He left on a sunny day. The war was won. The world was a better place.
And he left without saying 'goodbye'.
I was never able to say 'goodbye'... or anything else... to him
He went back to the colonies, or so I was told by Trowa and Quatre. They made their way towards their own Lagrange points (and civilian lives) soon after that.
At least I was able to say goodbye to them and Wufei.
Part of me wondered why I cared at all. There was nothing keeping us together now. We were war buddies and nothing more. He would watch my back, and I his. We were a team.
Perhaps that was what I was missing: the camaraderie that was lost now that there was nothing to watch our backs for.
He left me behind on a sunny day.
It was a cold, rainy day when I found him again.
I developed something of a civilian life since Christmas, AC 196. I went to a school somewhere on the shores of the Mediterranean. In that European high school, I wasn't a war hero. Most people there would never recognize my face, though a few drew the connection between my name and that of the true Heero Yuy. Past that fact, I became just another young man with a bright future in the new age of peace.
I graduated and wandered the world for a while. Perhaps part of me was looking for him; perhaps I was looking for myself.
That year, I was working for an extremely strong conglomerate's South American headquarters, conveniently located in Bogota. I was in charge of electronic security, as it were. I protected their information. I was their official, nicely paid hacker.
That night, I left my office early and took a walk around downtown Bogota The cement under my feet shone glossy as the raindrops made music on my black umbrella.
It was 6:30 or so on a Thursday and the streets were generously filled with businesspeople, city workers, students with cell phones on their ears and bags on their backs.
It was a sea of nylon and plastic as the streetlights flickered on.
I don't recall what I was thinking about at the moment, or if I was going anywhere in particular. My mind was uncharacteristically blank, empty of all thoughts. It was lost in the action of walking through a 1st World City in the rain.
"Heero?"
Somehow, I awoke out of this blank, rain-induced stupor. Someone called out to me by my first name. That was a rare occurrence. Most people called me 'Mr. Yuy' and kept their distance eagerly.
Strange how some things always stay the same...
I turned my head to the side warily and looked behind me from the corner of my eye. What I saw in the guarded look was someone I never expected to see again since Christmas, AC 196.
He gave me an easy smile from underneath his own black umbrella. "Heero Yuy, it is you!"
I turned around completely and took a good look at him. He was a bit taller, only an inch more than my own diminutive 5'6" and his face had lost some of its roundness, but there he was.
The same as always...
"Duo," I whispered, sounding amazed even to my own ears.
He reached out and hugged me close to him with one hand while the other held his umbrella at a reasonable distance away.
"God, it's so good to see you again, buddy!" he cheerfully answered before releasing me from his embrace. "How long has it been? Three, four years?"
"Five," I replied softly, coolly, causing Duo's head to shake in disbelief. I caught sight of a bit of his braid in the motion, and instantly I felt relieved.
"I see you haven't changed a bit." He smiled.
"Neither did you." I gave him a bit of a smile.
Somehow, Duo's reaction was very amusing. His eyes grew a bit wider while his mouth started forming a half-smile, as if he had never seen me smile before.
Perhaps it had been too long...
"Are you doing something right now?" I asked pointedly. Part of me would have preferred that I had asked what I wanted to ask him, but somehow I felt that a preamble was called for.
Duo's expression turned contemplative. "Not really. I was just wandering the town. Why?"
"Would you like to go get a drink with me?"
"Why not? We need to get caught up, right?"
"Aa."
"Then let's go." With that, he draped his free arm around my shoulder and we began walking down the wet streets together.
Odd how I felt so light at that moment...
It wasn't long until we found ourselves a cantina and made our way inside.
The first and second round of drinks was dedicated to our current professions. Duo, in that cheerful tone he had used to perfection, stated that his last steady job was almost a year ago. After the war, in this order, he: worked with Hilde in the yards, went to night school for accounting, started a wildly popular cover band on L5, was a waiter at a five-star hotel somewhere on the Ivory Coast, was a short-order cook for a diner in some no-name town on L-3, and modeled underwear for 1.500.000 credits an hour on occasion.
"I never saw pictures of you, Duo."
"Do you even look inside those glamour magazines, Heero?"
"No."
"Well, I don't blame you."
The third round was dedicated to why we were drinking at a cantina in Bogota The reason why I was in the South American city was already explained. Unfortunately, my curiosity concerning Duo's presence in the city was not to be satisfied then for as quickly as I asked the question, Duo rededicated the third round to anything except that.
"It's no big deal, really. I was just wandering through. Amazing this place didn't get wrecked during the wars."
"Aa."
"Have you been here long, Heero?"
"Only a year or two. Have you been traveling all these years, Duo?"
"Yeah. Sometimes it's nice to see places without worrying about blowing them up, you know?"
The fourth and fifth round we talked about the wars and all those missions we went through. We were both proud and thankful that we survived the battles. I always felt regret for what we had done in the name of peace, but that night the regret seemed distant. I felt light and happy, emotions that expanded with each moment I spent with him. It could have been the alcohol doing its job, but I wish to doubt that.
"We did screw up a lot, didn't we, Heero."
"A lot, yes. But everything turned out well in the end."
"Anything you wanted to change?"
I looked at him momentarily, admiring his currently serious features as my mind creaked for an answer. Yes, there were plenty of things I wanted to change... but if my past changed, would that mean that I would have never met you, Duo?
Perhaps, if I were given that second chance, I would have gone after you on that Christmas Day, AC 196. Perhaps, if I were given that chance, I would have told you so much...
"Not specifically, no. Things happen for a reason."
Duo looked low and to the side in contemplation. "So they do."
We ended the night with the seven and final round and left the cantina together. My mind was in a haze the entire walk. It always became hazy from too much alcohol, but this time it was different. There wasn't enough alcohol for that. There was another factor that made me lose all inhibitions and any sense of self-awareness.
I still felt light, knowing that Duo had his arm around me... never mind that it was to keep me on my feet throughout the short walk from the cantina to my apartment.
I was in no condition to ask how Duo knew where I lived, or how I was even capable of walking the five blocks to my door. I wanted to drop bonelessly onto my bed, hopefully with Duo's arm still around my waist and my arm around his shoulders.
Duo half-led, half-carried me to my bed and sat me down on the jersey cotton sheets. Without a word he took off my shoes and jacket before laying me down. I barely remember that, and perhaps the kiss he laid on my forehead was an illusion as well...
The next morning, I ached all over. The haze dissipated, leaving a dull throb in its quake... a throb that spiked with the slightest movement of my head.
I moved slowly towards my bedroom door, which was left wide open during the night, never registering that I was still in the black turtleneck and khakis that I was wearing the day before. The alarm clock by the door displayed '14:56' It took me a second to realize that I had slept until three o'clock in the afternoon.
At first glance, I thought my apartment was empty, though obviously used by someone. A frying pan, still on the stove, shone with post-use grease. A blanket was thrown haphazardly across my couch, which still had the creases of someone's body on it.
Slowly my mind churned back to normal operating functions. Duo...
Duo stayed the night...
Duo was no longer here...
My eyes closed halfway as I collapsed on the couch in exhaustion... and disappointment. I still did not understand what happened last night. I wasn't even certain that it was Duo that I ran into last night. Everything now seemed so questionable in the early afternoon daylight...
The same daylight that saw his departure from my life so many years ago...
Duo stayed the entire rainy night... but left in the sunlight once more.
I could have cried...
I still needed him, even after all those years...
I rested my head in my hands and let the waves of sadness wash over me once more. I hadn't been able to forget him for five years. All those years something was tying me to him, a string that left me dangling in solitary space, preventing me to reach out to anyone near me the way I wanted to reach out to him...
And now my first chance in five years to actually attempt to reach out to him, my first chance in years to tell him everything, had slipped through my drunken, weak fingers.
I had lost him once again on a sunny day, without a chance to say goodbye...
Perhaps in five more years I'll see him again...
I don't remember how long I stayed in that position on the couch. My body rested in the huddled position as my mind repeated the same painful message over and over.
He's gone...
The person you love is gone...
Duo's gone...
I lost my body in that litany. I felt nothing but waves of regret wash thought my heart, never worrying that the waves must escape my body somehow. I never registered the tears bleeding unto the palms of my hands or the slow tremors rocking me back and forth...
...or the arms that wrapped around me tightly and pulled me close to something warm...
I felt drained beyond capacity when I opened my eyes once more... tired and dirty. Everything was out of focus, washed out and tainted dark in the twilight.
My eyelids lowered themselves closed once more just as my nose caught a whiff of a masculine shampoo.
My eyes reluctantly opened again as my body began to take into account the situation. On one side, a rough blanket scratched part of my neck as part of its mission to keep me warm. On the other side, a soft linen and cotton combination felt smooth and clean against my cheek and eyelids. All around me, the warm, steady motion of someone breathing ensnared me in a lovely trap. My hand did not stretch too far for something had my arm pinned securely.
I lifted my heavy head up from the warm chest that it rested on and resisted the urge to kiss the lips that greeted me.
Duo smiled softly as he slept with one arm around my waist. His head was titled to the side, allowing his long bangs to fall across his face.
I reached over with my free hand and brushed the bangs to the side, feeling simple curiosity bubble within me. The strands were so fragrant and soft against my fingers I almost did not see Duo's eyes open.
My hand paused above his head. My whole body paused as I watched him wake up.
His eyes opened slowly with an easy mood.
~~~~end
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