Volume 2: Blue Seed Living Room Theatre
Transcripted by schally
(taken from a dubbed version)

Act 01

[Takeuchi and Kunakida have Momiji in a guillotine. Both are laughing uproariously.]

Momiji: Oooh... noooo!

[The guillotine falls, cutting off her head. There is silence for a moment. Then Takeuchi and Kunakida burst into laughter again.]

Kunakida: Oh ho ho ho ho! I did it! Aha ha ha ha!

[Suddenly, Momiji's head sprouts spider legs and crawls off.]

Kunakida: Huh? Huh?

Takeuchi: Uuuh...

Act 02

[It's a springy, happy field, with birds chirping and happy sunlight]

Momiji: Umm, Mister Kusanagi? I really like... like you, and ... I'd like to see some more...

K: (confused) More?

M: [Turns into a sumo wrestler] I mean sumo! [Momiji laughs nervously] Uuuh... Don't mind me! I'm just leaving!

K: Sumo??? (Now he's REALLY confused ^_~)

M: Yeah! Sumo for me! Sumo this, sumo that... Sumo squash... some other time! [Momiji wanders off, leaving Kusanagi confused]

Act 03

[Kusanagi dodges an attack by a monster. Then, Kusanagi's arm shoots out, attacking it.]

Kusanagi: ARRRGH! Power punch!

[Kusanagi's arm crashes into something off-screen and falls limp to the ground, still extended. Both sweat drop, and he and the monster stare at his arm.]

K: (embarrassed) Uh, uh... heh.... uh....

Act 04

Kunakida: The TAC has been fighting a desperate battle against the Arigami, but thanks to my genus we now have the ultimate weapon to use against them. Here, Momiji. Take a look at this.

Momiji: Huh? [begins laughing uncontrollably until there is a gagging noise]

[Kunakida bursts into the office]

Kunakida: Everyone, it works!

Matsudaria: Are you sure?

Kunakida: Yes, we must test it out immediately!

[Matsu attempts to take the piece of paper from him]

K: No, you mustn't touch this envelope! The contents inside are extremely lethal. Even the quickest glance could prove catastrophic. It must be handled with extreme caution. ... We need a guinea pig.

[Cut to a rooftop and an annoyed-looking Kusanagi]

Kusanagi: Ah, whaddaya want now?

Kunakida: We require your ... assistance in testing our latest Arigami weapon.

Kusa: You call me all the way up here... for that?

Kunakida: Okay, let him have it!

Kome: Right! [holds up sign]

Kusa: Huuuh? What? Wh--Wah hah ha ha ha! [Kusanagi bursts into uncontrollable whooping and laughing, falling to the ground and slapping his hand against the floor until he falls over, dead.]

Kome: He--he's really dead!

Takeuchi: That's incredible!

Matsu: I can't believe it actually works!

Kunakida: Of course it does. It's the funniest joke I've ever written. Nothing is more lethal than a really good punch line, especially when it's properly delivered. Of course, we'll never know if this one would have worked against any other Arigami, since Momiji was killed during the testing phase. Oh well. At least we'll get some peace and quiet around here. Isn't that nice?

END