"And so," the speaker concluded, beaming round the room at us all, "we should not dislike the Chinese because their toilets are so dirty. Here in Japan, toilets are so clean".
The Chinese member of the panel remained impassive. Every Westerner at the international conference looked down, trying not to catch each others eyes, as they applauded politely.
Toilets in Japan are an interesting experience. They are certainly plentiful. They range in type from the long drop variety, common in rural areas, which is close to the cesspits that were found in Britain and Europe until the late nineteenth century. These produce particularly interesting aromas in summer and on campsites and in winter have a tendency to freeze solid. Special companies are paid to suck away the debris once or twice a year. At the other end of the scale, there are toilets with heated seats, integral bidets, and what are euphemistically described as beauty functions especially for ladies. Some of the latter variety even have remote controls. In between are the squat toilets, which flush but which take a little while for some people to become accustomed to. The idea is that you squat facing the flushing handle. These toilets are found on trains and in many department stores. Many Japanese regard these as more hygienic than the Western style toilet, as no part of your body actually touches the receptacle. In department stores and stations it is not uncommon to see the Western style toilet standing vacant while ladies wait for the squat variety to become free. Then, of course, there are the toilet slippers. In addition to changing your shoes for plastic slippers when you enter many restaurants, patrons are also expected to change these indoor slippers for plastic toilet slippers when going to the toilet. This is also true in people's homes.
There is an entire etiquette associated with going to the toilet, especially for ladies. In my place of work, it is not thought polite for the office ladies to admit that they smoke in public, so the toilets have become a sanctuary for smoking, taking photographs, and even eating lunch. When actually relieving themselves, as it were, some office ladies choose to have the flush going all the way through to conceal the sounds of their bodily functions. In some cubicles, there is even an 'etiquette' function, which is a little box with a 'Push Me' button. When the button is pushed, the sound of what is supposed to be a waterfall fills the air. To add to the experience, many public washrooms in Japan have neither paper nor air dryers. However, they always have basins and mirrors aplenty.
There is a completely different etiquette associated with going to the toilet for men. Many is the time I have unwittingly caught sight of things best kept hidden on the urinals in trains which have a neat round window in the door. One friend came across a man relieving himself in the street. Obviously overcome with pleasure at the sight of a tall, slim, attractive foreign woman, he hastily completed his task, zipped himself up and then gestured towards his genitals in what he fondly imagined to be the way to her heart (not to mention her genitals). My friend tactfully declined this irresistible chat-up attempt and beat a hasty retreat to the relative safety of the bus station.
I have also heard rumours that when some Japanese travel abroad they take with them paper toilet seat covers and disposable underpants, not quite trusting 'them there foreign lavatories'. As a final note, I have also come across Western style toilets which have usage instructions printed on their seats, explaining to users that they are supposed to sit down, not attempt to balance on either side of the porcelain basin. Yes, cross-cultural awareness is a wonderful thing.
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