Dead...? Eliza stared at Trowa, not wanting to believe what he had just said so casually. My father is dead? A million thoughts were racing through her mind--but she didn't cry. She could barely even breathe, let alone do that. She looked around wildly, searching the three boys' faces for any sign of sorrow, regret...any emotion at all. No...Quatre appeared upset, but the other two wouldn't give her the satisfaction of affecting them, not even this one time. What were they...?

"How long has it been?" Heero asked suddenly.

"He couldn't have died long ago." Trowa's response was stony. "The body's been there a day, at the most. There were no marks on it...my guess is that he overdosed on some kind of medication."

"A suicide..." the other boy mused. There was nothing in his voice but vague curiosity. "Was there a note?"

Trowa nodded. "A piece of paper in his shirt pocket. I left it with the body...but it said something about there being no innocent people..."

It said that....THAT?! Wasn't that what he kept telling her? Time and time again...like he couldn't say anything else...like he couldn't find any other reason for his feelings! I didn't want to believe it...I still don't! But if I hadn't...

That was all she could take. Moving before she could stop herself, she broke away from the rest of the group and began to run. But to where...? I don't care...I don't care any more! I was responsible for this...it was my fault! Mine!

A strong hand grabbed her wrist before she could make it very far. My arm... Hadn't she injured her arm earlier...? Pain flooded her senses, forcing tears to her eyes. Why...what was that...?

"Stay here," Trowa told her, drawing her back. "There's nothing in there now."

I...idiot! She made an attempt to push him away, but the pain in her arm wouldn't let her. Fog slipped over her vision, and she would've fallen over if something...somebody...hadn't stopped her.

"I'll take care of this," Trowa told Heero, who was heading toward the back of the truck. "Are you going to get Duo?"

The other boy didn't answer. He disappeared behind the truck for a moment. When he withdrew, he was supporting Duo with one arm. The boy wasn't even trying to stand, but Heero didn't appear to be weighed down by him at all. His face was completely still. "I'm going in," he announced.

"I'll come, too," Quatre quickly spoke up, rushing to Duo's other side. Heero didn't stop him. He had no idea what Heero was planning to do in there, but if he was going to bring Duo with him, he had to make sure he was safe. But...what could he do...? Dr. Cinque is... Quatre's eyes wandered over to Eliza, who was still being supported by Trowa. His eyes began to sting. Why...why did this have to happen?

"Let's go." Heero's voice shook him back into awareness. He started to move, forcing Quatre to follow. The blond boy struggled to keep up, terribly confused by all this.

He's looking for something... Quatre sighed, shifting slightly so that Duo's weight was more evenly spread across his shoulders. Even with Heero helping him, he was heavy... I'll just have to see for myself. That's the only way to figure this whole mess out...

If Quatre had had any suspicions that Heero would be looking for Dr. Cinque's body, he couldn't have been farther from the truth. He didn't see any sign of it anywhere...not that he had wanted to, but it seemed like a likely thing for Heero to look for. For somebody so cold and methodical about taking another person's life, it would be nothing more than a routine--

We've all done it. We've all killed before...but this...

Quatre bit his lower lip, forcing back the tears that came to his eyes. That girl...that poor girl....

"Wait here," Heero suddenly said.

The other boy blinked. Strange...he had been so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed his surroundings at all. He supposed they were in a lab of sorts...but it wasn't like any kind of lab he had ever seen. The room was well lit, and painted in pristine white. Metal cabinets lined the other side of the room. Behind them, there was a small cot and a sink. Everything was spotless. Something wasn't right. This looks..like a doctor's office. The realization hit him like an icy wave. Dr. Cinque...was a medical doctor...?

Heero slowly eased Duo's weight off Quatre's shoulders, laying the ailing boy on the cot. He began to shiver violently, and Quatre knelt on the floor by his side, moving closer in an effort to comfort him. Heero stared down at the two of them, his gaze strangely pensive. After a few minutes of silence, he moved away, heading for the cabinets on the other side of the room. Quatre turned away from Duo slightly, watching the Japanese pilot. What's he looking for...?

Heero reached into the cabinet that sat in the corner of the room and removed a small, clear plastic box. He frowned, seeing that the lid was slightly ajar. He removed it, revealing a row of glass vials. Five...no...four. One was missing.

Quatre jumped to his feet, feeling his pulse speed up with anxiety. What...? "What is that?" he asked, fighting to keep his voice steady.

"A bacteria culture." Heero removed one of the remaining vials, examining the label. "A strain of pneumonia...maybe he was experimenting with an antibiotic, or..."

Pneumonia...? Quatre found himself facing Duo again, his eyes wide. Pneumonia...a missing vial...and Eliza had been carrying a vial... Just how did Heero know to look in that cabinet?! What did OZ have to do with this? "Heero--" he started to say.

"Looks like we got some bad information," was the boy's response. He didn't appear affected in the least.

"Heero...!" Quatre felt himself move toward the Japanese pilot, but he stopped short, biting his lip in frustration. What's he hiding from us...?! Does he know more than we do or not...?! He rubbed his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath. It was a moot point now. The mission was a failure...maybe there had never been a mission. Maybe Dr. Cinque's involvement with OZ never even existed. But it was a moot point now. "So, Heero..." he finally said, "...what are we going to do about Duo...?"

"We're going to save him."

Quatre watched, speechless, as Heero turned back to the cabinet, an expression of determination on his face. He really...he really wants to... A faint moan from the cot caught his attention. "It's going to be all right, Duo..." he said in a barely audible voice. I don't know what's going on..but...

He turned back to see Heero pull a piece of paper out of the cabinet. An envelope...? Judging from Heero's expression, he was puzzled as well...puzzled enough to let his cold gaze slip for a moment. He turned to Quatre, fully aware that the other boy was watching him. "It's a letter," he said.

A letter...? Quatre got to his feet, making his way over to Heero. He peered over the boy's shoulder. He could make out the faintest trace of writing through the white paper of the envelope, but it would be impossible to even try reading it without opening it first. "Heero--" he faltered.

Heero turned the letter over in his hands. "There's writing on the other side," he said, almost to himself.

"To Eliza...only," Quatre read. It had to be a letter from Dr. Cinque...an explanation...? She was his daughter, after all...he owed her an explanation more than anybody. "Heero...what should we do with it...?"

He didn't answer. The other boy studied his face quizzically. If there was a reason...if there was any way for them to find out what had happened to their mission, and if it was a lie...it had to be in that letter. The doctor's final testament...but if it would end their mission, wouldn't Heero--

"Give it to her," Heero said.

Quatre stared at him. He...can't mean that...! After all we've been through... "Do you really think we should...?" he asked quietly. "Maybe we--"

Heero didn't let him finish. "I'll take care of Duo," he told him, pushing the letter into his hands. "Go."

"..." The boy was frozen in place. "But...Heero...we..."

Heero turned away, lowering his head. "It doesn't concern me," was all he said.

She didn't know how much time had passed since she had collapsed--minutes...hours...it was like everything had been frozen. Including her mind. Everything had ended...her past, her present...so why was she still alive? Why couldn't her life have disappeared along with the rest of her world...? She hadn't wanted to die before...she wasn't sure if she wanted to now...but there was nothing...

I never had a world. I didn't even have a father...because I never was a daughter. I had somebody who raised me, who loved me...but I abandoned him. I killed him! I was just like all those people he kept telling me about...those soulless, cold people who did nothing but hurt him. But I...I'm worse. That boy...I sacrificed him for no reason! An innocent person...

An innocent person...? But hadn't her father told her that there was no such thing...? She bit her lower lip, feeling something wet trickle down her face. Trowa was still supporting her...why wouldn't he go away...? I don't know who I am...or what I'm thinking...why can't everybody just go away...? I don't want to feel anything anymore... An involuntary sob escaped her throat. She felt Trowa's grip on her tighten, just for a second, before he let her go. When she stepped away from him, their eyes met. She didn't mean for it to happen...but once she was caught in his gaze, she couldn't move. So untouched...did anything touch him...? Why...why do I have to feel? If this boy doesn't have to feel... If I have to be evil, just like everybody else...then why do I have to feel? I want it to stop!

"What are you going to do now?" Trowa asked her suddenly.

"Nothing," she forced herself to say, lowering her eyes to the ground in an attempt to break out of his gaze. She could've sworn that he nodded faintly after she said that...why should she care what he thought...? She turned away, ready to leave. It didn't matter where to...

Trowa caught her wrist before she had a chance to take another step. "You don't have to be like this," he said.

She stopped, facing him once more. At first glance, he appeared as calm as ever, but something strange flickered in the green depths of his eyes. What does he mean...?

The boy stared at her intently. "You're not a soldier. There's no reason for you to lose yourself in this...or anything."

I...how am I supposed to... Tears sprang to her eyes. "I don't know what to do..." she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Live. You have to live." He paused...was he searching for words? "We...only fight to save the lives of innocent people," he finally said. "To make sure people like you can live. And we'll die for it, too. You're lucky, Eliza..."

Lucky...? Lucky because I'm alive? Or lucky because I'm being saved?!"Why am I lucky?" she demanded, anger suddenly rushing over her, almost frightening her with its speed. How could he go on like that...not affected by anything...never feeling pain...and call her lucky? "Nobody asked me what kind of life I wanted to live!"

Trowa didn't answer. He wasn't even looking at her anymore. He doesn't care...why should I be afraid of him? "If soldiers are like you, then they shouldn't envy me," she added.

Trowa appeared almost confused. "Why?"

What was the matter with him? She sighed. He didn't honestly think that she was better off than him...did he? He didn't feel anything...if she was like him, she never would've fallen so hard. Why did he envy her? "I...nearly killed your friend...didn't I..." she heard herself say.

"You didn't kill yourself, Eliza."

Her eyes grew wide with surprise. What was he talking about...? That she was a coward for not sacrificing herself...? Or that she still had a will to live...? Nothing made sense...nothing! "Should I have...?" she forced herself to ask.

Trowa opened his mouth as if to reply, but something stopped him. Somebody was running toward them...Quatre? And he was holding something...

"Heero's still inside," the Arabian pilot said, stopping when he reached where the two of them stood. "He's taking care of Duo...he told me to go on ahead."

Trowa nodded faintly. "How is he?"

"Heero won't give up on him. I know he won't. He'll be all right." He then turned to Eliza. "This is for you," he said in a strangely soft voice. "We..Heero found it inside."

A letter...? Eliza stared at the envelope she had just been handed, not sure what to think. There was something written on the outside...to Eliza only...? My father's handwriting... She swallowed hard, feeling a lump begin to rise in her throat.

"Let's go inside," Trowa said suddenly, turning to Quatre.

The blond boy nodded. He glanced at Eliza once last time, then followed Trowa away from the scene. Once they had gone, Eliza drew in a breath, holding the letter with shaking hands. Father... Part of her wanted to get rid of it...to just throw it away so she wouldn't have to see what was inside...but...

He hated me. He had to...I abandoned him, and I was all he had. But I can't... Squeezing her eyes shut, she ripped open the envelope. She opened her eyes then, her hands working before her mind had a chance to react as she unfolded the piece of paper that had been neatly tucked inside. A lone tear splashed on the letter, smearing the only word that had been written inside. But not badly...even though it was blurry, she could still make it out.

Live...? Her father's last word to her was...live...? So that's it...

She smiled.

11/15/97