Here's a joke sent to me by Lisa Johnson.
There is a good ol'barber in Union City named Tony.
One day a Florist went to him for a haircut. After the haircut, he went to pay Tony and Tony replied : "I'm sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a Community Service." The Florist was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when Tony opened his shop, there was a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
The following day a Cop went in for a haircut and he also went to pay but Tony replied : "I'm sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a Community Service." The Cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when Tony opened his shop, there was a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Filipino went in for a haircut and he also went to pay Tony but he replied :"I'm sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a Community Service." The next morning when Tony went to open his shop, guess what he found there...
A dozen Filipinos waiting for a free haircut!
Use CURTAIN and KITCHEN in one sentence. Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT , and DETAIL in a sentence. Use DEPOSIT in a sentence. Use PERSUADING in a sentence. Use DEVASTATION in a sentence. Use CONCLUSION and OPINION in one sentence. Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in one sentence. Use PENIS in a sentence. Use DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES in one sentence. Use IRAQ, IRAN and EGYPT in one sentence. Use ASSOCIATE in a sentence. Use PAUL five times in a sentence. Use HOSTESS in a sentence. Use CUISINE in a sentence. Use DEFICIT in a sentence.
Use MASTURBATION in a sentence.
What did the white goat say to the black goat? -hey, goat! (Egot)
What's the ugliest cow in the world?
-Ikaw.
Did you know that filipinos named Staten Island?
They were passing by on a boat and one said, "Is staten island?"
There was a Pilipino kindergarten teacher teaching her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She
started off, "You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put your right feet in...."
Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot.'" So the teacher said, "You
'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali. Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport, B as in Beecos, A as in Airport agen, N as in... Enemy, Q as in... Cuba, U as in. Europe, E as in...important and L as in... Elepant.
Operator: ~sigh~
One day, the kid needed to go to the bathroom so bad but he didn't know what to tell his teacher. He raised his hand and said, "guro, pwede po bang pumunta nang banyo?" (meaning, teacher may I go to the bathroom?')
Since the boy didn't speak English, the teacher pretended that she didn't hear him. The boy said to himself, "what should I say (in Filipino, of course)". Then suddenly, the boy raised his hand and said, "FATHER, MOTHER, I", and quickly rushed out the door and to the bathroom.
The teacher wondered what the boy meant. 15 minutes later, the boy came back. The teacher asked him where he went. He said that he went to the bathroom and he needed to go really bad. Then she asked what he meant when he said 'FATHER, MOTHER, I'.
The boy then explained, "FATHER in filipino meant TATA, MOTHER in filipino meant INA and I in filipino meant AKO
(Note: these only work while using a thick Pilipino accent).
Aray! Huwag mo akong CURTAIN. Masa-KITCHEN.
DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE. DEFEAT first DETAIL last
Paki-check nga ang banyo. I think DEPOSIT is leaking.
Kiko and Kikay got married on June 1, 1992 so on June 1, 1993, they
are going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary.
I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION every morning.
(Pointing to a door): CONCLUSION, hindi OPINION.
At the gasoline station, I asked the attendant, "Do I PAMPERS or do
I PAPERS?"
Before you go out, penis your homework.
If the royal family has a baby boy, he is called DIFFERENCE; if they
have a baby girl, she is called DIFFERENCES.
IRAQ is bigger than a stone; IRAN is faster than a walk; and EGYPT
is smaller than a truck.
I looked in the toilet and, ASSOCIATE.
PAUL, be carePAUL; you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL and
make a PAUL of yourself.
When you annswer the phone, you say, "Hello, HOSTESS?"
I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a surprise
CUISINE Math.
Before going into the pool, I always check how DEFICIT.
Hoy! Finish your food, there’s MASTURBATION in the third world.
Jokes
Which bear did not get wet?
-the dribear.
Which bear saw the accident?
-the neighbear
Which bear came out of the car safely?
-the surbibear
Which bear fixed the car?
-Macguybear
Operator: Thank you for using AT&T. How may I help you?
In the Philippines, most kids in private schools are forced to speak English at all times. A kid who just came from the province and who barely speaks the language tried his best to do so.