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Aries
Mar.21-Apr.19
You are over-imaginative, and way too paranoid. You have minor influence in your friends and
they only hang out with you because they're using you. You're self-centered, lack confidence, and
are a general dipshit. You were probably dropped on your head as a child.
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Taurus Apr.20-May 20
You are practical and persistent. You have way too much determination and work like hell. Most
people think you are a stubborn brat. Socially, you're boring as hell. You're either thinking about
yourself, or about getting another one of your lame ideas done.
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Gemini
May 21-June 20
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are
inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.
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Cancer
June 21-July 22
You are sympathetic and understanding to others people's problems, which make you a
sucker. You procrastinate too much, and never get anything done. That is why you will
always be on welfare and won't be worth shit. Do everyone a favor, don't have kids.
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Leo
July 23-Aug.22
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You
are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo's are notorious for stealing.
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Virgo
Aug.23-Sept.22
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends
and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking.
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Libra
Sept.23-Oct.21
You are the artistic type and have you have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a
male, you are probably a queer. Changes for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra
women are whores.
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Scorpio
Oct.22-Nov.21
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall never achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch.
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Sagittarius
Nov.22-Dec.21
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have
no talent. The majority of Sagittarius are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.
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Capricorn
Dec.22-Jan.19
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never
been a Capricorn of any importance. You should stay home, out of the way of everybody
else.
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Aquarius
Jan.20-Feb.18
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You
make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking
jerk.
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Pisces
Feb.19-Mar.20
You are a pioneer type and you think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand,
very impatient and you give scornful advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come
in contact with. You are a prick.