam too. But, I
know that if I succeed this time, it will set everything right again.
That alone is worth the chance to try once more. I want that chance more
than anything, and that's why I'm going back.]
***
It felt like years.
Years were passing in heart-beats.
Everywhere, all around him, he could hear the voices. Soft, echoing
thoughts that seemed to never end, and yet, were not as maddening as one
might think they would be. Bombarded by thoughts of every type.
Images of lives lived long ago. Sounds of children playing. Cries out
at terrible injustices that had happened in someone's life. The giggling
of lovers as they remembered past conquests and hoped for future ones
that...now...would never come.
It was all accepted in his mind. As was it to everyone in this place.
This strange, floating death. To him, however, it seemed so distant.
Eventually, though, things began to quiet down. To slow down. The
voices began to whisper...trying to tell secrets in a place that forbade
them.
He closed his eyes, listening to their thoughts.
They were mostly one thing. Cries out for themselves. People...who were
no longer people...wishing they still were. Shouting out their names to
all of Humanity, as if someone would recognize them and know they were an
individual. A friend. A lover. An enemy. It didn't matter.
But, each time one shouted out, their name became property of the whole.
The voices began to silence.
Shinji opened his eyes...what he knew of them...and saw only the calm,
yellow glow of a sea he was part of...and yet, not part of.
Soft, loving hands curled around his stomach, holding him against
someone. Something. Rei...
"Do you like this?" she asked as the voices furthered their still.
He nodded. If he could actually still nod, he didn't care. It felt like
he did...and he knew she would notice. "Yes...I...I think I do."
"Why?" she asked. It was not meant to criticize. Maybe...just...
enforce this new place.
He closed his eyes with a long sigh. "It's peaceful here. There's no
fighting. No crying. No hating."
The tender caress of the woman felt nice...motherly, almost. She nodded
herself. "This is the world you wished for."
"Hai..." he said, eyes closed peacefully.
The voices were now further away. Barely over whispers.
"I want to sleep." He whispered. "Just...sleep..."
Finally, away from the pain. Away from the happiness. Away from the
worry and joy. Somewhere along the way, it all made sense. That this
was right. That it was good.
No more barriers. No more pain. He felt himself gliding slowly through
an endless crowd of people...each time he passed one, they smiled with
their shadowy face. None got in his way. He could feel himself pass
through them, effortlessly.
The reminisce of voices and dreams and pictures floated through him as
well. He watched entire lives pass by with passing attention, not
wanting to intrude on people who no longer mattered anyway. Voices that
were now part of everyone's.
It was all a heady, wonderful dream.
And then...it began with Beethoven.
It was more like a try, actually. A quivering, horrible note spiked
Shinji out of his dreamy mindset, and he looked around in surprise.
His eyes adjusted to the strange new light, or lack thereof. Cold, hard-
wood floors stretched far as the eye could see. Solid oak...quite
beautiful, but the only light in the place came from a lone candle, and
two large windows that seemed attached on an invisible wall.
Their moonlight cast long shadows from someone who was sitting on a
stool, right next to the candlelight.
A small boy. Maybe of eleven or twelve years old. The house echoed that
it was not Japanese, and indeed, they young boy had blonde hair, and
fierce, grey eyes behind glasses that seemed far too big for his head.
Shinji was about to ignore the boy, and go back to his sleep walking,
when the sound of three horrible, squeaky notes, came from the boy's
instrument. A large cello that seemed to be relying on the child's
entirety of strength to be held up.
Curious, Shinji willed himself over to the boy. "It seems much too big
for you." He offered.
The boy looked startled, but then, as he too in Shinji's image, he
smirked, adjusted his spectacles and turned to face away from him...
dragging the huge instrument with him.
He raised the bow to the strings once more, closed his eyes, and pulled
it across them once again. Finally, a low, even hum was emitted. The
boy opened his eyes happily, and then tried again...this time, failing on
the third note.
Both boys cringed as the squeak echoed around the invisible room.
"AARRGH! Dammit!" the boy yelled, dropping the bow and throwing his
grip of the cello away. The huge instrument was sturdy enough that it
didn't break during the fall, but it made a satisfying BOOM!
"What were you trying to play?" Shinji asked, though he knew it had
sounded like the beginnings of The Ninth Symphony.
"Nothing." The boy huffed, crossing his arms. "Nothing at all. I can't
play the stupid thing."
Almost as an after thought, though, the boy looked over his shoulder at
the cello, making sure it was okay.
Shinji smiled. "May I try?"
The boy glared at him through his huge lenses. "Fine. See if I care!"
he yelled.
Shinji took a step back, but as he saw the outburst was simply the work
of his frustration, not anger, he nodded. The cello was heavy. How the
skinny little boy could lift it comfortably was a miracle. There was
another stool next to him, suddenly, and Shinji took it to seat upon,
readying himself and checking the instrument for damage.
"What's your name?" Shinji asked.
The boy's eyes narrowed behind his glasses.
Shinji laughed, "Mine's Shinji. Ikari Shinji." He bowed his head
slightly. "It's okay, I'm just curious."
The boy sighed, as if it was the most boring conversation of his life.
"Jayce." The boy frowned. His accent was English, at least when he
wasn't yelling. "Everyone tries to call me Jake."
"What do you like better?" Shinji asked.
"Jayce." The boy nodded sternly. "Jake is a stupid name. Too common.
It's not my real name anyway...so I like Jayce better."
Shinji nodded. "It's a very good name. Very unique."
Jayce seemed pleased by this, and smiled earnestly for the first time
Shinji had met him. "I like your name too." He cocked his head to the
side. "Did you know it means Truth?"
It was Shinji's turn to smile. "Yes, actually." He sighed, then looked
at the cello. "But I don't know if it fits me, exactly."
"It is a good name." Jayce insisted with a nod. "I learned about Japan
in social science class last year. There are many good Shinjis in your
government. Many good people named Shinji." He smiled. "You should be
proud."
Shinji blinked, then laughed. "To be truthful, I never really noticed
many other Shinjis." He looked down at the cello, then took a deep
breath.
The younger boy watched, on the edge of his seat as Shinji began to play
scales. One didn't sound right, and Shinji quickly tuned the instrument
before trying again. This time, each note sounded, more-or-less perfect.
"Ha!" the boy announced. "That is why I couldn't do it!" he beamed. "It
was tuned wrong."
Shinji didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise, and nodded. "I'm
sure it will be much easier, now." He smiled. The cello itself produced
a wonderful sound. Clearly, this was not just one found at the local
music shop.
The wood was finely carved...and he saw evidence that it was all done by
a craftsmen's hand. A tiny extra scrape...a slight imperfection on the
surface. The instrument itself seemed quite old. He looked up to see
Jayce watching, rubbing his hands together nervously.
Shinji nodded. "This cello is important to you."
Jayce blushed terribly, turning away all at once. "Of course not! It is
just a chunk of wood!" As he peered back, though, the worry in his eyes
betrayed his words.
"I'll be very careful." Shinji explained. Jayce relaxed slightly, but
tried to maintain his image of disinterest.
"Do what you want with it. I don't care." He stated proudly, though he
was still watching Shinji for signs that he might drop the instrument or
break it somehow.
Shinji decided to stop pestering the boy, and closed his eyes, this time
speaking with music as the bow was drawn along the instrument's strings.
A wonderful, rich sound echoed out as he played the first breaking
note...then sped up slightly to begin to play his song.
Suiten fur Violoncello.
The complex, wonderful sounds began to blend together to form
music...lasting less than a minute, yet filling the room like an ocean of
perfect, blue water.
As he opened his eyes, the young boy was staring at him, mouth wide open.
Shinji promptly turned red and bowed his head. "It's a very good cello."
He coughed, gently handing ownership back to the boy.
The boy took it back in disbelief, looking at the instrument, then back
at Shinji. "How...where did you learn to play like that?"
"A lot of practice." Shinji smiled. "I was once unable to even make it
squeak. You're off to a very good start."
Jayce smiled, though he looked slightly embarrassed. "It was very good.
I always wanted to play a song like that...not one of the beginners songs
that the teacher always used to show me." He sighed, then shook his head.
"I'm meant for bigger things!"
Shinji laughed, standing. The stool was suddenly not there. "You should
listen to your teachers. Starting off small is a good way to start."
Jayce sighed, but then nodded. "Maybe you're right."
Ikari turned around and began to walk off. "Thank you for letting me
play. It was fun." He said after stopping to bow again.
With a gasp, Jayce hopped off the stool and rushed over to him, cello
still in hand. "Wait!"
"Mm?" Shinji blinked.
"I want you to teach me!" Jayce said firmly.
Shinji sighed and shook his head. "I don't know...I'm not a very good
teacher."
"I will not accept no as an answer!" Jayce said fiercely, huffing and
puffing out his chest. "You will be my teacher, and help me become the
best cellist ever!"
Shinji blinked, then smiled. The boy definitely had the passion. He
wished he followed his music with that kind of drive. "Maybe in the next
life." He said softly, replying to both his own, and the boy's
statements.
Jayce frowned, but then smiled. "Very well. I will see you here again."
Shinji nodded, then stood and turned; leaving as simple as willing it to
be.
Time passed.
Or it didn't.
Time didn't matter anymore.
Sometimes, Shinji would walk through the crowd, listening to remnants of
lives as he passed through them like an echo. Sometimes, he imagined the
sounds and voices were from people he recognized...but he forced himself
to keep moving. "They don't want to see me..." he whispered. "I failed
them."
Whenever he thought that, the place seemed darker. He would usually stay
in that mood until he convinced himself that they couldn't be the people
he once knew...that they were all part of this place now anyway. Or they
were talking about other Shinjis. Jayce had said there were many. They
were all just a collection of memories now...not actually people.
"Or maybe they failed me." He said to himself, his mood darkening again.
He didn't like feeling that...watching the liquid world around him being
stained like that. Whenever it was like that, the voices seemed afraid
of him. Quiet.
It made the silent world even more-so.
On one of these occasions, though, he heard a familiar 'squeak!'. His
mood lifted almost immediately, and he soon found himself standing in the
same room. Moonlight streamed through the windows, and a candle warmed
him.
Jayce turned to him, alarmed...but then smiled as recollection occurred.
"Shinji! I was waiting for you!"
Shinji bowed lowly, and smiled. "I hope it's not a bad time. I just
heard you playing."
The boy laughed, shaking his head. "Of course. My wonderful music is
very distinct." He seemed well aware of his 'music's interesting
signature, and both boys laughed.
"But...I want to show you!" Jayce said, eagerly raising the bow. "I've
been practicing for some time now!"
Shinji found the spare stool and sat down across from Jayce. "Alright.
Let's hear!" he smiled. "Play on, good minstrel!"
Shaking with excitement, Jayce ruined the first three notes, but then, he
calmed down, and played one long, wonderful, perfect note...the signature
beginning of Shinji's song...or at least...his favourite way of beginning
it. A few shaky, but acceptable notes followed as they emulated the song
the best the boy could remember.
He finally sighed and stopped when the cello began to crack up again, but
then looked up at Shinji with a bright grin. "What do you think?"
Shinji nodded, honestly impressed. The boy had done amazing considering
he had no sheet music to work from. "You have a very keen musical ear."
He nodded to the boy's obvious pride.
"I've been practicing all the time." Jayce said, handing the bow to the
surprised Shinji. "But I need you to play again. I want to memorize the
notes better this time."
For some reason, Shinji suddenly felt out of place. "I don't know..." he
looked at the bow. "You should probably be learning from someone better
than I am. I only know a few songs well."
"Nonsense!" Jayce said. "As I said before, you are my teacher. I don't
expect you to know everything, but I have to start somewhere." He smiled.
"No offence, Shinji, but I've heard better cello playing, too."
"Then..." Shinji blinked. "Why do you want me to teach you?"
"Because you're the only one who stopped to listen." Jayce said frankly.
"Everyone here doesn't seem to care anymore." He sighed, looking around,
as if he could see past the dark walls. "But I can't give up. Not yet."
Shinji looked away for a moment, then began to play. The tune was a bit
slower this time. He didn't feel as happy playing it, either, but
eventually, he did feel a bit better.
Jayce noticed and blinked. "What's wrong?"
"Just..." Shinji sighed, passing the bow back, then the neck of the
cello. "What if you have no choice but to give up? What if you are
destined to fail at something?"
"Doesn't matter." Jayce said quickly, with complete conviction. "You
should keep trying, even if you're in the pits of hell, and you want to
get to heaven!" he said. "My father always told me that..."
Shinji looked up as he saw Jayce was silent. His eyes seemed distant all
of a sudden.
"I wonder if he's here, too." Jayce said with a sigh. "Not that I
care...just..."
"You'd like to see him again." Shinji filled in, eyes closed.
Jayce sighed, but then brightened considerably. "How about you? Who
would you like to see again?"
"Nobody." Shinji said quickly. The candle threatened to go out as the
room darkened around him.
"Ahh." Jayce said, nodding his head, knowingly. "You're a rebel-type,
then? Funny...I don't know too many rebels into classical music."
"I'm not a rebel." Shinji said, darkly. "I'm weak. I'm a failure. I'm
mean and I hurt people." He sighed. "I don't want to hurt anyone."
Jayce regarded the older boy with a sigh. "That's why you don't want to
see anyone?" he shrugged. "I suppose it makes sense."
Shinji looked up at him and smiled tiredly. "I think you're the first
person that actually thought I made sense."
"Of course!" Jayce beamed proudly. "I am a very good judge of
character." He said with his accent trying to be more regal than it was.
Shinji smiled.
"You should go." Jayce said suddenly lifting the bow to the strings. "I
have much more practicing to do, and I don't want my poor teacher to have
to hear the first few horrible squeaks as I practice."
"I don't mind..."
"I said go!" Jayce said in a mock commanding tone. "I'm sure you're a
busy man, and a little boy like me is not about to monopolize your time.
Spare me the attempt at tact and leave me in the dust when you want to."
Shinji stood to leave. "Good luck, then." He said, a bit confused, but
enjoying the refreshing attitude.
"Luck is for the weak." Jayce stated proudly. "When next you come back,
I will put on a concert fit for you to stay for tea." Then, as if to
drive home his point, he made a horrible, loud screech with the bow.
Shinji laughed and nodded, fading away without another word.
The thought haunted him for a long time.
Did he really want this? To be alone?
Of course not...
But...
When he was around others, he ended up hurting them. Hating himself for
doing it. Or unable to help despite all good intentions.
The words kept on echoing through his head. That it was all his fault...
and just one quick pull of the trigger would probably stop it all from
happening again.
It would have. Unit-01 would have been dormant; the world would be rid
of NERV. No more angels. No more attacks. No more pain.
Why did this happen? Where was he? Everyone was here...but...not. Not
like they were before.
He didn't dare seek out his friends. Asuka...she would only yell at him
for leaving her alone. Toji would look down on him and finally agree
that he was weak and snivelling. Rei...if she was still Rei...would try
to comfort him, but deep down, he knew she had just lost the life she had
just had a chance to taste to it's fullest. Misato, Kaji, and Kaoru-
sensei would all feel disgusted at his failure, despite their efforts to
help him learn.
And so, it was with that he began to seek out someone who he knew would
have answers, and yet, would never be disappointed in him...
More than he always was.
"Father." He whispered out.
A moment later, he found himself in a dark, slimy place.
There was a man, lying prone on the ground, if there was a ground. A bit
younger...it seemed...but still instantly recognizable as the man who
brought Shinji into this world.
He held his right hand as if it had been cut, babying it like a father
would hold an injured child. "So dark here, Yui..." he whispered out
loud.
Shinji took a few steps forward, but Gendo didn't notice. Finally, he
forced himself to say something. "Father...what happened to me?"
Gendo didn't turn to his son, however, he answered with a long, long
sigh. "I can hear him now, Yui..." he stated out loud. "He must be
angry with me."
"No!" Shinji knelt down next to the man. "I'm not angry with you,
Father! Just tell me what this is! Tell me why I have to..."
"NOOO!" Gendo yelled out, sitting up. The light seemed to shift again,
this time turning pitch black around them both. "Yui! Help me! Help
me!"
Shinji's heart sunk as he watched his father dissolve into a sobbing old
fool, gasping out in the airless space, holding onto his hand like it was
the only thing he cherished. "Father..."
"This is the world he chose, Shinji-kun." Came a soft, familiar voice.
His mother was now standing next to him. Shinji looked up with wide eyes
at the woman...she was still as he remembered, as if the accident never
happened. "Mother!" he whispered with more joy than he had known in the
longest time.
She smiled down at him, then gently, took his hand. Shinji rose, and
after a long moment, he forgot all his pain and gave her a hug so tight,
had she been in a real body, she would have been unable to breathe. She
just laughed softly, letting Shinji hold on as tightly as he wanted.
"Son..." she said as Shinji took a step back, tears staining his cheeks.
"This is not a good place to be." She said softly.
Shinji turned back to his father, who was now curled up in a ball. "What
is this place, Mother?" he asked. "Where am I? Why is everyone here...
but..."
"It's quiet?" she filled in for him. Shinji nodded. "This is the result
of all our efforts, Shinji-kun."
"You're a part of this too." Shinji sighed tiredly. "I was hoping that
you weren't."
Yui frowned slightly, but her features softened a moment later. "Son,
you have to understand something very important. Ever since the Dead Sea
Scrolls were recovered, we knew this would all happen. The Second
Impact, the Third, all the Evangelions, the Angels. Everything. The
only thing that gave us hope was knowing that, despite it all, it would
depend on the human soul to give us a conclusion we could live with."
He shook his head and looked to Gendo. "Is this what you mean? My
Father, snivelling in a dark place? Me growing up without my Mother?
Having to watch everyone around me in pain?" he looked away. "Some job
the human soul did."
"Shinji-kun." His Mother sighed. "Come with me. I want to show you
something."
The darkness lifted instantly, and all of a sudden, his Father was one
with the goo again. Yui was still with her son, however. There was a
brief moment of movement, where somehow, they traveled some unknown
distance, almost to the edge of the world. He wasn't sure how he knew
this, but there was a noticeable pull behind him. On this edge, he could
see different things...ghosts...souls...something.
They were swimming like schools of fish. Foggy eyes watched Shinji and
Yui as they approached, but none ever seemed to react otherwise. Out of
the corner of his eye, he would sometimes see one's face. Clothed in
dresses and suits. Smiles and frowns. Tiny moments of their previous
lives.
"What...what are they?" Shinji whispered, already knowing the answer.
"Those who wish to go back, and yet, are scared to." Yui said softly, her
arm reaching out to one as it flew past. The ghostly shape slid through
her hand like it was air, leaving a trail of white fog behind it as it
streamed off her fingers. "They are the souls who loved life so much
that even the Angels and Instrumentality could not completely shake them
from it."
Shinji watched, mesmerized as more faces appeared. As he watched,
however, he saw a few suddenly stop swimming through the world, and begin
to fade...drifting towards him. He moved aside as it floated past, then
dissolved.
"Human beings are not meant to struggle endlessly. Not forever." Yui
explained as his shocked face asked the question. "There is no place to
go. No way out of this heaven for them. Eventually, even sharks and
fish can tire if they swim too hard for too long." She sighed as another
was claimed by the void behind them. "One by one, they will lose hope.
Forget about their bodies. Their souls will then join the others
completely and be at rest."
"It's so useless..." Shinji whispered. "Why fight what one can't
change?"
"Because they know there is a way out." Yui said, looking at her son
again. "They know that there is a soul in here that can bring them out
of this place. Not an Angel, nor an Evangelion, but a simple human
soul." She smiled. "They're waiting for you to decide, my son."
Shinji looked away, shaking his head. "I've already decided. This is my
fate...why should anyone care what..."
"Something is holding you here." Yui interrupted. "You may think you
have decided. That you have accepted your fate, or doom." She sighed,
placing a warm hand on his back. "But there is a part of you that knows
it isn't done yet."
He looked at his Mother with sad eyes. "I wish it were true."
"If you wish, then it is true." Yui smiled. "You have the power to
change what you want. To do what you want. All of us do, but because of
this place, many have forgotten."
Shinji looked around at the void as they floated back towards the deeper
centre, watching the ghosts fade...but not before seeing a handful more
follow them and dissolve. "I hate this place..." he whispered. "I
didn't think it would be like this."
Yui nodded and smiled. "It is never as one expects, my son. Our minds
sometimes betray and lead our hearts and souls to fake dreams and
expectations. However, while your heart can be hurt, and can be locked
away...your soul is still yours to command. Even in this place where all
souls are trying to become one again." She leaned down and took a deep
breath. "It is a strange place. It makes people forget. But...there is
a secret that you know in your heart."
He closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know any secrets..."
"Yes you do." She said. "You know that there is a way out."
Shinji shook his head, but even then, he knew his mother was right.
"H...how? How do you get out?"
"You. You are the key. You are why all this happened. Why we all
sacrificed so much and risked it all. My son, you alone have the power
to change this place." Yui leaned closer and whispered. "There's no
trick to it. You just have to leave."
Shinji's eyes opened, and he found himself in a different place.
His mother was no longer with him, however, he could feel someone was
watching him. "I must admit...I never thought the train-tracks would
lead here." Someone said.
With a smile, Shinji turned around. The room faded into view, showing a
classroom and his Sensei at his desk. He was perched on the side like he
always was...papers and books all around him. "Sensei..."
Miyazaki smiled and nodded. Then, he walked over to the board. "Mister
Ikari, please, come here. You're not a student in my class." He said
quietly.
The room was all too quiet, as if it was almost about to fade into the
void like the souls before. It never did, though, and the tiled floor
felt wonderfully familiar as his feet walked across it. "I...I'm not
used to being up at the front of the class." He sighed.
"You'll have to get used to it." Miyazaki said with a smile. "Last time
this all happened, you ended up being the teacher for our family."
"Our...family?" Shinji whispered, looking at the desk nervously. "What
do you mean?"
"Well, both our families." Kaoru said, leaning against the board and
offering his seat to the boy. "Surely you noticed the family
resemblance?" he laughed, hunching over briefly to perform a patented
'Gendo-glasses-push-up' on his nose.
Shinji hung his head slightly. "I thought it was my imagination. That I
was filling you in for my Father." After a bit of hesitation, though, he
hopped up on the desk and sat with his legs dangling over.
Kaoru laughed and seemed pleased that he did. "Well, I'll give you a
hint." He pointed at Shinji's feet. "I learned that habit from my
grandfather."
Shinji's eyes went wide with realization. "G...Grandfather? A...And
you're my..."
"Grandson." Kaoru bowed. "Kaoru Miyazaki Langley Ikari, at your
service."
He blinked. "Where did the Miyazaki come from?"
"After the Third Impact, there wasn't much to do." Kaoru explained. "You
and Grandma..." he blushed. "Er...Asuka...needed some way to keep all
the kids happy, so after about ten years of hunting for the right parts,
you actually got a DVD player working and the first movie you showed us
was an old classic by a gentleman named Hayao Miyazaki." He blinked then
sighed.
"What is it?" Shinji asked, noticing the strange look on his face.
"Your...son, and my father..." Kaoru smiled softly. "I remember he
didn't like the movie. Said it was stupid and depressing. But I
remember you and Asuka were crying nearly at the end. In joy..." he
added. "Nausicaa of the Valley of the Winds is a good movie...but I
think you two lived even harder lives than what was depicted in the
story."
Shinji nodded. He hadn't seen the movie in a long time, but he knew of
it. "So it's your middle name?"
"Not quite." Kaoru smiled. "But close enough. We...well..." he sighed,
shaking his head. "I can understand why you and Asuka decided to split
us up into the two families."
"Why did we do that?" he blinked.
Miyazaki smiled. "After you realized your son had made your daughter
pregnant, you decided to pretend there were two families...so it would be
easier to prevent inbreeding later on."
Shinji's eyes were wide.
"Adam and Eve had to do the same thing." Kaoru explained with a shrug.
"I knew about it...maybe that's why I never took a wife...but it made
things easier for the others. In the end, though, I don't think that you
two were ready for it." He shook his head. "It must have been very
awkward to watch your children and grandchildren fall in love."
"What was it like?" Shinji asked, turning away the subject before it got
out of hand. "Life? Was it okay?"
"Life? After the whole thing?" Kaoru asked. Shinji nodded. He sighed.
"I didn't really have much to compare it to until I came here. It was
home...but it was hard."
"Who...who else was there?" He sighed. "I mean...was it just me and
Asuka in the beginning?"
"Yep." Kaoru nodded. "A true Adam and Eve story, actually. You two were
alone for...well...you never told any of us for how long. Once in a
while, though, I heard you talking about trips across Japan to look for
survivors. Sometimes, I would hear you mention something about Asuka's
injuries and how long it took for her to heal." He smiled softly. "But
only when it was Sakura Day." He saw Shinji's head cock to the side, and
nodded. "That was the one holiday you and Asuka had set up for us.
There was no more cherry blossoms, at least, not for decades. So,
instead, you set up the anniversary of the Third Impact as a holiday.
The only time any of us were allowed to drink."
Shinji sighed and nodded. "I can see why."
"When I was seven, I found you in your study...two large bottles
of...well, I didn't know at the time, but they were sake, were all gone."
Miyazaki said in a whispered tone, as if reciting something he treasured.
"You told me of your life...the people you knew...why you thought you had
failed, but also why you had the strength to continue." He sighed. "Then
you took me to the edge of the ocean, waded three steps in, and poured a
full bottle into the sea, saying it was for a woman named Misato who you
cared for very much, and all your other friends who were no more."
They were silent for a long time.
Or maybe a heartbeat. It didn't matter.
Kaoru sighed, as if having a heavy weight placed in his arms, and pulled
up a student desk to sit on. The two young men were eye-to-eye now.
"One year, on Sakura, there was a fight." He swallowed hard. "Your wife
was killed by her own child. Your son. After...it was over..." he
closed his eyes. "I helped you lock my father into the Geofront. What
was left of it. He probably died down there...we had already taken most
of the useful..." his voice cracked slightly and Shinji suddenly felt
horrible that he was listening to the tale.
"You don't have to continue..." Shinji said softly. "It's okay..."
"No." Kaoru frowned...mostly at himself...and took a deep breath. "It's
important you know what happens." He took a long, cleansing breath and
started again. "We became fast friends. I was still fairly young at the
time...and you wanted your son to raise me as he saw fit...but
afterwards, I looked at you for guidance." He smiled. "It was nice. You
taught me about the world you knew. Showed me how to use an A.T. Field
in ways that you never even showed the others. In return, I taught you
about the things I had learned...books you've never read. The Magi.
Things like that.
"But, you died one day." He continued with a long, whispered breath.
"You lived to a good age, and the last look on your face was happiness
that you would be with Asuka again." He smiled softly. "You two were so
in love..." he shook his head. "Not always...but before her death, you
two would have made poets smile."
Shinji felt his heart warm at this, and couldn't help but smile and blush
a bit. "I'm glad..."
"On the night of your passing, I took your body to the ocean and lay you
in. It was..." he sighed. "Ritual, I guess. Or maybe it just seemed
right. That way you were with everyone you cared about. Even us. The
families always stayed near the ocean. It was part of us too."
"The ocean...like we're in now?" Shinji asked. Kaoru nodded. "I... I
can see why I asked for that." He sighed, looking around.
"I saw someone, though." Kaoru said. "I saw who you know as the Last
Angel." He smiled sadly. "He watched me push your body into the liquid,
then walked over to me like a ghost."
Shinji listened, closing his eyes as he tried to remember things about
the other Kaoru, but none of it seemed to matter anymore.
"He told me that you had lived a good life...but humanity had not learned
from it." Kaoru continued. "He said that it was time for everyone to
come back. That there was no need to live like we were, and that it was
time to make things right."
"So...he brought you here?" Shinji asked.
"Not right away." Miyazaki whispered. Shinji blinked as he turned away.
"You have to understand, I wanted to know you. I wanted to be like you.
I wanted to help. So...I asked Kaoru to take me to you. He did exactly
what I had hoped, and let me see inside your soul."
"My...soul?" Shinji asked weakly.
"I saw everything..." Kaoru whispered. "I can't be completely sure, but
it was like I was with you. All the way up till the end. I saw how much
you loved Asuka..." he smiled softly. "I admit, I wished for a long time
after that I could find someone I could feel so much love towards. For a
while, I pretended I was you...that Asuka was my wife. Needless to say,
I had to get over it when I came here." He said, bright red, but smiling.
"She is a very special woman."
Shinji blushed and nodded. "She...she is special beyond words."
"I even took Pen-Pen with me." He smiled at Shinji's reaction. "Pen-Pen
survived the Impact before, thanks to Misato's planning. The entire
family took care of him in later years, and because of his genetic
alterations, he aged very slowly. I knew he would allow me to keep an
eye on you two when you weren't at school." He explained with a laugh.
"He is a very smart penguin. I'm glad he chose to help out. I don't
think things would have worked out nearly as well without him."
Laughing, Shinji agreed. "He does seem to be a bit smarter than one
would first expect."
"But...yes...when Kaoru showed me..." The classroom seemed suddenly
dimmed as Kaoru walked over to the chalkboard and placed his hand on it.
His hand-print was left in the chalk-dust as he pulled away. "It was
like watching those DVD's, but I felt as if I was part of the story. I
watched as Asuka got..." he swallowed hard. "Attacked...by the Angel.
As Misato was bleeding to death, trying to snap you out of your..." a
long, long sigh. "As it all came down around us. How it happened. All
that I wanted was to make it better. To help you get the edge you
needed. To save Asuka...to protect them all."
With a long, long pause, Kaoru finally turned back to Shinji, shaking his
head. "I never thought that I would be putting you all through the pain
again...and I thought I would have been able to do more than this..."
Shinji shook his head as he saw tears threaten in his Grandson's eyes.
"It's okay..." he said, reaching forward.
Was it?
He didn't know.
It didn't matter, though. Kaoru hugged him back tightly as Shinji
offered comfort. All of a sudden, his Sensei seemed smaller...as if he
had changed to a young boy.
He had. Looking at Shinji with wet eyes, a sixteen-year-old Kaoru
Miyazaki Langley Ikari stood there, sniffling.
"I'm sorry..." the boy said sadly.
It was the image Shinji remembered as he found himself floating again,
weightless and without form in a sea of souls.
He was quiet for a long, long time after that.
It was days...months...years...or maybe just a few heartbeats later.
Whatever amount of time had passed had now passed, and he found himself
drifting through the shadows again.
They were darker...not as defined as the souls away from the deepest part
here. They held only snapshots of a soul, not the actual soul anymore.
Shinji would sometimes enter one to find empty rooms of long-forgotten
houses. Sometimes a train station. Or a grassy field cut down to only a
hill and a park bench.
Everything was bathed in darker and darker tones. Memories were being
forgotten. Lives were becoming rare things in a sea of nothingness. He
watched it all return to nothing, and knew in his heart that he should
have been mad. Horrified. Frightened.
Anything.
But he was not. His mind was focused on only one thing at the moment.
Finding Asuka.
She had been with him? Away from this place? Maybe she was already
outside, waiting for him. She was strong enough to fight out of anything
else...why not here? There was no way to tell. No way to guess. At
first, he had been hopeful...going as far as he could away from the deep
centre...finding the brightest souls...finding the most powerful memories
and happiest lives. If nothing else...the ones who lusted after it.
The ones who had the kind of passion he knew she had. That she always
had. Even in her darkest moments.
No Asuka.
However, just before he was about to turn away and head to the darker
parts again, he heard a familiar voice.
And...Mother? Again?
He turned around to find himself standing next to a large tree. It was
blossoming it's final Sakura blossoms...the weather seemed odd...maybe
the first summer after the Second Impact.
Indeed, it seemed to fit. A younger Fuyutsuki was kneeling down next to
a baby carriage, smiling at what was inside. Dressed out of her lab-
coat, and instead, in a long sweater, he saw his mother standing over the
baby inside, smiling proudly. "His name is Shinji. I have always
thought the name to be quite nice."
Kozo beamed. Shinji was slightly surprised. The Sub-Commander never
seemed this...happy...ever! "He is a fine boy, Yui-ko. You both must be
very proud!"
Ko? A sign of affection. Shinji watched with interest as his mother
turned slightly red and smiled back. He smiled as the thought hit him.
He was watching the Sub-Commander's heaven.
Had they been close? Shinji had only known precious few years of his
mother, and they were too blissful and unaware to notice things as this.
They moved around each other, and yet, were as close as they could be
without embarrassment. Perhaps like two ex lovers during a reunion, or a
student and teacher that could have been more than that.
"You loved her." He asked out loud, not really expecting an answer.
Kozo nodded...the scene freezing in his mind. Shinji watched everything
become two dimensional...paper thin. The shadows they cast seemed
different now. The old man...not so old now...turned to the boy and
smiled with bright eyes. "I did. I will. Even though I try not to."
Shinji moved into the scene from the shadows, stepping up to the man who
had re-trained his gaze on Shinji's Mother. "What was she like?" Shinji
asked, slightly embarrassed as he realized he should have left the old
man to his dreams.
He didn't seem to mind, and in fact, seemed happy for the chance to share
with, perhaps, one of the only people in the world who would understand.
"When I met her..." he sighed happily. "I fought against her a lot. She
was brilliant...much more than I was. I had the experience to know that
she outclassed me in all knowledge...and yet...she looked up to me in a
way that my other students never did. She respected me as an equal, not
a teacher."
Shinji smiled and nodded.
"Instead of having to prove myself against her all the time...we began to
work together. I'd like to think we both benefited, but I know that I
had the better end of the deal." Fuyutsuki smiled, now old again. "Quite
simply, she was a wonderful person. Everyone in the class loved her." He
chuckled. "Maybe not...like that...but everyone liked her. Respected
her for the same reason."
The scene shifted...
A familiar garden enveloped them, and Shinji found himself next to Kozo,
watching Yui and a younger version of the old professor talking on a
wooden love-seat under the stars.
"It is a nice dream." Shinji said softly, not wanting to disturb the
scene.
Fuyutsuki seemed embarrassed for a moment, but was clearly happy as they
watched Yui kiss him softly, then turn and run off with wet cheeks. "It
was...a wonderful night." He whispered. "A dream that came real. A
fantasy that wasn't too bold to refuse to come true."
"What about after?" Shinji asked as the scene faded. "Is the dream worth
it when you wake up?"
Kozo turned to Shinji and smiled brightly, with tears evident. "Yes.
Without hesitation, yes."
Shinji looked away for a moment, then nodded. "I envy your conviction,
Fuyutsuki-sama."
As the scene faded...his mind drifting out of the light and ready to
drift once more, the old man just shook his head. "You have her
strength, Shinji. Use it if you can, or you'll end up watching dreams
for the rest of your days." He said. "Don't you have a dream you want to
come true? More than anything?"
More than anything.
Misato would know what to do. "Misato-san."
And he was there. A twilit room in the heat of summer...back when it
would get really hot. Not just slightly misty and humid and warm...
Hot.
The tiny fan osculating back and forth did nothing but blow a wonderfully
delicious breeze across the skin of the two people embraced on the bed.
Shinji found himself hiding in the corner, not wanting to interrupt
Misato and Kaji, even though they weren't really naked like he saw.
"Misato." He smiled softly. "Reliving old memories?"
Her voice was there, though her body wasn't. "Shinji..." it gasped.
"I... I didn't want you to see this..."
"I'm sorry..." he whispered out loud as the two lovers decided that they
should make the best of their nakedness and refine their abilities
further. "I didn't mean to intrude..." he said.
The soft kissing and wet sounds began to fill the air, but Misato didn't
seem to be worried about that. "I didn't want you to see why..." she
said.
Finally, she appeared next to him, watching the display with a hint
of...anger? "Why are you angry at this?" Shinji asked.
"Because." Misato turned to him. "I was like this because I needed to
feel alive. Not because I loved him." She sighed. "At least, not yet."
"But..." Shinji looked to her. "If you hate this...then why drift to it?
Why think of it? We...we all don't have flesh anymore, so what's the
point?"
"I wanted to feel it again." She whispered. "It does hurt me...a lot.
To this day, I wished that I could have been like you, Shinji-kun. To
wait until I was sure. Completely in love, filled up to the brim until I
burst." She smiled at the two lovers. "But this is a good thing too. A
summer love that could have meant nothing, but turned into something
special." She turned away. "Not every thing can be like a fairy tale,
Shinji."
"I know that." He said quickly, slightly frustrated. "I know about that
part, Misato."
Misato walked away from him, but around the room, as if to see the two
making love in a different light. "My life didn't turn out like I had
hoped. I made many mistakes, and forgot things I should have remembered.
But there isn't one day that goes by that I don't think I'm a better
person." She smiled up at him. "I can look at this now and know I have
come a long way. That we all have." She closed her eyes. "And I want to
keep going. I don't want to just remember. I want to live."
"And get hurt..." Shinji sighed.
Misato frowned. "Yes. I want to get hurt. I want to feel pain. If
that's what has to happen for me to feel the rest of life too, then I'll
gladly accept it all."
There was a long pause as the two lovers finished their movement,
returning to a more peaceful state of respite. Misato watched Shinji for
that time, then shook her head. "What about you? What do you think of
here?"
"I don't know." Shinji admitted, the room fading out of existence. "I...
I don't really think of anything." He breathed. "It's peaceful."
Misato began to fade, and she seemed to know time was almost gone for
her. "Shinji-kun...what do you remember that made the pain worth it?"
Shinji turned away, not sure if he wanted to think about it. "I..."
"What made waking up in the morning worth while?" Misato asked as she was
returned to the nothingness around her. "What made you glad you were
alive?"
Two questions, now.
Instead of answers, more questions. Even in this place of no barriers,
one remained.
He wanted to join. He wanted to give up. He wanted to be happy again.
It didn't matter how it happened.
"You can't join them for a reason, son." Yui said, a warm hand on his
shoulder followed the voice. "You're not ready. I hope you never will
be." she sighed, hugging him as they watched the field of ghosts drifting
around them.
"Why did you do this to me?" Shinji whispered. "All of this was for
nothing. It was all just a game I never asked to be part of."
"Life is not a game." Yui said. "And it is not fair to think your
parents are responsible for all your misfortunes. If that was so,
parenthood would be unbearable." she sighed. "You can't imagine how hard
it is to watch you grow up without me...watching the plans I made and
helped make cause you pain..." she shook her head. "But you are stronger
now. You learned to take the good and the bad and make them both part of
your life."
"I am weak." Shinji turned to her, eyes lowered but unclouded. "I'm
alone, and I want this all to go away."
"Then why do you stay?" Yui said.
The emptiness faded to form substance, yellow and red changed to solid
metal forms, and before the massive red mask of Unit-02, Shinji saw
himself. Yui had her eyes closed, concentrating on the image. He was on
the walkway, sitting next to Asuka.
He watched himself raise the gun to his head, remembering the act as a
dream so long ago. However, this time, he saw that, just before his
finger went to the trigger, it was firmly on the Safety switch.
The click echoed out long and hard, the scene stopping as he saw Asuka's
eyes wide, thinking she would have seen a spray of blood a moment later.
"But..." he whispered as the scene faded a bit more...this time, Shinji
was alone, the gun to his head. "I...I thought it was..."
"You knew Asuka needed a push." Yui said softly. "And weather or not you
knew you would live didn't matter. The fact is that there is still
something inside of you that loves life. That didn't want to give up so
easily." She smiled. "It's the exact reason why you're still here. Why
you're not part of...this." she whispered, motioning to the endless dull
glow of billions of souls.
"Asuka." He sighed. "Is it because I love her?"
"Yes." Yui smiled. "And no. If it were that easy, you'd already be
either lost or back on shore."
He slumped to the 'ground', sitting next to the frozen image of himself
with the gun. "I don't want to do this...I'm not strong enough..." he
whispered.
"Just like you had refused to pilot Unit-01?" Yui asked softly, kneeling
down with her son. "And yet, when it came time to save innocent lives,
you proved you had the strength and talent to do so."
"It was luck." Shinji frowned. "And you, Mother."
Yui frowned back, then stood. "You overestimate me, Shinji. What you
saw and felt on that day was none of my doing. What you fought for and
how you succeeded was not instrumented by your Father or anyone else...
despite the pleasure he took from watching it."
Shinji let out a long sigh. "Go away."
Yui sighed, but disappeared. "In time, you'll see the truth."
"I don't want truth." He whispered, closing his eyes. "I don't want
anything."
"SQUEEEEK!"
The noise brought Shinji out of his dreamless sleep, and he found himself
sitting next to a boy, holding a cello. Jayce frowned, mockingly. "Took
you long enough to get here, Shinji. I was about to think you didn't
want to hear my music!"
Shinji sighed, slumping over in his seat a bit more. "I'm sorry, Jayce-
san. I shouldn't be here right now. I'm in a strange mood."
"Good!" Jayce beamed happily. "It will give me a chance to cheer you up!
Like you did for me!"
Shinji blinked, then looked up. "I cheered you up?"
"Of course! What good is a musician who has no audience to play for?"
A brief thought crossed his brain and Shinji smiled. "If Unit-01 falls
on the moon, would anyone hear?"
Jayce ignored the odd comment and tapped his bow on the edge of his
cello. "I will now play for you." He stated officially.
Shinji had been expecting his song, but the boy surprised him by playing
something he had never heard before. It was fast...upbeat and amazing.
He found himself gawking slightly as the song wound up into a hailstorm
of wonderful notes weaved together as he had never heard. Something by a
recent composer? Or was it a song he hadn't heard before?
At the end, Jayce smiled and finished with a long bow-draw, producing a
perfect ending to the quick piece. He then bowed his head, not bothering
for modesty. "Well? I assume I have honoured my good teacher?"
Shinji bowed his head quickly and nodded. "That was amazing! What song
was it?"
Jayce smiled, then turned red slightly. "I made it myself. It's called
Blurry Hurricane." He grinned. "I think it turned out rather well, don't
you?"
Shinji laughed and nodded, finally rising to give him a proper ovation.
"It was quite excellent!" Indeed, he even felt as if his mood had been
tossed back up in the air, instead of resting on the ground, useless.
"Don't worry, my good teacher." He said, suddenly serious. "During the
concert, I will play your song as well. I have been practicing on that
one the most."
Shinji blinked and looked around the empty room. "Concert?"
He laughed. "Of course! Bring whoever you want to along. It will be
quite a night to remember!"
Despite himself, Shinji felt quite excited at the prospect. "I...I don't
know...h...how much time do I have?"
"When you come back next, I'll play for you and all your friends." Jayce
said proudly. "Don't worry about invitations. I will be practicing
until you get back."
Shinji smiled, bowed, and was gone in a flash as he melted into the
shadows.
As he reappeared, he found himself in the classroom again.
Kaoru-Sensei, Rei, and his mother were all smiling as he walked in.
"I..." he said, then paused as he noticed their faces. "What?"
Sensei shrugged. "What? I didn't say anything, Mister Ikari."
Rei was smiling softly and nodded. "Hai. I too."
Yui smiled and walked over to him. "A concert?"
Shinji blinked, then smiled. "Hai! My friend is inviting us all to a
concert!"
"Well, we can't keep him waiting, then." Yui said to the others.
"I agree." Rei said. "Ikari-kun, would you like everyone to be there?"
He nodded happily. "Of course!"
Miyazaki walked over to him and sighed. "Your Father may be busy, you
know. He may not want to come."
Shinji looked away, but sighed. "It's up to him." He looked up at his
teacher. "But I want you all to hear this! My friend Jayce is very
good!"
"Well, we'll have to be there!" came a familiar voice. Shinji turned
around and smiled as he saw most of the class standing before
him...including Toji and Hikari. The boy smiled and nodded.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world!" Maya said happily, off to his side,
hanging onto the arm of a slightly embarrassed, but smiling Ritsuko.
When he turned back to his mother, a blushing, but extremely happy
looking Fuyutsuki was standing next to her. "NERV will love to extend an
official presence at this event, young mister Shinji."
Yui grinned and turned to him. "Why, Kozo, I didn't know you could be so
official!"
Despite the group around him, he still felt someone was missing. Indeed,
his father was not here...but he seemed lost in that dark place.
But...
What of Asuka?
Toji walked over to him, as if hearing his thought. Maybe he did.
"She'll be there, man. You'll see."
Shinji closed his eyes and nodded. "You're right."
The next time he opened them, they were in the concert hall again.
It seemed open to the sky...and yet, there were no stars in this place.
Soft lights seemed to flicker off in the distance. Souls of those still
solid enough to enjoy the music had gathered around this place, willed
into being by the people sitting there. They all seemed foggy, fading,
and yet, everyone was there.
Everyone except Asuka.
Shinji looked hard for her, but it was clear she was not in the audience.
The great theatre seemed to go on forever, though, and he simply excused
it as his inability to see her.
Jayce was up on stage, looking around in delight at the crowd gathered to
hear him. "And you wondered why I asked you to be my teacher!" he
laughed.
Shinji found himself sitting next to him, smiling. "I still wonder,
actually."
Jayce motioned across the audience. "I knew you had the power to see
them..." he whispered. "I tried, but nobody would come. Nobody I knew."
He looked at him with a bit of envy, but also, great admiration. "You're
a lot stronger than I am. I knew when you faded into my dream."
Finally, with a crowd assembled, faces patiently waiting, Jayce raised
his bow and, without even a word of introduction or reasons why, he began
to play his song about the hurricanes.
Shinji watched in amazement as the faces around him became solid again.
Real. Wanting to hear the song. Wanting to feel the music. Faces he
knew...some he didn't...more and more seemed to fill the expanse before
his eyes. Misato and Kaji watched together, smiling happily and
whispering their approving comments to each other. Kozo and Yui amazed,
and with bright faces. Maya resting her head on Ritsuko's shoulder, and
the eldest not minding a bit, eyes closed to enjoy the music and the
feelings of love. Miyazaki and Rei, though not lovers, were together as
friends, watching the show with bright smiles. Rei had her eyes closed
and moved her head to the notes as they were produced. Kensuke, Toji and
Hikari all cheering with silent smiles. The latter two obviously holding
hands, and Kensuke not even bothering to spoil the moment by producing
his camcorder.
Sometimes, he could see the outline of his father. The flicker of
glasses...the bearded frown...yet, he seemed to want to be there.
Random people he had known in his life. His old teachers were there
sometimes. Workers at NERV who he thought were dead. Images of people
not from Japan, but from all around the world as they brought by their
strong hearts to the wonderful sound of music filling them again with
life.
And as the song came to a close, there was a new sound. A climactic
explosion of cheering and clapping as the crowd lit up with sound and
movement.
Jayce was obviously overwhelmed by the reaction, but he managed, after a
long moment of turning bright red under the attention, to stand up and
bow.
The crowd roared again with pleasure, happy to give him the attention he
very well deserved.
"Now!" Jayce announced, causing the crowd to quiet down enough for him to
speak. "I would like to ask my distinguished teacher, Shinji, to join me
for a song."
Shinji turned to him, surprised. All argument was drown out by the
thunderous clapping from the audience, however. As if to seal his fate,
there was a soft glimmer near his seat as his cello appeared.
Before, he may have ignored it. His mind was still cloudy with confusion
and anger towards himself and everyone involved with Eva...
But it was all forgotten when his fingers felt the soft, warm surface of
music again. Faults in the wood grain that he had never noticed before,
yet were familiar as the whole instrument, greeted his skin. It all
seemed surreal, yet it all seemed right. Time slowed, the lights dimmed
and peace filled him like the first time he held it.
Long moments passed as he picked it up and moved over to the stool next
to Jayce. "It's been a while..." he whispered.
"Nonsense." Jayce smiled brightly. "You're a natural."
The first time had been different. The cello seemed so huge compared to
his tiny hands, yet he tried to use it like his old teacher had done so.
It was next to impossible to hold the thing up, let alone finish a song
without yelling and storming off.
He drew the bow across the strings and the world seemed to resonate with
the song. All across the world, it was heard. The blind and deaf were
drawn to the sound of the music. Those who never knew a song such as
this could feel it all at once, pure and wonderful. Every note was
perfect; echoing with feeling as well as timing. An audience of untold
millions listened without breath or thought. Everyone let the sound fill
their souls with a new vigour.
It was warm and sweet as honey. Smooth as water and addictive as the
finest wine. It was far too short and sweet, and yet, just right. As
the song finished and he lowered his bow, there was no clapping. No
sound of applause and cheer.
Just the approving, caring smiles of all those he knew, and the
admiration from a billion lost souls who he never met.
Finally, after a long heartbeat, Jayce began to clap. The sound caught
on, but this time, with those who mattered most. His mother. His
friends. His teachers.
"Bravo!" Jayce exclaimed over the sound of cheers.
An echoing chorus of Bravo! And Well Done! Shinji smiled, despite his
mood, looking up at Jayce. "Who did you play your song for?"
Jayce blinked, and the world became silent again.
"My father." Jayce said, quietly.
Shinji looked up at him with a grim smile. "Me too. Long time ago...I
thought I would learn cello for myself. To prove something to myself."
"That you could make him proud..." Jayce said, eyes lowered. "Maybe, get
him to notice..."
"But they're not out there." Shinji said, looking around. "Are they."
They both looked up, as if they could scan the entire crowd in the span
of a glance. Maybe they did. It was so hard to tell in this place.
However, no amount of searching would reveal those who they wished to
play for.
Waiting, patiently, the audience was silent before them.
Finally, Jayce raised his bow and began to play a new song. The
beginnings of a tune Shinji had heard somewhere before, and then laughed,
joining in, as he recognized a part of "Peter and the Wolf".
"Who are you playing for now?" Shinji asked, watching Jayce play, hoping
not to break his concentration.
"Me." Jayce said with a huff.
Right about that time, he pulled the bow too hard, and there was a
horrible TWING sound! Everyone gasped as they saw the bow had snapped.
Shinji stopped playing, and the crowd of souls seemed to whisper,
wondering what was happening.
Jayce looked down at his bow with a shocked expression, as if it just
came out and slapped him. "It...broke..."
The world began to fade, even with people watching in surprise. Shinji
looked around and quickly put down his cello as he saw Jayce begin to
flicker out of his mind. "Wait!"
The young boy suddenly looked very sleepy. His eyes lowered and he
turned to Shinji with an almost blank look. "It's okay...maybe...I
should just stop for now...anyways..."
"You can't!" Shinji said, frantic. His hands faded through the boy as he
tried to shake him back awake, and when he looked up, Jayce was even more
ghostly, turning into another fading soul. "You can't give up yet! You
just started the song!"
Jayce blinked, but kept fading. "But..."
"You still have an audience!" Shinji said, pointing to the crowd around
them...now almost gone except for the watching eyes. "You still have a
chance to make music! And now you even have someone to play for!" he
smiled, though it was clear he was shaking. "You have to play for
yourself. You can't play for people who don't want to hear. Not
anymore."
Jayce closed his eyes, but just before he faded away, he nodded. "You're
right!"
The world snapped back into existence around them. Back on the stage,
surrounded by everyone. His bow was still broken, but his cello waited
for him.
Shinji watched with relief as Jayce picked up his bow, turned to him and
nodded. "I'll be right back. I just need to get another bow." He said
simply.
And then was gone.
Gone.
"Jayce-san!" Shinji gasped, looking around. He couldn't hear him
anymore. There was no thought. No voice in his mind. The memories...
gone.
His mother was next to him, all of a sudden. He looked up at her,
begging for an explanation. She smiled. "You made him remember."
Shinji shook his head. "Remember what?"
Life.
And so, Jayce was back.
Back where? On Earth? Was there even an Earth to go back to?
The crowd gathered around him, waiting, watching. Yui walked up to him
and placed a hand on his shoulder as he looked at the spot where Jayce
had been.
"What happens now?" Shinji asked as he looked up.
Even as he did, three people next to him faded away. Leaving. More
began to fade out as well, returning to the world away from this place.
Some of them smiling happily, the others humming favourite songs, or
finding and returning with loved ones and family.
Before each of them left, however, they turned to Shinji and seemed to
reach out to him.
Thanking him.
"Now, people will return." Yui said, looking around and noticing the slow
migration herself. "Those who can. Those who remember. Those who don't
are still trapped here, waiting for you, Shinji-kun."
Shinji nodded and walked back over to his cello. "Waiting for me." He
whispered, staring at the instrument for a moment. "To remember?"
Yui sat down next to him and nodded. Soon, Rei and Miyazaki were with
him, standing beside Yui. Rei looked around. "I am bound to this place,
Ikari-kun." She said softly. "But I do not have the same power you have.
The same joy and pain. Only you can show them why they must live. Why
they have to withstand the pain."
Kaoru nodded, looking around as well. "I'm hoping that I will no longer
exist as I knew it, Shinji. That you will change all this into something
better." He smiled. "You already have. I don't have a life to go back
to, and I hope the future version of myself is much happier. However, I
can stay here and help the people who can't remember."
"Eva was not meant to ease everyone's pain, Shinji. It is a way for us
to survive for all time." Yui reached out and held his hand in hers. It
was wonderfully real and warm to him...a feeling he wished to experience
again for a decade since. "Human beings are meant to suffer...but not
because they are pitiful creatures, or evil, nor damned." She leaned
forward. "You know the answer is within you. The thing that your
Father, and thousands like him will never understand."
Shinji looked at her with sad, but understanding eyes. "I know." He
said. "And...I think I can learn to accept it now."
More souls departed them with great thanks, but billions were still left,
waiting.
"I don't know if I understand all of it..." Shinji whispered. "And I
know that I may not live up to it. But I think I can learn to love
myself again." He looked at Rei and Kaoru with a weak smile. "I think I
can learn to love life again."
Rei smiled softly back and nodded. Kaoru sighed in relief, nodding as
well. "Then you passed, Shinji."
Yui laughed softly, hugging her son. "And don't worry, my son. Answers
will come to you. But only if you look for them. Even the very wisest
cannot know all the answers to life, or we all would have given up long
ago."
The three of them stood, as if understanding what had to be done next.
"Will you be okay, Shinji?" Kaoru asked as he handed him his cello. "Do
you want us to stay?"
Rei handed his bow to him and nodded. "We can stay until you have to
leave yourself."
Yui leaned over and kissed Shinji's forehead softly. "I know you'll find
her, son. Don't worry."
"Thank you." Shinji said, trying not to let the tears be too apparent,
but failing. "I'll be fine. All of you have helped me so much...but..."
There is still one more thing.
As he raised his bow, he remembered the song he wished to play. His
three most valued friends began to fade. He wondered briefly if he would
see his Mother again...on the other side.
And began to play the Kanon D-Dur Quartet. The same song he remembered
playing with his friends during the concert so very long ago.
Lifetimes ago.
His cello began to play wonderful, smooth notes. Each stepped in time to
provide substance to the other instruments that would join him in such a
song. Not like the solo songs he was practiced at...not like the ones he
loved to play as his own.
Rei was there. Somewhere with him. Invisible, but her Viola was
unmistakable. The sound joined with his, forming the second layer of
music to compliment the base.
The lighter, higher sound was joined with a chorus of whispers. As
Shinji looked up, he was surprised to say the least. A stream of souls
began to flow past him. Away from this place. Soft eyes and voiceless
whispers from each. Some thanked him. Some wished him luck. Some were
crying with joy...others sighing in expectation of pain. However, even
those souls left in time, after being charged by the song.
Rei's music was then joined by another sound. Kaoru's own violin. While
it was a simple piece to play, it complimented Rei's sound somewhere
between the cello and her own. Both their hearts were in the music, that
much he could tell. Feel.
The flickering of light was everywhere now. Swirling around the lonely
concert hall, a sea of light, slowly circling towards the earth somewhere
above. Away from this false heaven, back to a real world.
Shinji watched the light play off the tears in his eyes, praying with all
in his soul that he would remember all of them. Each of those he heard
and saw. He knew it would never be possible to meet them all again. Nor
to thank them all.
It continued for lifetimes. Ages. Or maybe, just a few minutes.
Oddly enough, the song seemed to fit just right. As the final few
souls...those he knew...friends and classmates...were whisked away on
their own memories.
And then a sound he had longed to hear.
More than breath.
More than life itself.
More than his Father's praise.
More than anything else in this world or the next.
The answer to all his questions and tests.
Part of all his most treasured dreams.
The joining of a violin, as the apex of the song came to be.
She was not so faded. She was there. Real. Not invisible. Not hiding
in the dark with the others.
Asuka played the lead, of course. Her soft, red hair moving with her
body as she drew the bow back and forth. Her eyes closed, focused on the
song. On her part. On joining with the others.
She seemed to be sitting next to him, at first. Shinji dared not look
over, but he could feel her presence. Tears ran down his cheeks, and
yet, he would not stop playing. He forced himself to finish the song.
His dreams were not of her.
They were not wishing for her.
They were to be with her.
To love being with her.
To be with them all.
As Shinji Ikari closed his eyes, he could see all of them beside him,
playing.
Sensei Kaoru was now young...his grandson in some other time, and
hopefully, the future still. His eyes were bright and strong. Tempered
by a life Shinji hoped to give him. He saw Shinji watching and smiled as
he played. He looked like a younger combination of his two grandparents.
Their strength and dreams combined.
Rei was across from him in the circle. Her messy hair was drawn back to
accentuate her long, white neck, and the red-wood instrument she was
playing with them. Her eyes were soft and full of passion; all of which
was evident in her music. The cold, frozen young woman of so long ago
was a distant memory best left to the past.
As the song, ended, though, there was still someone playing with him.
He opened his eyes and found Asuka was across from him in the empty
theatre. Tears were shimmering down her cheeks, but she looked to be
pristinely happy. Her eyes opened and she smiled softly as she saw him
gazing back at her.
They played together for a long time. The quartet faded until only the
two of them remained.
She held onto the song for a long time. Shinji would later learn that
she had been scared of stopping...as if the dream would come to an end
and she would lose him once more.
He stood slowly, and stopped her song by gently cupping her chin with his
hand. Asuka looked up, scared at first in the first moment of silence,
but then breathed out a long breath she had been holding for both of
them.
Both lay down their instruments and stood together, eye to eye. Without
another word, they embraced in a timeless, silent kiss.
It was dark now.
The only light came from where they walked together.
"Shinji-kun." She whispered. Her voice sweeter to him than any song.
"Hai?" he whispered back, holding her hand tightly as they moved through
this endless place.
"Let's go home."
Shinji took a long, clear breath and nodded. "Hai."
Neon Genesis Evangelion
The End of Higher Learning
Take care of yourself
"ARGH! NOT AGAIN!" Asuka cried out as the alarm pierced the calm of the
morning.
She scrambled herself out of bed, nearly falling out once she got to the
end. However, Shinji was already there. He looked up at her with a
sleepy expression as his hand hit the 'SNOOZE' button on the clock.
"You're louder than the alarm clock, honey." He said with a cracked
voice, still mostly asleep.
The red-head frowned, looking down at him as he curled back up into the
blankets and stuck his head under the pillow. "It's the only way you
wake up on time." She stuck out her tongue, then grinned and slid back
into the covers with him.
After the lumps within the blankets moved for a bit, Shinji began to
giggle. "Stop that..."
"You have to get up!" Asuka said, muffled from under the blankets as she
began to tickle him faster. "As your loving wife, I refuse to let you
sleep in on such an important day!"
"No fair!" Shinji began to laugh, then tried to scramble away from her
deadly fingers...to no avail. "AARGH! Wait!"
"Ha hahahaha!" Asuka found her opening and as he squirmed to get away,
she pounced on him and pinned him down with tickles until he was
laughing, red in the face and trying to breathe.
"OKAY!" he gasped out between laughs. "You win!"
She grinned and leaned down to kiss him. "That's better." She whispered,
framing her husband with her hair.
"It's all your fault..." Shinji said, short of breath. "If we hadn't
been up all night..." he turned bright red.
"It's not my fault." Winked Asuka as she darted out from under the
covers, completely naked. Shinji raised his eyebrow with a silly grin on
his face as she called back. "I thought university guys were still full
of stamina!" she grinned, poking her head back out from behind the door.
"It's only my first day." He pouted, finally able to stretch out and wake
up to his own accord. "You're used to this!"
After a bit more waking up, he joined her in the bathroom. She was
fussing with the shower, but finally got it working. "Damn apartment
buildings. I swear it will be another year before they fix all this
damage."
"I have already stated the Third Impact wasn't my fault." He said
playfully, kissing along her back as he passed by.
"Many times, Third Child." Asuka shivered, but tried to seem angry at
him. It was getting harder and harder...especially with those little
kisses.
Of course, everyone knew. Things had returned pretty much to normal so
far after the Third Impact. Some remembered him...the concert...but most
just nodded a friendly hello as they passed him. He always nodded back;
remembering faces and dreams, if not names.
Shinji and Asuka Langley Ikari now shared a dorm apartment on the
outskirts of the Tokyo University campus. Due to the ties with NERV...as
well as other things...it was probably three times the space most
students could afford, and had once belonged to one of the department
heads and his family.
Mornings were usually spent just trying to start the day clothed and fed,
but Shinji always found himself walking throughout their home as Asuka
got washed up. His hand traced over items from the past. Over the sync-
hair-band that Asuka had long since abandoned. Tracing over the framed
diplomas of their graduation, and the acceptance letters from Tokyo
University. Another frame on the wall displayed their wedding pictures.
Shinji in a sharp black tuxedo, and Asuka proudly clothed in a wedding
dress that was put to shame by nothing. Their friends and family around
them with bright smiles.
Off to the side was a concert poster. Black and white letters exclaimed
that Jayce Hauger and his cello would be playing that Sunday in London,
England. The boy...now much older than what Shinji remembered...was
proudly standing next to his instrument on the page.
"Jayce called last night." Shinji said in the direction of the bathroom.
"Ooh! How's he doing!?" Asuka asked excitedly. "Did his wife get over
that cold?"
Shinji smiled. "It wasn't a cold. She's pregnant."
Asuka gasped out and poked her head out from the door...still drying off
her hair with a towel. "That's wonderful! We'll have to send some
flowers!"
While there was no family to speak of...yet...Asuka had told him that it
would be a wonderful place for when they decided to have children. After
all, it was destined they had kids now. Couldn't disappoint. (Or so she
said as an excuse to not look like she wanted kids)
Of course...Shinji wasn't exactly too sure. Asuka always had a little
extra grin on her lips lately when they passed by a baby or someone asked
how they were doing on the Grandchildren.
He just sighed happily and took it all in stride, these days. There
would be plenty of time for that. Soon. Later. It didn't matter.
They walked across the campus every morning. It was beautiful this time
of year. Seasons had slowly returned to the world and the Autumn colours
were in full swing. Leaves fell and blanketed the green parks with rich
sprinkles of reds and yellows. The trees were still full, though, and
boasted their plumage like proud peacocks.
Each wore the dark, navy-blue garb of their new institution. Asuka had
been quite pleased that the skirt matched her eyes so well. Working on
her Masters Degree gave her the excuse to join him in class (often as a
teachers assistant). Shinji couldn't be happier, despite the fact she
always called him up to work out problems on the board.
Marble white and grey plaster buildings formed most of the University.
The main hall was adjacent to a huge, man-made pond that had been placed
in front.
No water was in the pool, rather, like hundreds more like it across the
world, it held the yellow-orange LCL-like liquid that was still left from
the Third Impact.
At the bottom of each, a bronze plaque was attached to the stone. In ten
languages, it read:
"Though lost in the darkness, you are not forgotten. -2020 AD"
It was a simple tribute to those who hadn't come back yet. Who were
still lost in their false heaven. Sometimes, you could see people
sitting beside the pools, talking to lost loved ones. It was rare, now,
over a year after the mass exodus out of the pools, but nobody thought it
to be silly when they saw it.
Once in a while, someone would come out. Proof that they were listening.
Wanting to become real again. Learning how to love life once more.
However, it was still quite rare. Some souls simply weren't ready.
Shinji knew that best of all. The ones who knew the saga of Eva were
quite happy to hear of no reappearances of the SEELE members.
He had spent a few days like that. Talking to his Father. Telling him
of his life. How things were going. How nervous he was at his wedding,
but how happy he was afterwards. How Mother was doing. Both she and
Kozo were actually teaching again at the University now. Yui still had
hope for Gendo, but she seemed to be happy with being back, with or
without.
They had spent months together, making up for the lost time over the last
ten years. Eventually, though, Shinji and Asuka saw that she was tired.
Tired of Eva. Tired of it all.
Tired of hearing about the past. How much it hurt them both.
Yui and Kozo had become close, but as far as anyone knew, and Shinji
believed, she still loved his Father. Someone had to. However, she had
gained great friends, both old and new, and was hardly lonely.
He would tell Kaoru-Sensei that Pen-Pen was still okay, and not giving
away any secrets. Pen-Pen, of course, referring to Kaoru's partner.
After the exodus, Pen-Pen had been found, talking to himself. The other
Pen-Pen had been quite confused, but seemed to harbour no hard feelings
against his future self. The two of them still sneak out for poker on
Friday Nights.
Amazing what a little alcohol could help things along.
Misato, of course, was none the wiser, as the original, pre-Third Impact
Pen-Pen still lived with her, and she couldn't quite understand all the
'Waugh's' just yet.
He remembered laughing about the whole thing. Asking if Kaoru was still
in the pool, now that it was almost certain the future would be
different.
Better.
Or at least there was hope now.
As they walked past, they were silent. Both Asuka and Shinji had lost
people to the pool. She had lost her father, probably to his desire to
try to be with her mother again inside Unit-02. All the Evas were
useless husks now...except for Unit-01.
Who had just past the asteroid belt.
The ultimate time capsule. The ever-enduring proof of humanity. They
had gotten that, at least. While nobody could be sure, Shinji was
convinced it remembered on it's own, now. That if it remembered their
memories, and hopes and dreams...
Maybe it was all worth it after all.
The pools and bits of debris and earthquake damage were all that remained
of Eva's legacy. Most of NERV was dismantled except for the Magi, who
were moved to the University. The surviving three Evas had been locked
away under the rubble of the Geofront in giant cooling tanks; only
studied by the few people who were still involved. Doctors Ibuki and
Akagi both lead that division, and taught polymath on the side. (though
Shinji suspected they spent the long nights at the office for other
reasons than marking term-papers...as did many of the other students)
Toji and Kensuke opened up an electronics shop back in Tokyo-2 and were
happy and healthy. Hikari had moved in with Toji last time he heard, and
the two were still happily in love. Kensuke was planning on joining the
military, last time he had called, and said that it would be to pay for
University. Toji and Hikari were taking the time off to live and
work...but promised Shinji and Asuka they would all join the University
together when the time was right.
Even Misato seemed happier these days. A child on the way, and a very
embarrassed, but proud father Kaji. The rest of NERV went their separate
ways, but once in a while, they all would gather for a drink or two and
enjoy the memories that were over and done with...and share the new ones
that were present, and to come.
It wasn't until the second heartbeat that he realized Rei was standing in
the pool.
Shinji stopped walking, wide eyes.
Rei Ayanami stood there in her school uniform of old, smiling at him. He
opened his mouth to say something, when Kaoru-Sensei appeared before him
as well. The older man smiled and nodded.
Asuka noticed when he wasn't keeping up and turned on her heel, frowning.
"Shinji, we're going to be..."
She paused when she saw the slight ripple on the pool.
He stood there for a long moment, now seeing nothing except memories.
Finally, though, he turned to her and smiled. "Sorry...we should get
going."
Asuka was quiet as they walked up to the building. Finally, though:
"What did they say?" she asked softly, guessing at what he had just been
witness to.
Shinji turned to her, took her hand, and kissed her gently on the lips.
"That my father says hello...and is proud of us both."
Asuka blushed slightly. "Anything else?"
"Yes." Shinji said, opening the door to the main hall for her.
She paused, but then smiled and took his hand without another word.
To all of you: Congratulations.
Fini.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Neon Genesis Evangelion, created by Studio Gainax and Hideaki Anno.
Website at www.gainax.co.jp
N.G.E. Higher Learning, written by Strike Fiss, 2000-2002.
e-mail at strikef@bigfoot.com
Other works by the author can be found on his Website:
www.studioshinnyo.com OR
www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9110
Respect and thanks go out to the creators of the series, the die-hard
fans, and all those who helped shape this and future fan fiction. Please
honour all property and intellectual rights of all involved, and keep fan
fiction a vital, and treasured, part of the Anime Universe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's final notes:
--------------------
Well, it's been fun, but, All Good Things, neh? ^_^
Two years and literally hundreds of pages have gone past in this little
epic, if I dare say it is one. I hope that, above all else, it makes
fans of the series happy, and invites those who have not yet experienced
Eva to seek it out.
It's been an interesting experience for me, as well. I wish my life
hadn't gotten so turbulent and busy while writing this, or it may have
been much better, and taken less time to produce and enjoy. However,
with all's said and done, I have no regrets, and I am already itching to
write again. ^_^
My venture into the Eva Fanfic world started as a joke, basically, to see
if I could compete with some of the bigger writers out there. I was
surprised to quickly find myself along side them (at least to some
people) and I enjoyed the ride quite a bit.
With this, The End of Higher Learning, I was not seeking a huge
revelation. Nor a completely upturned plot. I did not want a 'Happy
Ending', nor a bad one with snappier English dialogue. With all the
changes that happened before, and are shown to happen after, I wanted
this moment to retain as much of the original feeling as I could muster
it to hold. I wanted it to be gradual. Understandable. Something that
combined the sheer impact of the End of Evangelion saga with the
resolution and philosophy of the last two Series Episodes.
I can only hope I succeeded enough for at least you, the good reader, to
fill in my mistakes, both purposeful and accidental, with your
imagination.
The paragraphs used after each Lesson in this story are from my own life.
(yes, my parents told me to make sure anyone trying to fight me wouldn't
be able to get off a second punch, basically. ^_^) I hope they make
sense. Even if you've lived a completely different life.
As for those not yet in University or perhaps, still in Grade or Junior
High-School, I hope that you know the value of your education. ^_^ It
gets a lot harder later on if you quit now.
Finally, I would like to give a few shout-outs to people, places, things,
etc, that have helped, inspired, or otherwise made me smiley when all
this was going on.
To my wonderful, weird, loving family and EVERYTHING they've done for me.
Mom and Dad, of course, for keeping me happy and healthy while I was too
stupid to know better, pulling me out of crisis and tight squeeze time
after time, and keeping me in the know that, no matter what, I have them
to emulate when I try my hand at being a mythical 'Good Parent'. ^_^ To
Hooze, my sister, and my understated best friend. While we can't hang
out nearly as much as we used to, I am proud to be her brother, and hope
that siblings around the world enjoy their company as much as I have
enjoyed hers. With great art, story, and imagination, Hooze is indeed an
amazing artist. All of you should pay her money and get art from her.
^_^ Also, to my extended family, such as the wonderful Old Goats (yeah,
you know who you are. ^_^) for great advice, good food, but above all
else, wonderful friends and young hearts. Thank you, and I love you all!
To Asenia, love of my life, fellow traveler, and fellow writer. I really
don't know how these last years would have turned out without her. No
matter how I look at it, no matter how much I deduce, and no matter how
much I guess at the 'other' side of things, I know that she has made my
life a million times richer and happier (though she probably doesn't
think so. ^_^ So modest!) Despite what some may think, she did not slow
down my writing...and in fact, kept me going through the bad times. It's
official, now, honey, you have to write lots so you can get me back and
put my name in the 'Thanks' list. Hehe. Thank you for all your support
and love!
Ahh yes, and now, to the group of weirdoes I have been living with, or
around, for the last two and a half years. To the House of Love, and
now, to the House of L33T, I salute you! Tozetre, Binky, and Overfiend,
of course, being my core supporters and roommates. Thanks for all the
fun, weirdness, and crazy shit we've gotten into. ^_^ To the good Noble
Sheldon, I hope he hasn't given up his dream of art as well. To the
others, such as Bryon "Devil Man", Decker/Phatboi, Jen, Austin,
(Basically the whole Kneverwave crew), and a dozen more, thanks for
everything, and I promise I'll write more hentai for you in the future.
Of course, MAJOR thanks go out to the other fanfic writers (who I have
mentioned multiple times already, but still), the Tako Balls awards and
everyone who voted, people who keep us on our toes such as Sarevock and
Rion, the Fanfic Yakuza, (www.darkscribes.org/FY/index.htm) and all those
involved with pre-reading, checking, and helpful comments in general.
Extra special thanks to this final version goes to the Evangelion Message
Boards at Evangelion.com, for helping spot the holes I have long
forgotten about...and helping me guess at what all your guesses were to
keep you guessing. ^_^
MAJOR MAJOR THANKS go out to my pre-readers: Rion, Sarevock, Axel and
Myssa for all your help in the last stages of this fic.
WORD TO ALL MY HOMIES AT ANIME-ALBERTA AND BAKA! See you all at
Anamathon in Edmonton this summer, and September's Otafest in Calgary!
(I'll be the crazy looking guy with a trench coat and bokken trying not
to get arrested) I recommend the Hellsing and Noir viewings. Most
excellent!
Other keen props go out to Palm Inc, and Blue Nomad software, who without
my wonderful Aki (Palm m505) and WordSmith, Higher Learning would still
be 7 Lessons ago.
Sorry, no Omake. ^_^ I'm tired, and there are wolves after me.
Awwwooo!
However, as you all have noticed, there is plenty of loose ends to tie up
and have fun with. If nothing else, I hope this inspires a few fanfics
to branch off and have fun with what I laid down. Enjoy!
Anyway, thank you all for reading. I hope it was worth your time, and I
hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I have! And at least homework will
seem much shorter. Hehe.
Thank you, and goodnight.
V.T.S.I.
Strike Fiss, Studio Shinnyo 2002. Khattam-Shud, EOF.
(
geocities.com/Tokyo/9110) (
geocities.com/Tokyo)