I saw oniisan dropped his weapon when it was too late for Hiei to stop. I saw the expression in Hiei’s eyes as they widened in shock. I saw the smile on oniisan/Kurama’s lips as he dashed towards the katana. I turned my face away, knowing the inevitable would happen.

Then I heard bodies hitting the ground. And Yuusuke letting out a breath of relief.

Mukuro was on the ground with my brother, who had his face down. She had pushed him out of the way before the katana tore him open at the heart.

Yuusuke and I ran to the three of them.

Hiei stood frozen like a statue, eyes widened to an almost unnatural degree, and the katana slipped out of his hand. The echoes of the metal rebounding off the stone floor drowned all other sounds. Mukuro sat on the floor, and watched.

‘Kurama!’ Yuusuke was the one to break the silence. ‘What the…’

My brother was still down facing the floor, but sobs escaped from him, and nothing we said or did could get him to look at us again.

So this was it.

It would kill you either way, oniisan, right? If Hiei doesn’t love you. It’s just a matter of time. Was it that hard for a youko to love? I didn’t understand your true nature when I interfered with the delicate balance you were struggling to keep, between having Hiei as a friend, and loving him but not showing it. Had I been wrong to upset the balance? Was I pushing my own brother towards hopelessness, making him seek death from the one he loved? No. I couldn’t have. You knew it, didn’t you, sooner or later you’re going to die of the heartache. I was just… shortening the time that would take. And the suicide would continue, until the heart stops beating, stops aching.

What could I do?

‘Shuu-kun. You know something, don’t you.’ Yuusuke sat across from me, leaning forward to rest his arms on the thighs. ‘You’ve got to tell me. What’s wrong with Kurama?’

Wearily I shook my head. It was the only gesture I could make, feeling emotionally drained.

‘What does that mean?’

I stole a glance at him, and bowed my head again. I felt tired. ‘There’s nothing we can do.’

‘Can’t jump to conclusions until you tell me what happened.’

‘Just trust me. He’s my brother dammit. I’ll tell you everything I know if it helps. But believe me, it doesn’t. There’s nothing you and I can do.’

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Hiei, who sat on the chair to my left, bit his lip. He did get the message. There was nothing Yuusuke or I could do. It all depended on him.

‘Hiei - ’ Yuusuke tried to ask the three-eyed youkai, but knew it was useless. ‘I’m going to check on him.’ He gave his arms a swing in frustration, then left without a sound.

Mukuro had fed my brother a purple drug that would put him to sleep. She gave me a questioning look before she poured it down my brother’s throat, and I had nodded. Oniisan had said before that this woman can be trusted, and she had just saved his life. So I trust her. She made him sit up and held the glass in front of him, and he drank it without thinking, his eyes unfocused, staring into empty space. He wouldn’t have cared even if the drug would burn away his insides and kill him slowly and painfully.

The whole thing just reminded me of Kurama using his own blend of herbs to help me get to sleep when I was plagued by nightmares. It seemed to me that oniisan’s nightmare begins whenever he was awake.

The similarity of the two situations sickened me.

When I looked at Hiei again, I saw blood on his face. A blood tear trickled down his cheek and fell, crystallised into a dark red gem. It hit the ground, bounced, hit it again...

I was so entranced by this moment it took me a while to notice the change in Hiei, the black glow that came from him, visible only to my eyes. Hiei’s soul lay bare to me. The emptiness in his eyes, the helplessness he felt, the struggle in his heart - I saw all of it.

‘Hiei.’ Softly I called his name, scared that I would wake him too abruptly from his trance. ‘Kill Kurama.’

Hiei shuddered, and his head jerked up to look at me.

‘Kill him.’ I repeated, this time more forcefully. ‘Why give me that look? Isn’t this what you’re doing right now? Kurama’s dying, and he wants you to finish it for him. Don’t prolong his pain, please.’

‘You don’t know what you’re saying ningen.’ Hiei meant to make himself sound aloof but his words came out like a plea, a prayer. Sluggishly he bent to pick up the small round gem on the ground, took a look at it before summoning his ki. The gem turned into ashes in a small black flame.

The sight struck a bell in me. Yuusuke had told me the Koorimes create gems with their tears. That meant... Hiei was a Koorime, he’s Yukina’s twin brother.

‘Koorime is the Land of Ice.’ I looked at him straight into the eyes. ‘It’s mockery for you to use the power of fire, since you’re one of them. The Koorimes.’

‘How much did Kurama tell you?’ Something flashed in Hiei’s eyes. Fear.

‘I figured things out myself.’

‘Hn.’ Hiei held out his right arm, a small black flame burned on his palm. ‘The ability to use fire is the curse they gave me.’ His fingers closed into a tight fist, and the flame was gone. But it now seemed to burn in his eyes. ‘And I use this power of hatred to fight back, for all the injustice they had put me through.’

The light of his soul intensified that moment, making my eyes narrow. The depth of his soul amazed me. It was full of hatred, stained by blood of the countless creatures he had killed, torn by an unspeakable past... yet deep inside, it remained untouched, pure and innocent.

Hiei had put on his cold facade so that he could kill without remorse, to guard the last uncontaminated fragment of his heart.

‘The power of hatred. This was what you told me in the Makai Tournament.’ Mukuro’s voice rung in the room, I turned to see her standing right behind my chair, hands behind her back. I didn’t feel her coming in at all. ‘And I’ve told you already, you shouldn’t be born with this power. You shouldn’t be using it, because it’s harsh on a Koorime to play with fire.’

Hiei gritted his teeth. ‘ I don’t need you to remind me.’

Hiei hates being understood? Or was it -

‘”You got the Jagan implanted to help you find the lost tear gem. But it seems that now it had another task to do - to help you search for the freedom of heart, the paradise lost to you.” You remember me saying that Hiei?’ Or was it he longed to be understood? ‘You’ve found it, why do you have to destroy it with your own hands?’ Mukuro walked round my chair and kneeled before Hiei as if talking to a child. She had a firm grip on Hiei’s wrist so that he couldn’t get away. ‘Why do you have to do this to yourself?’

Hiei’s lips moved a little but no sound came from him. He tried to move the wrist that was pinned to the arm of his chair, and frowned.

‘Actually, you didn’t find it. It found you.’ Mukuro released her grip and stood up, looking down at Hiei. ‘And it’s cowardice to run away from it.’

I only half understood what she said. It had something to do with Hiei’s past, which I had only a glimpse of just now, from his soul. But I knew enough to interpret what she said in the end.

‘Accept it or finish it, but don’t ignore it.’ I said, and Mukuro gave an approving nod. ‘It’s selfish if you do.’

‘Why can’t you stay out of my business?’ Hiei whispered, then he raised his voice and glared at me, his eyes bored into mine. ‘And why should anyone love me, or even want me at all! I don’t? want his love! Just look at me!’ He stood abruptly and pointed at himself. ‘Hina fell in love in with a man and then I was born - and unwanted child that was better off dead! They call me the Forbidden Child, FORBIDDEN!’ Hiei spat out the word and swung his arms. ‘Don’t bother me anymore with this stupid love business! I don’t need it!’

For a moment the three of us stood like torn animals, waiting for each other’s next move. Then Mukuro rolled up her left sleeve and held out her wrist. Fingers of her right hand clasped around the wrist, which was a shade paler than the rest of her skin.

‘So what was it you told me when you took off my handcuff in the Makai Tournament? I tried so hard to get rid of it, because it represented my past, the beatings, the rape, the loss of freedom. But I had it on me for several hundred years because I couldn’t take it off.’ Her right hand let go, and she paused, looking down at her left hand, flexing the fingers. ‘But you broke it for me with your Black Dragon. And you told me we should forget the hatred, the anger, the past. We don’t need them anymore.’ She walked up to Hiei. ‘You said that to me, but why can’t you do it? Let it go, Hiei. It doesn’t matter anymore. All you’re doing is torturing yourself.’

Hiei just looked at her with perfect indifference. But I could see his soul displaying a completely different expression. Silently he was reflecting upon Mukuro’s words.

‘Forget about Kurama, but do it for yourself - ’

‘SOMEONE COM’MRE!!!’ Yuusuke’s shout interrupted Mukuro. ‘I CAN’T KEEP HIM DOWN!!!’

Kurama!

A heartbeat later we were in the room where oniisan and Yuusuke were. Oniisan had a thin long blade made of a waxy leaf in his hands, and he was trying to plunge it into his heart. Yuusuke had his hands on oniisan’s wrist, trying to take control of him.

It wasn’t hard for Mukuro to twist both of Kurama’s arms to his back and press him down onto the bed.

‘You stay put Kurama. If you want to die so badly Hiei’ll do it for you. Won’t you Hiei?’

My brother stopped struggling immediately and he looked at the Koorime with what seemed like a mixture of love and hate. Tears sparkled in those emerald eyes, then they closed, and my brother lay there, waiting.

Hiei shuddered at the words, unconsciously backing away until he walked into me.

‘Go ahead. You’re doing him a favour. What have you got to lose?’ I told Hiei.

I knew it hurt him as much as it hurt Kurama, otherwise why did he cry just now? He had denied his own emotions by burning the evidence, his tear gem. But this didn’t change anything. Kurama still loved him, and he would try to kill himself again and again until he succeeds. Maybe it was wrong to tell Hiei to put an end to it, but I didn’t care anymore. Right and wrong had nothing to do with this. They had to follow their hearts.

‘What the hell is going on guys? Are you going to let Kurama die?!?’ Yuusuke started forward and I caught his wrist, telling him not to interfere.

‘You know what is the best. Do it.’ Mukuro backed away from oniisan when Hiei finally moved towards the bed with shaky steps.

Oniisan’s eyes opened slowly, and a smile crept up his lips, a smile of love and contentment.

He sat up on the bed, took Hiei’s hands into his own, guiding the fingers to the katana strapped at Hiei’s waist, gripping the metal handle tightly. The katana slowly unsheathed, the sound of metal sliding against metal hurt my ears, making me wince. Light reflected off the cold blade onto Hiei’s face, and at that moment Hiei's soul mouthed a few words. He said them, again and again, to himself, until his body followed and he spoke the words out loud, but only in a whisper.

‘What have I got to lose? ’

‘Nothing. Do it Hiei…’ Kurama lifted the katana, slightly amazed by its weight. ‘Gently into the heart… I won’t feel a thing.’ He said when Hiei refused to move his arms. ‘Do it for me… this is the only thing I’ve ever asked from you.’

His hand slid down and held the katana at the long blade, the sharp metal cutting open the skin and flesh, and his blood flowed along the metal, dripping at the tip onto the polished floor, creating a small blood pool at his feet.

Drip.
Drip.
Drip...

Oniisan pointed the weapon at his heart. Hiei still held the handle, and he stood like a lifeless doll, without a mind of his own, waiting for oniisan to position him.

‘Doumo arigatou gozaimasu.’ Shining tears rolled down oniisan’s cheeks and I felt my own tears rising, stinging my eyes. He gripped the katana harder, cutting his palms to the bones. ‘Ai shiteru Hiei. Always. Sayonara.’ His eyes closed and another fresh spill of tears poured. He pulled the katana closer…

Clink!
Clink!
clink clink clink clink……

A dark red gem of the colour of dried blood hit the floor, bounced, hit the floor, bounced again… It was joined by the second one, the third one… until a handful of perfect round stones made their ways to the polished floor, announcing their presence by filling the room with echoes, tearing away all’s attention, including my brother’s, from the blade which was millimetres before his flesh.

Hiei unwound Kurama's fingers on the katana and took the blade from him, dropped it to the floor, letting it hit the gems, and they rolled in all directions, spreading out like water ripples. One stopped at my feet, glowing as if it was alive. It was made with Hiei’s living blood. I stared down at the stone. This was the proof that he did care. Would he collect all of them and destroy them like he did last time? Pretend that nothing in all Three Worlds can move him? Pretend nothing was wrong, just like the way oniisan and Father acted at home? But the pain, the wound would still be there, no matter how hard one tried to deny it.

‘You’re making it so difficult for me Kurama.’ Hiei started to wipe away the blood tear tracks on his cheeks with his hand, and whispered. ‘So difficult.’

A blood-covered hand caught Hiei’s wrist, and Kurama pulled his face closer to Hiei’s. He closed his green eyes and his lips slowly kissed away the tear tracks… on the cheeks, the eyes, at the corner of the lips… Hiei closed his eyes and silently allowed it. Would this be their farewell? He let Kurama do it because everything would soon come to an end?

When it was clean oniisan pulled away, and looked at Hiei’s face again as if to admire the work he had done. Then he suddenly shuddered, a hand went up to cover his mouth as his eyes widened in shock. Not a reaction came from the Koorime.

‘Go… gomenasai! I didn’t realise what I was doing…’ Ashamed, he bowed his head and looked at his feet. ‘Kurama no baka. Stupid youko instincts.’ He was like a child who had done something very wrong, sitting on the side of the bed, waiting for his punishment, his arms taut and hands on his knees, smearing the blood on the stark white trousers. Blood, flaming red as his hair, soaked into the fabric, spreading like the guilt he must be feeling.

Hiei just stood, his eyes still shut, ignoring oniisan's apologies. The look in Kurama's eyes told me he had gradually came to the realisation that the Koorime had permitted the action.

‘I’d like to think you shed those tears for me.’ Oniisan glanced around the room, his head still low, and a mocking smile on his lips. He looked through the three of us standing near the door as if we didn’t exist. ‘But that’s fooling myself, and I’ve done enough of that since I became Minamino Shuuichi. Since I met you. It's time to wake up. ‘Every waking hour was a painful dream... wanting to tell ‘kaasan my true nature but fear rejection; bearing injuries I shouldn't get just to hold my family together; living and fighting without knowing why I’m doing it and who I'm doing it for...’ Those emerald eyes suddenly focused and he fixed them on the Koorime. ‘... and seeing you but unable to hold you...’ His voice cracked, and he gave the most bitter smile. ‘Maybe I should have stayed in my youko body and died with it.’

Hiei’s eyes fluttered open, his brows furrowed ever so slightly as if he was in pain. Blood tears filled those crimson eyes again. His lips parted, but formed no words.

‘Farewell, Hiei.’ Kurama suddenly said, and a long vine grew from the open wound in his left palm, its razor sharp tip positioned right above his heart. ‘Not being able to die by your sword will be my final regret.’

The vine grew longer and longer, inching towards the living organ, the aching heart. Slowly, almost sluggishly, Hiei ducked to avoid the climbing plant, and wound his arms around Kurama, burying his face into the silky red locks. The vine stopped growing before it pierced through Hiei’s back. Kurama gaped in surprise. Eternity seemed to have passed before Hiei finally spoke.

‘… I’ve never been good at expressing myself… I’ve never had to... never tried to…’ Hiei said with a shaky voice, his arms tightened around oniisan. ‘… I don’t know how to say it…’

‘Take your time…’ Oniisan finally woke from his trance, sensing the fear in Hiei. ‘I'll do anything to ease your fear... I’m yours…’ He lifted his arms to hug the scared Koorime, but hesitated. He bit his lip, the palms clutched into tight fists, squeezing blood from the healing wounds. Oniisan had decided against holding Hiei, and he had to use the pain to remind himself to resist the temptation.

'I'm yours, Hiei... forever.'

'... So am I, Kurama.' Hiei's voice was muffed by Kurama's hair, but still perfectly audible. 'I've got nothing to lose... except you. I don't want to lose you.'