Now this is why we review stuff.

Despite what some think, we reviewers are not just arrogant fools who deliver proclamations down from upon our high horses. And despite vicious rumours I guarantee that we do not hold court in ivory towers were we are involved in cases of topless sunbathing and wild lesbian polygamous skinhead devil-worshiping adulterous underage racist cross-dressing kitten juggling. (Have you seen what the illegal ivory trade is charging these days?!) In truth, we actually hope our C&C is considered, both by readers and authors. We're striving not only to give our own opinions, but to help those who occasionally need a pat on the back. For when it comes to praise, authors are ravenous bloodthirsty beasts always wanting more, more!

In accepting praise, however, it is incumbent upon authors to also accept criticism that comes along with it. This does not mean you must smile when someone send a "you suck" letter, because no matter what you attempt, you can't please all the people all the time. But when the analysis is probing and thoughtful, an author who cares about their work will seriously consider the points raised and determine if they are valid.

In my previous review of version 1.0 of this story, I raised several points why I felt 'EVA 2055' was an acceptable, but not terrific story. The author contacted me and defended his vision in a thoughtful manner, and I tried to expand on what I'd written before. The author agreed with several statements and promised to get back to me later with a modified version.

Whoa. When this guy promises to do something, he certainly comes through.

Take everything I said for 'EVA 2055' version 1.0 and throw it out the window. Problems in the original have been cleaned up, characters revised, and situations restructured into a gripping work that moves smartly. Elements that clogged the old work have been removed, or toned down so the story is now a pleasure to read.

Dealing with the issues I raised in my previous review:

1. The NERV/Nazi connection is now clearly evident. We're shown people who fear NERV and want the past left very, very buried. You actually feel that people don't want anything like NERV to happen again, yet are unwilling to go into too much detail over what NERV was really like. Comes close to the, "It could never happen here," attitude many people feel today. Disgust at what happened and fear at what might be found if you look too deep are great methods for feeling superior. To use the butchered quote: "Pride goethe before a fall."

2. Characters are introduced and allowed to show something of themselves. The pace is slower, giving us a better chance to get to know these people. Some characters are still not entirely fleshed out, but great progress has been made. The cast is now also reacting to their problems. When something happens, it affects these people and their future actions. As such, they now seem like the kind of people who you'd bump into while out for a walk. That is really important, making the cast seem alive. It wasn't totally successful in version 1, but it is done efficiently here.

3. The vast amount of references that clogged the original has been toned down to acceptable levels. They now work into the story, becoming a prize for sharp-eyed readers rather than being intrusive and distracting.

4. Less wordy, the script now relies more on character driven scenes to drive the script forward. Because of this situations feel more personal and moving, preventing the work from drowning in long-winded descriptions.

5. I'm not sure how he did it, but the author eliminated that feeling of déjà vu I got when I read version 1.0. Much wonderment at how exactly he did it, but he certainly is to be congratulated for it.

This is not to say that the author has created an epic, and the fic could still use some tweaking here and there. However, in displaying how much he has improved in such a short time, the author has shown great abilities and even greater confidence in his work.

It should be noted what while I'm listed in the author's thank you section, I was in no way a proofreader for this work. Just the author's way of acknowledging that my previous comments were not just wasted typeface.
 

Till they ship my monolith back from Europa....

SEELE-04
October 6th 2000

'EVA 2055' begins far and away after what should have been the Third Impact.

No sweat, so do most continuation fics.

But in this one, most of the original cast is dead.
 
Big deal, that's how the movies (may have) ended.
 
And those that aren't dead are in an insane asylum.
 
About time, what with all those unresolved psychological problems and all...

As it may be gleamed from the title, this fic takes place 40 years after our beloved and bedeviled 'NGE.' NERV is long gone, and the staff that once fought the Angels is now thought of by the 2055 populace with the same warm, tender caring thoughts most of us today hold for the Nazi party.

While this isn't unexpected, or unique in concept, the idea of NERV being seen as the devil incarnate is actually a good idea. NERV, literally, was not on the side of Angels, so their works could easily be seen as repugnant or an abomination. There is no religious connotation in this dislike of NERV (as was the case in 'HERZ' for example), but the impression of NERV as playing around with what it shouldn't have still strikes a believable cord. It is a pity however that while the author makes this statement (it was he that raised the NERV = Nazi idea) the fic never really immerses itself in the concept. It is difficult to truly believe the world loathes NERV's existence when we never encounter the hatred itself. The only people we see in the fic are those at least mildly sympathetic to NERV's old staff, so that takes away from the implied revulsion. While literature often deals with people 'tacking against the wind' as it were, as readers we have to either personally know how the masses feel through our own experiences, or be shown it to truly understand what it means when characters see themselves 'on the outside.'

Not that this fic lacks organizations dedicated to dark plots and EVA research: far from it. Replacing NERV is a United Nations group that functions like a new NERV. It has EVAs three, and pilots three, and supercomputer, and commander, and sub-commander, and a major, and doctor, and-
 
You get the idea. And since (nearly) all the old cast are dead, they are doppelgangered by that most dreaded of thing that lurks in any author's mind: ACCs.
 
Those of you familiar with our ranting well know SEELE's feelings regarding ACCs. Here however, it is not so much scene-stealing that weakens these ACCs: it is a lack of depth. We are introduced to too many ACCs, too soon and too quickly, and as such are barely given enough time to form judgments on them before the story moves along. To be honest, they aren't developed enough to warrant being there. We aren't given enough to get a good idea of what the new pilots are like. The new bridge bunny staff has more lines devoted to them than all three of the pilots and the command staff put together. The story focuses more on trivialities than actual character development. I find that to be a disappointment.

Just as an aside, I would like request something as a reader: when authors create ACCs, please avoid giving them names with the same opening letter: eg: Hitomi and Hiroshi and Hikaru. It makes identification of individual characters very difficult. (Me: Okay, scene change. In this new scene, the focus is on Hitomi. Wait, was she the Eva pilot, or was that Hikaru?) More variety in their names makes picking them out less of a struggle while I'm still getting to know them.

And one thing brought up by the author himself. Quote: "and Hitomi provides a vehicle for illustrating that my EVAs are darker than Anno Hideaki's (take that, Hideaki!)." Unquote.
 
Err... If you say so. (BTW: I didn't notice anything particularly dark about these characters or EVAs yet.)

Another quandary with the players in this fic is a dearth of relationships between them. The characters don't seem to be developing anything linking them together, and thus appear static and lacking in depth. Without people-to-people interaction these characters are not growing or living; just reacting. There needs to be more playing off each others faults and foibles for these people to seem real. At the moment, they're just going through the motions of living.
 
The fic does contain interesting ideas, but the execution is hindered by something in the writing style: a lack of developed background. Events just sort of happen, but without the feeling that they are the results of a moving story. There is very little sense of context being created as the story progresses, and that takes away from any unifying vision for the work. One reason I find this particularly disturbing is that I suffer from a similar feeling when I review my own works. It is the biggest problem I have with my own writing, and so am quick to notice a similar feeling when I read this. If I ever find a solution to my own conundrum, I'll be sure to pass it along to the author.

For example: the first new 'Angel' (or alien, or BEM (bug eyed monster) or whatever), is dealt with too quickly for any real feeling of suspense or interest. While it is kind of interesting seeing the battle from a spectator's view, so little is made of the fight that it really is useless. Who are these new 'Angels'? Why are they attacking? What is the UN doing to find out about these creatures? What about fallout from the first attack in forty years? Are the pilots debriefed? Does the attack leave an impression on the people affected? Unfortunately, these points and other ones are simply not addressed. A pity.

'Eva 2055' is chock full of references to architecture, music, other anime and movies. Okay in moderation, it does get a bit thick at times. In-jokes and references should work into a fic, not become the fic. In places the story takes a back seat to nudge-nudge, wink-wink, get this? Get this? and thus the thread of the story is lost. Everything in moderation.

Also noticed is that this work gets a bit wordy in places. It's not a serious error, but the author is saying things the long way and with too much explanation; it doesn't work quite as well as it should. The author may wish to consider more of a "show me, don't tell me" kind of narrative in the future. It is more difficult to achieve, but ultimately more rewarding and a better read.