This is something I found in my closet a few years ago.  My kindergarten class was given an assignment to write the recipes for our favorite foods.  We weren't allowed to get help from any adults, so naturally our recipes were completely wrong.  I almost soiled myself the first time I read these, hopefully you will too.
 
 
 

Pizza - by Andy Brown
 
Put pepperoni, cheese, mushrooms, and spinach on crust.  Put in a microwave for six minutes.  Look in to see if it is done.  If not done, put it back in for seven hours.

Chocolate Pudding - by Beth Kuch

Use chocolate frosting, a little sugar, more frosting.  Then put frosting on it.  Then put chocolate on it.  Cook it in the real hot oven 'til the dinger dings. Then eat it!

 Salad - by Brande Bidle

Mix in a big salad bowl and eat:
  5 tomatoes
  6 heads of lettuce
  7 onions
  10 celery
  5 green peppers
  10 seeds
  10 teaspoons of salt

 Spaghetti - by Danny Burger

Put only spaghetti in a big pot on the stove.  Cook.  Stir it.  Feel it.  Stir it again.  Put the sauce of tomatoes on it when it is on the table.

 Pizza - by Edward Arthur

Make dough.  Put cheese, then sauce that goes to it.  Put it in the oven that is really hot for five minutes.  Look in.  If it looks like pizza, it's done.

 Mashed Potatoes - by Jason Dorsey

Mix celery, corn meal and potatoes.  Put them in the oven - hot, hot, hot, hot! - for six minutes.  Then it is mashed potatoes and you eat it.

 Peanut Butter & Jelly - by Jay Michels

Use a knife.  Crackers, strawberry jelly, and peanut butter without nuts (NOT Peter Pan).

Dad also makes good pork chops.  He just waits until the grill gets hot and puts them on.  When they are brown, they are done.

 Macaroni & Cheese - by Jennifer Kaupa

Cook macaronis and put cheese in.  Then cook them in the oven at 35 degrees for a half hour.  They are yummy and good!

 Tomato Soup - by Joe Kairys

Put tomatoes in the soup.  Cook up top stove in a pot.  About ten minutes or until it is as hot as it is supposed to be.  When it smells good, it is done.

 Alphabet Soup - by John Aimo

Buy a can of soup and open it.  Put some cheese in.  Cook on top the stove until the buzzer goes off.

 Cookie Cake - by Kristi Dahl

Put ice cream and then cookie crumbs.  Put it in the refrigerator.  After dinner it is done and you can eat it.

 Hamburgers - by Richard Rodda

Melt mustard, put a circle of meat in a bun, and put in the oven.  Put five pounds of meat in a skillet and fry 'till it sizzles.  No onions.  Then you eat it.

 Pizza - by Sara Westrick

Put sauce and oregano on the crust.  Then put on mushrooms, pepperoni, and cheese.  Put in the down oven on medium hot (half cold and half hot) for about 20 minutes.  It is done after 20 minutes.

 Chocolate Cake - by William Brent

Take chocolate and maybe some cocoa, one egg, and one egg for icing.  Also a little powder would be nice.  One teaspoon of sugar, or maybe two.  Put in the oven for four minutes on medium heat.