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« Poems & Stuff » LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not particularly choosy people meet. I waz 'ere 'ere I waz Waz I 'ere Course I waz Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, Always try to make it look like the dog did it In lots of times In lots of ways Friends mean more than words can say Never kiss at the garden gate Love is blind But the neighbours ain't I'm a little cabbage Torn in two My leaves I give to others My heart I give to you I luv U, I luv U, I luv ALMIGHTY I wish your pyjamas were next to my nightie Don't be mistaken, Dont be mislead I meant on the clothesline, Not in my bed. FACT: Nine out of ten people like chocolate, The tenth person always lies Heavenly father full of grace, Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face. Bless his hair that sometimes curls Keep him safe from other girls. Bless his hands that are so strong, Help them stay where they belong. Bless the one I want to marry, Bless his child I want to carry. Bless his legs that run so fast, And bless his little sexy ass! I wish You wish The wish I wish I love you I always will You gave me shit I love you still The day was kind But you were cruel I guess that's life I was a fool You think you're good You think you're tough So f*ck off now I've had enough ORAL SEX - AN ODE TO LOVE Penis breath, a lover's dread Is what you get when you give head Unpleasant as it tends to be Be grateful that he doesn't pee It's times like this, you wonder why you bothered reaching for his fly But it's too late, can't be a tease Accept the facts, get on your knees You know you've got a job to do So open wide and shove it through Lick the tip then take it all Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl Slide up and down, use your tongue And feel the precum start to run So when the f*ck's he gonna cum Just, when you can't take anymore You hear your lover's mighty roar And when he hits that real high note You feel it oozing down your throat Salty, fishy, sticky, yucky stuff Okay, already that's enough Let's switch you say, before you gag And whats your revenge, your on the rag. Love is a gamble, Life is a game Guys do all the f*cking, Girls get all the blame One night of pleasure, Nine months of pain Three days in hospital, Baby needs a name Daddy is a bastard, Mummy is a whore The baby wouldn't be here, If the condom hadn't tore! *******The Top Ten Men!!******* 1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes" 2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide" 3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown" 4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?" 5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in, you'll love it." 6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest" 7. The Police Officer because he says,"Spread 'em" 8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package. 9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down. 10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice THE CREATION OF A PUSSY Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and f*cked it, and called it a cunt. |