A LITTLE DISCLAIMER: Most of the characters appearing in this fic are the property of Yoshihiro 
                     Togashi, Studio Pierrot, Fuji TV, and Shonen Jump Weekly. 

	I don’t know why I’m doing this. I really am an idiot, I really am.

	I push the door to his room open, keeping my steps light and my presence masked, not 
wanting to wake him if he’s asleep - which he is.

	I pad over to the side of his bed, seat myself in the empty seat left by his last 
visitor - his mother, I assume. For a long time, I study his sleeping face, wondering what he 
is dreaming; if he really remembers anything of his ordeal, if he is upset at his cousin, or at
me, for not noticing what was wrong earlier. My lips twist bitterly; some personification of 
Death I am. I had assumed another Spirit Guide had lead Naomi to the Reikai, and immediately 
left the scene after coming up with that brilliant little thought.

	I should have known. I should have realized what had happened. But, as Koenma-sama 
would tell me, once it’s over, it’s over. I didn’t do anything then, and there’s nothing I can 
do now. I let out an unhappy sigh, which comes out louder than I intended, and my breath 
whispers across his face, stirring a few strands of his hair. I freeze, still miserable on the
inside, as he stirs, green eyes fluttering open, hazy and unfocused before seeing me. And when 
he does, he smiles, which makes me feel worse. How the hell can he smile at me, after what I 
did?

	"Botan-chan," he says warmly, and I cringe at the warmth in his voice. He tries to sit
up, and I instinctively move to help him, propping his upper body against a few of the hard 
pillows, then sink back into my chair, bowing my head under his knowing gaze. I feel a hand on
my shoulder, which makes me look up, startled. He is leaning towards me, still smiling, still
gentle, still the kind-hearted Kurama I knew.  "Botan-chan, is something wrong?" he asks me 
gently, cocking his head to one side.

	He ... he ... I cannot believe he is asking me this. He is the one who almost died 
because of my carelessness, and he is asking me if I’m all right? I open my mouth, intending to
lie to him, to tell him that I was perfectly fine, but my body betrays me, makes me shake my 
head in a negative gesture. The smile becomes a frown, and for some reason, I feel better. Now 
he will know, and now he’ll hate me ... that thought makes me want to cry, but I could never 
ask him to be friends with someone so ... so childish and stupid. "N-n-no, Kurama-san," I say 
in a soft, sad little whisper, dropping my eyes again.  "I - I - gomen nasai."  I can feel 
tears welling up, but nothing I can do stops them, and one slips free, to slid down my cheek 
and disappear into my clasped hands.

	"Forgive you for what?" he asks me, still gentle, but confused. One hand takes my chin 
and tilts my face up; there is a kindly smile on his face, and the smile has returned.  "For 
not stopping Naomi-chan before she entered my body?"

	I blink, then nod vigorously.  "It’s - it’s all my fault, Kurama-san," I tell him, 
keeping my tone respectful and quiet.  "I - I was there, when the accident happened. But when I
couldn’t find Naomi’s soul, I assumed someone else had taken her to the Reikai ... I left 
before I found out. I could have stopped her before she entered you, but I didn’t, because I 
was stupid enough to think I wasn’t needed any longer at that site, and I could leave. Go-gomen
nasai!" I wail the last part, burying my face in my hands, allowing the tears to flow.

	Strong arms suddenly pull me in, and I blink, startled, as he hugs me lightly, his 
hands gently stroking my hair, his voice soothing and low as he speaks. "It’s okay, Botan-chan, 
it’s okay," he tells me, rocking me as I continue to cry, and I listen to what he says in 
astonishment.  "There was no way for you to know; I didn’t even know until after I woke up in 
the hospital. If I didn’t realize at first, how could you have?"

	Like a child, I clutch at his shirt, still crying, my voice strained as I try to tell 
him.  "But - but you were hurt - distracted - and I - I - I was perfectly f-fine, a-and I - I 
..." the words get caught in my throat, choking me, and all I can do is sniffle and cling to 
him like he was the only solid thing in a sea of sorrow. I hadn’t felt this bad since guiding
Genkai-shihan ...

   	"Botan." He says my name forcefully, and I wince inwardy at the loss of the 
affectionate diminishment. Hands on my shoulders push me back, force me to meet green eyes that
are hard and soft at the same time, compassion swirling in their endless depths. He punctuates 
every word with a light shake, glaring at me forcefully.  "It was not your fault. There was no 
way you could have known, even if you had stayed around and looked for Naomi. Stop punishing 
yourself."

  	"But - but," I murmur, wanting to look away, but unable to move,  "don’t you hate me?"
	"Why should I?" he returns, releasing my shoulders and settling back into the pillows. 
"Would you hate me, if our situations had been reversed?"
	"No!" The word bursts out, not even requiring thought.  "No, never! But that’s 
different, Kurama-san! You’re responsible and strong and everything - I’m just a ditz. I 
couldn’t even fly my oar right at first, and I’m not smart or anything."

	He is quiet for a very long time.  "Do you really believe that?"

	I nod, and he sighs heavily, leaning forward and grasping my shoulders again.  "Botan, 
please. We’re not that different. Yes, I may be a little less air-headed than you, if you must 
insist on thinking of yourself this way, but I have seen you in action when you are determined. 
Do you really think a mere flake could protect the Sphere of the Meikai for as long as you did? 
If you really were as weak as you believe, how come it took so long for Yakumo to take the 
Sphere from you?"

	"But he took it from me, and that’s the point," I argue, shuddering at the memory of 
the tall, intimidating king who had plunged his hand through me, into my stomach, and pulled 
out the thing I had been charged to guard with my life. But Kurama continues, gently, but with 
more force than any shout could have conveyed.

	"Botan, I doubt that even Hiei could have held on to that Sphere as long as you did. 
You have a strength of soul, Little Death, that few match. So what if you make a few mistakes? 
It’s only natural, and you learn from them. I don’t blame you for what happened; why are you 
blaming yourself?"

	"I -" I stop, then frown, his words striking a chord inside me.  "I don’t know. I feel 
guilty, I suppose. And ..." I hesitated again.  "I’m afraid."

	"Afraid?" he sounds surprised, and I nod.

	"Hai. I’m ... I’m afraid that one day, I’ll truly fail someone, like I almost did with 
you. I’m supposed to be Death, but I feel too much. My job is to guide souls, to ease the grief 
and pain of their passing for them.  But - but I’m afraid. What if, one day, something like 
this happens? You know what happens when two souls are in contest for one body ... either the
weaker soul is pushed out, and dies, or both are destroyed. Period. No chance for any return in
life, just ... just gone." I shudder, feeling that same acrid taste of fear in the back of my 
throat.  "I don’t ... I’m afraid when your Time comes, Kurama-san. I don’t ... I don’t want 
Hiei-san to hate me." I let out another little sob, then a squeak of fear. Baka! I scold 
myself. You told him! What an idiot! Botan no baka!!

	"I see." His voice is thoughtful, but it also carries an air of amusement.  "You’re 
afraid of people hating you for doing your job, ne?" He is smiling a little, green eyes 
sparkling with hidden laughter.  "Don’t worry about Hiei, Botan-chan," he tells me.  "To tell 
you the truth, I doubt he even hates Kuwabara-kun. Bitter as he may be, he is also very smart; 
he knows better than to truly hate someone for doing their job. And anyway, I will be back ... 
though not in this form -" he gestures to himself,  "but as long as you don’t take me away 
forever, I’m sure he’ll find it in his heart to forgive you." He winks, then settles down in a 
comfortable, lying-down position.  "And now, if you don’t mind ..." his voice trails off, 
drowsy.

	"Oh - oh! Of course, of course," I say, getting to my feet. "Sayonara, Kurama-san."

	I close the door behind me and pad out of the hosipital. Once outside, I breathe a sigh
of relief, one that reaches throughout my entire soul. His forgiveness has lifted a large 
burden off my chest; I feel myself start to smile again. He’s right, of course; his human death 
will only mean the rebirth of his youko form. And that means that, when I finally do lead 
Minamino Shuuichi to the Reikai, the fox-spirit Kuarma will still be alive and well ... at 
home, the Makai, in the arms of his destined lover. 

	I smile, conjure my oar from its snug little pocket and hop on, flying towards the 
sunset ... and towards my own home, in the Reikai.

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* Next: Keiko's Snapshot: Surprising/Unsurprising Romance